Taxes

by swimmurgirl

It’s that time of year again, and Marik has to pay his taxes! Bakura tries to help him, but are the taxes too much for the evil villains? Set during Battle City.

Name: Taxes

Summary: It's that time of year again, and Marik has to pay his taxes! Bakura tries to help him, but are the taxes too much for the evil villains?

Author's Notes: I know that it's not actually the time of year for taxpaying, but my mom was complaining about taxes and how they're so complicated. So I looked through the IRS book thing. It is sufficient enough to say that I don't understand any of it.

I can't imagine that the Japanese tax system is more complicated than the American one. But since the American one is all I have access to and since it's the one I want to poke fun at, the American tax system will be used for this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I don't own taxes or the IRS booklet (from which I took my quotes) either. But luckily, I don't owe any taxes! I'm still a minor! I'm probably a tax deduction. But of course, I have no idea of what I really am to the world of taxes.

ooooooooooo

It was a bright spring day during Battle City, and Marik was relaxing in his evil headquarters.

"How to destroy the Pharaoh and gain his Egyptian God Card?" Marik wondered. "I could put a banana peel on the ground and wait until he slips on it and then grab Slifer! But then he might fall on his Puzzle and break it, and that would make Bakura mad at me. So that wouldn't work."

"Master Marik?" Odion opened the door. "Your mail has arrived."

"Bring it in," the Egyptian commanded. Odion came forward and put the mail on the table besides his Master's chair.

As Odion bowed and departed, Marik turned his attention to his mail.

"Hmm... Join Fat Busters...Win A New Car..." he tossed the junk mail aside. "Wait, what's this?"

He pulled out a very big, very important looking envelope. "Taxes?" Marik's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I'm about to take over the world and I still have to pay taxes?"

He pulled the packet from the envelope. "Forms and Instructions," he read. "This should take a short time. After all, how hard can it be to pay taxes?"

"Hmm, did I ever receive any tax-exempt interest like municipal bonds?" And so, Marik got to work.

"Qualified Dividends: Some dividends may be reported as qualified dividends in Form 1099-DIV, box 1b, but are not qualified dividends."

"Social Security Benefits: You should receive a Form SSA-1099 showing in box 3 the total security benefits paid to you. Box 4 will show the amount of any benefits you repaid in 2005. If you received railroad retirement benefits treated as social security, you should receive a Form RRB-1099."

"Ahhhh!" Marik clutched his head in horror. "By Ra, what have I done to deserve this?"

"You must use Schedule C, C-EZ, or F, even if you do not have any business expenses. Also, do not report on line 21 any nonemploye compensation shown on Form 1099-MISC. Instead, see the chart on page 15 to find out where to report that income."

"If only item (1) applies and the distribution code is correctly shown in Form 1099-R, box 7, you do not have to file Form 5329. Instead, multiply the taxable amount of the distribution by 10 (.10) and enter the result on line 60. The taxable amount of the distribution is the part of the distribution you reported on Form 1040, line 15b or line 16b, or on Form 4927. Also, put "No" under the heading "Other Taxes" to the left of line 60 to indicate that you do not have to file Form 5329. But if distribution code 1 is incorrectly shown in Form 1099-R, box 7, or you qualify for an exception for qualified medical expenses, or qualified first-time homebuyer distributions, you must file Form 5329."

By now, Marik was on his knees. "Make it stop!" he screamed. "Make it stop!"

"Enter the total amount of advance earned income credit (EIC) payments you received. These payments are shown in Form(s) W-2, box 9."

"Additional tax on income you received from a nonqualified deferred compensation plan that fails to meet certain requirements. This income should be shown in Form W-2, box 12, with code Z, or in Form 1099-MISC, box 15b. See International Revenue Code section 409A(a)(1)(B) to figure the tax on this income. Identify as 'NQDC.'"

"Add the amounts shown as federal income tax withheld on your Forms W-2, W-2G, and 1099-R. Enter the total on line 64. The amount withheld should be shown in Form W-2 or W-2G, box 2, and in Form 1099-R, box 4. Attach Forms W-2G and 1099-R to the front of your return if federal income tax was withheld."

Bakura entered the room to find Marik in a fetal position on the floor.

"Bakura," the sandy-haired Egyptian turned his anguished face toward the tomb robber. "I have been defeated. Not by the Pharaoh, not by his lackey Yugi, but by taxes! What evil is this?"

Bakura picked up the tax booklet. "Now look here, this is easy," he said, pulling out a pencil.

For a few minutes all was silent, save for Marik's whimpering and the scratch of Bakura's pencil as he worked.

"Marik, you owe one thousand nine hundred eighty four dollars and thirteen cents in taxes," Bakura eventually responded.

"Is it that easy?" Marik asked from the floor.

"Of course," the tomb robber replied. "Wait, I forgot to deduct your donations to charities!"

"I don't give any gifts to charity!" Marik shouted.

"But I also forgot to file Form 8862 and I didn't use Worksheet 1 in Pub. 596 even though the amount in Form 1040, line 13 included an amount from Form 4797! And you did receive a 2005 Form 1099 showing federal income tax withheld on dividends, interest income, unemployment compensation, social security benefits, and other income you received, but I didn't realize that it was also shown on Form 1099, box 4 or Form SSA-1099, box 6!"

Bakura joined Marik on the floor. "Why must the tax system be so cruel?" he wailed.

"Why must it be prejudiced against evil villains trying to take over the world?" Marik demanded.

"Marik," Bakura looked over at the Egyptian. "I too have been defeated by these taxes."

"It's an embarrassment!" Marik moaned. "We might as well surrender to the Pharaoh now!"

"Never!" Bakura jumped to his feet. "I do not accept my defeat lying down! I shall conquer these taxes as well as the Pharaoh!"

Marik stood up also. "I won't lose!" he shouted.

At that moment, Odion stuck his head into the room. "Master Marik?" he asked. "Would this be a good time to remind you that you have a capital loss carryover from 2005 to 2006?"

Marik and Bakura looked at each other once, then keeled over in a dead faint.

Confused, Odion said, "But the value on Form 1040, line 41 is less than 0!"

ooooooooooooo

Author's Notes: And that concludes my taxes fic. Just note that I copied all the official-sounding stuff from the tax book thing. I didn't make any of that up, and I don't own the American tax system.

Updates of everything else are coming! Happy April Fools Day is coming very soon, as is Forever Your Prisoner! Look for at least one of them later this week! (It's "Global Week" at school, which means that we have no regular classes!)

Please review!