Underwear Revenge
A/N: This challenge response is very late and the challenge was also pending deletion. But, I wanted to write something completely random!
A small house elf was rushing around the laundry room in a mad dash to return the now clean clothes to the inhabitants of Hogwarts. The poor elf was new and the most people she had to serve were five! She quickly popped back and forth between the rooms depositing laundry. Finally, she only had two baskets left. Professor Snape and Professor Granger. Once she delivered their laundry, the little house elf scurried off to find another task to do before she had to punish herself for being a bad house elf.
Professor Hermione Granger came back to her quarters and collapsed on her bed. She had no idea why she was so exhausted. She was an Arithmacy Professor! All that was required of her was to lecture about numbers and the like to students who seemed to be falling asleep the minute they crossed the threshold. Maybe that was why she was so tired. Numbers fascinated her, but it was hard to talk about them for hours on end, often repeating the same lesson multiple times.
She was also very frustrated. Hermione had accidentally collided with Professor Snape in the hallway while she was rushing to her next class. She had a mountain of books in her hands, which, of course, had fallen to the floor along with her papers scattered everywhere. The Potions Professor merely glared at her, made a snide remark and carried on his snarky way. Bastard…
'Yes, that's it,' Hermione thought to herself, 'It's his entire damn fault. He could at least smile once in awhile…no that might give some students a heart attack. I just want to make him pay…'
With evil thoughts, some bordering on impossible, others illegal, Hermione made her way to the wicker basket on the floor filled with her clean laundry. She began to fold and hang all of her clothes, but then noticed something was wrong. 'Where are my knickers,' she wondered. She dug through the remaining clothes and found only men's all white Calvin's! 'Oh Merlin! I hope whatever lucky male has my knickers doesn't damage them. They were expensive!' Hermione wasn't only worried because said undergarments were expensive. They were also…a bit too racy. They were the kind of knickers that grandmother wouldn't approve of.
Hermione decided to check the back of the Calvin's just in case the random boy…or man…had written his name on them. It was her lucky day. There were two initials sewn, in green, on the back. S.S.
"Calvins," Hermione mumbled disbelievingly to herself, "Now, I always thought you were a Y-fronts man."
As she said those words, a new plan hatched into her evil-set mind.
Oh yes. Everything would be just fine.
Downstairs in the dungeons, Severus Snape was also putting away his own laundry only this involved using his wand to zap the garments into his wardrobe. He had finished the robes, shirts, and pants and had moved on to his socks and underwear. The man was barely paying attention to his task at hand, but it didn't escape his ever trained eyes when a piece of green silk flew into the drawer. Severus stopped his 'foolish wand-waving' and walked over to the offending garment. What he pulled out of his drawer was a pair of Slytherin green French Knickers trimmed with black lace.
'Obviously, the woman in question has good taste,' he chuckled to himself.
'I wonder…' the man pondered as he made his way over to the laundry basket. His suspicions were correct. Inside the basket contained even more, lacy woman's undergarments. Some pink, others blue, some black, but the majority were green. There were French cut, bikini's, and even some that were held together by a tiny piece of string.
Now, Severus wasn't mad. I mean, it's not everyday that a man gets bombarded with racy woman's knickers, but he was frustrated. If he had some woman's undergarments, where were his own? He decided to ponder this question in the morning. He was just tired from teaching idiots all day and he swore that his I.Q. level had dropped at least 10 notches today. Without even bothering to change, Severus plopped into bed and fell asleep.
The next morning, the students awoke to a beautiful…rainy…cold day. A perfect day for carrying out pranks one might say. Well, Fred and George might say that, but isn't everyday a perfect day for carrying out pranks? Anyways, Hermione had finally decided on what to do with Severus' underwear. She decided to be a good co-worker and return it, but she would return it in the most embarrassingly way possible. Undergarment by undergarment.
After getting ready for the day, and managing to conjure up some new undies, Hermione skipped down towards the Great Hall and made her way up to the Head Table. She was practically bouncing in anticipation. She watched the doors like a hawk, when, finally, the man of the hour had arrived.
