Chapter Twenty-Two: Troubled but not Unstable

"Serena I need to talk to you." They were in Xavier's office. He had called Serena up the next morning after the incident to talk to her about the matter. He and the other adults had talked about what they could do to improve the situation. They had decided on one thing.

"What is it Professor?" Serena asked.

Xavier folded his fingers together. "Due to the… recent events I have decided that it might be best if you went through therapy."

When Serena was told she was going to have therapy, she was strangely calm about the whole thing. She wasn't perturbed at all with the idea, though she saw it coming a mile away. If anything she was probably grateful about it. Serena was upset at the idea that she attacked people and didn't even remember anything about it. She didn't want to hurt anybody else.

"So what's this therapy about?" She asked in calm voice.

"You will have all your classes and training sessions separate from the other students." He explained. "Wolverine will be in charge of your training sessions. Mr. McCoy will be in charge of your classes. Storm will be your teacher in specific therapy classes. And I will be in charge of your counseling."

"Alright." She replied.

"And under the certain circumstances, you will not be attending school for a while. Instead Mr. McCoy will be teaching you your basic studies."

"Okay."

"Now I know this will be rather difficult for you at first, but I assure you it will get easier as you go, as long as you're willing to make an effort of course."

She gave a slight nod. "Of course."

"Very well." He said. "Go and have breakfast and as soon as everyone else leaves we'll get started."

She got up and left. "I hope this works." He thought.

Serena went down to the dining room for breakfast. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she gathered herself some food and sat down. Looking at the food she started feeling slightly sick. She wasn't sure if she could force anything down but she had to eat something. She began cutting up her eggs.

Man, she's weird. I'm afraid of just being near her, what if she goes berserk again? I think Michael's cheating on me. Ugh, I didn't finish my homework last night. Serena dropped her fork that she was holding and it clattered to the floor. She looked around, startled by the random stray thoughts barraging her. She quickly picked it up and set it back on the table. To think I once had a crush on her. I hope she's alright. What was she thinking? Man do I like waffles! Serena tried to concentrate, tried to push the thoughts out of her head. But they didn't stop coming. The buzzing of thoughts in her head kept getting louder. Be quiet! She thought loudly in her head. Uh oh, she's looking stressed. What's up with her? She needs serious help. Must… reach…butter.

Suddenly she snapped. It all happened in about a split-second. In a burst of energy fueled by her frustration she locked her hands under the table and turned the entire thing over. Even she was devastated at what she had done. Fortunately no one was hurt. Some just covered in their own breakfast or somebody else's. She avoided everyone's gaze trying extremely hard not to scream. A hand poked out from under the table clutching the butter. "I got it!"

"I'm not hungry." She said in a low, guttural voice. Then she quickly left the room leaving everyone in a state of bewilderment. Before she left she heard a single thought stray into her head. My waffles…

Serena watched everybody leave with a disdainful look on her face. "Jerks." She muttered.

"Ahem."

She jumped as she turned around and saw Rogue. "Oh hey Rogue." She said quietly.

"What was that about?" Rogue asked pointing to the dining room. Serena shook her head not answering. "Look Serena, I know you're having some problems but you really shouldn't do stuff like that."

"I know. I just snapped."

"From what?" Rogue asked.

"Hey Rogue hurry up!" Kitty called.

Serena jerked her head. "You better hurry up or you'll be late for school." Rogue gave her a weird look and left with Kitty. Serena gave a deep sigh. "If only you knew."

She first had classes with Hank. It wasn't anything really special. It was almost like being in school except it was actually peaceful. There weren't any scattered thoughts running through her head, unless you counted a poetic verse from Mr. McCoy every now and then. But she actually found those quite enjoyable to hear.

After a couple of hours of studying she had gone outside to train with Wolverine.

"Okay kid, today's lesson is survival training." He said pointing to the woods. "All you have to do is get through the course. There will be some obstacles along the way and there won't be any teammates around to save your hide so you better keep on the alert."

"Yes sir." She said with the slightest hint of sarcasm.

He ignored her pulling out a stop watch. "I'll be waiting for you at the end. Now go!" He said and started timing. Serena dashed off into the woods.

Thirty-six minutes and 25 seconds later…

Serena came out of the woods looking a little disheveled. She had escaped at least four traps, dodged seven types of projectiles, and had fought several machines. Logan was waiting for her impatiently. "Did pass?"

"Thrity-six minutes and twenty-five seconds."

Serena shrugged. "Well that's not too bad."

