Circle of Fate and Pain
by Elliot Bowers
"Close Your Eyes; You Can Be a Space Captain"
lyrics by The Legendary Pink Dots
vocal by Edward Ka Spel
Chapter 13—And Somebody Else
1.
Where did I go? I don't know. Something really bad happened to me. Maybe I should be dead Because... Is this what dead people feel like? But, if my brain still works, I'm still thinking, it must mean something.
What does it mean? Thinking that, the girl was just barely aware of anything—emerging from a prolonged darkness of unconsciousness. Something was done to her to make her mind go dark for a while…. She felt a bit strange as her sense of self was beginning to come back. Now the girl was feeling herself awaken again. It was everything getting started. This was the rekindling of the light in her mind. Memories were coming quickly back…
She remembered her name. And she remembered that she was not human. Yet the replicate-girl preferred to think of herself that way, pretending to be "human"—even if she was just a very complicated machine, made by machines. Though her body from the neck down had the look of tight-fitting feminine armor, it was thoroughly robotic inside. As for her face, it was made of synthetic flesh. For the long dark hair flowing from her scalp, it was long polymer strands.
Unlike other replicates, all of them with short-cut hair, Sieben's own hair was long and luxurious, cascading midway down her back when she let it lay loose. It was one more personal reason why Sieben was unlike all the other replicates of Gally, along with her stronger sense of young womanhood and care for others. Sieben was the opposite of Sechs—the nightmarish replicate seeking dominance, mastery and destructionof all other replicates.
Now that Sieben knew who she was, there came awareness of her body and herself. Something had happened to her. What was it? It was something terrible. It was a nightmare that happened. There was only one nightmare she knew of, a walking nightmare...
Sechs happened! "No-o-o!" shrieked the girl, frightened out of her dazed state tosit up on the table, her big dark eyes popping open. Her robotic hands went to feel for her own neck—a slender neck with parts reminiscent of human neck muscles, long metal parts, her throat made of a segmented tube. The last thing the replicate-girl remembered was the feeling of her own neck being broken apart when Sechs killed her. That feeling of destruction was also matched with becoming painfully separated from her own body. And maybe it could happen again—a hand to reach out to take her head again... Someone was here!
Sieben hopped off of the table, nearly slipped when her bare metal feet hit the hard floor. Her feet were bare because the rest of her was also without clothing, not that there was anything to hide but shaped sections of metal. She ducked to kneel behind the raised and padded work-table illuminated by the spotlight. The replicate-girl did not want to be killed again—a terrible image of a huge-armed metal nightmare leaping out from the darkness to get her...!
Still ducking, a worried look on her synthetic face, the replicate-girl looked around. Her long dark silky hair barely making whispers of sound as she quick-turned her head left, then right and looking around this place in darkness. And the darkness beyond the light of this table made it very difficult to see.
Other than the long and padded work-table illuminated by a spotlight, there seemed to be almost no light here. Sieben held her breathing and looked around. Because her insides were completely robotic, her brain a semi-electronic bio-chip, the replicate-girl did not need to breathe. She only breathed for the sake of helping keep her internal components cooled and to pass air through her throat-component for the sake of speaking. Speaking was something she would not do right now. The thing to do was duck behind here very, very quietly.
Sieben heard wind. It was a wind in surrounding darkness. Funny, she never really noticed it before, since it was just background-sound. Now it seemed to be one of the most frightening thing about this place since it could cover up the sound of that Sechs-replicate. Something could step out of the darkness beyond the light shining on this work-table...
Fwick! Oh no! Still kneeling, the replicate-girl pivoted around. It was because a light flashed on behind her—becoming a steady glow. Another spotlight had come on. Now it was shining on a stranger, a curly haired man dressed in slacks and blue tee-shirt, a slightly muscular man dressed in tee shirt and slacks. He seemed to be human—a fleshie—as his bared arms and neck were flesh.
Sieben worried less about fleshies than she did about cyborgs or other replicates. Cyborgs were more likely to be physically brave and reckless because a cyborg's body parts could be easily replaced. Fleshie body parts, they were swapped out with metal parts—or made cyborgs. All the same, she had to be careful.
