11

Elizabeth raises her brows. "What kind of situation?"

"The bad kind," Zelenka says.

"There's no reason to get hysterical. It could be nothing."

"I don't believe is nothing. I doubt Dr. Weir believes is nothing."

"Dr. Weir would like to make that decision on her own, if someone would simply tell me what's going on?"

"We're all going to die!" Rodney huffs. "Well, you maybe. Not me. Mister invincible. I'm amazing. And Ford. Yes Ford…pure genius. That idiot!"

Elizabeth sighs as she darts her gaze between the three men. "I'm waiting."

Carson motions to his laptop set on the usual table. She steps over to his side and looks at the screen, seeing two 3-d images of brains. "When I was studying Rodney's brain scan, I decided to compare it with Colonel Sheppard's. They are remarkably similar except for the region that is affected by the enzyme."

"So, Colonel Sheppard didn't take the enzyme."

"Exactly. But that's not why I called you."

Zelenka interrupts. "Since we only got scanner working again, Dr. Morgan suggested second diagnostic for patient history comparison… on safe side. I use McKay's scan and search database for recent scan to compare."

"Seems to match up quite nicely."

"Then I run Colonel Sheppard's--"

Elizabeth's glances from Zelenka and motions to Carson. "We already know his matched."

"Aye…" Carson says. "But what I didn't know is that the database holds all the previous scans. Not just the most recent."

"All of them. How far back do they go?"

Carson folds his arms. "Since we first started using the equipment. Almost two years' worth."

"That's great." She shrugs. "I still don't understand why you needed me here to tell me this."

"It is machine, Dr. Weir. It made mistake."

Carson holds up a hand. "No. It didn't made—make a mistake." Elizabeth's watching him carefully. "It simply…"

"It made mistake, Dr. Beckett."

Elizabeth can feel that tightening in her gut that says bad news is on the way. "Carson? What aren't you telling me?"

Carson sighs heavily. "It may be easier to show you." He types a couple commands into his laptop then points at the left side of the screen. "This here is Colonel Sheppard's scan from yesterday." He points at the right side of the screen. "And this is the scan the computer matched it to."

"They look the same to me."

"Aye."

Zelekna flaps his arms dramatically. "But is wrong, I tell you!"

"Would you please!" Carson snaps. He looks apologetically at Elizabeth. "The scan the system matched to is over a year old."

"But it matched. So what's the problem?"

Carson types more commands into the system. Another image appears on the right side of the screen. Several sections of the brain are colored differently than the scan on the left. "Whose is this, Rodney's."

Carson shakes his head. "No. Colonel Sheppard's…from last month."

"Last mo…" Elizabeth stares wide eyed at the screen then slides her gaze at Carson. "What's going on, Carson? These look totally different."

"Aye. The Colonel's brain chemistry changed. It's the link with Angela, a reaction to her enhanced pheromones. I've been tracking the result to determine if the changes are permanent or perhaps dissolving over time."

"And?"

Carson's face wrinkles from forehead to chin. "As of last month's scan, there was no indication of reversal even in the slightest of levels."

"So the changes are permanent."

"Aye. Except now…suddenly--"

Zelenka shoots his hands up into the air again. "Is nemožné! Ta rozum dělá nikoli resetovat." He pulls off his glasses, shaking his head. "Is impossible, Dr. Weir. Human brain is far too intricate system to reset as such. Clean slate."

"Clean slate?" Her confused gaze bounces between the two doctors.

Carson nods. "Given the results and the subsequent normalcy of his brain chemistry, it's as if Colonel Sheppard was never affected by Angela."

"Because it didn't happen."

They turn, seeing John standing in the door. "What?" All three ask.

"This pheromone incident. It never happened. To me." They stare at him, mouths gaping. "I am John Sheppard. But not Col. Sheppard." He catches Elizabeth's eyes. "I'm Major Sheppard."

"Ah ha!" Rodney bellows from his bed. "Different timeline…an alternate reality. Sweet!" His sweaty, red face turns to Carson, mouth wide with a...well? The grin of a crazy man. "Didn't see that coming, didja!"

