Sorry I didn't get this chapter up sooner! I've been busy!

Bad Ice Cream

Lance was in the kitchen finishing his dinner when he heard the door bang open and slam shut. He saw Todd walk by looking really perturbed.

"Did you find Pietro?" Lance asked him.

"Screw you!" Todd snarled as he stomped up the stairs.

"O-kay." Lance didn't say anything since it was obvious something must've happened between the two of them. As Lance searched through the refrigerator for some desert he was pretty sure he could here things breaking and furious screams coming from upstairs. He found the last scoop of Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer and decided to finish it off. He saw Todd come back down the stairs again breathing heavily. He went into the living room, sat down, and turned on the television. Lance decided to risk the question.

"So did you find him?" Lance asked from the kitchen. There was a long pause before...

"Yes," Todd finally spat out.

"How come you didn't bring him back with you?" Another long pause.

"He was..." Todd had difficulty getting the right words out. "...tied up at the moment."

"What was he doing? Where was he?"

"Drunk in an alleyway." Todd knew this because he had smelled the liquor on Pietro.

Lance did a double take. "What? Toad, why didn't you do something?"

Todd gave him a scornful look. "What do I look like his babysitter?"

Lance frowned. "He could get in serious trouble. Or worse, he might get hurt."

"Yeah? Well good!" Todd said fiercely.

"I want you to go back out there right now and don't come back until you bring his skinny little a$$ back home!" Lance ordered.

"Do it yourself!" Todd said in a hard voice.

Lance groaned in frustration. He could understand the fact that Todd was still mad at Pietro for alot of reasons, that didn't mean he should just leave him lying in the gutter. At that moment he wanted to pound the little frog for acting so resentful towards him for no reason what so ever. He decided to eat his ice cream and give time for both of them to cool off. Lance sat down at the table and took up a spoon.

"Don't do it!"

Lance froze, his arm thrust back, his hand gripping a spoon ready to be plunged into the soft ice cream, and looked around. "Eh?"

"Down here idiot!" Lance looked down and saw two marshmallow eyes and a chopped walnut mouth grinning up at him from the chocolaty surface. "What up? Besides your ugly face I mean."

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Lance: Wait! Hold it! What's with the talking ice cream?

Pietro: Yeah Blue, what's up with that?

Todd: I'm kind of lost too.

BN: I can't say I didn't expect this.

Lance: Would you mind explaining why this is happening.

BN: Alright, alright. (turns to face readers) You're all probably wondering why Lance's ice cream is talking to him. Let's go back a couple hours shall we?

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(One or two hours earlier...)

Lance was at the grocery store shopping for food just like he agreed with Todd. He had come alone not wanting Fred to eat everything in the store. Unbenounced to him two teenagers had come into the store to escape a cop who was trailing them for carrying around illegal shrooms. They were passing the food section when they saw the police officer approaching them. They hastily dumped the tiny bag of shrooms into the store mushrooms and threw the bag away. The police officer approached them and they tried not to look guilty.

"I'm gonna have to ask you boys to come with me."

"Why?" One of the guys asked. The officer stooped down and picked up a small piece of mushroom. The two boys looked at each other in dismay.

"Come on." The officer said as he lead the two boys away. Moments later Lance walked up to the mushroom pile.

"Hmm, we haven't had these in awhile. I think I'll get some. Maybe I can make some cream of mushroom soup for dinner." And with that he grabbed a bag and loaded some into the cart.

(Back to the present...)

"Are you talking to me?" Lance asked the bowl of ice cream.

"No stupid," its voice was ladened with sarcasm. "I'm talking to that big block of cheese behind you."

Lance blinked. "Isn't that the refrigerator used to be?"

"What refrigerator?"

"Wait how are you talking to me?" Lance looked at it stupidly. "You're ice cream. You're not supposed to talk."

"Your mom."

"I don't have a mom."

"Oh boo hoo. I'm ice cream so I don't technically have a mom either. Well there was that cow in Iowa, but anyway."

"Remind me again why I'm not eating you?" Lance asked. "And why is the room purple?"

In the living room Todd was watching a commercial on the television set. "Mr. Owl, how many mushrooms does it take to get high?" "PURPLE!" The world may never know...

"These public service announcements are becoming horrendous." Todd said.

If the ice cream had shoulders, it would have shrugged. "I have no idea."

"I'm high, aren't I?" Lance said.

