A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys, I hope that you are enjoying this story, and sorry for the lack of updates, I'll try to be better. Please review and tell me what you think! :)
Stephanie was human, and humans made mistakes. She wasn't perfect, as nobody tended to be, and she had major flaws. Her scheming was one of those major flaws. She jumped into something without considering the consequences. And so she found herself with a boyfriend who cared for her, and a crush on a man who she couldn't get. They were not the same man, Chris and Dave were not the same person, and that created the problem. And it was eating her up inside.
Not about Dave, Dave she could deal with when she felt the need to, and now was not the time to worry about him. Chris was who she was worried about. Chris was the one that her heart was screaming for, to end this before she broke his heart, and in turn, her heart as well. She didn't know when she started to care for Chris, but the caring that he showed her was so overwhelming, it seemed the only fair thing was to care for him back.
She also didn't know how it had gotten so serious in so short a time with Chris. They spent every waking moment together, and most of the ones when they were asleep too. He would spend the weekends with her, and he had gone to dinners at her parent's house with her, not even minding when his parents gave him a lecture, and bombarded him with questions. And she had met his parents too, when they were in Canada, in Winnipeg doing a show, he had taken her to meet them.
If she actually did have feelings for Chris, then…well, if she was honest, she did feel something for Chris. It wasn't as strong as what she felt for Dave, but it was something. There was something there between the both of them, but she couldn't figure out what it was. It was just friendship, she told herself, though even her subconscious knew that wasn't true. She was just going to have to live with the consequences of her actions, whether they be good, bad, or some weird middle ground.
Chris was right next to her at the moment, sleeping, facing her. His arm was wrapped around her waist loosely, the weight no extra burden. She wasn't asleep though, and hadn't been to sleep yet. The sky was still dark and it was a few hours before it even began to peek over the horizon. Chris had been asleep for hours, but she was thinking about what was happening, what was going to happen. She didn't notice, but she had been absently stroking Chris's arm as she was thinking.
Chris woke up to the soft brushes against his arm and opened one eye to see that it was Stephanie who was touching him. He was content to let the contact be and drift off to the sleep again, but he quickly glanced up at her and saw that she was deep in thought. He didn't want to disturb her thoughts, but she looked troubled, and if that was what she was feeling, he wanted to know how he could help.
He tapped her on the side, "Whatcha thinking about? Cause if it's about how good I am in bed, well, I can put on a little demonstration."
"Oh yeah, cause that's what keeps me up at night," Stephanie said sarcastically, turning her head to look at him. Her eyes had grown accustomed to the dark, and there was a streetlight somewhere outside, that let the tiniest bit of light into their room. She could make out Chris's face, barely, and she scooted down on the bed to be face to face with him.
"Well, on some nights, it does, the demonstrations that is," he said, and she could hear the goading in his voice. She found that she was smiling at his words, involuntarily, but it was a smile nonetheless.
"Yeah, but not tonight."
"What were you thinking about though? You looked to be thinking pretty hard, and I wouldn't want you to use up all those pretty brain cells."
She shrugged, though it was a pointless gesture if he couldn't see. She didn't want to tell him the entire truth, but a partial truth would keep her conscience clear for the moment. "About us, and how fast this relationship seems to be moving."
"Is it moving fast?" he asked, honestly oblivious to the reasons as to why it might be considered moving too fast. "How long have we been together?"
"Three months" she answered. Yes, she had been putting on this charade for three months, and while it seemed to fly by, many nights, she found herself dreaming about the light in Chris's eyes being extinguished by her.
"And what is considered moving too fast?"
"I just…I mean…we're a part of each other's lives," she told him, looking at him now, but it was too dark to read his face.
"Well, that's usually what dating means, you know, so why don't you go to bed and not think about that, because it really has no meaning if that's your explanation of moving too quickly."
"Not a time to joke Chris."
"Ok, joking aside," he said, patting her stomach, "I don't think we're moving too fast. If you think it's cause we spend a lot of time together, I think that's just normal, since our lives are already tied together--"
"I met your parents."
"So?"
"That's a big thing."
"It's not like I explicitly brought you home to meet them, we were there, it would've been rude of you to be there and not to come. And what better things did you have to do when we were in Winnipeg?"
"Nothing…well, work," she said, trying to come up with a viable excuse.
"You work too much," he answered. "You're the supervisor, so supervise and leave everything up to everyone else. That way you can spend more time with me, and that's really what you want to do right?"
"I like work," she said weakly.
"And I like you," he said, leaning over to kiss her. "If we are going too fast, tell me right now ok, and we just won't take it so quickly."