"Not now, Rodney," Carson snaps and Rodney's face falls into a petulant pout. Carson turns to Elizabeth. "Not time travel again."

John steps forward. "All I know is…where ever I'm from…I didn't survive the suicide mission to the Wraith hive ship." He catches Elizabeth's gaze again, holding her hostage with his hazel eyes. "The last real memory I have is of you. The look in your eyes as you told me to go."

Elizabeth gasps. "But the Daedalus."

"Didn't make it in time," John says. "If at all."

"You died?" Zelenka asks.

He shrugs. "I don't know. I'm still foggy on the rest of it."

"That's not possible. People don't die and then come back--" Carson starts but Rodney laughs.

"Dr. Jackson."

Elizabeth closes her eyes as the report plays over her mind. Not to mention her conversations with the archeologist. "Daniel Jackson. He ascended only to return to his prior human form, without his clothes or his memory to be exact."

"Quite literally stripped of his enlightenment," Carson says, nodding with understanding.

John nods, closing his eyes. "Chaya was banished to her planet, but remained ascended. She chose human form only to relate to others."

Elizabeth cringes at the mention of that particular Ancient and John notices. He offers a look of apology.

She's having difficulty grasping the situation. She knows what it's like, she met her own self, but it's hard to fathom the enormity of this situation. Two John Sheppards?

Caldwell's going to have a fit!

John's quiet for a long moment, seemingly looking into himself and remembering something new. He gets a serene look on his face and then smiles. "That's why she was always there," he says to himself.

Elizabeth's brows shoot up. "What?"

"Angela. I do know her…did…sort of." His eyes get a familiar dreamy quality. "She gave me a choice."

Elizabeth's confused for a moment—what else is new—then realization dawns on her. She finds herself searching for a place to sit. "She helped you ascend?"

"She can't do that, she's human," Carson says firmly.

"Obviously not in his timeline," Elizabeth notes.

"I'm getting a headache," Carson says rubbing his temples.

"Is like we are interconnected," Zelenka says as he molds his hands around an invisible circle. "Souls meant to touch meet but not same in all ways."

For some reason, that makes perfect sense to Elizabeth. What she learned from her own encounter with another self, is that most of the people she was meant to bring along on the expedition had gone the first time as well. If that was even the first time. There are so many possible outcomes that there could have been any number of attempts to get to the city only to fail. Or perhaps they made it and never woke the Wraith, only to be attacked and blindsided anyway.

Carson's right. She's getting a headache too.

John's brows crease and his eyes narrow. "I wish I could remember more. But I get the strangest feeling I didn't fit in there."

"Aye. You would rattle the chains of command, be sure."

"Not one to follow rules," John smirks.

"And according to Dr. Jackson," Elizabeth says. "The Ancients have a lot of those." Everyone's quiet, trying to let the information set in.

"Oh God," Elizabeth sighs as she drops onto a stool as something else occurs to her. A queasy, greasiness roils around in her stomach and her brain seems to float right out of her body. Why didn't she realize? He was so different. He looked confused. Lost even. Seems I'm always awake anymore. I keep finding myself wandering the halls.

"But…" Carson asks, interrupting her thoughts. "Why return to an alternate timeline?" He talks to Rodney. "You'd think that would be against the rules."

"What are you looking at me for?" Rodney whines. "He's the one who got all formless and glowy."

John's face scrunches up as he concentrates for a long moment. Then he shakes his head. "I got nothing."

Zelenka raises his hand. "I have theory." Everyone looks to him with hope. "Universe is infinite. New timelines for every decision made. If I understand…ascended know all? Yes?"

"Pretty much," Elizabeth offers.

"So as ascended you have choice to stay or go and choice…which reality to go."

"But this reality sucks!" Rodney yells. "I gotta get out of here. Carson let me go. I'm feeling much better now."

Carson goes to Rodney's side. "Not yet, Rodney, you're still in withdrawal."

"Cold turkey my ass." He struggles against the restraints again. "Gimme something. You gotta gimme some enzyme." He manages to sit up a little. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you. I knew it! Evil voodoo doctor!"

