5

She wakes suddenly, a gasp caught in her throat.

"I apologize, Dr. Weir. I did not mean to startle you," Teyla says, standing at Elizabeth's side with a hand on her shoulder.

Elizabeth's eyes dart around, getting her bearings: her office, her desk, her head on her desk. She sits up quickly, too quickly as a kink pinches the nerves in her neck. Her hand instantly goes to it and she winces at the sharp pain. The bright morning glow hits her eyes, sending shards of invisible glass into her brain.

"Are you quite all right, Dr. Weir?"

"I'm…fine. Thank you, Teyla." Except she can't turn her head to look at the Athosian woman.

"Have you been here all night?"

"I…uh." Elizabeth licks her dry lips as she inspects her rumpled clothes. On the desk is Dr. Zalenka's report open on her datapad at exactly the same place she left off before going out to the balcony. "Yes. I'm afraid so." Elizabeth tries to remember coming back inside after John left her…

The last thing she does remember is the moment of pure bliss combined with the wrenching pain of her shattering heart. She swallows hard, clearing the lump that's forming in her throat.

Teyla moves around to take the chair opposite Elizabeth's. "You really should take better care of yourself, Dr. Weir."

Elizabeth rubs her hands over her face. Her cheeks are crusty…from dried tears. "I'm fine, Teyla."

"You work too hard."

Elizabeth raises her brows. "I've heard that before."

"It is true. You need to take time away. Leave the burden with Colonel Sheppard or Colonel Caldwell for a day or so."

She takes a deep breath. "If only it were that easy."

Teyla sighs. "Being a leader of so many…could never be easy."

Elizabeth shares Teyla's slim smile. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes. I received word from one of my off-world contacts. They have information on the possible whereabouts of a ZPM."

Elizabeth's out of her chair instantly, though she regrets the sudden move as all her muscles are sore and tense, especially that kink in her neck. "Really. When did you hear?"

"A few moments after Dr. McKay and Angela returned."

"They're back?" Elizabeth glances out her window at the dormant gate. "The gate dialed in…twice?" she asks though more to herself than Teyla. How could she not have heard it? Or the alarms?

"Yes," Teyla says softly. She tilts her head, watching Elizabeth carefully. "You did not hear me call to you either, if that is what has you concerned. You were—how does the Colonel put it—out like a light."

Elizabeth runs her fingers through her loose curls. "I've never been a heavy sleeper."

"Perhaps you are ill."

"I feel fine."

"No disrespect, Dr. Weir. But is that not up to Dr. Beckett to determine. I do know that at times, when I am first becoming ill, I tend to sleep more. And more deeply."

Elizabeth nods. That does make sense. She was out in the rain last night. Perhaps she's catching a cold or something.

But she doesn't feel sick. Not even a slight chill even after spending the night in wet clothes that had plenty of time to dry.

"You should see Dr. Beckett."

Elizabeth nods, thankful for Teyla's concern and friendship. "Probably not a bad idea. First things first. About the ZPM."

"I have mentioned the 'tip' to Colonel Sheppard. He wishes to follow up the lead."

Elizabeth raises a hand. "No persuasion necessary, Teyla. It's your team's mission. When is the meeting?"

"In two hours time."

"And you have the address?"

"I do."

Elizabeth nods. "I'll call for a briefing. You did say Rodney has returned."

Teyla nods. "He was quite eager to work on the data he brought back on the portable hard drives."

"I'm sure he is. However, that can wait. He'll be thrilled to get his hands on another ZPM."

Teyla rises and heads for the door. She glances back. "Are you sure there is nothing the matter?"

"Why do you ask?"

She tilts her head again, her eyes heavy with concern. "You were crying in your sleep."

Elizabeth's eyes widen. "Oh?" She doesn't even remember falling asleep, let alone dreaming. Teyla's watching her, expecting some kind of explanation. "Bad dreams."

"If you say so."

Elizabeth offers a professional smile. "I do."

"Very well." Teyla returns the smile, though hers is dampened with concern, and she leaves.

oOo

She can't take her eyes off him even though she tries. It's as if she needs to memorize his face; though, she knows it by heart. He's well-rested and playful today. He and Rodney are going on about the benefit of electric razors versus the alternative; Rodney being adamant that electric razors waste valuable city power and do not offer the closest shave.

