A beat.
"I think I have quite a bit as it is, you have a pretty good base to evaluate the way I think," I said.
"This is quite true my dear," he said in a chilling voice.
'That's the last thing you want, Hannibal inside your head,' I thought to myself.
Then I remembered "Oh, Clarice, she must be worry to death about me," I said.
"Ah, yes, Clarice, maybe we should give her a call, and let her know you are all right," he said as he stood up. "Come with me," he said leading me to a desk in the middle of the room, which by the way had a phone sitting on it.
"Sit," he said motioning to the chair behind the desk. After I sat down, he sat next to me on the edge of the desk, facing me. He picked up the phone, and dialing her number, and to be honest it didn't surprise me that he knew it. He sat, looking at me with those incredible eyes, as the phone rang. After a few rings she picked up.
"Hello," she said. I could hear her voice on the other side of the phone line.
"Well, hello Clarice," he said in that chilling voice. He was still looking at me, but now a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
There was silence at the other end of the line.
"Dr. Lecter," she said in a surprised voice.
"Now my dear, is there any reason to sound to surprise?" He asked.
She said something but I couldn't quite make out what it was. What ever she said was followed with a short, chilling chuckle from Dr. Lecter, and he replied, "Yes I know my dear, I'm sorry, but I have someone here who would like to say hello to you." He said as he switched it to speakerphone.
"Clarice?" I said as I stared at Dr. Lecter the way he stared at me.
"Oh my God, Liz, is that you? What are you doing there, has he hurt you? Dr. Lecter, if you hurt her in any way, I swear..." She said furiously.
By this time I had broken Dr. Lecter's gaze, and I was looking at the speaker. I heard him chuckle and looked up at him.
"Clarice, slow down," I chuckled. "He hasn't hurt me, actually, he saved me. I was mugged on the street and hit on the head. He has taken care of me. If it weren't for him, I would still be lying on the street, unconscious." I said staring at Dr. Lecter.
"Clarice, you disappoint me, I would never harm a charming young lady like Liz. She is very interesting, and very talented." He said as he looked at me.
"I want her back, and unharmed."
"Now Clarice is this any time to get demanding? I think that is for Liz and my self to decide, don't you think. I would like her to stay with me for a while. And I don't think I have any objections from Liz, do I my dear?" He asked.
"No, I would love to," I said with out thinking.
"Ah, there you see," The doctor said.
"Lizzy, what are you talking about? Are you all right, has he drugged you?" She asked.
"No I'm fine, you should know me better than that, there isn't a question of approval, it's more of a statement," I said again looking at Dr. Lecter.
"All right, it's settled, when I feel it is time for Liz to leave, or when she starts to get bored, I will call you, and set something up. Oh, and please don't go to the FBI, I can asure you I will not harm her at all. And I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if your stay were cut short by some, unwanted visitors, would you my dear?" He asked.
"Seriously, please I am begging you, don't call the police. Please." I meant it to, if I was scared of this man at all, trust me I would let her know.
"Ta ta," he said as he hung up the phone.
That night I lied awake in the room I had earlier that day woken up in. For some strange reason I couldn't sleep. So I grabbed my sketchbook which was in my guitar case and decide to go and sit on the balcony and sketch for awhile. About half way to my destination I heard music playing. It sound like someone was playing the piano, it was coming from one of the rooms down the hall. Standing in the doorway I could see Dr. Lecter sitting at the glorious Baby Grand piano that stood in the middle of the room. He was also sitting with his back to me.
The music he was playing was beautiful.
I soon found my self sitting on some sort of couch, with my sketch book open, sketching the image of Dr. Lecter sitting at the piano in front of me. I did many sketches of him at the piano, I moved around the room a bit, soundless, so I wouldn't disturb him. They came out very well, some better then others.
After about an hour or so, he must have sensed my presence.
"Do you enjoy listening to me play?" He asked, and with that he turned around on the piano bench so he was facing me.
"Yes I do," I said looking up from my sketch.
"You need your sleep," he said to me.
"I rarely sleep, especially at night. I heard the music playing and decided to sketch a bit, I hope you don't mind," I said.
"No, I don't mind," he said kindly. "May I see the sketches?" He asked holding out his hand.