"Wa-hey-y-y!" cheered the curly haired man in tee-shirt and slacks, the one Sieben ducked from. He saw the top of the replicate-girl's dark-haired head pop up from hiding, her big eyes open and staring, "There's nothing here that is going to hurt you—because I said so. This here space is my domain—my own little pocket of reality. And, dude-ette, it took a lo-o-ong time for me to make it, let me tell you! When we return to the city, then you can worry. Not now, though."
Sieben carefully stood up. And she noticed that, as she stood, a portion of spotlight seemed to be shining on herself as well. But how...? Where was the light coming from? She looked up into the darkness and saw no apparent source of light. It was coming from nowhere...
What a strange place this is, then. Strange, but it was friendly—like that man. In her mind was the idea that the man could be trusted. It also seemed as if he was the one responsible for her being repaired. "Okay," she voiced. "So, like... Who are you? What is this place?"
She saw a worried look flashed across the man's face as he...blurred a little. His voice changed as well. What's going on, came the thought. What did I say?
"The breeze...speaks beyond itself. Dream into the truth. Everything you can think of is true. Beyond the darkness of one universe, ghosts made real, going beyond the... The breeze blows. Aia-a-aia-a-agh...!" He collapsed to kneel on one knees, and the wind began to how-w-wl "No!" exclaimed the man as...everything returned to normal.
"Like... What just happened!" voiced Sieben, feeling a little dizzy. Everything had been becoming blurry and disorienting for a while. It eventually stopped with him standing there with both hands on his head as if having a mind-twisting headache. "Could you please not ask questions like that?" asked the man. "Any time anybody asks me about this place, it makes me think about it. The only way to keep it existing is to take it for granted. It's like breathing...or swallowing food. If you think about it, it becomes trouble. So don't make me think about it, okay?
"Now... You're asking me, what is this place? If you want something that even comes close to a real answer, this place is nowhere—and no-when. Where this place is also happens to be connected to when this place is. The bigger question would be how this place is. And whenever I get hit with a question like that, I find it really, really hard to keep things normal here. This is just my little pocket of reality. It took a Hell of a lot of trouble to set up stuff like karma and normal light, too. I had to steal some machinery from Doc Nova's lab to do this.
"Even with machinery running, it still takes effort to keep this place seeming 'real.' And the only way I can keep it 'real' and normal is by thinking of it that way. The machinery that maintains the fabric of reality within this room partially runs on my thoughts. Whenever someone asks me to think too hard about this place, though, things can get a little blurry. And if I was to fall asleep, just maybe this room wouldn't exist for a little while. So please don't ask about how this room exists until we get back to the border town."
"Are we going back to the border town?" asked Sieben. "Good! I wanna get back to Kyrie! I hope she's okay..."
"Well, we'll just have to go and see," said the curly haired man. "Except it might not be your Kyrie you have in mind. Yeah, and there's another me probably walking around, too. By the way, if you want to call me by a name, I'm Jack Bent."
"Jack Bent?" asked Sieben. Hanging around the city, she had heard the name before in a bar somewhere. That bar was in a grittier part of town. Then again, there were an awful lot of gritty parts of town. Wasn't he some kind of criminal?
"Now follow me very carefully," he added. That said, the curly haired man in tee shirt and slacks turned to face the surrounding darkness. He walked into it. Now the glow of the spotlight shining down on him indirectly illuminated a wall that seemed to be made of rusty metal blocks. Then came a doorway. Opened up, wonderful golden sunset-colored sunlight shone through.
It looked...beautiful. There was sunset-colored light coming from the open door, warm and golden. The sunset-colored glow also lit up the rest of the room—which turned out to actually be just the size of a living room. Sieben also saw that the rest of the walls were made of rusty metal blocks, the floor made of square ceramic tiles. The low ceiling had all kinds of wires and parts loose. But if the ceiling just had wires and machine-parts, where did that spotlight coming from?
"Please come on," said Jack Bent. "I really don't know how long I can keep the door between here and there open. It could close up, and we could be stuck here for at least three thousand years."
Sieben moved to follow. There was something about the light coming from the open doorway that made her feel much better. Somehow, being in this dark place was giving her a low and troubled sort of feeling to begin with—the feeling lifted on seeing that light. Jack Bent disappeared into the doorway...disappeared. Sieben tried to stop and go back—but found that...the way back was gone. Sunset-colored blurs overcame her...and then...