Ronon refuses to join in with the conversation, preferring to abstain from comment, though he does touch his beard briefly. Then he shares a look with Teyla and she smiles before dropping her eyes to her hands on the table and blushing a bit. Elizabeth sees Ronon's eyes crinkle with delight.

John's smile and the way he rubs his slightly shadowed chin leaves Elizabeth with a tingle in her stomach. Every time he's come to her at night, he's always cleanly shaved, not a hint of stubble. But the sight of it is very stimulating, gives him a certain appeal that can't be explained. There's that tingle again, moving lower.

One she must forget ever existed.

"I'm just saying," John tells Rodney. "It has been known to draw interest…on occasion."

Rodney dismisses him with a wave of his hand. "And burns like sandpaper, Colonel. And I've been informed by a rather lovely lady that it's not appreciated--"

Elizabeth narrows her eyes as she realizes exactly what they are debating. "Gentlemen. Can we please get started?"

The men look properly admonished. John leans back in his chair and folds his arms, his eyes twinkling as usual. Rodney occupies himself with his coffee and breakfast bar. Elizabeth motions to Teyla, it's her meeting.

Teyla tells them the address and name of the planet as well as that of her contact. Rodney scoffs. "And why do we have to go. There are plenty of other teams that could take this on."

"It's a milk-run, Rodney," John says.

"Exactly my point. Do you realize how much data I brought back from PXT-705?"

"No," Ronon says. "But you are certain to bore us with it anyway."

Elizabeth can see that's exactly what Rodney was planning on doing until Ronon caught his eye. Rodney crosses his arms and pouts. "I just don't see why we have to go is all."

Teyla sighs. "Because Fallon informed me the people he spoke with will only deal with a known associate of his. Which would be me."

Rodney waves his hand. "Then you can go."

"McKay!" John snaps. "We're a team. We go together. That's an order."

Rodney glares at John before turning pleading eyes onto Elizabeth. She shakes her head. "You heard the Colonel. You're a team. You're mission." She shrugs. "Just think about everything you can accomplish with a second ZPM."

"We don't even know if it exists."

John flips a hand. "Which is why we need to find out."

Elizabeth nods, collecting her datapad. "You have a go."

"Fine," Rodney snaps.

Elizabeth's the first out of the meeting this time. She has to get away from John. She needs space and time to get over him.

How did I ever think this would have—could have—worked out between us? It was so obvious from the time she and Angie dropped the bomb on John that he'd already made up his mind. And Elizabeth knows, deep down, that it's for the best. John and Angie have no issues, no protocol to overcome. There's no undue tension for their relationship. They can simply be.

"Elizabeth…" John calls, rushing up to catch her. "I…uhm." He waits until Teyla, Ronon and Rodney pass them by. Then he lowers his voice. "We need to talk."

She raises her brows. "I don't believe that's necessary. I think we've covered everything." She starts toward her office again.

John keeps pace. "I'm not talking about the mission."

"Neither am I."

"It's just that--"

Elizabeth steps through her door and John follows. He waves a hand over the control panel and the door slides closed. Elizabeth sits at her desk. "You're ride is leaving any minute, Colonel."

He smirks. "Not without the chauffer," he shakes a thumb at his chest. "I want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine."

"Teyla says you slept in your office again. Sitting at the desk, no less." She glances at him from under her brows then busies herself with the datapad. "You do have a bed, you know."

"Yes," she says, drawing it out. "I'm familiar with it."

"You need to use it. And a pillow, not a report."

"Thank you for your concern, John." She smiles. "I'll take it under advisement."

"Good." A moment later he's fidgeting and bouncing on his heels. He sighs.

"Is there something else, Colonel?"

"Yeah." He bounces again. "Something's…something peculiar happened--"

Her brows rise. "Peculiar?"

"More than once, actually." He rubs his neck in the usual manner when he's unsure how to proceed. "I just don't know how to say this without upsetting you. It's about…us."

Tears start to cloud her vision. "Please. Not now," she whispers.

But he must not have heard her because he adds: "I haven't been sleeping well."

She blinks the tears away before looking at him. "You seem well rested."

