Jeanie frequently vented at her diary, wrote in it like she was screaming at a person, whoever had managed best to piss her off that day. It got the pain out, or maybe just dulled it.
"Peter, damn it, I'm sorry Peter. I didn't mean for this to happen. For any of this to happen. Don't look at me like it's my fault, please. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't mean to put you at risk. I didn't even know. Al… He was the one who… I can't just blame him when I cheated too, but Peter, you knew I was married, and you knew about him, and you know none of this was on purpose. Damn it Peter, I'm sorry. I'll pray for you, that you come back clean. I know it doesn't mean much to you, a prayer from someone like me. But I know you believe in God. And I know that you believe he forgives. I hope you come back clean, Peter, because it's too late for me now. I hope you don't have HIV, I really do, even if you hate me until your dying day, I'm sorry, and I hope you are okay.
Don't ask me to quit. It's a choice I've got to make on my own, and I don't think I should. I'm careful, we're all careful at work, it's a hospital after all. If we can stick our hands in the chest of someone with HIV to help them, then I think I can treat someone, to try to help them, even if I do have HIV. The risk of transmission is about equal either way, and if I'm careful, that rate is next to none. I have to do something. Have to be on this earth for a reason, otherwise I have nothing."
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