8

Elizabeth and Kate search the city for Angie only to find her in the last place they expect. Which tends to be par for the course when it came to Angela. She's unpredictable at best. Kate radioed Elizabeth with the news five minutes ago.

The door to Dr. Kate Heightmeyer's office slides open as Elizabeth waves her hand in front of the control crystals. Kate immediately rises from her chair and approaches, motioning for them to step out into the hallway to talk.

Elizabeth sees Angie sitting by the window, staring out at the city. As she's leaning against the sill, her cheek rests on the back of her bent arm. She's breathing and blinking, but otherwise not moving.

Kate steps to the other side of the corridor and Elizabeth follows. The moment she's away from the door, it slides shut. "How'd you find her?"

"She was here when I got back," Kate says softly. "I should have guessed ahead of time that she'd eventually make her way to my office. After Kolya…" Kate takes a breath and lets it out. "She's taken a greater interest in her therapy. I think she found a reserve of strength during that ordeal she never knew she had. It's been easier for her to open up and talk. Especially about her parents. She's come to think of the sessions in a more positive manner."

"How's she doing?"

"She's shut down right now."

"Catatonic?"

"No, no. Drained. Emotionally exhausted. She's been sitting there since I came in. Not a word or even a look."

"Then how do you--"

"She was crying silently, but crying nonetheless. That's a big deal for her. She stopped a few minutes ago. Just dried up." Kate crosses her arms. "She's reeling. Happy he's alive…but at the same time it's as if he's died and she's grieving."

"Do you think she'll backslide?"

"I honestly don't know. I haven't seen any sign of Jax returning. But when it comes to loss and denial, Angie's way up there on the score card." Elizabeth nods. She and Kate share a silent prayer that it doesn't happen. "I do know one thing," Kate adds. "We have to get Ronon back. I don't think she could survive losing him too."

"I know."

oOo

"Wow," John says after Carson finishes explaining what happened to Angela when she was taken prisoner by Kolya.

"Aye," Carson responds.

It's been over an hour since she nearly kicked the shit out of him and now he's grateful she held back. Somewhere deep down, even in her despair, she obviously didn't want to hurt him. John can understand her frustration. Her pain. He just wishes he wasn't the cause of it.

I'll beg if you want me too… That plea alone could break someone's heart. Poor kid. And her feelings for him are so raw, so intense. Did he encourage her somehow? Neither Carson nor Elizabeth seemed shocked by Angela's obvious love for him. Were they dating? How did he get involved with someone so young and obviously damaged? It just doesn't seem likely.

John's about to ask more questions when the unscheduled gate activation alarm blares through the city jarring both men. The alarm goes silent a moment later. "Maybe I should check that out."

"I may have released you from the infirmary son, but you're far from being back on duty."

"Still--"

Carson touches his radio. "Aye. Dr. Weir. We'll be ready." He looks to John. "Emergency coming in."

Minutes later Elizabeth arrives with two guards carrying in an unconscious Rodney and they put him on a bed.

"He says he took the enzyme," Elizabeth says, out of breath. "A lot of it." Concern and confusion crease her lovely face and John needs to reassure her, but doesn't know what to say.

Rodney's drenched in sweat, his breathing erratic.

Carson and his staff get busy, ordering blood tests and scans. Elizabeth stands aside with John. "What's going on?" he asks.

Rodney wakes suddenly and seizes Carson's arm. "I have to get to the the shh-ship. I know what to do." He tries to get off the bed, the soldiers hold him down. Sweat pours from his face.

"Calm down, Rodney."

His bloodshot eyes are wild, something John would never associate with the snarky scientist. "No. You don't understand. I had to take out the guards. The gate. To get to the gate I had to take out the guards. Lot's of enzyme. Lots and lots. And I was amazing!"

"What's wrong with him? What's this enzyme?"

Rodney's eyes lock onto John. "You! You can't be here. I took out the guards. I did it. I hit and kicked. You can't be here!"

Carson orders the soldiers to keep Rodney as still as possible as he gets the wrist and ankle restraints in place.

"Carson what are you doing! I have to get the gate. Know where they went!"

"Let me help you, Rodney."

"You can't! Let me go. Elizabeth!" His eyes search her out. "Dial the gate. I have to get them."

Elizabeth approaches the bed, her voice calm, reassuring. "It's okay, Rodney. It's going to be fine."