It rolled it's marshmallow eyes. "No, it's perfectly normal for people to talk to their ice cream."

"What do you want with me?"

"Oh little boy, do want to know a se-ca-ret? Because I know one and it is sooooooo good to hear." The ice cream suddenly burst into song. "I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know!"

"Just tell me your secret already," said Lance impatiently. "You're starting to melt."

"Alright, I will tell you what it schwas. I know how to count all the way to purple."

Lance's mouth dropped open. "Wha?"

It laughed. "I'm kidding. Okay here's for real. Your little Kitty has been hobnobbing with your little Toad friend."

"That's stupid."

"You're stupid."

"You were probably locked up in a freezer at K-Mart! How would you know this?"

"I have my resources!"

"And why would I take you seriously? You're ice cream!"

The ice cream started laughing. "Kind of ironic isn't it?"

"What? That my best friend is cheating with my girlfriend behind my back?" Lance asked.

"No, because you're talking to Rocky Road ice cream." It snickered. "Get it? Rocky Road. And your powers to make earthquakes... you know... with rocks? Hehehe, rocks... you know, hehehe... it's just..." Lance just stared blankly at the ice cream. "Hehehe... fine, go to hell."

"I'm sorry but I just didn't really find it that funny."

"Like it's my fault you're a walking pun."

"Like it's my fault you're a frozen dairy product!"

"Lance, who are you talking to?" Todd called from the living room.

"The ice cream from the nether world!" Lance shouted.

"Well if you're going to talk to an inanimate object I would suggest a wall, they listen better." Todd recommended.

"You got that right." One of the walls said in a deep black man's voice.

"Anyway, back on subject," the ice cream said irritably. "Your friend is macking out with your girlfriend."

"How would you know?" Lance shouted.

"I followed them!"

"You don't have legs!"

"Now I do," the ice cream said standing up on two little stick legs.

"Augh!" Lance screamed. "Ice cream loose in the house!"

"Ice cream?" Fred poked his head in looking eager. Suddenly there was a ringing.

"The salami's ringing." The ice cream announced.

"Don't you think I know that?" Lance picked up the salami which was in truth the phone. "Hello?"

Lance?

"Pietro is that you?" Lance asked in surprise.

Yeah man, I'm in jail. Can you come and bail me out?

"What are you doing in jail?" Lance asked though he probably had an idea by the slur of Pietro's speech.

Cops caught me drinking.

"Again? Wait, how did they catch you?" Lance asked in confusion.

Dunno. Guess I passed out or something.

"Pietro, I told you not to do that anymore." Lance said in exasperation.

Sorry.

"You just wait. I'm coming over there and giving you a right what for."

Huh?

"Never mind. I'll be right there." Lance hung up the phone. As he headed out of the kitchen Fred was eating Lance's ice cream.

"I'll be back!" It screamed. Lance walked by Todd who was still sitting in the living room watching television.

"Great job Toad!" Lance told him. "Now, thanks to you, I have to go down town to pick up Pietro."

"How is that my fault?" Todd asked dubiously.

"If you would have just brought him home earlier I wouldn't have to bail him out of jail!" Lance snapped.

"If he hadn't gotten so buzzed they wouldn't have put him in the joint in the first place!" Todd snapped back at him.

"You are becoming a real pain you know that?" Lance slammed the door shut behind him before Todd could say another word. He looked to see that his car was gone. Tabitha must've borrowed it again. Scratch that. Stolen it again. That's the fifth time this week. Why couldn't she get her own damn car? He looked around him. Everything looked like it was out of a Dr. Suess book. Last time he ever bought mushrooms. Lance looked gloomily up at the (orange) sky. "Why? Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?"

Well, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! It was helped written by my friend Ashley (who made up half the jokes)!

Lance: Okay. Am I the only one who is immenselydisturbed by this?

Todd: Weird.

Pietro: You really went over your head this time, Blue.

BN: I was desperate. Leave me alone.

Pietro: Seriously though, that has got to be one of the craziest ideas I have ever seen.

Lance: Not to mention dumbest.

(Ashley suddenly appears)

Ashley: Hey shut it Rocky! I'm an expert at humor.

Lance: More like random madness.

Ashley: Isn't that the same thing?

BN: Alright, that's it. Where's my baseball bat? I'm pretty sure I had a mallet around here somewhere.

Todd: Run away!

(They all run for their lives)