"Yes, you may," I said as I rose for the couch I had been sitting on.
I walked across the room and handed him the sketches.
"Thank you," he said.
"May I?" I said motioning toward the piano.
"Do you know how to play?" He asked ignoring the sketches for a moment.
"Yes," I said
"Then you may," he said as he slide over on the bench, making room for me to sit down.
I sat at the piano, and started to play Toccata in D minor, my favorite piece.
After I finished I could sense him staring at me so I turned.
"Again, you play well," he said. "And these are very good," he said referring to the pictures. "It is now clear to me that you are very talented."
"Thank you," I could feel my self blush. "Coming from you Doctor, that is a great compliment."
And that very moment was one I would remember for the rest of my life, for it was the first time I ever saw him smile, with a flash of fire in his eyes. That smile that sends chills down your spine.
Days, weeks, I can hardly remember, well anyway they passed. And as they did, the good Doctor and I became closer. Before I had ever met him, I thought he was a rather great man, in a weird sense. Soon that feeling developed into shear admiration and respect. His knowledge, intelligence, I wish I had them. For the last week or so, this feeling of something had been creeping in. What it was, I don't know.
I was sitting out on the balcony over looking the beautiful city, the sight was breath taking. As I sat there I began to think, and wonder about that feeling. Then it hit me... loneliness. It's been there ever since my father passed away. The empty void inside of me. My heart felt heavy and weak, and so did my soul. I missed him greatly, but I didn't really realize it until now.
Sitting forward in my chair, putting my head into my hands, I could feel the lump in my throat start to swell. For the first time in only God knows how many years, I let a tear roll down my face. Then another and another, until I couldn't stop. I furiously tried to wipe them away, scolded my self for crying, ashamed of my tears. But no matter how hard I tried to stop them, the shameful tears rolled down my cheeks. Soon anger and disappointment found its place and I cried more. Angery at myself for showing weakness, the one thing I despised the most in life.
I could feel him standing behind me.
"Go away Dr. Lecter," I yelled at him. I hated when people saw me cry. But him of all people, nothing seemed worse.
"Liz, now is that anyway to speak to someone?" He said in his chilling voice.
"Liz, what's wrong?" He asked in his calm, cool voice.
I didn't answer him, I couldn't.
"Liz?"
"Go away, leave me alone!" I yelled again. I had to get away from him. I knew he was behind me, but I didn't know where, or how close, I just had to get away. So I covered my face with my hands, got up, turned his way and tried to run. But he stopped me cathing me in his strong arms. I struggled to break free of his grip, but it was no use I was trapped.
"Liz, what is wrong? Now my dear don't try to get away. Just relax," He said.
I couldn't move, it was like my brain knew what I had to do, but it wasn't happening. Instead, I just melted into his arms, with my face buried in his chest, weaping for my dead parents and myself.
After awhile, I realized my loneliness was gone, but it's place was taken up by loss. I realized that I wasn't lonely, I had Dr. Lecter, someone who cared for me whether it was obvious or not. We stood there for awhile, I cried my eyes out.
Dr. Lecter was the one who broke the silence. "So tell me, what's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it, please, just let it be." I said wiping away my tears, embarrassed by them.
"Okay, for now. But you have to tell me sooner or later," he said with a stare.
"Fine," I said.
We sat there for awhile, neither of us said anything. After and while I went to get my guitar and played well into the night. Dr. Lecter sat there and listened to me, eyes closed, deep in thought. After I played for a while, my fingers were starting to hurt so I stopped. When I finished I noticed the good Doctor starring at me.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing... You are so different from Clarice, but its rather refreshing," he said as he turned his head to look over the cityscape.
I sat looking at him for awhile, studying this man people had named a monster.
"Now I am inclined to ask 'what'," he said with a hit of amusement in his voice, and he turn to look at me with those eyes.
"I don't see it," I said.
"See what my dear?" he asked confused.
"What other people see that is so terrible about you, quite frankly, I don't see it"
The look he gave me was a look I would never forget. It was indescribable. For one split second his eyes softened, his face softened, and he smiled.
"My dear, you know of the things I have done, you have heard all the horror stories, have you not?
"Yes, but..,"
He cut me off.
