This was something I wrote in class a very long time ago... We were watching a poorly-made film of A Midsummer Night's Dream before we did the play (I played Hermia), and the actions of the actors were, let's say, not exactly class appropriate. I'm serious, Bottom and Titania went at it and everything, it was terrible. Anyway, I'm not sure they had the f-word in Shakespeare's time, but it suits the purpose of the story.
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OBERON.
Idiot Puck!
You stupid fuck!
Such a mistake I could never comprehend
With that you made of the Athenean men!
PUCK.
Please, master, I will fix this now.
I shall make the blonde one love the cow, (HELENA)
The one with glasses and bitterest gall,
But t'is your choice master, t'is your call.
OBERON.
Non comes from your mouth but silence!
And thy punishment I will give thee hence.
PUCK.
Oh no, master! Know
That I am no foe
And that this would-be sabotage
Was not planned
So, I beg you,
Do not push me down upon the sand!
For it gets in my mouth, and in my hair!
Sir, you were the on that sought me there!
OBERON takes a thin branch from a spruce tree
Please, Master, please!
I know well of your ill-gotten glees!
OW! OW!
NO! NO!
This problem, master,
I can mend as if to sew,
I can fix this terrible mistake!
Master, please, the bark hurts my back!
And you pound me upon it until I see black!
OOH! OUCH! Ahh... please!
Instead of yourself, I would rather
You filled me with bees!
Oh, no, please, master!
Not the handcuffs!
You hold me down
In a manner quite rough
Because what you get from thy Mistress
Isn't enough!
AH! AH! AH! AAAH!
Please, sir,
I meant it not!
I am sure you are satisfied
With what you have got
So now I must away
To mend this fray
Before comes
The break of day...
PUCK runs off, leaving an exhausted OBERON
PUCK. (to himself)
O, the sand, the whips,
The 'cuffs, the bark.
So much happens in the dark.
And if my mistress
Wont to have seen,
With envy would her pale skin turn green.
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