Logan looked at her. "Try telling yourself that as you're going through the course again."

"What!?" Serena yelled.

"It took you over thirty minutes to get through that obstacle course. It shouldn't even have taken you twenty."

"Well excuse me but it's not like I had any help."

"Which is why I told you to keep an eye out."

"It's kind of hard to when fighting three robots at once!"

"Don't be smart kid."

Why am I always have to baby sit these kids?

Serena glared at him. "I'm not a kid, and you're not my babysitter. You are my whacked-out instructor!"

Logan was starting to get irritated. "Look Mermaid, I don't care what kind of problems you're having, but if you don't shape up soon you're gonna find yourself in real trouble. Believe me I'm not enjoying this anymore than you are. I wasn't particularly impressed with your behavior at breakfast."

"That wasn't my fault!"

"Course it wasn't kid." Said Logan sarcastically, "It was probably just your split-personality right? Or maybe it was your friend Andrew the Mystical Cornflake."

Serena looked down in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I'm seriously screwed up."

"Don't talk like that." Logan growled.

"Oh come on. I know you think there's something wrong with me. I know you think I have problems."

"Yeah, that damned telepathy of yours."

"I can't control it. I can't control it at all. Thoughts and emotions are all endlessly flowing in. Especially when I'm around a lot of people. As if I didn't already have a hard time dealing with my own I have to deal with everybody else's." She punched a tree leaving an indent in it. "It's not $&ing fair!"

Logan realized what had happened. "Is that what was going on this morning?"

She nodded solemnly. "Why do you think I've been keeping a distance from other people? I can't stand their thoughts in my head. At school it's a nightmare. Sometimes the thoughts are so frequent and so overwhelming that I just collapse."

"Look kid, you're not the only one here with problems you know."

"But are their problems so bad they have to go through therapy? So bad they can't remember what they do to hurt others? So bad they have to be segregated from other people so that they won't harm anybody? Everybody here is afraid of me! My mother hates me! I wanted to be there for my little brothers, but I can't even do that because I'll run the risk of hurting them." For some reason even though her emotions were running high and the inside of her throat ached, she couldn't cry. The tears just wouldn't come. And this made her hurt even worse. The sat down on the ground and buried her face in her hands.

With a sigh Logan reluctantly sat down next to her. "You wanna talk about it?"

She slowly lifted her head up. "I guess I can."

"Okay. So what's with the doom and gloom attitude you're always having?"

"I just can't really find anything to be happy about. I can't get near anybody with out their thoughts bursting in. That's why I stay away from people. I don't wanna know what they're thinking especially these days since it's mostly about me. She needs help. I hope she's okay. Look it's the psychopath. It just gets so friggin annoying."

"There's gotta be something that you can be happy about." He said raising an eyebrow.

"Oh I've had good things happen to me before." Serena explained. "They just never really lasted long. I never had a chance to make any friends cause I would move away before I got to know anybody. I've mostly been alone all my life. My brothers were always there but, lets just say you sometimes need someone other than your family to talk to."

Logan nodded. "I can understand that."

She shrugged. "It's just been hell for me. Plain and simple. People think I'm nuts but they don't even know what the hell I've been through. If they knew my life's story, they'd change their minds about me in an instant."

"Look kid, I know that sometimes things can seem so screwed up for you." Logan said to her. "I know that sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is against you. But I've learned that that's not true. Life is just harder for some people than it is for others. It may not seem fair, but that's the way life is."

She looked at him. "You really understand. I can feel it. You really know what it's like."

"Let's just say I've been through a pretty rough time myself."

"Everybody else, they say they understand but they don't. It's just empty words, lies. I hate liars."

"Even if they don't understand, it's nice to know that they care about you."

"I guess…"

"Kid, you're not messed up. You may have some troubles but you haven't gone over the edge yet. Believe me I've been there."

"Thanks."

"Now come on, we need to get back to training."

"Alright."

"Oh and kid…"

"Yeah?"

"How did you manage to turn that table over?"

She gave a slight smile. "I work out."

"Well let's see how well you do on the obstacle course again."

"Yessir!"

During sessions with Ororo Serena would listen to songs and then sketch a picture to describe how the song made her feel. Since Serena loved drawing she had no objection with this. The session wasn't hard at all. It was actually kind of fun. She had sketched several pictures. Then a song started playing. A song she heard before but could never relate to it until now.

As Serena sketched the drawing it was like she didn't even have to plan it. It was as if her hand had a mind of its own and needed no guidance from her. It felt like the song was flowing through her body and into her hand.

