Aztec Goddess: Bleh . . . I'm so freakin' sick right now. What a craptastic way to start the new year. Well, hopefully, this chapter isn't too flawed since the last time I saw the episodes here was a billion years ago in Japanese.

Betrayal

Things are getting too bland at the place Greed has called Devil's Nest. I expected action to be more constant like my first day here. But it sounds like Greed is the only one getting some "action" – the kind I do not care for. However, if a girl pays me money to kill her, I would definitely find joy in that. So, yes, I am perverted, just not sexually.

The only women that come by nowadays are drunken hoes that occasionally mistake Marta (the blonde I mentioned earlier) as a man. But that is understandable. Oh, and Kelly comes along too just to stare at Greed, being too intimidated by the barrage of bitches that hover around him. This is the only time I see her out of her military uniform; she wears instead a black suit that probably belongs to a man.

But today seems to be going along a bit different than expected. Greed wants us to kidnap this little boy that the military has already kidnapped from someone else, I think. I was the first to volunteer since this sounds like a good excuse to go around exploding people. And that is exactly what I do to enter the HQ – grab a random guard and explode him to make a hole in the wall. Well . . . it would have been more enjoyable if that stupid chimera here to "help" me would stop laughing like an idiot. He is so annoying and ugly – it depresses me. But I live on.

My grand entrance was not as noticeable as it should have been because it sounds like the other party is already here and attacking everyone in search for that little boy. But I eventually explode my way to them, killing others along the way, enjoying their screams and ignoring the ecstatic Kelly in the background cheering that I am finally a State Alchemist again. Hmm . . . not a bad idea.

And now I am facing the Fuhrer and others . . . the big guy I recognize as a fellow State Alchemist who also slaughtered some Ishbalans, but the rest are unfamiliar. A short blonde kid has just referred to me as a bastard and I take no offense because, well, I chose to be that. But the other State Alchemist is talking about how I should be dead, which I find quite rude. Aw, all I did was make people go boom – his tactics were similar!

One pointless thing leads to another; the lady holding a kid – which seems to be the one I am after – tries to escape, the Fuhrer swipes the kid from her and leaves, the State Alchemist attacks the lady, they all start fighting against one another, even the chimera gets a shot at the short blonde, and I feel so left out. Then another odd person present with blue armor catches my attention.

"You have an interesting body," I compliment him as I grab one of his sides. He freaks and moves away before my transmutation is complete. Only smoke came out . . . that was weaker than usual.

The short guy almost slices the chimera's tail to free himself and starts acting like he knows me. I must have been made famous or something – being thought as dead has its perks! But needless to say, I failed to complete my mission and the HQ looks in really bad shape, so I start to leave. That useless chimera had already ran back to Greed crying and I just stand by the entrance, pissed. "To hell with this," I say. "It'd be easier if I blew this whole building up." Then I hear a familiar click.

The unfamiliar militant I saw a second ago has his gun pointed at me. Wow, how astonishingly unoriginal. He introduces himself as Lieutenant Colonel Frank Archer and proposes that I reenlist into the military under certain conditions. That sounds great, but the way he smiles and says, "I can make it happen," . . . I hated that. But I agree to his terms anyway. Greed and the others have seriously been pissing me off lately.

I start to hate them even more as the days pass. We leave Devil's Nest more often now but it is nothing more than a huge waste of time for me. After all, Archer wants a certain other alchemist to be reenlisted and he never goes outside. His name is Shou Tucker and by far he is the ugliest thing that was ever dragged into Greed's gang. His head is upside-down, his chest is on his back, and he has two pairs of arms. I never talked to him much, but I know he ended up this way by trying to recreate his daughter, whom he pretty much killed. Touching story, no?

Anyway, I know I should drag myself along to wherever Greed and the others go to not seem suspicious. It sucks. We meet two other homunculi that look like women and Greed attacks the skimpy one. I get to stand idly and do nothing. We go to an old hag's house to assault her. The only thing I get to do is throw a rock at that short blonde guy I met earlier. Greed says we cannot kill him, which thoroughly convinces me that what I chose to do at HQ is the right thing. Now to spring it up on Greed at the worst possible moment.

Today is the perfect day. Greed and his retarded friends have captured that blue armor thing and they are all conveniently gathered in one room while I work at the bar, getting the customers drunk, waiting for some militants to show up. I get Tucker to come back to the military rather easily. But he is still faking to be on Greed's side. I, on the other hand, have already called for reinforcements to destroy Devil's Nest and thought of another great idea. You see . . . there is this thing Greed guards as if his life depends on it, which I am guessing it does. It is locked neatly in a little safe in his room but he is not in there at the moment.

The militants should be coming soon, so I sneak away into Greed's room, cautiously not touching anything there but the safe. I destroy the lock on it with no problem at all and take out the bag hidden inside. And before I know it, gunshots; doors break open, windows shatter, customers scream, people falling, probably dying since the screams are lessening. Some militants barge into the room I am in and I greet them with a friendly, "Hello." They recognize me even though I have never seen any of them before, so they lower their weapons.

Archer comes in and asks, "What do you think you're doing?"

I take a peak inside the bag and see a skull. This must have been Greed's back when he was a human. Yes, Greed went into full details concerning homunculi once. What an idiot – now I know his weakness. I toss the bag to Archer. "We'll need this to keep the plan in motion."

I lead Archer and the militants to where Greed and the others are and finally get some appreciation for my entrance. Everyone is looking at me and Greed is dumbstruck, noticing we have his skull. Wow, this is the first time I see him scared. What a pleasant surprise. And then they all run away like wet chickens. I kind of do regret that; letting Greed escape, I mean.