Carson looks over his shoulder. "He seemed lucid for a moment. Suppose that's something."

Elizabeth simply nods. Her gaze lands on John. All the things he said to her during their encounters take on new meanings now. His confusion, his need to talk to her.

Why are you here, John?

You died and… Atlantis was destroyed.

She brushed that off as a nightmare…but if she only listened instead of stopping him. She remembers how she placed her finger over his lips. How she begged him to make love to her when he was clearly overwhelmed.

He's staring at her, waiting for her to say something. She can see it in his beautiful eyes; that need for understanding. "You came to see me," she says.

"I did?"

All their halted conversations replay in her mind. I've wanted you for so long. Watched you. Her hands tremble as the realization takes hold. Her heartbeat races, pounding erratically in her chest. "All this time it was you. Not John."

He takes a step toward her. "I am John."

"No!" Standing abruptly, the stool slides out from under her and hits the wall. Everyone's watching her, but she only has eyes for one man. Something's…going to happen.

"Uh, yes he is," Zelenka says. "Remarkably."

John reaches for her. "Elizabeth--"

But she holds up both hands, putting space between her and this man…this other not-John… she backs away from everyone. She can barely feel her feet on the floor. Her mind's spinning and black spots creep in on her vision.

Still watching him as she edges for the door, she sees the concern in his eyes. The worry. The love for her. It's going to change everything. Possibly even how you feel about me.

He's John! Her mind screams.

No. Not my John. Some other Elizabeth's, in some other reality. He doesn't belong to me!

Yes he does. You love him. He loves you.

His voice rings clearly in her mind. When did you know you loved me?

When you left me…took the jumper…to save us all.

Does it really matter that he hasn't been here since then? That he's been…what? Hovering. Floating through eternity? He is John Sheppard. The moment she knew she loved him hasn't changed. The fact that she does love him hasn't changed.

He chose this timeline. He watched from his higher plain…and chose her.Tears spring to Elizabeth's eyes as she realizes how true that last part is. He asked her if she was willing to give up Atlantis to be with him. He had to know the risk he was taking would be worth it.

Because he was giving up immortality…

"You did it," she gasps. "For me…"

John's brows shoot up. "I did?" He makes an adorable face and adds more firmly: "I mean…I did."

Elizabeth laughs softly. Her hand flutters to her mouth as a happy sob escapes. With her eyes locked on his, Elizabeth rushes at him and kisses him with everything she has. She told him before that nothing would make her stop loving him. She meant it then and it still rings true in her heart. This is the man she loves.

"Dr. Weir!" Zelenka calls.

"Elizabeth!" Carson stammers.

"And you all think I'm crazy," Rodney huffs.

John's arms encircle her, pulling her close and he deepens the kiss. It's amazingly sweet and tender yet passionate beyond belief. Yes, this is the man she loves. This is my John Sheppard.

"Hey," Rodney says. "You're Samantha Carter…well, except that you're you and she's… well…blonde and all."

They break the kiss and turn their attention to Rodney along with everyone else. He's starting to drift off to sleep. Carson must have given him a sedative after his last outburst about voodoo. But being Rodney, he's too stubborn to simply give in and manages to ramble on even as he's falling asleep. "Orlin took human form because he fell in love with Sam. And who could blame him, I mean…"

"I do, you know." John says, catching Elizabeth's gaze. "Love you."

She smiles at him. "I know…Major. I love you too."

"Well it's about bloody time you two said something!" Carson sighs. "Oh…but what about the Colonel?" He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes tight. "I need an analgesic."

John grins. "If you want to call me Colonel--"

Elizabeth's eyes widen and she steps out of his grasp. "Oh God!" She looks to Carson. "She was right!"

Carson understands instantly. "Dear Lord, she was."

"Who?" Zelenka asks, looking very confused.

John grimaces. "Angie." He licks his lips, shakes his head and grips the back of his neck. "What have I done?"

"Well it would have helped if you hadn't come here without your bloody memory!" Carson hisses. "That poor lass..."