"No. It's me. I'm fine. You!" He glares at John again. "You made this happen. You and you're brilliant plans…idiot! Just like Ford." Rodney's eyes roll back into his head and his body bounces off the bed.

"Convulsions," Carson calls, ordering some medication. After administering the drugs, Rodney drops onto the bed, deathly still. Carson glances over his shoulder at them. "This will take a while."

Elizabeth sighs as she looks from Carson to Rodney. "Keep me informed."

"Aye."

She heads for the door and John grasps her hand. "Care to explain?"

"Let's take a walk. See if we can jog your memory. Are you hungry?"

"Not really. Suppose that means I should eat something."

"Huh," Elizabeth huffs softly, going into the corridor.

John follows. "What?"

They walk toward the transporter. "You sound like Angie."

He makes a face. "Did you find her?"

"Yes. Dr. Heightmeyer's with her. It's not going to be easy."

"I'm sorry about all this. I know it's my fault--"

"No, it's not. You're not hurting her on purpose."

"I know, but she's been through so much." She raises a brow at him. John shrugs. "Carson filled me in on the whole Kolya thing. Poor kid. And who's this Ronon guy I'm supposed to be so afraid of?"

"Just Kolya?" Elizabeth shakes her head. "Wish he'd been a little more forthcoming. That's not even the tip of the iceberg that is Angie."

"There's more?"

"Oh, yeah. Like I said, we should talk." The transporter doors open and they step inside.

"You know, I'm not really into the whole crowded room, finger pointing show, right now."

Elizabeth nods. "Okay then." She presses the screen and they instantly arrive outside the commissary. "Wait here. I'll grab some sandwiches and we'll go back to your quarters. Maybe being in a personal space will help."

"Anything beats the infirmary."

Elizabeth disappears into the mess and John leans against the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets. He closes his eyes and instantly feels a sharp pain between his shoulder blades, dropping him to his knees and leaving him numb all over. If he didn't know better, he'd swear someone just shot him with a wraith stunner. The numbness subsides almost instantly, leaving an unpleasant tingle in his extremities.

"Colonel?" John opens his eyes, seeing a slim hand in front of his face, fingers wiggling. Taking the hand, he's helped to his feet by a young, female soldier. She has bright red hair and blue eyes. "Are you all right, sir?"

John straightens. "Did you just call me Colonel?"

Her brows shoot up. "That is your rank, sir. Lt. Colonel."

"Oh…right. And you are?"

"Lt. Cadman, sir." She looks him over. "So it's true. The memory wipe."

"I see the rumor mill is in full swing."

"Yes sir." She hangs her head then looks up at him from under her brows. "I stopped in to see Angie."

"I hear she's not doing so well."

She takes a deep breath. "Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Go ahead."

Cadman narrows her gaze and her brows crease. "How well do you expect her to be? The love of her life has forgotten she exists."

"The love of…oh…" John's brows shoot off his forehead. "So we were--"

"Are together, Colonel. For nearly six months now."

"Wow," he says to himself. Six months! In the past five years, his longest relationship back on Earth barely registered at the six week mark. "Crap." John sneers. "I figured we'd dated… but… six months. Really?"

She raises her brows. "Hot and heavy. Not looking to cool down anytime soon either, considering."

John shakes his head. "Considering…?"

"Well…the whole pheromone thing notwithstanding you did just buy--"

"Lt. Cadman," Elizabeth smiles politely as she comes out of the mess carrying an overloaded tray. John takes the tray from her.

"Dr. Weir," Cadman nods, giving her own smile. "How's Dr. McKay?"

She clasps her hands in front of her. "It's touch and go. Carson's working on him."

Cadman smiled broadly. "Then he's in the best of hands."

"Yes, he is."

Cadman excuses herself and goes into the mess, leaving them alone. John lifts the tray. "Guess you're the hungry one."

"Starving." She motions with at the transporter. "Shall we go?"

Since his hands are full, Elizabeth hits the map on the wall. "That's the wrong way."

They're moved in an instant and the doors part. Elizabeth steps out first. "Actually it's not."

"But--"

She leads the way toward the third closed door on the left and takes the tray from John so he can swipe his hand over the control crystal. The doors open and he sees a rather large room with its own bath. His Johnny Cash poster is on the wall, his surf board in the corner along with his guitar—the one he never figured out how to play.

