Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter, but I do own this plot and the character Mary. I also do NOT own the lyrics to Back to You, nor do I have any affiliation with John Mayer...I'm just a loyal fan...
Authors note: Yes, this is the last chapter...sob It's very bittersweet. I had so much fun writing this story and I hoped you had just as much fun if not more reading it. Well, here goes nothing...
Unvoiced Decisions
Chapter 15: Back to You
Once her feet hit solid ground, Mary slowly lifted her head off Draco's shoulder, and mentally sighed when she recognized the dimly lit bedroom. She paused for a moment, remembering how home sick she'd been, and took a seat on the edge of her bed.
Draco scanned the small bedroom, taking it all in. It wasn't the grandest of rooms, but it was cozy. There was a bed, dresser, bookshelf, and desk. Although it was dark, he could see that the walls were covered with posters of various sport stars and celebrities. He smiled thinking of how long it must have taken her to find all of the pictures and give them a place. His smile quickly faded, however, when he realized that she was crying.
"Mary, what's wrong?" he asked, rushing to her side.
"What's wrong? I just killed someone. I just killed Bellatrix Lestra…I just killed your aunt. Oh my God Draco, I'm so sorry." She turned to face him, tears in her eyes.
"Sorry? What for? Don't worry about it. She wasn't exactly a loving relative." He smirked with a raised brow.
She ignored his look and continued, "I know, but I still killed someone." She gasped to herself and grabbed hold of his hand. "What if I get sent to Azkaban!"
"You won't get sent to Azkaban." He assured her, taking a seat beside her. "I'm sure she's wanted by the Ministry. You'll be welcomed back like a hero actually."
"I know, but it's still unsettling, knowing that you're the reason someone's dead." She said with a faraway look in her eyes. "I just never thought I could do it again."
"Again, what do you mean?"
"Well, I didn't…I never actually killed anyone…I tried."
"Wait."
"What?" she asked, trying to calm herself.
"I just don't see you as the killing type." He was trying to keep the conversation as light as possible.
"I just did, didn't I?" she snapped.
"Well, yeah, but it's different. I was in danger."
"It doesn't matter. I was angry. I never felt so angry before. Well, except that one time."
"You mean?" he was trying to understand as best he could, but she seemed to be fading into her own little world.
"Yeah, I was seven."
"Seven?" he asked, intrigued by the news.
"Yes. Can I just go on with my story?"
"Yeah, sure, go ahead."
"Ok, well I came home from school one day. I don't remember what me and my older sister were fighting about, but I just remember feeling so angry; never feeling that angry before. I don't know what got into me. I ran into the kitchen, pulled out a knife, and started screaming, I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I ran into the living room where she was. She was hiding behind the couch. My grandma was babysitting us, and she finally got a hold of me. She got me to calm down. I just don't know what got into me.
Then, when my parents got home they talked to me about it, and they thought it was best that they sent me to this child psychiatrist. Do you know what that felt like?" She paused as if wanting him to answer, but as soon as he made a move to speak, she continued, "No, I don't even know what that felt like. I was seven! I didn't know what it was. I didn't know I being sent to a shrink everyday. I thought I was just going to see some nice lady who had me draw pictures and talk about my family.
It wasn't until I got older that I realized how messed up I was." She buried her head in her hands, wiping away the tears that were reforming.
"You're not messed up."
"Yes, I am. Ok, look, after that incident…I went to her for like a month and a half…then I never went back there again. I never understood why I was going there in the first place, but I'm not even sure if it helped. Well, obviously it didn't 'cuz I still had mood swings. I'd just get violently angry, and I didn't know why. I wanted it to stop. I hated myself."
Draco just sat there in the dark, listening to every word she said. Then, he'd let it hang in the air a moment before taking it all in.
"Then, back when I was twelve, my little sister and I spent the summer in Florida with my Aunt and Uncle. Towards the end of the trip I was getting pretty homesick, so one day a certain someone dropped by." She paused again searching desperately for the right words. "Well, let's just say he wasn't really real."
"What do you mean not real?" he asked. He face was full of confusion and helplessness.
"Well I hate to say it since I was already so old, but he was basically an imaginary friend. He helped me deal with things. He was there when no one else was, or when it felt like I was alone. I could just sit there and talk to him about my problems; about anything. He's just always been there since."
"You mean you still have him?" Draco asked, still trying to sort everything out.