A blink of her eyes, the replicate-girl was standing on a carpeted floor--swaying on her feet. She regained her balance after getting readjusted to things—and realizing that she was now wearing footwear. In fact, the replicate-girl now had on a full set of clothing.
A look down revealed that it was a neat pair of light footwear, along with tight-fitting jeans and a sleeveless top that left her arms bare. It was an outfit that clung to her physique, showing off the shape of her body without exposing it. Where did this outfit come from? It wasn't that Sieben would have preferred to walk around naked—as if there was much to hide. Still, between Jack Bent's place and appearing here, the clothes had come from somewhere.
This place, it looked like a typical bar. There were circular tables placed throughout this main room, tables made of polished wood—which must be expensive. At the far end, the square windows high up on the brick wall let in that sunset-colored light. The drinking bar was to her right. Then came the rhythmic sounds of music.
She turned around. There was a raised stage behind her, three men standing and sitting: one standing at a microphone-stand, a second behind some synthesizers, and a third one with an electronic guitar. "Hey there! Come have a seat," shouted Jack Bent, speaking loudly above the beginnings of the music. "The show has just begun--again!" He gave a come over here sort of gesture with his right arm. Sieben remembered that gesture. Someone made that gesture somewhere else before she entered a dark place... It made her shudder.
All the same, she sat down in the seat, thighs together, hands lightly on her knees, feeling a little bit shaky as she was still getting readjusted to being in her body again. Then she crossed her legs. A toss of her head and a gentle motion of her left hand, she got some hair away from her eyes.
The rhythm, gentle drums and synthesizer of the music was warming up—the occasional shake sound of maracas. It went on for another second, then man at the microphone began to chant dark lyrics: a man in trench-coat, sunglasses on, and with the strangest scar Sieben had ever seen.
Uncertain when the idea ca-a-a-ame.
Was maybe...in a fit of anger,
Or maybe in a dre-e-am.
But promises of miracles of old forgotten plans!
They wallow,
...rotten in filth.
No hopes, no goals...
No-o-o redemption!
A song bereft of passion!
A fetus in the sink!
The stink of days'-old whiskey on his breath...
Death breath.
Death breath...
Waiting for catharsis,
...Or waiting for a bla-a-ade!
A sa-a-vior to call the close and pull the final curtain down!
Wait in silence...
And peacefully she tiptoed across the room
And took his ha-a-and.
White-haired lady in the moonlight!
Supple skin, lightly tanned...
Lowering the bottle!
With an ounce of courage gently voicing,
Encouraging
Take them now-w-w-w
Finish it...
Sieben looked left, slightly tilting her head. She saw that Jack Bent was nodding his head in rhythm to the music. He seemed to be especially into the rhythm, enjoying it—mouth moving along with the lyrics. Was he feeling something in it, too?
Then she began to feel something else in the music herself, beginning to feel...strange. Up on stage, the singing man in the trenchcoat was wearing sunglasses in this bar. Yet she had the idea that he could see everything. The lyrics he was singing also seemed to connect exactly with her. The strangeness began to feel a little good, as if the music was resonating with something inside of her.
"Hey... It's a good time to go," said Jack Bent, speaking slightly louder than the music. Sieben didn't want to go. Yet the replicate-girl had to go. She stood and followed. There was a doorway. "We're going next door," he explained to her. "It's just over there..."
2.
Sieben felt a strange and slightly disturbing shudder pass through her body when she passed through the door. It was enough to make her blink and stagger, feeling lost and confused for the space of a second. Something else was also different.
Looking down, the replicate-girl now saw that she was suddenly dressed in a different outfit. Now she was dressed in ankle-boots with dark stockings that clinging to the lengths of her legs, a leather skirt clinging over her hips, worn with a close-fitting blue blouse. For some modesty, a loose gold-colored jacket was on her and worn open. Her hair also had a slightly fuller feeling to it, the sort of feeling it had when styled. Metal fingers gently to her own long silky dark hair, she wondered, How could something like this happen...?
What was it that he said…? Oh yes, he had said that they were going "next door." In fact, this place actually was another night-club. This was a large room with dim colored lights along the periphery and low blue lighting for illumination in the middle, a dance floor. A few couples were slow-dancing on that dance-floor while more people sat at tables at the far opposite end. And here she was, standing by the wall.