John breaks eye contact, rubs the back of his neck some more and licks his lips. "I've been having some rather viv--"

Rodney knocks on Elizabeth's door, rattling the glass, startling both of them. He taps his watch as he glares at John.

Grimacing, John step forward and places both hands on her desk, leaning down and looking straight at her with those heavenly eyes, she's hard pressed to look away. "When I get back. I…we have to talk about this…among other things. It's important."

Elizabeth nods. She can't trust her voice right now. John nods as well then turns to go. "Be safe," she says as usual.

He glances back and smiles. "Always."

And then he's gone.

They all are.

oOo

"Lorne out," he says and the video feed is cut. Shortly thereafter, the wormhole shuts down. Elizabeth squeezes her arms tighter around her. She takes a deep breath and clicks her headset. "Dr. Zelenka, this is Weir."

"Dr. Weir?"

"We have a situation, Radek. I need you to run a diagnostic on a DHD…off-world. Pull the last addresses dialed from it."

He grumbles something in Czech that doesn't sound very positive about the prospect of leaving Atlantis. Elizabeth pinches the bridge of her nose as she shuts her eyes tight. "Please bring the necessary equipment to the gate room and prepare to leave as soon as possible."

"Yes, Dr. Weir."

"Thank you. Weir out." She clicks her headset again and drops her head, sighing heavily. There's a rock in the pit of her stomach. She always gets it whenever Sheppard's team is in trouble. It's literally her gut instinct telling her something is wrong with John.

Dr. Zelenka arrives within ten minutes, loaded down with a bag full of technical equipment. Elizabeth meets him downstairs. She talks quietly to him. "Sheppard's team is missing."

"Missing?"

"Major Lorne suspects they may have been taken to a different planet than the one they went to this morning."

He pulls off his glasses and cleans them with his rumpled blue shirt before sliding them back on. "I see." He nods to her, offering a slim smile. "I will do my best."

"Thank you."

After he steps through the event horizon and the gate shuts down, Elizabeth takes a moment to breathe. She has to will her feet to go back up the stairs and head for the transporter. The next person she has to talk to is the last person she wants to tell.

Angela's in her usual massage therapy room with Lt. Laura Cadman. It looks like they're busy re-arranging the furniture, but having some difficulty—and a lot of giggles—over moving the massage table. Laura's at the head of the table and Angie's at the foot. As Elizabeth steps into the room, she sees the two women have decided to occupy their time by shoving the bed against each other in a battle the direct opposite to tug-of-war. Push-of-war maybe?

Their laughter is cut short when they see Elizabeth.

"Dr. Weir," Laura says, instantly becoming Lt. Cadman. "We were just--"

Elizabeth smiles. "Relax, Laura. You're not on duty." She looks to Angie.

Her brown eyes widen with worry and her face pales. Her intuition and ability to read people is a very unsettling. "What's happened?"

Elizabeth motions to the door. "Maybe we should--"

"Just tell me," Angie says in her husky, firm voice.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath before she nods. She clasps her hands in front of her. "Col. Sheppard's team did not report in at their scheduled time."

Angie closes her eyes. "How overdue are they?"

"Five hours." Elizabeth moves closer to the other woman, who's now leaning heavily on the massage table. "Major Lorne has already searched the planet they were on. And I've sent Dr. Zelenka over to…"

Angie's eyes snap open and lock onto Elizabeth's. "They're missing."

Elizabeth swallows hard. "Yes."

Sucking in her bottom lip, Angie nods, dropping her eyes to the floor. A moment later, she folds herself in half over the table, resting her head on her hands. "It's my fault."

"What?" Elizabeth and Laura move in immediately.

"Why would you say that?" Elizabeth asks.

"Don't be ridiculous," Laura says at the same time.

Angie pushes herself up, the muscles in her thin arms bulging as her hands grip the sides of the table. For some reason, Elizabeth half expected her to be teary-eyed, sobbing…but that's not Angela. Remaining ever stoic, Angie offers them a wry smile. She looks to Laura. "It's the curse," she says with a shrug.

"Don't be an idiot," Laura says sternly, placing a hand on Angie's shoulder. "So you told him you love him. That's a gift, not a curse."

