Disclaimer; I don't own anything or anyone. Just like to use my imagination.

Chapter One

So here is the thing!

I am a thirty something female (cant reveal all my secrets) that lives in Trenton, New Jersey .

I live in a small apartment on the not so good side of town which I share with my pet hamster rex. I work as a bounty hunter for my cousin Vinnie which sometimes puts me in life threatening situations, and I have a very complicated relationship with two incredible guys.

Doesn't sound too bad huh

Well I must admit there are times when I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world, and then there are the moments when I wish the ground would swallow me whole never to be seen again.

You see everything was going great, I was living with my on gain off again cop boyfriend Joe Morelli whom I have known since I was six (wont give the details now) I had money in my bank account, I was bringing in regular skips without too much embarrassment and my sister was getting married to her boyfriend Albert Kloughn. There was a lot to look forward too.

But the good times never last, because before I knew it, I attracted the attention of a gang in town called the Slayers, they had put a contract out on me, and a guy called Junkman had been trying to kill me.

As a result (and out of concern for my friends and family) I fled Joe Morelli' house and moved into Rangers (other guy in my life) vacant apartment, we co-inhabited for a night or two.

Everything turned out ok as Junkman was killed by Sally (transvestite that drives a school bus) and I moved back in with Morelli.

Problem is this is where the difficulty started.

After living in the same space with Ranger I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything for very long without my thoughts drifting to him.

I thought about Morelli as well and I felt myself torn in half.

So here I am two months later, still torn and with no idea which direction I want my life to go.

The truth of the matter is I am at a cross roads in my life and I figure I have three choices.

1. Stick with Morelli, make a compromise and settle down, its familiar, he knows the best of worst of me and loves me anyway. I know I love him as well I just can't say it out loud.

2. Break it off with Morelli and explore what my relationship with Ranger might be if I was unattached. High risk as I don't know much about him, and what I do know leaves me hanging out for more. He once said that his life didn't lend itself to relationships. But when I think about it we already have one, even if it is quite strange.

3. Go out on my own without any romantic attachments to ether man and take the proper time and consideration to work out my feelings (easier said than done).

I chose option three, which brings me up to speed as I am currently getting the last of my belongings from Joe's house to shift back to my apartment.

To say that he didn't take our break up well is an understatement, there was no yelling, no cursing, he just looked at me with his cop face in place, nodded and left the house.

I was saving the need to cry until I got safely back to my apartment.

Ironically I was borrowing a black SUV off Ranger to move my things. Thankfully Tank was my helper not Ranger himself as that may have been too much in my now vulnerable state.

Tank helped me carry the last of my belongings inside my apartment.

I placed Rex back on the kitchen counter and heaved a heavy sigh. It was then that I noticed how clean my apartment looked. Valerie had been living here the last few months and the results had not been pretty. It was now so clean that the kitchen counter was almost sparkling.

Tank must have noticed my questioning glance as he decided to fill me in on the details

'Ranger had a cleaning crew come through while you were packing' Tank smiled 'There was some interesting wildlife growing in places'

I looked at Tank at first in astonishment and then as what he said sank in I smiled. 'Tell Ranger I said thanks' my smile faded

Tank frowned 'You can tell him when you see him next'

All of a sudden I felt very tired and drawn

'No Tank I can't. We have decided it best not to run into each other for a while'

Tank raised an eyebrow at me 'We'

I caved

'Ok I have decided it best for Ranger and I not to see each other for a while'

Tank looked a little concerned 'Why'

I gave into the tired feeling and walked over to the couch and plonked myself onto it I took a deep breath looking down at my hands I tried to explain.

'I am confused, When I am with Morelli I think about Ranger and when I am with Ranger I feel guilty over Morelli, I need some time to think to sort this all out so I can get on with my life. Being around ether of them at the moment will just confuse me'

I tore my gaze away from my hands and looked up at Tank, he looked very serious, grim almost

'Have you filled Ranger in on the details?'

I shook my head, I know its lame but I couldn't really bring myself to tell Ranger what I had just told his second in command, I was hoping Tank could fill him in for me. I know it's the scaredy cat routine but I just didn't feel strong enough to face Ranger right now. Most of all I was scared how he would react, and terrified that he wouldn't react at all.

Tanks expression was definitely grim now 'Steph you have to tell him'

I sighed and nodded 'I know'

Tank stood there looking at me for a few more minutes and must have decided it was time to go 'Are we done here'

I nodded to tired to speak, I got off the couch and walked over to Tank, I am not sure what came over me cause I found myself hugging him with tears stinging my eyes. He stood rock still at first but after a few moments he relaxed and hugged me back. I forced myself to speak 'Thanks Tank, for everything' and I released him from the hug.