"Then why is it you show me such respect, and look at me with such admiration in your eyes, and say such things to me? I know we have gone through this, but why is it my dear that you don't flinch when you are around me?"
"Because I don't care what those other people think about you, or me, or anybody else. I will judge someone only after I have gotten to know them. I will not let someone else decided for me on whether I like someone or not, or what I think of them. You ARE human..." I was almost yelling now, but not really. "And I think you should have fair chance in my book. Screw everyone, and their images of what they perceive you and I to be. To hell with the people who over look the good and go right to the bad. I believe everyone has a dark side, and it shines through a little brighter on some individuals more than others do. So screw 'em, to hell with them all. You think I care, I use to, but I sure as hell don't anymore! To me all of of those people who go only by what society thinks, their sheep! They let other people think for them, the politicians, people on talk shows, they do, think and believe what they are told. Sheep, all of them, and I am sick a tired of it."
It felt so good to say this stuff, I have wanted to say it for a while, but never found the right time, it was now.
I was now standing looking over the balcony onto the city, he stood up and joined me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
"I know how you feel my dear," he said.
'GOD THANK YOU,' I thought to myself. I knew if anyone would understand it would be him.
Finally someone to share my views with, someone who would understand, and share in some of my feelings.
"I mean don't you just look at the world sometimes and think what the hell was God thinking? I have that thought every morning and every night." I returned to my seat.
"Yes, I have to admit, I have those exact thoughts quite often," he said as he stared me in the eye.
I wanted to break his stare, but then again I didn't, I couldn't. I couldn't stop looking into those incredible eyes, such knowledge, and respect shinning back at me. Yet, there was no emotion in his face. He just gazed at me with those burning eyes. I couldn't break the gaze, that shows a certain amount of weakness. We sat like that, for awhile, just staring at one an other square in the eye. The whole time we sat there, I kept thinking to myself, 'God, those eyes. Why does he have to have those damn eyes!'
Over the course of the time I stayed with Doctor Lecter, we became close friends. After awhile he started taking me places with him, the opera and stuff like that. And tonight was my first party. I was excited, but quite nervous.
"Lizzy, we are going to be late my dear, come, come hurry up," Doctor Lecter yelled up to me.
I was still in my room looking in the mirror making sure everything was right. Everything had to be perfect. My hair grr.
"I hate my hair!" I mumbled to my self.
"Lizzy!"
"Coming," I yelled down, taking on last glance in the mirror.
Doctor Lecter was standing at the bottom of the staircase waiting for me as I came down. When he looked up and saw me, he gave me that look again. For a little longer than a moment this time, his eyes soften, his face lighten, and he smiled.
When I reached the bottom of the steps he look up at me again with those eyes.
"You look... beautiful my dear. You truly do. And I love your hair," He said as he kissed my hand.
Sure, leave it to the good Doctor to know exactly what I'm thinking.
"Well thank you Doctor Lecter, you look very nice as well."
What was I going to say? You look very handsome tonight? Come on, I'm 18, it just didn't seem right saying that to him. But I had to admit, honestly, he did look good.
When we arrived, the place was already swarming with "beautiful people", and I mean that in a nice way. Everyone walking around looked like movie stars. The men had their tucks on and the women had their hair done beautifully, wearing beautiful dresses and sparkling jewelry. Although I was with the good doctor, I still felt as though some what of an outcast.
As we got out of the car I asked,
"Are you sure about all of this?"
"My dear you will be fine! Just be your usually charming self, and everyone will love you," he said reassuring me as he offered his arm.
"Ok, my usual self, I'm not to sure charming comes with that," I said shooting him a look.
He chuckled and I smiled.
"See that's what I mean, be your self," He said.
As always, he was right. I danced, I talked, I laughed. I don't think I have ever been asked to dance so many times in one night. I felt like a princess in a fairy tale. And every time I glanced at Doctor Lecter, he was smiling at me, as he talked with his little circle of people.
"Doctor Fell, you must tell me who is that exquisite young woman you walked in with?" A man asked.
"Her name is Elizabeth, she is a friend," Doctor said smiling at me.
"If you all will excuse me, I think I will ask that beautiful young woman I walked in with to dance, excuse me," he said making his way towards me.