And so Archer now has me and Tucker on his side, so he is happy. And we are heading East – my favorite place since Ishbal used to be in that direction and now we are going to destroy another primitive place called Lior, so I am freakin' dandy. That is, until that weird girl figures out where my new room is, which I know she will.

Almost as soon as I think that, she barges into my room, looking rather pissed. That new expression on her does not suit her well. "You asshole!" she yells. "I heard what you've done! What the hell gave you the idea to declare an attack on Greed and his friends?"

"What's the problem?" I ask. "He's no relation to you. You know, maybe he would have at least noticed you if you wore girl's clothes."

She backs off, her anger subsiding. ". . . Things don't work that way for me. He wouldn't have seen me anyway."

"What, you're a ghost now?" Then I remember what I really think she is. "You wouldn't happen to be a homunculus?"

She lowers her eyes at me. "You're an idiot if you haven't figured it out yet." She advances on me and smiles. "So you really don't know. How tragic."

I push her away. "What are you getting to, you head case?"

She giggles. "You're the head case! And do you know why?" She pulls out her gun and points it at me.

I roll my eyes. This is getting old. "You wouldn't."

She smiles sadistically and says, "Don't be so sure of yourself, you mental patient," mimicking my father's voice perfectly.

I back away without knowing it. ". . . Oh, I see. You're that homunculus who can-" Before I finish, she pulls the trigger. I hear the gunshot, but I feel nothing hit me.

"I'm no homunculus. I'm no ghost. I'm no human, either," she says, pulling the trigger again. This time, I do see the bullet hit me – it leaves a mark on my new uniform, but still . . . nothing. "You still can't figure it out?"

"What the hell . . ." I can feel the bullet hole with my hand, but there is no pain.

"Let me put it in words you can understand – words you've used." She then mimics my own voice. "I find it absolutely adorable that you believe everything you see."

Okay, things are getting too weird now. "How did you know . . .?"

"I know as much as you do," she replies indifferently. "No more, no less. But I really do want to know more, and I'm not leaving until you figure it all out."

Her little tricks are getting really annoying. It is nighttime already and she is making me miss my chance to kill some militants. I think I should start with her tonight. "Leave me alone, you nosy little bitch." With one hand, I slam her against the door and begin the transmutation. Once again . . . nothing.

"You can't kill me that way, dumbass!" she laughs. "I'm telling you: I'm not leaving until you figure it all out. So tell me, Zolf Javan Kimblee, what's your problem with your middle name? Is it because that's your dad's name? Why did you hate him so much?"

I let go of her, giving up on the transmutation. "Lucky guess."

She shakes her head. "It wasn't a guess. I also remember the first time you attempted alchemy. Man, I though you would never stop crying! But you were little and the window did quite a number on you."

I back away even further. "That's not even possible! Who the hell told you?"

She ignores my question and continues: "And before that, you started noticing your mother going crazy – you should thank her for your schizophrenia – it's genetic. She ran away once, remember? When your dad made her feel like a freak for being an alchemist. You were left all alone with your dad. Remember that?"

"Shut up already! Who the hell are you?" I yell.

Kelly's expression goes completely blank. She shrugs. "If you don't know, how do you expect me to know?"

"This is bullshit – get out of my way." I shove her away from the door and leave and a guard rudely interrupts me. He seems to know about how Archer reenlisted me.

"We can't let you be seen, Kimblee!" he says as he tries to make me go back into my room.

"Why not? At least let me play by night." . . . This bastard. He caught me in a really bad mood. I was about to make him explode right then and there, but another interruption occurred.

"KIMBLEY!" Marta comes out of nowhere. Aw, she misses me already.

"Hello there," I greet her. She already has her arms wrapped around my own and trying to get her knife through my neck. Too bad for her I am not up to dying. I see that blue armor thing again and yell at it, "Hey, you're going to let her kill me?" And to my surprise, the armor thing comes to my rescue. Once freed, I grab that stupid guard and throw him at Marta for being so mean.

After the explosion, I see that both Marta and the armor are still alive, but on the ground, a story lower than me. Hmm, that guard left a huge hole in the building. Oh, well, it was his fault, not mine. I jump down and attempt to finish them off, really looking forward to seeing how the armor will explode. But I did not expect that thing to know alchemy.

I end up in a really crappy position, boxed in by walls the armor made using the ground. And lucky me – I had accidentally set one of the walls up for demolition and I get caught in it. But I did learn an important lesson about exploding walls: they hurt like crap! "You devious little bastard," I scold the armor as I crawl out of the rubble that was left by the walls. Now, I swear, I will do anything and everything to make sure I make that thing explode.

A familiar face comes by – that Flame guy! Why is he never happy to see me? In fact, he arrests me! "And after all the nights we spent together," I pout as he angrily drags me to Archer's office, not even caring that I am bleeding. Archer must have heard what I said, because he is giving me this odd stare, along with Flame. I have a good idea on what they are thinking, so I say, "You perverts! I feel violated."

"But weren't you the one who said-" Archer starts, but Flame interrupts him.

"Don't even respond when he says things like that. That's just how he is." Why does everyone act like they know me so well? Weirdos. I stand idly and smile, just to confuse them further.

Aztec Goddess: I think Kimblee's real middle name is as real as Scar's brother's name, so I just pulled out a Bible to look for one since there are a lot of J's in there. "Javan" means deceiver; one who makes sad . . . It's also the Hebrew word for Greece. Makes you wanna think.