Elizabeth hides her shock about the declaration of love—or at least tries to. Maybe this is what John wanted to talk about. Elizabeth knows how hard Angie has worked to open up, accept her feelings without shutting them down…but to tell John…

God, that must have been terrifying for her.

Somewhere, deeply hidden, Elizabeth had a glimmer of hope remaining that when John returns, he would choose her over Angie. Knowing that she's willing to risk her position as Atlantis' leader must have some weight, right? But now, she can feel that hope dwindling, being snuffed out by a whisper. Because no matter how many times she says "I love you" to John, it could never compare to the enormity of Angela Peterson saying those exact same words.

Laura scoffs, pulling Elizabeth's attention. "It's far more likely they pissed off the wrong local. You know how annoying McKay can be."

Angie accepts Laura's words with a small grin, but it doesn't touch her eyes. Elizabeth can see the fear in them. She catches Elizabeth watching her and gives a nod. "They'll be okay." She grasps Elizabeth's hand and squeezes slightly. "I know it."

Elizabeth takes comfort in Angie's strength…but that rock weighs heavily in her gut. Though, not as much as Angie's spoken feelings for John crush her already broken heart.

oOo

"It could take months," Lorne says of the planet search.

"We can't afford months, Major."

"And I know that too."

"Good." Elizabeth sighs as Lorne leaves her office. Angie is standing at the door and Lorne grasps her hand as he passes by, giving it a squeeze without looking at her.

Elizabeth wishes she could feel hostile toward the other woman. Find a reason to dislike her, it seems that would make everything much easier. If she could simply blame Angie, then losing John to her might not be so difficult. She could blame it on Angela's pheromones, or her amazing body or the gorgeous long, curly, black hair. Or the bedroom eyes.

But she can't. Elizabeth feels only adoration, friendship…possibly even love for the other woman.

She looks so young right now, wounded, huddling next to the door frame, her eyes wide and pleading. Not for the first time, Elizabeth wonders how old Angie really is. Only Jack and Angela know for certain and neither is willing to spill the secret. Especially Angie.

Elizabeth doubts that even John knows.

She motions for Angie to come inside. Moving slowly, as if unsure of how her legs work, she takes the chair opposite Elizabeth's and rests her fingers on the edge of the desk. Her thumbs battle with each other. She's full of nervous energy, which won't help her keep on the weight she's gained over the last couple of months since her ordeal with Kolya. According to Carson, she still needs more insulation and has requested a number of snack items from Earth, primarily junk food for one person in particular.

"How are you doing?" Elizabeth asks.

Angie bites her bottom lip then blows out a long breath, leaning back into the chair and drumming her hands on her thighs. "I think everyone's expecting me to go postal."

Elizabeth narrows her gaze, trying to keep her tone light as she assesses Angie's state of mind. "Are you?"

Angela chuckles easily and holds up both hands, showing they're empty. "Not yet." The levity drops instantly as does her gaze. She picks at an unseen cuticle. "I must be masochistic." She meets Elizabeth's eyes. "Getting involved with him? It's crazy for someone like me."

"Someone like you?"

Her brows shoot up. "Unstable."

Elizabeth shakes her head. "You're not unstable, Angie."

"How 'bout unpredictably volatile."

"That's another term for unstable."

"Sounds prettier though."

Elizabeth grins. She could never find a reason to dislike this woman. She's too precious for words. I could try hating her for being too sweet, witty and self-sacrificing. Now who's masochistic? "I'm sure he's fine. They both…all are." Elizabeth doesn't want to leave Teyla and Rodney out of the equation, even though she knows Angie's priorities are John and Ronon.

"Me too." She grins broadly. "Teyla will save their collectively lost asses."

Elizabeth matches her smile. "You think so?"

She nods. "Absolutely." Her right brow arches. "She'll ask for directions." They giggle together. It tapers off into a moment of hard silence as they think about their missing friends. "Beth?"

Elizabeth catches her with her gaze down again, attacking those fingernails. "Yes?"

"Would you mind if I just…" Her big eyes lift to meet Elizabeth's. "Sit with you for a while?" Angie asks in the softest possible voice, her eyes childlike in their pleading.

"I'd like that."