Story Title: My Life from a Bird's Eye View

Chapter Number: 7

Date Written: 7/10/05

Date Uploaded: 8/4/05

Author: incompetent.twitch

Disclaimer: 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

Last time on MLFABEV:

"Our new Head Boy, James Potter from Gryffindor!"

"And our new Head Girl, also from Gryffindor, Lily Evans!"

For the third time that meal I spewed some of my precious pumpkin juice all over unsuspecting poor Peter Pettigrew.

I gaped up at Dumbledore. I didn't even notice the roars of approval (don't even think about asking how I knew there were roars of approval if I wasn't paying attention). This wasn't supposed to happen to me!

You see, my life's ambition is to become a hermit and marry a stray cat. I don't even like cats!

Bella and Cece hauled me to my feet, just as Sirius had done to Potter. Speaking of which…

I turned to look at my nemesis (in house nemesis. I will not hate a Gryffindor, I will not hate a Gryffindor…), and found him looking about as horrified as I felt, although I can't imagine why he felt horrified. This would just bring him more attention, just like he had always wanted. He was like a giant butterfly. Pretty on the outside, but a nasty little bugger (quite literally) on the inside. And they were always seeking attention, flitting around and killing flowers. Yeah, I know what the butterflies are up to. They're next on Voldemort's "To Join" list.

Suddenly, Potter noticed my stari-looking, and grinned sheepishly. At this, I felt my eyes go wide, and I just continued to stare. I shall never forget that moment in my entire butterfly filled life.

'Twas the first time that I didn't think that the boy was a great prat.

Food was good. Food was very good. I wasn't eating now of course. We'd just finished the last first meal of the school year that I'd have at Hogwarts.

To me, it was just more food. Jeez, I sound like such a guy.

Potter and I were now following Dumbledore to our Head Rooms. Of course, we'd still have access to the Gryffindor common room and beds in our old dormitories, but this is where we would be situated most of the time. All hail me, I am like a freaking walking dictionary with my intelligent sounding and very large words.

Professor Dumbledore was talking. I believe he was telling us that he would prefer it if we kept the Head Dorms to ourselves.

And I preferred not to have an allergic reaction to cow manure, but we can't have everything in life, now can we?

We were somewhere near the Astronomy tower. I think. I don't know, I have no sense of direction (well, I do, but it sucks). Ohmigod, we are still walking! I don't want to do this every day! It's a long walk, and a boring walk at that. We turned another corner and-

"Meep!"

That was me.

"What was that!"

I'll give you 3 guesses. The first two don't count.

I sniffed and glared at Potter. Evil butterfly.

In a dignified voice (one fit for the Minister of Magic, I must say) I told him, "It is the high and mighty squeak of the mini people."

He laughed. Wow. I'd never made him laugh before. I mean sure he laughed at me, but this time I didn't actually care. I liked his laugh. It was all nice and deep and-

Ohmigosh no! I do not like anything about James Harold Potter.

Except his laugh.

Ok, back to the future. Er, present. I'd squeaked because we'd stopped in front of a huge statue of a lion. And I mean huge! It was at least 10 feet tall. I was in awe.

Dumbledore turned around to look at us. His eyes twinkled and he smiled a mysterious smile at us before speaking.

"You two need to create a password to get in. You may tell me in the morning, when we have our first meeting after breakfast. Your luggage is inside. Any questions?"

"Are there any stupid questions?" I asked intelligently.

"No, Ms. Evans, there most certainly are not."

"Then what do stupid people ask?" Potter questioned.

I laughed. That was just my type of humor. In fact, I laughed so hard, I completely missed Dumbledore's speech to us (again), and missed his exit. No matter. What really mattered that I was now stuck alone. With Potter. And seeing as we would be living together, it wouldn't be the last either.

"So…" was my brilliant start. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the single most intelligent witch in Hogwarts.

"Password." said Potter. Alas, with that single word he left my IQ dehydrating in the dust. Bugger.

"Right." I tried again to gain back a few braincells that had been depleted when Potter laughed. I hate my conscience. "How about if we mix up our names and see if we get anything?" I offered. Hey, it was a start.

"Jotter." Potter said immediately.

"Okay then…Jotter…jot…jot down...shot down…hey, that's so ghetto!" My thoughts exactly. I even said them aloud.

Potter looked amused. "Do you even know what 'ghetto' means?"

I blinked at him. "No. I'm naïve."

His eyes lit up with a sudden stroke of brilliance. Wow, I wish I had intelligence. Wait, no I don't. This is Potter we're talking about! Erm…thinking about, that is.

"Naivety." Where did he get that talent where he said one word, and it sounded more intelligent than a story coming from my mouth?

I sighed. The fate of our password was inevitable. At least I was able to say that I inspired it, if not created it. Turning to the awe-inspiring statue, I spoke clearly (in what I hoped was an intelligent voice), "Naivety."

There. We had our password.

The night passed smoothly. I slept, and Potter slept. (Not TOGETHER, you perverted piece of crap!)

My room was nice. It looked almost exactly like my dormitory in Gryffindor tower except it had only one bed and a couple of extra knickknacks and stuff.