I was dancing with a kindly gentleman, James, I think he said his name was. I spotted Doctor Lecter half way across the dance floor. He moved like a cat, sly and smooth.
"May I cut in?" He asked.
"Yes you may," James said a little hesitant, as he looked at me.
"May I have the pleasure of this dance?" He asked as he offered his hand.
"Yes, you may."
I thought to myself, 'Man you are dancing with Hannibal Lecter, Clarice would die!'
So we danced, first a waltz of some sort, then a slower song.
He was an incredible dancer, as I'm sure you could imagine.
"You know my dear, you do look quite lovely tonight. I think at least 10 gentlemen have approached me tonight demanding to know who the beautiful young lady at my arm was," he said with a slight smile on his face.
"Really? Oh, you are over exaggerating," I said giving him a look.
"My dear Lizzy, have I ever lied to you? No, and I never will."
I kept looking in his eyes as he spoke, and they had a certain warmness to them. But they were still that chilling maroon color. There was something hidden deep inside of them yearning to break free.
When he finished, he look as if he were going to say more, but thought about it and didn't. But still he looked like he desperately wanted to say something. But what? Hell, I don't know, but what ever it was it seemed to be bothering him.
The song was finished, but we kept dancing. I kept looking at this great man I was dancing with. He had such ease, such grace. Then I thought about it, and noticed that once empty feeling I had was now filled. Could it be?
'Have I fallen... No...' I thought to myself. But yes, I think so. I have fallen in love with him. Not love, like romance love, but love. He filled the empty void that was there after my father died.
"So my dear, are you enjoying yourself?" He asked.
"Of course, I'm having a wonderful time," I said, still thinking about the conclusion I had just come to.
"Lizzy, what's wrong?"
"Oh... nothing, nothing at all. I'm perfectly fine," I said looking at him and smiling.
"My dear what is wrong? And don't lie or I'll know."
"Nothing, I was just thinking, that's all."
"About what?"
"Well, about my father, and how much I missed him in the beginning. How empty, scared and alone I felt and..." My voice kind of trailed off at the end a little.
"And?"
"Well, now I feel nothing of that. I don't feel alone, or scared, or empty. I feel warm, and whole, and completely safe."
"My dear, I think it is because you have come to cope with the fact that he is really gone, and you have learned to accept that," he said.
I couldn't hold it back I had to smile. This great man, who I dearly loved, had no idea at all.
"What, may I ask is so funny?" He asked rather offended.
"My dear doctor, I think for the first time in your life you are wrong."
"No, I am not. I'm quite serious."
"Yes, so am I. You couldn't be any farther from the truth," I said now grinning. It was killing him I could see it, that face of stone was cracking. Or maybe I was just getting used to it.
"Then, please, enlighten me. Why do you no longer have those feelings?" He asked rather interested.
"I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I think it's because I have found someone who I love, respect, look up to, and just all around admire. And that person has made me forget all that has gone wrong, and pushed all those feelings aside, and filled it with love," I said smiling at him. I couldn't help it, he had no idea.
"Ah, I see, Clarice," he said. And with the mention of her name his eyes flickered.
I just smiled, didn't say anything at all.
We left just as the party was starting to wind down. The car ride home was in silence. After we got home, I changed out of my dress clothes into a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, and went to sit on the balcony. Soon Doctor Lecter was there to join me, but he stood at the railing over looking the city.
How do you tell someone who is completely oblivious, how much you really care you about them? And to make it even harder he WAS Docter Hannibal Lecter, and he had those damn eyes!
"Well, I'm off to bed..." I said getting up from my seat.
"Good night my dear," he said still with his back to me.
"Doctor Lecter?" I said approaching the railing.
"Yes?" Finally he was looking at me.
"Remember when I was talking about all that stuff I was feeling after my father died, and how it's no longer there, and someone filled that emptiness?" I said part of this looking him in the eye, and the other part staring at the floor.
"Yes."
"Well," I took a step closer to him, kissed him on the cheek, and hugged him.
"That someone I was talking about, wasn't Clarice, even though I love her dearly," I said as I was hugging him.
"It wasn't?" He asked now hugging me.
"No... It was you."