Story Title: My Life from a Bird's Eye View
Chapter Number: 9
Date Written: 8/30/05
Date Uploaded: 8/30/05
Author: incompetent.twitch
Disclaimer: 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.
Just for the record, BOLD is Lily, ITALIC is Cece, and UNDERLINED is Bella. Understood? Gooood.
Last time on MLFABEV:
"Sirius, Sirius, she's been doing that for an hour, please make it stop!" Bella cries, tugging at her hair.
"That doesn't rhyme!" I frown.
"Yeah, it does. I said 'Sirius' twice, and 'Sirius' rhymes with 'Sirius'. Therefore, I rhymed." I tilt my head sideways and poke my tongue out of my mouth as I consider this ingenious statement.
"Lily, you look really stu-erm, I mean, pretty, yes very pretty when you do that." A deep male voice came from behind me. I turned, and found myself staring into Potter's azure eyes.
Can an eye color addiction constitute as a drug addiction? I think it most definitely can.
Oh, goody gumdrops! Time for potions. Okay, maybe it's not goody. Slughorn is an old perverted man who needs a life. I mean seriously, who has enough time to go to those Slug Club Parties or whatever they're called.
Apparently me. But we already knew that we had no life.
So, lunch was…a bit awful, actually. Cece kept sending me "knowing" looks that just made her look like she was constipated and Bella kept cracking up at random moments and knocking everything over.
Including my precious pumpkin juice! And then when I freaked out at her for it, she told me to, and I quote, "Hush up already and go join a cult." How insulting! I'd like to at least start my own cult!
So I am currently ignoring both Bella and Cece. Bella because see above and Cece because she's constipated.
Well, not exactly. But that's what the Marauders think so I'm ignoring whatever the Marauders think about.
"Ow, dammit! Who put that…" (am currently at a loss for words…)
"Doorway?" suggests Sirius.
"Open doorway, perhaps?" adds Remus.
"How dare they!" gasps Potter. "Whoever it was had no bloody right to put it there! Everyone knows you need a permit to have an open doorway!"
I glance back, unable to tell if he's joking or not. He grins at me. Okay, he's not joking. Completely reassured, I proceed to walk into the open doorway a second time.
"Oho, Lily my dear!" Oh shoo-
"Hello Professor Slughorn!" My face is falling apart. I cannot smile any longer.
"Oho, how was your summer, my dear?"
"Oho, her parents died, sir!" said a disgustingly stupid voice behind us. The fake smile I'd plastered on slipped off as I turned to greet Snivellus.
Sirius, Potter, even Remus had their wands out. Bella was shaking so hard that she couldn't lift her wand, and Cece was untying her shoes. I'm not really sure why.
"Shut up Snape." Bella said quietly.
"Oho…" Professor Slughorn twittered, a bit unsure of how to handle the situation. Go against the student who excelled at Potions, or the students who excelled at everything else in life? That is the question.
Potter sighed. I turned, shocked, towards him. Ohmigod. He's taking responsibility and control! That is not like him. Breathe, Lily. Don't hyperventilate. You can't fail them now.
"He's not worth it guys. At least not now. We have more important things right now." Potter continued.
Oh my. This warrants a response from me. I think I'll call him James.
Heaving sighs, Sirius, Remus, and Bella turned away towards the desks. James turns also, and as he brushes elegantly (okay, maybe it was just a normal brush, but I need some way to spruce up my life, yeah?) I reach out and put a hand on his arm. He turns towards me, just reeking of surprise. I'm actually quite surprised myself when I smile a little at him and say, "We'll get him later James. Thanks."
As soon as I'd said that, our attentions were directed at Cece's shoe flying through the air to slam into Snape's nose.
"Owwwwwww!" he howls as the Marauders, Bella, Cece and I began to laugh hysterically at Cece's antics.
Potions was interesting. Or, what was left of it, really. It took Professor Slughorn nearly the entire period to calm us all down (especially Snape) and by the time he finished he only had enough time to start his "Welcome back, and to any new students" (surprisingly, this is the first time in seven years that there have been any new students) "I'm Professor Slughorn and I have the appetite of an elephant and blahblahblahblahbla…"
We are now in possibly the best class ever (with the exception of Charms, of course.) Yes, we are in History of Magic! The class used by every single student as either naptime, time to catch up on any leftover homework, and note passing time.
Cece, Bella, and I will now use this period as note passing time in my high-tech diary.
It's not really high-tech at all, but none of us care.
Hi Lilly-pill.
Lily-pill!
Duh.
That makes absolutely no bloody sense!
Neither do you.
Rude…
SO, Lily…what was up with you at lunch, eh?
EH? Who says 'eh' anymore? Or ever, for that matter.
Obviously Bella does. Now answer the damn question.