Jack Bent seemed not to be anywhere around. Damn... She wanted to ask him something like, How the Hell did you do that? But there was no asking of Hell-oriented questions because the curly haired man just wasn't here. Maybe he tripped on the way through the door? So she looked back... There was no door there now. So how did she get here? How did she get here? Somehow, Sieben had the idea that it had been more than just an ordinary doorway.
Other things didn't make too much sense, either. First, her clothes and hair change on her—into clothes more fitting a young lady out for night-club socializing...or the clothing of a young prostitute. That was, except for the gold-colored leather jacket. Sieben never saw any prostitutes wear gold-colored leather jackets. Now the doorway that she just stepped through was not there any more. There was just a beige-painted concrete wall of this club. Jack Bent was nowhere in sight.
But someone else familiar wasin sight. Looking beyond the few tall dancing couples, looking at the tables across the way, Sieben saw herself. Yes, the replicate-girl was seeing herself sitting at one of the night-club tables. Sitting with her—herself—was none other than petite and beautiful Kyrie. Both Kyrie and her-self were looking at the stage—where the musicians were playing and singing the music. Kyrie, petite and delicately beautiful Kyrie...
Even from across the room, Sieben could see Kyrie's delicate beauty with the big pretty gold-colored eyes, her face framed with moonsilk-pale hair—hair that was brushed to cascade behind her slender jacket-covered back. Her legs were left bare by the shorts she wore. Kyrie... Sieben was sitting with Kyrie.
No, that would be another Sieben sitting with Kyrie. This Sieben saw that she had on a very similar outfit to her own self, excepting the jacket and the purse. Sieben here did not have her little purse. That Sieben over there had the purse. And the other Sieben had on a dark leather jacket. Otherwise, the outfits were identical: the same mini-boots and stockings, same skirt with dark blue blouse, same hair-style. The replicate-girl could not believe this, let on believe what was happening.
Maybe this wasn't happening. Maybe a closer look would help her figure this out. She took a few steps onto the night-club dance-floor in trying to get over to where she was sitting with Kyrie. Then came...horizontal static lines crossing her vision. Mixed with it was some kind of reddish glow. More static filled her hearing. Warning signals were going off in her computer-mind.
Thinking better of it, Sieben did her best to go back and away—staggering backwards…she immediately felt better. So approaching her own self was not a good idea? All that the replicate girl could do was look across this dimly lit night-club and look at beautiful Kyrie sitting with another Sieben. It made her just so upset. That, and there was a lingering feeling of uneasiness from that interference with her own mind.
Like, somebody is fooling around with my head! As more gentle music began playing out from the stage and the couples kept dancing on the dance-floor, that was the only explanation that Sieben could think up. Somebody figured out how to hack into the circuitry of my mind and is screwing around inside me. After all, my brain's just a computer anyway, replicated bio-chip. Somebody figured it out and is screwing me over. So who's screwing with my brain? Who could it be, indeed…? Then Sieben saw the midgets.
There were those strange short muscular men, crouching by the raised stage. Her electronic eyes allowed her to seem them even as they blended in with the dim shadows by the stage. No one else here seemed to see them—or mind them. Except Sieben could see them. Maybe nobody else in this night club noticed them, but she could see them. One of them gave a slow wave of an arm. Meaning, they knew that she could see them. A slight...burst of static acknowledged this.
"Ow-w-w-w...!" she exclaimed. Yet her voiced complaint lost in the music. The interference was making her stagger sideways, away from the direction of the stage . One of those muscular mutant-midgets in coveralls broke away from the rest to begin walking along the wall in coming over here. The creature also had a strange device in his left hand, something made of rusted metal and with dull red lights glowing on the underside.
Sieben had the idea that the creature's intents were dark and cruel—that he wanted to hurt her. As he came closer with the rusty metal device, Sieben could feel the interference intensifying. The replicate-girl turned and did her best to move quickly towards the exit, stumbling once but getting up to get on out of here...
Whamp! The double-doors slapped open as Sieben stumbled out of the club with all the gangliness of someone intoxicated, stepping out onto the city sidewalk next to the street. Those...mutants had been the cause of the interference in her mind, whoever or what-ever those mutants were. This replicate-girl never remembered hearing anything about those guys. And since her mind was partially programmed in Zalem, she would have likely "remembered" there being such things. Zalem knew almost everything about what went on here at the ground level, partially because of those flying eyeball-creatures and partially because of there being robotic overseer around every other corner.
