"Have you ever tortured a child you were trying to help? Made them cry, made them hurt, all for nothing? I have. I'm not proud of it, and it's sure as hell not why I went into pediatrics. I chose it because I wanted to help kids. I wanted to stop their pain, and see them smile. Unfortunately, that's not always a part of my job description.
As much as I love to play the tough guy, when they cry, it breaks my heart. That's not something your average man would admit to, and I know it won't come from me again, but that's the truth. I remember all the times I've fought to keep a child alive who, to be perfectly honest, would be better off dead. I remember those whose suffering I prolonged instead of easing.
"That's why I'm such a ladies' man. And why I like my drinks strong. Hide behind a woman, hide inside a shot glass. When life's rough, I look for an escape, the easy way out.
And so I break the rules. I try to make things better for them, and there's not a damn soul back at County that doesn't know what I've sacrificed to try to help a few of them; the ones that would never get better if I worked within the system.
"A word for the wise; never butt heads with those you answer to if you're looking for a raise, or a promotion. Or, come to think of it, any sort of progress in your career.
"There are, however, two things in my career that I don't regret: seeing the smile on a child's face when I actually make them feel better instead of worse; and raising hell for Kerry Weaver. The former is why I haven't opted out of pediatrics and into something more lucrative - once in a while, something good actually gets accomplished. As for the latter, what can I say, the woman's a nut. Plus, it's not like she doesn't bite back. She's far too stubborn to back down from anything."
Doug had been writing with a heavy hand. So heavy in fact, that he indented the words not only the page he had written on, but the next six pages as well. He set pencil to paper once more, trying to decide if there was more to say, but was a bit too rough with it, the lead snapped. Rather than sharpening the tip, he tossed it into the wastebasket, mumbling vulgarities as he silently contemplated burning his entry.
beta'd by Saldemar the Fantabulous
Author's note: thank god for beta readers
RR plz