Elizabeth shoves her hands through her hair. "We have to get her back here. I have to tell her."

"No don't!" Rodney says bursting suddenly from sleep. Elizabeth looks at him, there's drool on his cheek and his eyes are nearly closed. "Entropic cascade failure…" he mumbles then his head lolls to the side and he's finally out.

"What was that?" John looks to Carson who shrugs.

Zelenka wags a finger. "ECF. Unusual side effect which emerges after several days of identical living matter co-existing within same dimensional universe."

"I don't understand," John says.

"ECF is direct result of person who has duplicate already in reality. Is marked by violent convulsions in the foreign matter—that would be you—phase shifting. A very painful death, I'm afraid."

"Colonel…I mean, Major," Carson starts. "Have you suffered any side effects that you recall?"

"Just a few memory flashes that I shouldn't be having…since they didn't happen to me." He shakes a finger. "Now that you mention it. There was this thing…felt like I was hit with a Wraith stunner."

"This is not phase shifting," Zelenka says. "And from report of Major Carter at SGC we know ECF occurs within hours or days." He shrugs. "There is only one reason has not happened in all time he's been here."

Elizabeth's heart shatters, for her and for Angie. "Col. Sheppard…our Sheppard…is dead."

oOo

She's exhausted, though trying to hide it. John keeps his arm wrapped around her waist, steadying Elizabeth as she leads the way to her quarters. He caught her crying silently and figures it's only right that she would grieve the loss of the John Sheppard from this reality. He is the one she knows.

And loves?

A person can go mad thinking about this. She knows him as well. For he is the same John Sheppard that raced up those stairs on that mission. He just never came back.

Until now.

And if she's right—which he feels deep down she is—and he gave up being immortal to return to her side, why couldn't he have remembered being ascended. Think of all the heartache he could have saved Angela…she never deserved this.

He remembers only glimpses of her from his original reality. Dr. Heightmeyer's words play over his mind and now it's a little frightening how true they are. She shined a light on you. The angel that came to offer him a chance at immortality over death by nuke.

It didn't take much convincing.

But that's where the memories go dark. He has nothing after that, save waking up in the infirmary the other day.

But Elizabeth said he came to her. He visited her.

"How many times?"

"What?" she asks, trying to stifle a yawn.

"How many times did I visit you?"

"Uh two…three."

They reach her room and she swipes her hand over the controls. The door slides open and they go inside. John sits her on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of her so he can untie her boots. "What did we talk about?"

Her tired gaze narrows on him. "You have no idea?" He shakes his head. She drops her eyes to her lap. "I think you tried to tell me…who you are…what you wanted. But I didn't want to hear it. I was just so happy to have you in my arms…" she shakes her head. John tilts her chin so he can look into her eyes. "I pretty much jumped you that first night," she says with an embarrassed laugh.

John's brows rise. "Really? You?"

She nods, still embarrassed. "Yeah me." She's staring at him, but it seems she's not seeing him, but looking past him. "I don't think it was real."

"What?"

She pulls her gaze back, now looking directly at him. "I mean…it felt real. Very real." A little giggle and she blushes slightly. "Amazingly real." Another head shake. "I don't think it was…" Her brows crease and she nibbles on her bottom lip. "I think…you came into my head. Into my dreams. When I was sleeping."

"That's invasive."

Her hand cups his cheek, rounding his chin. She's warm and loving. "No…it was perfect." Her brows crease again. "Maybe it was necessary."

John slips her boots and socks off and sets them aside. "You mean because of the rules."

She shrugs. "Maybe."

"So…I gave up immorality to be with you. That's either terribly romantic or insanely obsessive."

She grins as she kisses his lips lightly. "I'll stick with romantic." John pulls away from her. He stands up, takes a deep breath and paces a bit. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Well…what about him?" he asks. She looks confused. "The other…me. He is the one from this timeline. You've known him longer…"

Her eyes slowly close and she hangs her head. For a moment he thinks she might have actually fallen asleep but then she lifts her gaze to meet his. The jade green has a new light behind it. A passionate fire. Sliding off the bed, she stands before him and takes his hand, placing it over her heart. "Feel that?"