Speaking of Net-men, she really ought to let them know that those short guys in coveralls were walking around the city, using some kind of illegal ability to interfere with replicates' computer-brains! Sieben looked left and right in the hope of spotting one of those Net-men or something. She would tell them all about how if the Factory was ever going to make replicate-people like her, they ought to be on the lookout for short guys in gold coveralls. She looked past the people walking along this city sidewalk. Now where could they be...? Something was not right about this.
Then she knew. It was the sun. Though everything else seemed to be in place, there was something wrong with how the sun was shining. Or it was how the sun was not shining, at least not as brightly as it should. She looked up at the sky and expected a view of things going into sunset. If daylight was getting to be this color, it should be… Right?
It was not. The sun's position was just barely past afternoon. And since this city was in the desert, it ought to be full daylight right now. It wasn't. Yet the day was already beginning to take on those deep glowing orange tones. It was as if the sun itself was fading off or something. But that couldn't be right... The sun just does not begin to fade out. It's supposed to last another two billion years or something.
It could also be because of some kind of new air pollution that made the sun look as if it was getting dimmer and more golden in color. Air pollution could do that, make for early and more beautiful sunsets.
Sieben remembered seeing sunsets on days after a nuclear fusion-plant malfunctioned and exploded deeper within Scrap Iron City: The skies over the area were contaminated with radioactive and toxic dust that cause a lot of fleshies to sicken and die, more of them developing skin tumors and dying later. The replicate-girl also remembered that the sunsets of those days were some of the most beautiful sunsets she had ever seen. Right now, sunlight was taking on early sunset colors—which could likely mean that something was going wrong. "Hey Sieben!"
"Eek!" shrieked this replicate-girl in leather skirt and gold-colored jacket, hopping to the right. It took a full few seconds for her to realize that it was just Jack Bent now standing here. "Don't do that!" she screamed. "For real! Where the Hell did you jump out from, anyway?"
He shrugged. "Well, you're not too far off from the truth. Anyway, I was just waiting around for you..." The curly haired man in tee shirt and slacks jerked a thumb towards the night-club. "Did you see something...wrong in there? Namely, did you see yourself—dressed in a very similar way?" Then he looked Sieben once over, from her mini-boots and stockings-clad legs to leather skirt and tight-fitting top, a gold-colored jacket worn with everything. Her hair had also changed. Sieben was very nice to look at—especially to male eyes. But that wasn't the point. "Nice outfit! Did you notice that you've changed?"
"Like, of course!" exclaimed Sieben, her eyes wide. She had that tone of voice used in expressing the most obvious of facts. Then the replicate-girl looked around as if there could be something listening she would prefer not to be listening. "Listen... What's going on here? How could that be me in there? I was standing in one place, and then I saw myself sitting with Kyrie..." She saw Jack Bent clutch his head and wince. "Hey, what's wrong?"
The curly haired man put up his left hand in a stop gesture. "Remember...what I told you about asking me questions like that?" His eyes stopped squinching. "I could try and give you a simple explanation, but then I'd start to lose myself—like in the room. All I can say is, those short guys in gold-colored coveralls...and this weather, it has something to do with karma. Someone screwed up, fooling around with karma, now things are a little out of whack." He looked up at the sky, then looked around. "Nah... I'm looking around and I just changed my mind. Make that, a lot out of whack. None of this is supposed to have happened. Did you know that?"
"I don't understand..." said Sieben. She looked around some more at the local cityscape, was again reminded of how the sunlight was the wrong kind of color for this time of day—things being a little out of whack. There was no way that the sunlight was supposed to be like this at this time of day. Okay... So things were a lot out of whack, what could that mean? And this strange man just said something about it having to do with karma. Karma was supposed to be one of the basic forces in the universe. "What does karma have to do with those weird guys in gold coveralls?"
"Well, I don't understand everything myself," said Jack Bent. "I'm just saying... We've got somebody humping around with some of the most basic forces of the universe itself. Here's how I'd try and explain it." He put up both hands and began gesturing as if he was holding an imaginary net. "Think of the universe as just some kind of net, holding all the groovy laws of physics in place: light, gravity, the existence of atoms and subatomic particles... All that stuff.
