Do you ever think back to when you were a child and you had an innocent out look on life. A time when you believed all your dreams were going to come true, a time when you believed everyone lived happily ever after. No matter how short that period of innocence was, it still at one moment in your life existed to you and for you alone.
Some people wanted to be fireman, lawyers (yuck), famous actors/actresses, elite athletes, superheros. Me I wanted to be Wonder woman (yes the costume and all)
I wanted to be that strong, that fast, that intelligent and even that beautiful.
Basically I wanted to fly.
I tried once but unfortunately I couldn't defy gravity and I fell to the ground.
For most people this would be enough to shatter that childhood dream and they would wake up the next morning and come up with a new one or just give up on it all together.
But not me,
I held on to mine,
After falling I kept it to myself I didn't speak about it anymore but it was always present in the back of my mind how else would I have had the guts to run over Morelli and break his leg .
It wasn't until after I went to college and married Dickie Orr (the horse's ass) that the dream became almost nonexistent. I had some how lost sight of it under all the pressure of the burg to get married and have 2.5 children.
Fortunately for me the horse's ass (no offence to the noble animal intended) showed his true colours and I found him screwing Joyce on my dinning room table.
Naturally we divorced and I moved on with my life, but from then on with each disappointment and let down I received in my life I started to let go of my dream, I didn't even realise I was doing it. When I got fired from the underwear buyer's job I was at a loss at what to do with myself and my life.
Lucky for me the world works in mysterious ways and I came up with the idea of doing filing for my cousin Vinnie.
Instead I ended up a bounty hunter and my life changed for the better.
You might be thinking about all the close calls and near misses I have had since entering this field. But it was all worth it, as on that first day form the moment I met Batman in the Café, I started to believe again.
It's incredibly hard to explain but meeting Ranger lit a spark inside of me that had been gradually extinguishing since the day I had tried to fly and failed. He unintentionally showed me that super heroes might really exist after all, my belief only got stronger the more I knew him. I am guessing that this is part of the pull I feel towards the man (anyway not to get off track)
Ever since that day the spark has been slowly getting brighter, sure there have been times when it wasn't so easy to believe and the spark dimmed but I was never down for long.
I learned to trust my instincts and myself again; I learned to trust myself to make the right decisions, which brings me to the current moment of my life.
Last night I trusted my instincts and I made a decision, I saw someone about to injure, quite possibly kill someone I care about and I acted.
A woman had pointed a gun at Tank and I shot her before she could, I killed her.
I was a wreck afterwards, terrified at what that meant.
Terrified that it made me something I didn't want to be and I had a slight breakdown and ended up spending the night in Batman's arms (we only slept).
Now while there are so many reasons why that shouldn't have happened (the main being he is seeing someone else) a large part of me is glad that it did, being around Ranger makes the impossible feel possible. He helps you believe in yourself without even trying to and last night I needed that belief and it worked.
This morning when I woke up and had some time to think, I remembered something. I remembered my dream, how I had always wanted to fly, how I had always wanted to be Wonder Woman. What would she have done in the same situation, she would have trusted her instincts and saved her friend.
Just like I did.
While I still felt a strong guilt and regret at taking a life, I did it to save a friend.
With that thought in mind, I knew I was going to be ok.