I'd actually decided to start writing in a diary. I figured, if it doesn't help with anything now, I can always look back when I'm a hermit and married to a stray cat, and laugh at myself. I thought it was a pretty good idea.

So right now, I'm standing in the shower. I'm not doing anything particularly useful (like washing), I'm just standing. I felt like I was falling asleep. My mouth was hanging open in a DUH! fashion, and my eyes were half closed.

A muffled yelp startled me from…whatever it was I was doing. I'd actually completed washing about 10 minutes ago, and had just decided to stand in the shower for a while. Quickly, I turned the shower off and stepped out. I picked up my pajamas and headed into my room.

My assumptions were correct when I thought that the muffled noise was Potter. He must've fallen out of bed. Moron. You're supposed to fall out in the middle of the night!

I sighed. The only way to not end up with either Lucius Malfoy or Severus Snape as Head Boy would be to go check and make sure that Potter wasn't dead. Flinging my hair up into some sort of a ponytail, I tiptoed into the Head Boy's room.

As soon as I got there, however, I had to shove my fist in my mouth and back out into the bathroom. My body convulsed with laughter as I thought of what I had just seen. Taking deep breath, I gathered enough mental courage to poke my head back through the doorway to gaze upon the scene once again.

There was our Head Boy, lying on the floor, still fast asleep. Honestly, this boy amazes me. He was all tangled up in his Gryffindor red sheets. His hair was, on one side, plastered to his face, and on the other side it stuck up haphazardly, seemingly more windswept than usual. His mouth was open, though he wasn't drooling (believe me, this disappointed me greatly), and he was snoring, albeit very lightly.

And while his appearance was quite funny, it was not what had me laughing. No, you see, sticking out between the comforter and Potter's chest was a small, furry, very worn out head. The head of a teddy bear. It was a chestnut brown color and, from what I could see, a withering red ribbon was tied around it's very limp neck. Potter was in fact strangling the poor toy. He looked as if he had a death grip on it.

I decided, as Head Girl, it was in my duty to rescue this poor inanimate creature. I tiptoed as quietly as I could next to Potter, and crouched down. Taking a deep breath (and holding my laughter in, quite an achievement on my part), I proceeded to scream the following:

"POTTER!"

This plan, as most other things I do, backfired on me. I succeeded in waking Potter up, of course. I could've woken the first Queen of England up, if I'd screamed just a little bit louder. But then, after Potter had awoken, his head jerked up as he looked and flailed about wildly. And, of course, the top of his head smashed right into my nose.

OhmigodI'mgonnadiefrombloodlossandthenI'mnevergonnabeabletogetreengeonPotterforcausingmetobreakmynoseandconsequentiallydiefrombloodloss-

My incoherent stream of thoughts was suddenly interrupted. By Potter (that evil git) nonetheless.

"Ev-Lily! What are you-Sweet Merlin, what happened to your nose! Here, let me help." He said all of this in one long and incredibly useless breath.

"Oo bwoke uht ooo pwat." I said with some difficulty. As mentioned before, the entire world is out to get me.

"Oh jeez-look, I'm sorry, ok? Just here hold this-ow! I said hold it, not hit me with it! Holy Merlin Lily…"

And that was the start of my morning.

Breakfast went by relatively smoothly, you'll be glad to hear. Oh yeah, another thing that I wanted to discuss with Bella and Cece…

"Hey gu-girls?" I glanced around furtively, trying to see if anyone had noticed my slip up. Not that I could see. But then again, that might have something to do with my impaired vision. You see, when ever I feel any kind of extreme emotion (i.e. when Potter is present) my left eye begins to twitch. Quite badly, too. Last year, at a particularly stressful Prefect's meeting the Head Boy tried to send me to the infirmary because of my god-cursed left eye.

It is #4 on my list of things on my body or persona that I find unattractive and unappealing to not only myself but the rest of the world as well, and aforementioned list should be avada-kedavrad off of myself as soon as possible. Or, maybe I'll just stick with plastic surgery and make-up, because we all know how much I want to become a Barbie doll like the rest of the female portion of the Hogwarts community (excluding Profs, of course.).

Oh, all hail me, the Queen of long winded and utterly pointless run-on sentences.

Anyways, back to the future. Present, whatever. You get the gist of it.

"Where did the term 'breakfast' come from?"

"Erm…"

"Well…"

"You see…"

Ah, my court of people with highly intelligent answers to my highly intelligent questions.

"Let's go to the library." I suggested with so much enthusiasm that I'm surprised that I did not spontaneously combust (note the sarcasm, peeps, note the sarcasm). "We can look up-"

Damn it, the bell rang. Oh, screw it. Who cares about breakfast anyways?

"So, what do we have first, my minions?" asked Bella of Cece and I.

I glanced down at my timetable, and started cackling wildly in anticipation, evil plots and death omens floating around in my head.

1st period-DIVINATION!

OMG I finally finished Chapter 7! So, I hope that the two people who reviewed last chapter (thank you much!) have not dropped dead nor abandoned me. And I swear that I'll try to have Chapter 8 up within a week, but I'm in High School now so…yeah. Anyways, enjoy!

-twitch