It's beating rapidly.

"Yes."

"That's for you." She links her fingers with his. "There is a difference between you and Col. Sheppard."

"Aside from rank…and brain chemistry?"

She nods, still holding his gaze. "You wanted me to risk Atlantis and I said yes."

"So?"

"I told him I wouldn't."

John doesn't get that for a moment. By all rights, she told the other him 'yes' because she believed that's who asked her.

Elizabeth grasps his face in her hands and pulls him in for a searing kiss and all other thoughts disappear.

Yeah, okay, I can live with that.

Her hands drift over his shoulders before slowly gliding down his chest, taking the scenic route to the base of his shirt. The warm skin on skin contact at his waist prompts his own exploration.

Elizabeth pushes his shirt up with her hands, only to bring her mouth down to his belly and start kissing and licking at him on the way up. She gently captures a nipple between her teeth and John nearly falls over from the sensation. Then she slides her tongue to the other side and gives him some more of that blissful torture.

John pulls off his shirt as she continues to explore his chest with her hands and mouth. He's intent on enjoying every second he has with this woman.

When she brings her lips back up to graze his, John turns the tables on her by copying her recent moves. Her head falls back as a deep moan escapes when he captures her with his teeth as she did him. John attacks her neck with the same fervor, lavishing nips and kisses as he sucks every tender spot he can find.

Suddenly her hand is inside his pants. He never even felt her undo them, but she's got him in her grip now, and his mind goes completely blank. All that matters is the feel of her palm against his skin, her fingers teasing him in all the right places. When she cups him, that's when he looses it.

Breathing hard, he takes her lips with his, battles her tongue eagerly as he scrambles to get her pants undone, his fingers fumbling with the button and zipper.

Elizabeth keeps working her magic inside his pants. "Stop," he groans. She doesn't. He yanks her head back by her hair. "I won't make it."

She grins wickedly at him. "Do your best…Major." And she continues massaging him.

John can never resist a challenge. Grasping her wrist, he removes her hand from his pants, steps back and strips completely as she watches with wild eyes and that wicked grin. He waits as she does the same, only she takes more time to get out of her panties. Then she tosses them at him. John can feel how wet they are and it makes him so damn hard. Once free of their clothes, John steps right back into his last position, grips her wrist again and guides her hand back to where she had it. "Do you're best…ma'am," he says, once again attacking her neck with his mouth, her breasts with his hands.

Elizabeth chuckles deep in her throat, but it soon turns to a heady moan when one of his hands glides down her body and finds her swollen and tender.

She has both hands on him now, stroking and pulling, fingers tickling…oh god!

He's got his fingers working on her the same way, pulling gasp after gasp from her. "John…" she sighs. "Now. I need you inside me."

"No," he pants. "Keep going."

And they do. Hands and fingers playing at each other as they lock mouths and bathe tongues.

Her grip tightens, moving faster, urging him to cum and he slips his fingers inside her, doing the exact same thing.

He smiles triumphantly as she cries out first, trembling against his hand. He follows shortly afterward, happy he met his challenge with honor and dignity.

John guides Elizabeth to the bed and lays down next to her, face to face. They kiss and touch tenderly, just staring at each other for a long time. "So," he says finally. "Will it ever be as good as in your dreams?"

"Well," Elizabeth smiles as she maneuvers him onto his back and starts kissing his chest again, rummaging her fingers through his hair. "Practice makes perfect as the saying goes." She continues kissing him lower. "And we've only just started," she grins wickedly again.

Her kisses make a trail down to his belly and lower…only to stop. He sees her smiling again as she slides down his legs, rubbing her breast over him in such a tantalizing manner he can't suppress a groan of desire and expectation. Only, he should know by now, Elizabeth defies expectations. He suddenly feels the tip of her tongue on the inside of his right knee…way lower than he'd hoped, and yet, as she starts licking her way back up…

John's breath catches. There's something very familiar about all this.