9

Elizabeth stretches in the soft morning light and winces slightly. After all their times together, even that incredible Olympic first night, she's never been this sore. She feels like a truck's been rammed through her. But one that left her smiling like a fool. That stupid-ass grin is back and worse than ever. She lost count of how many orgasms she had and idly wonders if there's a lifetime limit and that she's close to maxing out her credit. She remembers his triumphant, cocky smile as she screamed repeatedly throughout the night.

She doesn't remember sleeping, but she must have because she's completely rested and ready for the day. John's sound asleep next to her, snoring softly. Over his shoulder she catches sight of the clock: 5:30 a.m. It's the first time they've actually spent the entire night together. Sinking back into the pillows, she relishes the feel of his body close to hers; their fronts mushed together, legs interspersed between each other, the warmth of his hand resting on her hip.

He looks so young when he's sleeping. So innocent. She can't resist the rumpled hair and scruffy baby-face. Lightly, she traces a finger up his rough cheek. He doesn't stir. She lets her fingers comb into his soft, thick mane, enjoying the texture.

He shocked her last night. Shocked and terrified her at first. She knew he could be dangerous, unpredictable…but so forceful? Yeah, he'd scared her.

But she shocked herself as well. Accepting that side of him, encouraging it even. Letting him be harsh and rough, then actually getting off on it. What does that say about her?

For Christ sakes I bit him!

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't realize for a moment that he's staring at her. She catches his gaze and they lock eyes for a long silent moment. He seems to be searching her face for something. "Morning," he rumbles.

Elizabeth smiles. "Morning."

"You all right?"

"Fine."

John pulls his hand from her hip and caresses her cheek. "Sure?"

Elizabeth giggles softly. "Well…I'm a bit sore if you must know."

His brows crease with worry. "Did I hurt you?"

She stares into his eyes, seeing all his love for her. Right there, out in the open for all to see and fills her heart with such joy. "No." She kisses him lightly.

She can feel him growing against her thigh. Such as the sun rises, so does a man, she giggles. "You may be up for it, but I'm not so sure I am," she whispers.

"Ignore it," he says, rolling her over onto her back and kissing her neck eagerly.

"Not as easy as it sounds."

His hands find her breast as a blind man seeks out brail. He's gentle, leaving her tingling. Slowly he rubs himself against her leg, growing thick and hot. He wants inside her, she can tell by his deep, needy groan. But Elizabeth knows she can't handle that right now.

Gliding her hands between their bodies, she grasps him firmly with one and his breath catches. Then she wraps her second hand around him below the first, holding them still at the crease of her legs. He seems to understand her intent and starts to thrust in her hands. "Tighter," he growls. Elizabeth adds pressure and he moans with pleasure. "God, yes." His hips jerk fast and furious as he enters the opening she's created.

Her hands are not quite big enough to contain his length and he rubs between her legs. She shifts her hands to offer direct access to her external hot zone. With every thrust, his tip hits her right where she needs it. The contact is unfamiliar and strikingly erotic. Even John notices and he shifts his weight so he's hovering above her, tilting his hips to get full contact…his tip to hers.

Within moments, his eyes roll back into his head and he erupts on her. He drops, mushing their bodies together again. He kisses her long and deep. "That was…"

"Interesting?"

"And new."

Elizabeth grins. "For me too."

John's brows crease. "But you didn't…?"

She kisses him lightly. "It's okay." She glances at the clock. "Have to get up now anyway."

John's off the bed in an instant, picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom. "We can shower together." He grins wickedly. "You'll get yours."

He looks so innocent when sleeping. It's definitely worth waking him up.

oOo

Kate knocks on Elizabeth's office door. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

The psychiatrist tilts her head, considering Elizabeth for a moment. "You had sex."

Elizabeth's eyes go wide and she bursts from her chair, crosses to the door and shuts it immediately, looking out to see if anyone overheard. "Jeez! Do you have to be so observant and…loud?" No one's looking at them.