"He went away for a while actually. Before I came to Hogwarts, he talked to me and we decided that it'd be best if I took the trip on my own, made the first step, start anew, you know? I could start from scratch. I was in a new country now; new people. I was going to prove to him that I didn't need him anymore; that I was finally growing up. I mean, after all, I'm only seventeen." She laughed to herself, "Well anyway, I met you and things were great."
She smiled at him as he took her hand in his.
"Then we broke up and, well, he showed up again. I wanted him to go, but yet I didn't. Because I needed him, but at the same time with him being there that meant I was crazy. Then we got back together and everything was fine again. So whenever I'm with you, he's gone. You just make everything so much better."
She grazed her hand up and down the side of his cheek studying his features in the moonlight.
"Don't you see? Joey was always there when I needed him. When I was alone he was there for me. When I didn't have confidence, he told me how beautiful I was. He did everything I couldn't do on my own. He was always there beside me when I needed the strength and the courage. When I was sad, he let me vent. He listened to me and said all the right things because he said whatever I wanted him to say."
Quiet sobs fell from her eyes as she finished her story.
"He's gone when I'm with you and I love it. I mean, I don't love it because…I know this may sound crazy, but I care for him. He's not even real, but because he's a part of me in a way…he is me. When I think of what he says, what he does; what he looks like…" She took another deep breath, willing the air into her lungs. "But knowing he's there makes me realize…you know, I don't know how to explain this, but…I know he's not real, but yet I can't fully convince myself that he's not because if I say he's not real that just means I'm crazy, and all the things we've done have just been me by myself. Do you know what I mean? Of course you don't…Don't you understand? Don't you see? I may look ok on the outside, but on the inside I'm messed up. I'm messed up real bad, and I need you to help me fix myself, and I know you can help me because when I'm with you all the horrors of my past, everything, just goes away. I really feel like I can start fresh. I really can, and I want to. I want to start fresh with you."
She swallowed hard as he pierced her with his unsteadying gaze. She was afraid that it was too much for him…he was going to leave.
Instead, he grabbed her by the arm and stood her up, pulling her into his warm embrace.
"Hey," he comforted, looking her in the eyes, "We can do this. We just have to take it a step at a time. I know things may seem impossible right now, but we'll have to make the best of it. You just have to trust me and be with me. Anyway, you're not messed up. At least no more than I am. After all, I'm the one that's a death eater."
She chuckled softly and placed a hand on his cheek pulling him in for a playful kiss. What started as an innocent kiss soon turned into quite a passionate one, as Draco entered her mouth with his eager tongue. She released a moan from the back of her throat causing him to tense up. He soon relaxed however, as she pulled apart and guided him toward the bed.
They embraced again as Draco pushed her onto the soft mattress and positioned himself on top of her. Mary adjusted herself so she was also comfortable as she helped him remove his grey sweater, and then unbutton his crisp white shirt. She couldn't stop herself as she moved her hands up his firm chest and over his broad yet slender shoulders.
She pulled him into another fierce kiss while attempting to remove his belt. He pulled away, so he could do the job himself, and in the process managed to slip his black Dockers over his hips exposing his favorite green silk boxers.
As soon as this feat was complete, he worked his fingers under the hem of her sweater and pulled it up over her head. He then allowed her to undo her button up shirt while he slipped her out of her grey pleated skirt.
Both left in nothing but their undergarments, Mary sat up enough for Draco to sneak his hands around to undo the clasp of her bra. He discarded it to the floor, and soon did the same to the rest of their clothing.
Once they were free of all barriers, Draco made his way down her neck adorning it with sweet kisses. After reaching the nape of her neck, he continued down her chest and finished with a trail of hot kisses down her abdomen. She pulled him back up for a kiss on the mouth and he willingly accepted. He broke the connection and propped himself up so he had a good view of her now flushed face.
"So," he began in a deep husky drawl, "Are you with me?"
She smiled as she closed her eyes in thought, and took a deep breath that made her chest rise and fall. When she opened her eyes, they met with his and she said before kissing his deeply, "Until the end."
FIN
-------------------
LiLjDpEgAsUsChIc160:Well, that's that! When I originally thought of this story I had no intention of combining it with a song, but I was listening to Room for Squares one day like I always do, and I really listented to the lyrics to the song Back to You (it's one of my favorites. If you haven't heard it before check it out. It's a great song. Actually anything by John Mayer he's amazing), and I decided that the lyrics fit really well for the most part. I just tweaked minor bits here and there, so it'd fit perfectly, so without furthur ado...Mr. John Mayer with Back to You...
back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late
over you
I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me
I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away
back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
with your silhouette
should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do
oh I will
leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too
back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to be