"How does it exist? Better yet, why does it exist? Scientists know reality exists. But do they ever explain why reality exists. There's some kind of mystical force that holds atoms together—electrons whirling like crazy around nuclei. Then the atoms sort of stick together. Atoms jive together to make up stuff. I mean planets and stuff. Planets, they get exposed to light and have heat inside and go around stars—most of the time.
"But all of this makes sense... Too much sense. How the heck does everything keep making sense? I'll tell you what I think.
"Does anyone ever stop to wonder how or why the universe makes too much sense? It's like there's something behind it is keeping everything from leaking and breaking down. Reality is solid and reliable stuff. Well, it's solid so long as crazy headed, flan-eating scientists don't figure out how to rip reality's fabric.
"And guess what? That jokester finally did figure out to rip open the fabric of reality. That's right. He took some fancy machines, started eating some flan, then he pressed some big red button. The machines also ended up doing another thing. And we're living with the results."
Sieben spoke up. "Like... What kind of machines can do that? I thought that sort of technology stuff could only exist in the days before the Interplanetary Wars. Like, how can it be true? And those little guys in the gold-colored coveralls... They don't make any sense."
"Things don't have to make sense to us any more," explained Jack Bent. "That's the point! When you rip the fabric of reality, things are bound to change. Those little bastards don't make any sense. Walking through doorways and finding yourself in an alternate reality, that doesn't have to make sense. And I'll tell you what...! As things just keep going on, things are just keep going to make less and less sense if this keeps up. Remember when I said the universe is some kind of invisible net? You tear a little hole in the fabric, and we all know what happens to things when they tear a little at first. Yup... You rip one hole. Then that rip just keeps getting wider and wider...until the whole darned thing ends up with every person being torn apart with nightmares and dreams."
Sieben suddenly felt a little sick with fear and dread. Something very, very wrong was going on now. Here was this curly haired man telling her the truth—which was terrible. Forget Zalem and all its rich citizens above the suffering of the world. Forget about the Geo-Catastrophe... Forget about all that because this was the end of the world.
It wasn't bad enough that humanity spent centuries trying to wreck the planet to the point where most animals were made extinct, centuries of warfare and toxic pollution. Now someone was fooling around with karma itself somehow. Clack! She stomped one of her mini-booted feet. The gesture also caused her jacket and hair to jiggle a little. "So what can we do about it? All I know is that there's another me walking around with my Kyrie. And that other me isn't just another replicate. It's like..." The replicate-girl crossed her sleeves-covered lithe arms as if to hug herself. "Like...I can feel it's me. But I'm supposed to be me, right? And when I tried to get close, bad things started to happen to me."
Jack Bent nodded—then winced. "Ach... I just had a hit of pain in my head." He still squinted an eye and said, "It would be best if we got out and away from here before you run into yourself. By the way, your own self would not want to see you. Your other self would see you as probably being a monster or something."
"Huh!" exclaimed Sieben. She put her hands to her face: robotic hands with metal fingers touching the synthetic flesh of her face. "A monster? How? My face doesn't feel changed. I know my clothes and hair changed. Kyrie didn't think I was a monster… Lots of people once told me that I'm very pretty in a cute sort of way…"
"No... Hey! It's not like that. You still look like you—still cute and beautiful. It's just that your other you will just see something that threatens its life," explained Jack Bent. "I've heard that something like this was supposed to happen. We've got to go—for real."
"Yeah, you're right and stuff," agreed Sieben. She looked around once, returned her gaze to Jack Bent. "Okay... Like, where can we go? Are those weird guys anywhere...?" The replicate-girl asked these questions aloud. She also asked herself how and why Jack Bent knew so much about why things like this were happening.
Jack Bent gently took hold of Sieben's left elbow with a hand and began leading her away. The two were now going along the sidewalk with Jack Bent doing his best not to let the sunset-colored sunlight directly glowing into his eyes. "Listen to this. I ought to be asking you that question, about where we can go. So think about it. If that other you is going to do exactly what you remember doing before, then you know what you are going to do in this universe." By now, their walking brought them to the intersection. This was where they could more safely cross the street.