She contemplated telling him the truth. But it was the middle of the night, and once he kicked her out (as she figured he'd do, judging from all the scenarios she had thought up), she wouldn't have anywhere to go. Well, she could try to go to Dave, but if she had just broken Chris's heart, she doubted that she was going to jump right to Dave without feeling slightly wrong.
"No, we're fine."
"Hey Steph, if we're fine, can I tell you something?"
"Chris, it's late, and I really do need--" He pressed a couple of his fingers to her lips, quieting her down. He leaned over again to kiss her, this time softly, and full of emotion.
"Just one thing," he said teasingly.
"One thing," she agreed.
"I love you," he told her. He hadn't meant it to come out like that. He wanted it to be somewhere nice, over dinner maybe, with him holding her hands and looking at her over the glow of the candlelight. (Stephanie liked romantic gestures, even if he found it cheesy). But this way was more how he wanted it, or envisioned it. Just a quiet proclamation, no frills, just something he wanted to say.
Stephanie's eyes filled with tears, and she was glad that it was still too dark to see them. Those words were binding, and she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to say it back, because she didn't feel that, but he did, and it made it worse. She couldn't stand this anymore, and she knew that she couldn't say it back. She reached across to turn on the light next to her bedside, illuminating the room to the point where Chris could see Stephanie's tears.
"Hey," he said, gesturing towards her face. "Why the tears? Because I said I loved you. Great, I'm the guy who makes girls cry over what I think are nice words."
"They are nice, but they're not what I want to hear," she told him, proceeding forward.
"Oh, what do you want to hear then? I can say that too, if it'll make you feel better. I can say a lot of things in the English language. I did get a degree in journalism, so you know, I have that going for me."
Stephanie got out of the bed, pushing Chris's arm off of her. She needed to create some distance between them. She pulled her t-shirt down, and paced the floor a little bit. She didn't know how to start with this; blurting it out would do no good, so she just had to lead up to it she supposed.
"Steph, you're worrying me here," Chris chuckled, but nervously chuckled. "So if you can stop pacing, sit down on the bed, and we'll just go to sleep. I didn't want to spring how I feel about you, but I didn't expect this reaction."
"I can't be with you anymore," Stephanie said.
"Whoa!" Chris said, physically backing up. "So I'm guessing THIS is too fast. Ok, I take it back then, I don't love you. I think you're scum, and ugly, and come back to bed now, it's two in the morning, and things look better in the morning light."
"Chris, don't be angry with me."
"Steph, you have no need to be mad, I just should've waited a while."
She tilted her head and pitied him, more now than ever before. Her lip quivered and her voice cracked as she spoke, "I'm using you."
Chris would've made a joke, but she looked to be serious, and he didn't know how she could possibly have used him. Up until this moment, things had seemed perfectly normal. They fought, sure, but they were fighters, and neither was willing to let anything go, and that created a bit of tension now and then. But how could she possibly use him, and be in a relationship with him.
"How? It can't be for money, cause you have more than me, or a greencard, because you're American."
She leaned back against the wall, trying to fade into it. "I'm in love with Dave Batista."
Well, that was one way to get Chris to shut up. His head went down, and he looked at the bedspread, the messy blankets where Stephanie had just been lying down. She should've still been lying there. Why did he have to ask her what she was thinking? Why didn't he leave well enough alone? He didn't know what to say, or how to act, so he sat there, looking dumb and forlorn, and alone…just really alone.
"I've been in love with him for months and months, before you and I," she said, hoping that he would get the point of what she was saying. She could see it already, he was crumbling and she was holding the sledgehammer, her on-screenex-husband's weapon of choice.
"So…this…" he choked out, weakly gesturing between the two of them.
She nodded as he looked up at her for a second. "You told me you wanted to go out, and I turned you down. But I didn't know how to get Dave interested in me, and I thought if I could make him jealous, that maybe he'd want me, if he saw me with someone else, he'd want me."
"And because I had asked you earlier that day…you thought of me," he said slowly, digesting what he was saying, what she was implicating. He had been a part of her plan. He thought back to that night, and what she was wearing and how she looked, and what she said. What he thought had been the happiest night of his life. "So that night…you deliberately seduced me into a relationship?"
"Yeah," she told him softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know any other way. I didn't like the idea of asking him, this guy who I loved, out, and I thought if I can get Chris to ask me out, it would be like…I don't even know anymore."
"So I was nothing to you then," Chris said, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears. He might cry, but he wasn't going to. The feeling of hurt and anger were too much to cry.
"At first, yeah, but then…you were so good to me, and so nice, and I couldn't bear to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you, which is why I went through with this relationship for three months."
"You didn't think that it would hurt now!"
"I knew it would but--"
"You thought it would be fun to jerk around my chain right!" he said, standing up and shouting now. Stephanie pressed herself against the wall, wishing that she could fade into it, or just fall away altogether.