Tank smiled at me 'No problem Steph' and with another quick squeeze he left.

When Tank left I went straight to bed stripped off to my bra and panties and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

Chapter 2

I woke up feeling like I had a hangover, my head was pounding and my eyes were all gritty. I opened my eyes and realised the sun had been up for a long time. I went to the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror.

Oh jeez!

I had bed hair and very dark circles under my eyes; I looked like I hadn't slept at all. I decided it was time to face the day and took a shower and brushed my teeth.

I was halfway through drying my hair when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

It ether meant a psycho was in my apartment or I was about to have my dreaded talk with Ranger.

It turned out to be the second one.

Standing in the doorway of the bathroom Ranger, his expression was blank

I sighed and gave up towelling my hair dry, not feeling like talking in the bathroom I walked past him and took a seat on the bed with my legs crossed underneath me.

It didn't occur to me until a bit later that this wasn't the best place to have a discussion with Ranger.

I looked down at my clasped hands and bit the bullet that was trying hard to escape me. I decided evasion was the best policy.

'Thanks for getting my apartment cleaned last night'

Silence.

I looked up to find Ranger watching me, his expression remained blank. He was still in the bathroom doorway but had turned to face me.

'You talked to Tank' I asked

Ranger nodded.

Great now wasn't the time for him to go silent on me, this was going to be hard enough, but if I had to do all the talking I was likely ramble to fill the silence and that was never good.

'What did he tell you' I asked, I needed to know before I tried to explain

Ranger took a few slow steps towards me

'he said that you were confused'

he continued towards me

'that you needed to sort out your feelings'

he was now directly in front of me and I swallowed nervously in my throat.

He squatted down in front of me and looked me in the eye. His expression had somewhat softened and his eyes met mine and held 'What are you confused about Babe'

I kept the eye contact 'Me' I answered truthfully

Ranger stood up and sat on the bed next to me close enough that I could feel his presence but far enough away that he wasn't touching me.

'What else' he asked me quietly

'You, Morelli, my job, my life' I was getting these one word sentences down pat

Ranger was quiet for a moment

'Is that why you broke it off with Morelli'

I nodded 'it isn't fair to him if I am having doubts and continue to share his house' This was what had been plaguing me most of all my guilt. I felt guilty that I couldn't tell Joe I loved him, I felt guilty that I had feelings for Ranger and I felt guilty that I may have been in the way of Joe finding happiness with someone else.

I looked at Ranger and it struck me for the hundredth time how much I wanted to jump his bones.

Feeling the need to get back on track I got off the bed to put some distance between us and started pacing across my bedroom.

How was I going to tell one of my best friends that I couldn't hang out with them anymore.

I must have become lost in my thoughts because I felt a hand grab my arm and spin me around in mid pace.

Ranger had his hands on my shoulders and looked me directly in the eyes.

'What is going on Babe' he looked concerned

And my mouth disconnected from my brain. 'I feel like I am torn in two or three pieces with a different part of me wanting to go in three different directions. A part of me wants to marry Morelli and have kids, but not be a housewife. Another part wants to see where the bounty hunting will go and continue to live life day by day not looking around the corner just live in the moment. And the other part wants to explore…'

Shit shut up Stephanie, I caught myself just in time

Ranger pushed 'Explore what Babe'

I shrugged 'it doesn't matter, the point is I need time, to put the pieces of the puzzle back together' great don't think he is going to leave this one.

I was right.

Ranger released my shoulders and took hold of my hands; he was rubbing his thumb absently along the back of my hand. It was sending shivers down my spine.

Ranger was looking down at his hands and asked me in a very quiet voice

'Is this why you want me to stay away from you'

I was speechless

He looked up at me questioningly, I felt my stomach turn, I felt ill, and I felt guilty.

Damn it,

'Babe' he asked

I forced myself to look at him and make eye contact 'I don't want you to stay away Ranger. I need you to take a step back' I felt like I was going to be sick. This was too hard. 'Please'

He stared at me his expression not changing and at length he nodded, quietly he let go of my hands and headed for the door he stopped just before he reached it and turned so he was facing me again 'I will step back Babe' I sighed and was about to thank him but was caught by the mischievous look in his eyes 'For as long as Morelli does' he smiled at me and left, locking the door after him.

I watched the door for a long time after he left. I had what I wanted right, Joe wasn't talking to me and Ranger had agreed to take a step back.

Why did I feel like I had just made things fifty times worse?