John takes a deep breath and lets it out as he steps inside, runs his hand through his hair then rubs his neck. "I can't tell you how weird this all is." Elizabeth's watching him with narrowed eyes. "What?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing. It's just…" She chuckles slightly. "There something familiar about this."

"You mean the room?"

"No." She shakes her head again. "Never mind." She sets the tray on the desk then turns the chair out to face the bed. John prods her in the lower back with his hand. "You take the bed, it'll be more comfortable, I'm sure."

"Okay." Elizabeth sits in the center of the bed with the pillows to her right, facing John. She casually curls one leg in front of her, letting the other hang off the side of the bed, her knee close enough to touch his.

John hands her a sandwich and drink as he takes his own. She eats ravenously, downing half the sandwich in a few bites, making him smile. Something about her eating this way is very amusing. Mostly because he does recall having to prod her repeatedly to have a good meal.

John, on the other hand, picks at his sandwich, sniffs it then takes a bite. It's not bad, but it's not turkey either.

Elizabeth starts from the beginning, explaining the whole Angela/Jax saga as she eats. John gets the feeling she's leaving some things out, but he understands the gist of the story. And the woman.

"So what if I don't get my memory back?"

Not looking at him, she rolls the sandwich wrapper into a ball and tosses it onto the tray. "I'm sure you will. It's only a matter of time."

"What if I don't want to remember?"

Elizabeth swallows hard. "What do you mean?"

"I don't mean everything…just…what if there's one or two things I prefer not to remember."

She plops the last bit of sandwich in her mouth as her eyes widen in shock. "Like what?"

John eats a bit, nodding his head side-to-side. After swallowing he says, "Who."

Elizabeth's brows shoot up as she sips her drink. "What?"

John shrugs. "I don't want to sound harsh or anything. But...I don't remember how I'm supposed to feel about Angie." He looks into Elizabeth's eyes. "And I do remember how I'm not supposed to feel about you." John runs his hand over her knee. "But I can't help it."

"John…"

"You kissed me back, Elizabeth. In the infirmary."

She drops her gaze, swiping crumbs off her pant leg. "I know. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

John tosses his sandwich onto the tray and rests his elbows on his knees. "Why? Aren't we… haven't we…?" Her eyes flick to his then away again and he knows it's true. "How long?"

"Off and on for a few weeks." She rolls her head a bit. "More off than on."

"So I'm a two-timer? That's something I'd rather not remember."

Elizabeth shakes her head. "It's not…" she sighs. "We made this deal. The three of us. Angela's idea actually."

"Excuse me?"

Elizabeth explains about the sharing and how it came about. John's shocked into silence as he listens and tries to process the information. "She suggested it."

"Terrified of losing you…to me."

John takes her drink and sets it on the tray, then brings her hand to his lips. "Justifiable, I'd say." Elizabeth pulls her hand free, again refusing to meet his eyes and he understands. "You were ending it." He shakes his head in disbelief. "You were ending us. Giving up."

She buries her face in her hands then runs them up through her hair. "It wasn't just me." Finally, she catches his gaze. "Before you left on this last mission, you clearly made a choice. I should have seen it from the start. Hell I did see it. I just didn't want to believe it."

"You think I chose Angie?"

"I know you did."

John slides off the chair. His hands land on either side of her legs and he hovers in front of her. "Then why am I here with you." And then he's kissing her. Pulling her bent leg straight, John gets her prone, pressing her into the bed with his body.

Elizabeth moans against his lips and that only manages to stir his desire for her. His hands investigate her sides, fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt to her flat stomach, up over her ribs to her breasts. She's wearing a sexy bra; he can feel the lace with his fingertips.

She moans again and he deepens the kiss as he brushes his thumbs over her taught nipples. Her arms go about his neck and she pulls herself up to meet him. "John," she sighs. "We can't…" and yet she's kissing him back with unwavering passion. Her tongue slips against his, her teeth nip at his lips, teasing him.

Breaking from her sensuous mouth, he kisses his way down her neck as he pushes her top up to it. He was right about the bra, light blue lace, very feminine. Instantly he's turned on by the sight of her darkened nipples straining against the delicate material.

He has to taste her. He pushes the bra up and her breasts burst free, he catches one with his mouth the other with his hand and she moans deep in her throat.