Kate chuckles. "Sorry. It's just…I'm shocked. But happy for you. Obviously, you're happy for you as well."

Elizabeth returns to her chair and sits carefully. She's still sore. But John kept his promise in the shower, giving her oh-so-much pleasure with his mouth and tongue that she was afraid she wouldn't have a voice left to run the daily meetings.

Kate sits, putting on her professional face. "I have a request."

"Anything."

"I'd like to take Angie away for awhile. Get her out of the city."

Elizabeth leans on her desk. "She can't go to Earth. It's not safe."

"I know. I was thinking perhaps of I-zoola. She likes it there. The people are nice--"

"That might not be a good idea either." Elizabeth's brows wrinkle. "She was planning a small vacation for her and John there. After his return."

Kate sits up straighter, her lips forming a silent 'oh'. She seems to ponder this for a moment. "Perhaps it could still work. It is the only place that offers her a chance to skate."

"Replacing one passion with another doctor? Doesn't sound too therapeutic."

Kate shakes her head. "Not replacing. Reminding. She has to remember there are other things worthwhile in her life. Other joys."

"It's only been two days. Are you sure she's ready?"

"Two days, two months…won't really matter if she keeps sliding downhill like she is."

"It's that bad?"

Kate nods. "She hasn't eaten since yesterday. Hasn't slept or spoken to anyone either. Not me…not even Lt. Cadman. I'm afraid it will only get worse the longer she's here…with him."

"Okay." Elizabeth leans back in her chair and temples her fingers in thought. "I'll radio Hani, ask her if it's all right."

"Can you spare a pilot right now?"

"It's only a two hour flight round trip. Even Carson could probably handle that."

Kate smirks. "I'd prefer not."

Elizabeth nods. "I understand. I'll let you know." She leans forward again. "In the mean time, I'd like you to talk with John. He's very frustrated about not being able to help Teyla and Ronon."

"Good idea." Kate gets up, turns for the door then looks back at Elizabeth. "How would you feel if he does remember…everything? Would you be all right with that?"

"Of course."

"Elizabeth?"

She licks her lips. "You're worried I might switch places with Angie."

"Not completely, but…yes."

Elizabeth considers the possibility of losing him again. She's already faced that on numerous occasions and she knows only one thing truly matters. She catches Kate's gaze. "Atlantis needs Colonel Sheppard whole. That's my only concern."

Kate nods in understanding. "Well…I must say, the after glow totally works for you."

Elizabeth blushes. "Please go away."

Kate laughs. "I'm just jealous."

"Radek's not putting out?" Elizabeth smirks.

Kate sighs. "You know those scientists. If it isn't a ZPM or it doesn't have data scrolling over it, they tend to get distracted easily."

"Maybe you should consider tattooing zero-zero-one-zero-one-one-zero all over your body. Might get his attention."

Kate makes a face suggesting she's considering the idea. Then she waves and opens the door. "I'll check with you later."

oOo

John's sitting on his bed with a data pad on his lap. Even though he's not technically on duty, Elizabeth's requiring him to review all his recent mission reports and those of everyone else on his team.

It's like reading a novel; he can't picture any of it happening in reality. And his own report of the events on PXT-705 seems to have been written by someone else. There's far too much emotion in it for a regular military report. Clearly the motives that led him to rescue Angela 'Jax' Peterson were more personal than professional in nature.

How can I not remember her?

Suddenly he does. Vividly. Her face beaten and bruised, lips cut and bloody, a nasty wound on her temple disappearing into her hair. And she's holding two guns, a 9mil pointing at his face and another one in her opposite hand, a Genii gun. Kolya's standing behind her, grinning proudly. But it's the look in her eyes that sticks with John; one of pure rage.

Even when she attacked him in the corridor, she didn't look this lethal. The image makes his heart race. He tries to shake it away. Now knowing what she went through at the madman's hands makes his stomach roil.

But he can't push the thoughts aside. He has no control over his mind. He sees her twist, shoot a guard at the door and spin, kicking Kolya in the head, kicking him again then shooting another guard that bursts in the room.