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

Serena thought about how every time she looked in the mirror she would sometimes see him standing there smiling back at her. But it would last for a moment until she realized what she saw, then he would disappear and she would see nothing but her own reflection.

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed

Serena never did tell Todd exactly how much he meant to her. She was probably just too afraid to. There were still so many words that she hadn't told him, so many things they haven't done, so many feelings they haven't shared.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

When he had slammed the door in her face he had left her to drown in her tears. Serena remembered that day clearly. It was the day that she died, the day that she lost a part of herself, and the day that he slipped away.

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true

But I was scared and left it all behind

When her and Todd were together she would always have this nagging feeling that what they had wasn't real. It would just be a lie. But she wanted to be apart of him so badly that she almost didn't care if it was a lie or not. But there was always this doubt that made her feel rather distant from him.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

Sometimes she felt that he was right there next to her. But how could that be possible? Every time she close her eyes she would see him, but when she opened them he wasn't there.

And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?

She wanted him to come back to her. But it probably wouldn't matter if she cried a thousand tears. Even though he lived only a couple of blocks away, he might as well have lived on the other side of the earth. That's how far away he seemed. He was gone somewhere and he was probably never coming back.

I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

When he looked at her that day there wasn't a trace of recognition on his face. She was a stranger to him. Someone he had never met before in his life. It was amazing how two close people could suddenly become strangers. It caused her so much pain. But if he was happier now, than that was all she needed to know. That was enough.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

By the time the song ended she realized that there were drops on her desk. She had been crying without even knowing it. The tears had been so silent, so unnoticeable. Why couldn't she cry before and yet here she was now and didn't even realize it? She must have gone into a daze. She hurriedly wiped the tears from her face so that Storm wouldn't notice. She took a deep breath and picked up her picture without even looking at it and handed it to Ororo.

"Here you go Storm." Serena said quietly.

"Thank you Serena." She said taking the drawing. "That will be all for today. You may leave." Serena quickly gathered up her things and left the room.

Ororo looked at Serena's drawing and her eyes widened, half out of amazement of the beauty of it, and half out of shock of what it was. It was a picture of a girl sitting next to a pond with lilies, grass, and cat-o-nine tails growing everywhere. A single tear ran down the girl's sad face as she stared at the pond glassy surface staring at the reflection in the water. But the image was not the girl's reflection. It was the image of a young boy staring back at her.

By the end of the day Serena was in counseling with Xavier. They sat in the office for an hour discussing things. Such what she could recollect from the training incident and when it all started and such. Xavier had tried to convince Serena to let him delve into her memories but was having little success.

"Serena, I'm afraid there's not much I can do if you don't open your mind to me."

Serena looked at the floor uncomfortably. "I wish I could. But a part of me just won't let me."

He gave up trying to persuade her. "Very well, we'll try again tomorrow. You may leave." After she left he sighed and rubbed his head. "Please let me get through to her."

Later in the evening Serena sat on her balcony gazing at the beautiful sunset. She had always liked watching the sun go down. It made her forget her troubles for a while.

She felt so relieved. More relieved than she usually was after a day of school. The adults really understand what it's like to go through hell like she did. And best of all there wasn't thousands of thoughts barging through her head and breaking her concentration during training or class. She didn't feel edgy or nervous when it was just her and the teachers, and not dozen's of kids staring at her like she was some sort of bomb waiting to go off.

She walked over to the mirror and brushed her long, dark hair. She started wondering what things would have been like, if she had Todd had kept the whole thing a secret from everybody. They would've had to sneak out a lot, but they could've met each other at school. Though if they had kept it a secret she wouldn't have met the Brotherhood or the X-Men.

While she was lost in thought she accidentally dropped her brush and stooped to pick it up. She stopped when she spotted a bag under the vanity. She reached under and pulled it out. I remember this. This was the bag I had used when I was at the Brotherhood. She opened to she what was inside. Some clothes, her uniform, and… She gasped. At the bottom of her bag was a stuffed green frog, the same one that Todd had one for her at the carnival so long ago.

She picked it up out of the bag. She had completely forgotten about it. She held it close to her cuddling it in her arms. "This is proof that it all happened." She said to herself. She crawled into bed with her frog, keeping it close to her. Serena had found more than a stuffed toy, she had found a piece of herself. She shut her eyes and slowly drifted off.

Next chapter, a hidden secret is uncovered and Serena finds out why she has been acting so weird. Stay tuned!