Severus trudged up to the Head Table, collapsed in his chair and inhaled his coffee. 'Ahh…,' he sighed. Now he felt somewhat alive. He continued to sip at the coffee when the owl post arrived. He spotted an owl heading straight towards him with a package. The owl dropped the package onto the table in front of Severus. 'This is odd,' he thought. He tugged at the string carefully, when the brown box burst open, showering him and several others around him with confetti. Seconds later, the box burst once more showering the same people with underwear. His underwear. A note followed: "This is only half of it."
The students and teachers sat in shock at first. Then, all at once, the Great Hall erupted in laughter. Severus waved his wand and the garments found their way into the box. Upon seeing that this was the strict Potion Master's underwear, the laughter grew ten fold. Severus turned to Dumbledore who had taken it upon himself to wear the underwear on his head instead of his normally outlandish hat. The younger man's jaw dropped at the sight. Dumbledore turned to the now gaping Professor and said, "What? I was always inclined to white." At this statement, the laughter grew again and only increased when Severus stood up and snatched the underwear off of the old man's head.
As Severus made his way down the staff table, he saw Professor Granger trying not to laugh, but failing miserably. Then, suddenly, it clicked. The ladies' knickers he had in a pile on the floor in his quarters belonged to a young woman. Namely this young woman who was now tittering away at her own joke. He stopped directly behind her and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "This means war Professor Granger." The woman instantly stopped laughing and before she could turn around to comment, the Potions Professor had disappeared.
The entire day Hermione Granger spent looking over her shoulder and looking extra carefully to make sure her garments were not being worn by a suit of armor. The evening drew upon the castle, and not a lacy pair of knickers had been spotted. At least until after dinner.
Hermione had enjoyed a very pleasant meal and now was worry free about when and how the Potions Professor would strike. She sighed contentedly and got up from her chair to follow the students out of the doors. For some odd reason there was a huge mob clogging the doorway. Hermione pushed her way through the students to see what was wrong and try to control the situation. As soon as she got to the front she gasped in horror and shouted, "No, he didn't!"
But indeed, Severus had. As now the entire school could see, he had strung Hermione's lacy and racy undergarments anywhere possible. The suits of armor donned a pair; the pictures were decorated on their corners with some, and some where even suspended on the wall and on the candle holders. Hermione looked around in horror and the students behind her started to laugh uproariously. Some were on the floor and some of the older boys had dared to pick some of the underwear up that had fell to the floor. Hermione snatched the underwear out of their hands and proceeded to summon the rest of them up before running back to her quarters to recover.
A dark shadow had watched the entire scene from a corner. He was having a very difficult time containing his laugher. 'Let that show her to never mess with Severus Snape,' he thought proudly. With a new spring in his step, Severus made his way back to his quarters for a well deserved sleep.
The month passed on with no presence of underwear anywhere in the castle, in fact, with the excitement of the Christmas Ball approaching, everyone had forgotten about it. Except for Hermione. After one month of planning, she had come up with the perfect way to give Severus all of his underwear back. This was going to be one good Christmas.
The Christmas ball had finally approached and was received with much excitement. The majority of the students were staying for the holidays because of the ball so the castle was humming with anticipation. Hermione donned her cream colored dress robes and fixed her hair into a stylish bun with small ringlets framing her face, and then made her way down to the Great Hall. She had a prank to execute.
Severus Snape stood against a stone wall watching the hormones meet, come together, and explode upon contact and becoming increasingly bored with the task of chaperoning. With a quick search around the room, he located his former victim Professor Granger. Immediately she caught his eye and walked over to him.
"Sir, would you like to dance," she inquired.
Being ever the gentleman Severus responded, "No."
Hermione pouted, but grabbed his arm. "Come on sir, I know you want to."
"I told you no! Now please, go wallow in your rejection away from me."
Apparently, the girl had gone deaf and Severus found himself in the middle of the dance floor. He abhorred dancing. Especially with teenagers. He found he was choking on the mix of perfume, sweat, and hormonal dysfunctions. Thankfully, the fast song stopped and a slow one began. Hermione grabbed his right hand and placed it on her hip and took his left hand in her right one before placing her left hand on his shoulder.
"So, Professor Snape," Hermione began, "Nice job on decorating the main hallway."