"John…" it comes out as barely a whisper. "The door's unlocked…"

John looks up, seeing the door slide open and three Wraiths step inside. He's on his feet instantly, reaching for his side arm…but not finding it.

He looks down at his leg then back up…and the Wraith are gone. The door's closed.

Elizabeth's sitting up on her elbows. "What? What is it?"

John stares at the door, his brows cinching tight. No, it wasn't this door he saw. It was a cell door. On a hive ship.

"A Wraith ship."

"What?" She's re-adjusting her clothes.

"Ford, Teyla…a big guy with dreadlocks."

"Ronon."

"They're on a Wraith hive ship."

"How do you know?"

John shakes his head. "I feel like…" he looks down at her, seeing confusion that must mirror his own. "Like I was with them."

"Maybe you were. Maybe that's what happened. And you got away."

John grabs his head and pounds his fists against it. "Why can't I remember!"

Elizabeth's up and wrapping a comforting arm around him. "Shh. It's all right."

He brushes her off. With a shove from his foot, the chair skids across the floor and hits the wall. "No. It's not. I have to help them." He follows the chair then turns and paces towards the bathroom. He spins again, looking sharply at Elizabeth. "I left them!"

She moves around the bed, getting closer to him, keeping her voice soft, supportive. "I'm sure you had your reasons."

"How can you say that? We don't leave our people behind!"

"If you did it to save them--"

"Then I've done a hell of a half-assed job at that, haven't I!"

"John," she reaches for him. "Calm down. It'll come to you."

"I don't need to calm down. What I need to do is remember."

"Maybe you should talk to Dr. Heightmeyer."

"Yeah, 'cause I'm going all kinds of crazy like your friend Angela."

"I didn't say that."

"I see it in your eyes."

She plants her hands on her hips. "The hell you do!"

"I have to save them. I'm not about to give up like…" he glares at her.

Elizabeth's eyes narrow as her mouth drops open. "What? Like me?" Her brows arch defiantly. She steps into his space. "If you think I've given up on my people--"

"Not them!"

She raises her head, his true meaning sinking in. "Oh. I see. This is about us."

"I didn't say that."

Elizabeth just stares at him with that unmistakable gleam in her eyes that says: Fuck you.

"But you did. Didn't you," he sneers. "How the hell could you agree to such a stupid deal as to share me with some…with her!" He points at the door as if Angie is standing right there.

Elizabeth takes a step closer. "It's not like you gave me much choice, Sheppard."

"You could have fought--"

"You?" She laughs coldly. "Or were you hoping for an all out catfight to ensue in the middle of the city?" She huffs. "Not my style." She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his. "It's you who made this impossible, John. Two women. We both fell in-love with you so completely, so desperately and what'd you do? You encouraged it. Both of us. You even came to me asking for my help to choose between us." She laughs again, turning away from him.

John grabs her arm and pulls her back to face him. "And you made me choose her."

"I didn't make you do a damn thing, Colonel." Yanking her arm free, she sneers at him. "Now, you need to get a grip on yourself. Calm down and relax. That's an order."

Grabbing her fast, John spins her and shoves her against the wall, making her gasp. She's speechless and wide-eyed. He kisses her hard, bruising her lips. She tears out of the kiss. "What the hell are you doing?"

He grabs her wrists and hauls them over her head then captures them with one hand. His free hand dips into her pants, finding her hotspot immediately. "I'm relaxing," he grunts, covering her mouth with his again, forcing her to open to his probing tongue.

Elizabeth struggles against him, but he's got her pinned with his body and the wiggling only makes him harder. This time he breaks the kiss to attack her neck, biting and sucking. "Not like this," she gasps.

John rubs his fingers against her and he can feel her get wet at his touch. "Not like what, Liz?" Her eyes are closed and she's biting her lip, breathing hard through her nose. "Not like…this?" He slips his fingers deep inside her, driving them in and out quickly, roughly. He kisses her hard again, this time biting her lip, not too hard, but enough to make her whimper.

"John, please."

"Please what?" He pulls his hand from her pants only to undo the top button and unzip them. "Is it only beautiful love-making, Elizabeth? Sweet and easy."

"No…but--"

Again, he slips his hand under the lace panties that match her bra. He finds her button again and rubs it hard, pinching it. Her breath catches and her hips writhe against his touch. "But what?" He presses his mouth to her ear and whisper hungrily. "Have you ever had someone fuck your brains out, Liz?"

