Authors Note: Ok, this chapter is a little longer. My apologies if Christine seems a little…cold, but that is part of my character development. I promise, more questions will be answered in the next few chapters, and a couple are answered in this one. And I PROMISE that Erik is going to show up soon.

Also, my thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys keep me writing!

Lastly, the stuff in italics, in case you all haven't figured that out yet, is going on in Christine's mind.

Chapter Four

I heard a slight sound in the direction of the door-my maid was there, backed up against the doorframe, her palm pressed to her mouth, stifling a scream. She could not be allowed to wake the house…they would all find us here…and Raoul's body was already growing cold. I could not pretend he had died of natural causes-the blood on the bedclothes and on my lips gave that lie away.

I clutched the sheet to my chest, and took the one route left open to me…

I made her afraid for her life.

"Come here, Marie." I said, beckoning with my hand. She shook her head no, violently, pressing further against the frame. I'm sorry for what I must do now, Marie…

"COME HERE!"

I knew she read the warning in my tone, the threat that hovered just underneath the surface of my raised voice. She heard it, but she could not believe it came from her calm and sedate mistress.

I think it was her second glance at Raoul's body that made her move reluctantly towards me.

"Look at me, Marie."

She drew her eyes from the floor up to mine, fear making the pupils wide and draining all color from her face.

"You are…aware of what has happened to him?" I gestured at the body on the bed.

She nodded, swallowing deeply.

"And therefore you are aware of…what I am?"

As she nodded once again I saw her thoughts in the expression on her face. My God…she thinks she's going to die…oh, Marie, would that I did not have to do what I must do now…

I flung the bedclothes aside, standing naked and grasping the sides of her head with my hands. She fought against my grip-I held her still with a strength I did not know I possessed.

"Then you know," I hissed into her ear," that if you tell anyone-ANYONE- what has happened here, you will end up the same as him?" I allowed a gleam to come into my eyes that I did not feel.

She whimpered an assent, and I released her, pushing her to the side as I made my way to the closet to don a dressing gown.

"Madame…" she whispered. "What shall I do with…him?" She spared a glance at the bed.

I gave her only one instruction before going out into the corridor where she could not see my tears.

"Get rid of him."

Even now I wish I could have been other than I was. But I could think of no other way.

My God, what has he done to me?

I had killed my husband. I had killed Raoul. And with that fact, I had to learn to live.

But learning to live did not mean hating myself –or hating him- any less.

The funeral was two days later, Marie having found a doctor willing enough to write Raoul's cause of death as the failing of a weak heart. Privately I wondered how much money it had taken to make that doctor so willing.

Before the funeral I had cloistered myself in my study, avoiding human contact if only to spare the servants the outpouring of my grief-and their lives. I sat staring out the window of two days and nights, hardly moving.

And the neverending lapping of water resonated in my ears.

The water gently ate at the prow of the boat, lapping and licking at it as if it would swallow it whole. I clung desperately to the side as Nadir slowly punted it across the wide lake, giving me a gentle, half-hearted smile as the bottom hit the shore.

The destruction in the house on the lake was rampant, black candles lying in hardened pools of their own wax, endless sheets of music ripped to shreds more resembling confetti than musical scores. The pipe organ was twisted and smashed, the carpet ripped, the furniture torn and half-burned.

I turned to Nadir, tears beginning to form in my eyes. "Erik did this?"

"Yes." His voice was void of any emotion.

I felt a single tear slide down my cheek-no more. I would not allow myself to cry anymore in front of this man who had witnessed so much. I closed my eyes against my tears.

"Stand as my witness before God, Nadir," I whispered, sliding a simple gold band onto the ring finger of my left hand, my face held expressionless, betraying none of the loss I felt- the self hatred.

"Go to him," he said simply, taking my hand, pity and sadness creeping their way into his eyes. His right hand gestured, guiding my eyes to the only closed door in the room.

I shut my eyes against the memory. I will not remember him now…Raoul is dead…I killed him…and yet I remember ERIK! I grasped the lamp that stood on my desk and flung it against the wall, taking pleasure in hearing the shattering of the glass. Cursing at myself, I sat down at my desk and began to think.

I had to find a teacher.

I would not let this happen again.