Severus blanked out for a moment before remembering his pleasant revenge. "Why thank you Professor Granger. I did admire your creative use for confetti and explosion charms. Although, I must ask, did the Headmaster choose to wear my undergarments as a festive hat or was that a twist of fate."
"I believe you know the answer to that question," Hermione giggled gesturing with a nod of her head towards the Headmaster now doing the tango with a flustered Professor McGonagall while sporting bright red robes that changed to green every so often.
Severus smirked at the crazy old man. "I have another question…Hermione. What was the cause of you deciding to place my underwear in a box and having it explode all over some off the staff and students?"
Hermione froze at his use of her first name before responding. "Let's just say, Severus, it was a mix between boredom, the weather, and the fact that I felt a bit Slytherin that day."
Severus raised an eyebrow at her answer. "Is that all?"
"Well, that and a bit of revenge," she said quickly, her cheeks turning slightly pink.
"Revenge? Please continue"
Hermione sighed deeply, "Well, for all of those times during my school years. Childish I know, but you had also collided with me in the hallway on that day and didn't even offer to help me up or help pick up my things. After the day ended, I was just so tired and frustrated with my class that that little action inspired me to get payback. And it felt pretty nice I might add."
"I apologize for not assisting you Hermione."
"Apology accepted," she said with a smile, "But I'm not finished just yet."
Severus' eyes grew wide and soon enough, the Christmas trees decorating the Great Hall sprouted new ornaments. White ornaments. The Great Hall became very quiet as they spotted the new decorations before erupting in laughter once more. The Potions Master's underwear had, once again, made their appearance.
Severus looked back at Hermione who was now laughing so hard that her face had turned cherry red and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at the Professor and with one last wave of her wand, another pair of underwear appeared on his head. The students all turned and fell over laughing at Severus' new hat. Suddenly, the most unexpected thing happened. He started laughing. Outright, real, deep, and very loud, laughing. Tears were threatening to fall down his cheeks as he looked upon Hermione again. He waved his wand and the green and black laced pair of knickers appeared on her head as well. Hermione reached up and felt what was one her head before bursting out laughing again.
Once everyone had calmed down, the music started again. Both Professors still dawned their unusual head gear, but were now both very flushed and still breathing heavily.
Hermione looked into Severus' eyes and said, "I do believe that I have never heard you laugh in all my years here."
At this Severus grinned, "No one has been able to make me laugh as much as you have tonight Hermione."
"It's the loveliest sound I have ever heard, Severus."
Severus and Hermione stopped dancing and locked eyes with each other. The music had moved on to a new and faster song and everyone was dancing again.
Severus closed his eyes and began to lean in towards Hermione. She closed her eyes in anticipation. The Professor's lips just barely brushed against her own before they opened their eyes again. The two smiled softly at each other before coming together for another kiss. Severus wrapped both arms around Hermione's waist, pulling her in closer, while Hermione's arms wrapped around Severus' neck. With one last smile, their lips meet in a soft kiss. Hermione pulled Severus closer and the kiss deepened.
They broke apart slowly and reluctantly. Hermione flashed the man the biggest grin, which he returned in kind. Hermione came closer to Severus and rested her head against his chest. The man brought a hand up to her back and began to gently rub it. He softly kissed the top of her bushy head and whispered, "Merry Christmas my dear Hermione" into her hair. Hermione gently lifted her head and said smiling, "Merry Christmas to you as well." Severus grinned softly at the beautiful witch in his arms before she rested her head against his chest. The young man then kissed her head one last time before resting his cheek upon it. The two began to sway together slowly.
Up at the Head Table, the Headmaster sighed while watching the couple dance.
"Something wrong Albus," Professor McGonagall inquired.
"Oh nothing Minerva," the Headmaster replied wistfully, "Just enjoying the miracleof love. It is truly beautiful isn't it?"
Professor McGonagall noted the couple in particular that the Headmasterspoke of. "Yes, it truly is."
Both Professors smiled softly as Severus and Hermione leaned in for another kiss before Severus escorted Hermione out of the Great Hall and out onto the grounds to look at the stars.
"And to think, it all started with a flustered house elf on laundry day."