It all happens so fast but with such precision. He's fascinated by her and a rush of passion and respect nearly burst his heart wide open. But at the same time he's instantly repelled by the notion. He doesn't love this woman. He loves Elizabeth!

"Colonel Sheppard," a woman calls, knocking on his door.

John sets the data pad aside and opens the door to Dr. Heightmeyer. "Hey doc. What can I do for you?"

"Chat."

He motions for her to come in. "Elizabeth sent you?"

"She did."

"She tell you I had a meltdown last night?"

"No, she left that part out." Kate's still in the open door and she glances down the hall. Her gaze narrows a bit as something occurs to her. "How would you feel about taking a walk?"

John sighs and spreads his arms. "Always like being on the move."

She smiles warmly. "Good. I know just the place."

oOo

As they step off the transporter, John can feel Dr. Heightmeyer's eyes on him, ever watchful. He knows she's looking for a spark of recognition, but so far nothing's coming to him. Most of the corridors are so similar, if he hadn't seen what section of the city she chose, he wouldn't have a clue they were heading for the South Pier.

"What is the last thing you remember?" she asks.

John shakes his head. "I'm not sure anymore. I get these flashes but I've read all these reports…"

"Here. Take my hand." He does. "Now, close your eyes and walk. Let the sounds of the city wash over you. The first clear image, that doesn't feel forced or from a report, speak up."

The doctor silently leads him on their walk and he does as she says, letting his mind wander. Even in the depths of the corridor he can hear the distant sound of the ocean. He can feel the sway of the city, though deep down he knows that's not really possible. Mostly he can hear his own breathing.

Breathing.

It sounds mechanical.

Flash: He looks down, seeing Angela lying in a bed, hooked up to a ventilator.

Flash: Ford lying on a floor, sweating and in pain.

Flash: Elizabeth being dragged toward the wormhole by Kolya.

Elizabeth's staring at him with fear and longing in her jade green eyes. You can't.

I have to and you know it.

Go.

John's eyes snap open and he squeezes the doctor's hand. They stop walking and she looks at him. "Something specific?"

"The suicide run. When I left to blow up the hive ship."

"Okay. Good." She tugs gently on his hand and starts walking again. "Now, let's move slowly forward from there. Tell me exactly what you remember, moment by moment."

John nods, closing his eyes again. "I raced into the Control Room, Elizabeth was about to call for evacuation but I told her to wait. She seemed to know exactly what I planned to do and tried to stop me, but she knew it was the only way. So she gave me the go ahead and I ran up the stairs.

"The nuke was already on board so I simply started up the jumper and headed out." His heart pounds at the memory. It's so clear. Unlike all those earlier flashes, this one he feels in his bones. He would never admit to being scared, but he was. Despite what his superior officers always claimed, he doesn't have a death wish. But he knew he had to save Atlantis at all costs.

He had to save Elizabeth.

"I broke atmo and engaged the cloak. They never saw me coming. Didn't even detect my approach."

Flash: Angela lying under him in bed, struggling to say something, but it's hard for her. So damn hard. I…I…. she swallows and the next words come out like a sob. Love you. Tears spill over the sides of her face and again he's blasted with emotions he doesn't want.

Damn! He shakes his head.

"What's wrong?" Dr. Heightmeyer asks. "Why'd you stop?"

John sighs heavily. He opens his eyes, seeing they're nearing a door. He groans with frustration. "I keep getting these flashes of Angela."

"I'm not surprised." She smiles knowingly and nods as she passes a hand over the door control. It opens to an amazing view of the South Pier. Pink, orange and blue swirl in the afternoon sky. It's breathtaking as usual.

John releases her hand as he steps through the door. He enjoys the cool breeze that ruffles his hair. He turns back to the doctor, she's watching him again. "It's great. But why bring me here?"

Dr. Heightmeyer clasps her hands in front of her and shrugs. "Take a look around. Anything familiar?"

John looks out, getting a fill of the view. He shakes his head at her. "Should it be?"

