Story Title: My Life from a Bird's Eye View

Chapter Number: 1

Date Written: 6/22/05

Date Uploaded: 6/22/05

Author: incompetent.twitch

Hello. My name is Lily Marie Evans. I would love to tell you that I am a normal 16-going on 17-girl, with the perfect boyfriend, perfect friends, and the perfect life. Except all of that would be a lie. And I don't lie. Oh, no. I am a very honest person. Okay, so I just lied right there. But hey, at least I'm honest to myself. Whenever I lie out loud, I say the truth to myself in my head. So there. Ha ha ha.

Anyways, I wouldn't even be telling you this, erm, writing this if it weren't for me psychologist. Yeah, you heard me. I need to go to a psychologist. The first reason is because my life is not perfect. Second lie right there. I have but one friend, no boyfriends to date, and I am a WITCH! Really, that's about the only thing I didn't lie about. I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and I have for the past 6 years. In fact, in just 3 weeks, I shall be boarding the mystical scarlet dragon (otherwise known as the train) and be lifted off my feet by my prince and live happily ever after. Yeah, right.

Now, there are more than a few things wrong with that right there, but there are only 2 that I am going to light upon. The first will come now. The second will come later, obviously. Anyways, the first reason. I most likely will not have a happily ever after. I'm muggleborn, and therefore fair game to all of Voldie's Deatheaters. Not familiar with the name dropping? Voldemort, or as I like to call him, Voldie, is an evil moron who wants to kill all of the muggleborns and take over the wizarding. Yeah, I laugh at him too. First of all, he looks nothing like Hitler. Please excuse me, I'm half Jewish and am very proud of my heritage. Second, Voldie's dreams don't even aspire to enough! Why just try and take over the wizarding world? He's gonna fail anyways, so why not try and take over the ENTIRE word?

Enough with my incoherent babbling. Along with my being muggleborn, I am one of the strongest witches of my time (or so I am told). He's gonna want to get me out of the way, and he's not even going to offer a position in his ranks, because he doesn't want a dirty mudblood spoiling them. sigh Sometimes I just want to make him face death by swirly. The kind in the toilet, I mean.

Even so, the whole reason that I'm writing this piece of trash (kindly edited for my viewers coughMcGonagallcough) is because Voldemort has already struck my life. He didn't manage to catch me, what an inconvenience (for him or for I am not quite sure), but he did manage to get my parents, younger sister, and my goldfish Melinda. In fact, the whole ordeal happened about 2 days ago, and I am currently sitting in the hospital wing of Hogwarts right now.

You're probably wondering why I'm so cheery right now. That's mostly who I am. I have to make light of some of the worst situations. And added to that are the numerous (very numerous) cheering charms that have been lain upon my poor insomniatic body. Yes that's probably it.

And time for the absolute #1 reason that I'm writing this whole bloody thing, and why I do not have any friends that are girls, nor have I had any boyfriends.

Bloody James Harold Potter.