So I've been thinking…there are so many parodies AGAINST mary sues…this one is a one shot against those mary sue flamers… if you haven't looked at the mary sue litmus test, here is the website… read before this story.

http/criminality.

ok onto the story……………….

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Artemis was talking to Butler this one horrible rainy afternoon. (It can't be sunny or in school because HELLO, that's totally cliché of Mary Sues)

"Let's go to the coffee shop Butler, I'm in the mood for a latte."

"Alright master Artemis, let's go!"

Once they arrived at the coffee shop, Artemis bumped into a girl who was covered in acne, wore thick glasses, braces, frizzy hair, and the dullest colored eyes anyone could ever dream about. (This way, flamers can't comment on her eye color) He almost threw up looking at her.

She extended an extremely narrow wrist to shake his hand. "Hello, I'm Susie Ordinario!"

Artemis however, did not shake her hand and replied "I am Artemis Fowl the Second."

"Oh, I've heard of you, Artemis! I hear that the beautiful Mary Sues have been chasing after you. How dreadful! But have no more fear, I am everything you could possibly be looking for! I am drop dead ugly, I have a low IQ of 80, and I have a boring personality. I come from a loving household without any signs of possible abuse. My parents are still alive. You could never fall in love with me, so that also takes away yet ANOTHER layer of Mary Sueism."

Artemis sighed in relief. "Wow, you're right about EVERYTHING you just said. I won't ever fall in love with anyone, because any new character in a fanfiction is a Mary Sue. Since I like pretty girls who have some intelligence, and aren't bitches… meaning Mary Sues, I am am cursed to live a life alone-- unless you can set me up with Juliet, even though I am 15 and she is 20. But wait, you aren't allowed to do THAT either, because that would mean you are partially a Mary Sue! (Setting up me, Artemis with someone could make you a Mary Sue!) This is so frustrating!"

"Yes, I completely agree! I mean, I would love to kiss you right now, but according to some authors, if the author writing this fanfic wants to kiss you, this means I am partially a Mary Sue. So, no kissing for us. Which brings us to another point—my author made my awful character so if anyone flames against me, she won't take it personally because she created a character that no one could possibly like. Sigh. What a tragic life for us Artemis."

"Yes, I quite agree with you Miss Ordinario. I will be forever the asexual Artemis Fowl who doesn't go through puberty trapped in a world of authors who flame any potential love interests of mine. Because apparently actually loving someone is OOC for me. "

"You could turn gay!"

"Alas, you solved it! I will go find another gay guy and date him!"

"I see it now! You would look so cute together! And you and I would remain friends throughout this, and if we get into any adventures with the fairies (who I am not supposed to know about under any circumstances, or be related to them because it could lead to Mary-Sueism) you will have to rescue me, maiden in distress, since I am not allowed to help and save the day."

"Susie, I have a feeling we will have a GREAT friendship until the day I die."

"I agree!"

Ten Years Later…

"I love you John."

"I love you more Artemis!"

"Shit, you don't think I'm OOC right now, because flamers would absolutely HATE that!"

"You might be right. Let's go elope because we aren't allowed to end a story with a wedding with the fairies invited to it!"

"Wow, that sucks, there goes any chances of a story on fanfiction with a 'Happily Ever After' without flames. How did the movie Cinderella get published without getting any flames?"

"I REALLY don't know!"

"Come on, we better kiss passionately now, BEFORE sunset. According to the official handbook of Mary Sueism, kissing during the sunset isn't allowed!"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me John!"

"Any time."

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There we go… my parody against the flamers of the mary sues. I didn't spend that much time editing it…or really at all, I just wanted this story out there so flamers know what they are doing.

Go ahead, flame me, I really don't care, unless it's on grammar and spelling, since I just said that I didn't bother to correct that.

But if you actually LIKED it (heaven forbid) feel free to tell me. Lol.