"No," she gasps.

He pulls back, watching at her. "Want me to?"

Panting, she opens her eyes and stares at him a long moment. "Yes," she says in a throaty whisper.

John smiles as he releases her wrists. He grips the side of her panties and yanks them apart. He kisses her hard again as he shoves her pants down, then tears the other side of the underwear and whips them free of her legs.

"Those were expensive," she hisses.

"Bite me."

"Fine." So she does. Grasping the back of his head, she pulls his mouth to hers again and sinks her teeth into his bottom lip. John groans at the pain but doesn't pull away. He shoves his tongue into her mouth, devouring her.

Abruptly breaking the battle of the tongues and leaving them both gasping for breath, John turns her around. He grabs her hands and presses them flat against the wall then reaches under her shirt and unfastens the bra, only to let it dangle as he captures her breasts in his hands and squeezes, pinching her nipples. She shudders as his mouth finds her neck and he sucks with callous disregard for marks he's probably leaving.

Abandoning her flesh, John undoes his pants and releases his rigid hard-on. He presses himself into Elizabeth, rewarded with a moan. He rubs himself against her, between her legs, growing hotter with every motion until he can't take it any longer.

With his hands slipping between her and the wall, John glides his fingers down, finds her ready. He pushes her legs apart with his knee and jams into her hard over and over again. He pulls her shirt free, followed by the bra. Then his hands return to her breasts as his mouth finds a new spot on her neck to eat at.

He bangs into her, grinding mercilessly as she pants and whimpers. His knuckles scrape the wall with every thrust. "This is what you wanted," he growls. "Isn't it."

"It's what you wanted," she bites back.

John pulls out and she gasps at the sudden stop. He twists her around to face him. "But you'd be sorry if I didn't finish."

She glares at him, but there's passion burning in her gaze. "Yes."

He stares hard at her. "What do you want me to do, Liz?"

"Just shut up and fuck me, John."

He plants her against the wall again, this time facing him, lifts her easily and slams into her again. Her ankles are trapped by her pants so she can only grip him with her knees, but she does so with a strength that surprises him. She drives her hands under his shirt until she gets it over his head. Then her taught nipples are rubbing against his chest, sending waves of heat straight to his groin, and he gets even harder than before. Throbbing as he plunges inside her.

He reaches down and yanks off her boots and pants, then pulls her legs around his waist. His mouth again finds her breasts and he's not gentle as he takes them in with relish. She squirms and groans, her nails scratching up and down his back.

He stops again. Dropping her to her feet.

"What now!"

John just grunts as he shoves her at the bed and she lands on hands and knees. He kicks off his boots and strips his pants with ease. He grabs her hips, raising her ass high and drives into her once more. He can't believe it's ever been this difficult for him to get satisfied. He just can't get enough of her.

So who's fucking who's brains out?

John swivels his hips, grinding inside her. She groans as he hits the right spot. Her arms tremble with fatigue. He grinds again and she groans louder. "You like that, Liz?"

"Mmm!"

He hits the spot again.

"Yes!"

And again.

"Yes!" She drops to her elbows. "Don't…stop. Don't stop!"

He pulls out and slams into her once, twice, three times; each thrust eliciting a cry of pleasure from the usually subdued Atlantis leader. Getting close now, he ups his pace, ramming her with powerful blows, grunting and calling out her name. Until she clenches around him, her muscles spasming with a powerful orgasm and taking him along for the ride. He plunges deep inside and explodes with a howl.

Trembling, Elizabeth collapses face down on the bed and John drops on top of her. He's still inside her, pulsing and throbbing from exertion.

She turns her head sideways, cheek flat on the bed. "Are you more relaxed now?" she asks.

"Yes."

John gets off and she rolls over to look up at him. Her face is pink and sweaty, with wisps of hair sticking to her skin. John cups her cheek, caressing the hair behind her ear. She's warm and sticky, but so beautiful. He kisses her tenderly on the corners of her mouth. Her nose, her forehead then her swollen lips.

He pulls out of the kiss panting, trailing his tongue down her salty neck to her breasts where he feasts once more. Elizabeth sighs as he takes her in his mouth again…this time gently. Lovingly.

He glances up at her and smiles. "Your turn."

Melting into the bed as if all her muscles and bones have liquefied, Elizabeth moans with pleasure. "Okay then."