James Potter's eyes have a spell on them that make anyone who makes direct eye contact with him make themselves think that they are high or on drugs or something to that effect.
I'm serious!
No, you're Lily-pill.
I hate you. I hate you so very, very much.
Why don't men have ovaries?
'Cause they're men, Cece! Gosh, why do you think?
Thank you Captain Underpants.
Don't you mean Captain 'Obvious'?
No, I mean Underpants. Anyways, Cece, they don't have ovaries because they can't handle ovaries.
What?
Eh?
Hypocrite.
Men are not responsible by nature. You need to be responsible to have ovaries. It's, like, written in the ovary handbook.
The what?
Yeah, it was written by the Menstruals.
The who?
No, the Menstruals Cece, not the Who!
Wha?
Nevermind.
Remus is responsible.
Remus must not be a man.
At this point, I'm not able to hold my laughter in. I let out a loud snort of laughter and my shoulders begin to shake as I lower my head to smack the desk. I hear Cece laughing besides me. I look over to Bella only to find her staring at something. I turn my head to follow her gaze and find her scrutiny focused on one Remus Lupin. I laugh even harder.
Everyone's staring at Cece and I now. I'm trying to quiet myself, but I'm not being very effective. Why won't my internal attributes listen to me? WHY?
"Miss Egan. Miss…I don't know you. But please be quiet from now on, or I will be forced to hand out a detention."
Cece and I stare at him, then promptly fall bag into our giggle fits. Bella picks up her quill and continues on the note passing conversation.
Can squirrels do it themselves?
Let's just say that the Trophy Room will look really spiffy by next Sunday.
'Tis Dinner time now. The Marauders are at the table and, as has become the norm, the only seats available for us are by them. I plop myself down next to Remus and across from James. Cece sits next to James, and Bella seats her stupid little self next to yours truly.
I place an assortment of food on my plate as I contemplate what to say. I also place a wicked grin on my face.
"Lily you look pained." Ok, fine. I can't be noncommittal and I can't be wicked. No matter, really. I'll find a look that suits me someday.
Note to self: address this problem to minions.
"So, Remus, buddy." Bella drinks her pumpkin juice to cover her grin and Cece stuffs her face with food. "Have anything…interesting to tell us?"
I'm met with blank stares from all of the Marauders. They're all aware that I know about Remus being a werewolf, so they must know that the only other secret that Remus is hiding is that he's a girl.
"Um…I don't…think so?"
"I'll give you a hint. It starts with 'o' and ends with 'ries', and it's a mix between 'ovals' and 'owlries'."
"I don't get it." James says very slowly, thinking as he speaks. Well, it's a step closer to thinking before he speaks.
"Why do you think that I have ovaries?" Remus seems genuinely puzzled. The rest of the Marauders look as if they're having an apoplexy. Cece and Bella are cleaning up the various food crumbs and spills they have created as a result of their laughter.
"You're responsible. Responsible people are women. Women have ovaries. So, Mr or should I say, Miss Lupin, are you or are you not a women with ovaries?"
James removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose, though he's laughing along with us. Sirius is always laughing, and Pettigrew still doesn't get it.
The incompetent moron.
"I'm not a woman!" Remus wails. Laughter erupts from the rest of us.
After a few minutes of laughter Bella, Cece, and I have already completely forgotten what we were laughing about. James begins to rise from the table.
"Where are you going?" I ask my counterpart.
"We have a Head meeting. Remember?"
No, I don't. We've barely even spoken with Dumbledore yet! What's he on about now?
"Erm…"
"You know, for the plan. We need to get back what we've lost…" he trails off, obviously trying to mentally send me something. Newsflash idiot! It doesn't work!
Apparently it does work, at least when I do it, because he leans across the table and whispers something in my ear. Oh, yeah! Jeez, he could've just said it out loud. Unless…
I'm going to see the James Potter experience firsthand!
Grinning like a maniac I remove myself from the table with little to no trouble and grab an extra bagel (why are there bagels at dinner?) and begin to follow James out of the Dining Hall.
"Remember to use protection!" Bella stage whispers. Gosh, Bells! Everybloodyperson can hear you! I turn around and with good aim for once in my life, I hit her right in the face with the bagel I've taken.
Then it's off for the James Potter experience.
Hello loverly reviewers!
Thank you so much for your responses. I really appreciate it. I'm glad that so many of you are enjoying the story! Just as an overview, My Life From A Bird's Eye View will probably have about 26 chapters, give or take. I know I'm taking my time building up the plot but I'm getting there, don't worry. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!
-twitch
Thanks to:
GaryLovesPickles
and
Speciall Ed
for all of their…support. Well, GaryLovesPickles supports me, Speciall Ed just kicks me when I don't update. Thanks!