Disappointment swims over her features; her smile wavers then becomes professional, polite. She sighs. "Why don't we pick up where you left off?" She folds her arms. "You were on the jumper."

He closes his eyes. He could see the hive ship growing in the view shield as he got closer. He was heading straight for the launch bay hoping to create multiple explosive reactions throughout the ship.

Flash: Angela skating.

What the fuck!

John tightens his eyes again, forcing all other thoughts from his brain. He's on his way in the puddle jumper—

Flash: Angela dancing as Elizabeth, he and the guy named Ronon watch in fascination.

With a groan, John clutches at his skull. "Dammit!"

Dr. Heightmeyer's by his side, a hand on his shoulder. "What is it John?"

He shakes his head. "It's her. She's…distracting me."

"Angela?"

"Why is she in my head all the time? I can't think about anything else."

"Are your feelings coming back?"

He glares at the good doctor. "No, it's pissing me off!" She takes a step back. John rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry doc. It's just that…whenever I latch onto the memory, she pops into my head and I lose it. It's frustrating as hell."

She considers that for a moment. "Maybe there's a reason for it."

"I don't see how."

"We'll have to dig a little deeper. First, try to find the next solid memory. One that takes place after the suicide run."

John concentrates. He knows the Daedalus beamed him off his ship before it detonated. He knows he almost lost Atlantis when the shield didn't come up until the last moment. He knows he went back to Earth for a while. And he knows about losing Ford and finding Ronon.

But none of it feels real. He knows it because he read it in the mission reports. He gets glimpses that make sense in the context, but nothing whole, nothing solid.

Flash: Angela standing on this pier, dressed to the nines. And they're dancing. And she's smiling at him with so much love.

John glowers at Dr. Heightmeyer. "This is why you brought me out here?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't care if I remember how to find Teyla and Ronon. You just want me to remember you're patient so she won't be so screwed up."

"John. What are you talking about?"

He waves a hand around. "This pier. It's 'our' place. Angela's and mine."

She nods, her expression unapologetic. "It is special to you. That is why I brought you here. But not because I only want you to remember Angela. But because by remembering her, you may very well find what you've lost." John stomps by her and the doors swish open as he approaches. He can hear the doctor chasing after him. "John!"

"No! I'm not in-love with her. And you can't make me."

She manages to keep up with him. "I'm not trying to make you do anything. I only wish to help you get your memory back."

"What if I forgot on purpose? Did you consider that? Maybe Angela drove me to it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I keep getting the images, these flashes. She's trouble with a capital T. The chick's always in some sort of danger or upheaval. It's too much drama to ask me to always be there to rescue her. I'm nobody's hero."

"You're absolutely right. You're not."

John nods firmly.

"She's yours."

That stops him dead in his tracks. He slowly turns to face her. "What?"

Dr. Heightmeyer's puffing from the jog. She takes a deep breath. "You told me yourself. Angela is your hero, John. Not the other way around."

"I couldn't--"

She holds up a hand. "You said she saved you from yourself. Shined a light on you or something..." She waves the hand, still breathing hard. "It was very poetic, actually. Wish I'd written it down."

John starts walking again. "I don't believe it."

"Fine. Don't." She's close behind him again. "But when you get back to your quarters. There's proof."

"What kind of proof?"

"Somewhere in your room there's a little box."

"A box?"

"Yes. Pretty little thing too. Handmade on Belkan." She raises her brows. "See for yourself." She stops suddenly and taps her headset. "Yes, Dr. Weir." She listens to something John can't hear. "We're returning now. Thirty minutes if I can keep pace with the Colonel."

"Does Elizabeth need me for something?"

"No, Colonel. Contrary to what you might think, not everything on Atlantis revolves around you."

John's brows shoot up. "Wow…for a second there I think you were channeling McKay."

She waves her hand and has 'I'm sorry' on her face. "Not very professional of me, I'm afraid." She wags a finger at him. "But you made me exercise. I hate that."

John chuckles and she smiles. They quickly head back in companionable silence.