"No…I just didn't want you to get hurt. I knew I was going to break you, but I couldn't bear to do it, once I saw how much you cared about me."
"And stupid idiot that I am, I had to fall in love with you."
"Chris, please understand. I only thought of you these past couple of months, I did!" she pleaded, hoping he would understand.
"And putting us together on-screen? That was for me too?"
She looked down, "No. I wanted to be closer to Dave."
"I get it. So you're in love with him, and you used me to get to him. Have you been fooling around with him, huh? Are you guys already together, and seeing just how long you can keep up the charade with me! Were you going to do this in front of everyone, at a Raw in a week, or two weeks, or a month. Is that it?"
"NO! I'm not sleeping with Dave, and I haven't kissed him, or anything. Nothing has happened between us. Nothing happened because of you…I mean, I've never told Dave anything about us…but it was me that did nothing with him."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better! You love him, and you're using me, but you never DID anything with him!"
"Because I care about you! At first, it didn't…I didn't care, but Chris, you're such a good guy, and you loved me so much, and I didn't want to break your heart. I didn't want…this," she said, quieting down on the last word.
"A lot of good that does me."
"Chris, please try to understand…."
"I knew it was too good to be true," he said, his voice distant and wistful. "I thought to myself that morning, that this was too good to be true. That me getting Stephanie McMahon was not supposed to happen, that in the grand scheme of things, someone like me was not supposed to have someone like you. But then…there you were in my bed, and it was like…wow, she's really here. And you kept being there, and it became more real, I began to believe that I could have you. I told my parents that you were something special, that you could possibly be it for me. I thought you could be it for me. I wanted to make you believe in us as much as I did. But now…you wanted Dave the entire time. Not one single second with me was devoted to me…because you always wanted Dave. And that cheapens our entire relationship, it makes it all a lie."
Stephanie had started crying mid-way through his speech. His voice sounded broken, and the light, the light that she had fought so hard to keep in his eyes was so dim, his eyes seemed so dark. She took a few steps forward, lightly touching his arm. He let the contact be for a few seconds, before realizing what she was doing. He pulled away abruptly and went to his suitcase, starting to pack his things.
"Chris, what are you doing?" she asked, though she knew what he was doing.
"I'm leaving."
"Chris, it's late, please, just stay here."
"I don't want to look at you anymore," he told her, his voice stiff. "Leave me alone."
"Chris, no, you stay, you paid for the room, I'll go," she told him, not wanting to put him out any more than she had. She was the one who had done this, she was the one who should leave.
"No," he said, "I'm going to go."
"No, you're not, I am," she said, her voice firm.
She went over to her own suitcase and started putting her things in it. She was moving quicker than Chris, and when he saw this, he tried to speed up. They finished at roughly the same moment and Stephanie ran for the door, intercepting Chris by a step. They both stood at the door, and were looking to see who would reach for the knob first. Stephanie did and Chris pulled her arm off.
"Chris, let me go!" Stephanie said, not talking about him touching her, but physically letting her leave.
"Who are you going to go to Stephanie?" he spat out. "What friends do you have around here that you can go to in the middle of the night! You going to go to Dave's room, see if he'll take you in!"
He was right. She didn't really have anyone to go to. Chris was the one with all the friends, the guy who everyone liked. She had even seen a few divas keep their eye on him. In fact, the other day, Lita had been giving him the once over. With Matt away, her eye had been wandering slightly. She didn't like to think that he was going to go to a girl's hotel room, she did care for him.
"No, I wasn't planning on going there. But you're right, I don't have anyone right now. So I guess you can leave…Chris, I didn't want to hurt you. I tried to protect you," she told him, her voice sincere.
Chris looked at her for a moment, his eyes sad. She couldn't look into them for more than a couple of seconds. "You did for a while. Just go after Dave before any other guy gets hurt."
He opened the door and left then, and she stared at it long after he had closed it. In all the scenarios that she had come up with, she didn't ever picture herself feeling like she was feeling right now. Her heart was pounding, so loud that it seemed sound was filling the room, all with the pounding of her heart. She didn't expect to feel the shudder running through her veins, or feel the numbness emanating from her stomach. She didn't expect to stand there for half an hour, willing Chris to come back, to jump back into bed, and let her caress his arm until she herself felt sleep coming.
She didn't expect any of that.
She finally moved away from the door, and back into the bedroom. When she climbed into the bed and turned out the lights, she found it almost unbearable. His cologne was attached to the pillow next to her, and the scent of him was wafting through the air, being carried by the air conditioner they had turned on before going to bed. She let her head fall against his pillow and wrapped herself in the tiny bit of warmth that was still lingering there.
No, she didn't expect it to be like this…not at all.