Stephanie didn't know what she was doing. How could she when she had been drinking? If she had been sober, completely sober, there is no way that she would be making out with Hunter. She had gone through too much with him to ever want to kiss him again, but he was here and she was drunk and apparently the stars had aligned themselves in a strange way to bring her to this moment.
She didn't pull away and she didn't try to stop it, she just went along with it, letting his tongue slip into her alcohol-flavored mouth. She straddled him, clutching at him tightly, and if she would've just opened her eyes, she might have realized what a mistake this was, what a huge, huge mistake this was. She was trying to cover up something, something she couldn't quite figure out yet, lacking the clarity of mind to.
She finally pulled away, needing air, and that's when she opened her eyes. She stared through the slightly dark room and to the man that she was kissing and she grimaced as she finally realized who it was that she had been kissing. She swiped her arm across her mouth crudely and got off of Hunter's lap in a hurry, nearly falling down in the process.
"Ok, that was gross," Stephanie said, staring straight ahead.
"Well it's not like we aren't drinking," Hunter said, rather astutely for a drunk person.
"Yeah, I mean, I have Chris," Stephanie said, not even picking up her slip of tongue.
"I thought you broke up," Hunter said. "Isn't that what you were yakking on and on about earlier?"
"Oh yeah," Stephanie said, slapping her forehead and then laughing. "I'm not with Chris anymore. I'm with Dave now, hopefully. He's hot."
"I wouldn't know," Hunter said. "I don't look at guys."
"I know," Stephanie answered, "But you will run after every piece of ass that you see. Ugh, I can't believe we just did that. You should probably leave and never mention this to anyone."
"Like I would want to spread it around," Hunter said, standing up and wobbling a little bit on his feet. "I don't want you anymore Stephanie, there are must prettier girls around."
"Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence!" Stephanie said loudly as Hunter made his way to the door. "Nice to know that you still think of me in the same way that I think of you, which is to say that I hate you."
"I know you hate me, I hate you too," Hunter said, closing the door behind him and leaving Stephanie to her own devices, which was probably not a good idea.
Stephanie became keenly aware of the sudden quietness of the room. She looked around and felt slightly lonely. She didn't make any attempt to clean up all the bottles lying around, figuring the maid would clean up tomorrow, if she was able to get up and function tomorrow. She stood up and stumbled into the bedroom, falling on the bed, face up. She crawled inside and laid down, just laying there for a moment, thinking about what had transpired that evening.
She had talked about how Chris hated her and it was true, but he was absolutely justified in that hatred. His hatred was something that he deserved after what she had done to him. Maybe that was the entire reason for why she had taken this downturn in appearance and sleeping and any other normal function. It was all guilt, all remorse. No, she didn't love Chris, but she knew him enough to know that she had hurt him, and that hurt was building up inside of her because she had no way to let it out. She was carrying Chris's hurt with her and that was tearing her up.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was something that was triggered inside of Stephanie, but she felt like she needed to talk to Chris, just to get this out, just to let him know that she was feeling hurt too, but it wasn't her own hurt, no, it was his hurt. She was holding his hurt inside of her like it was a blanket, covering her whole body. She needed to release it. Chris was releasing his hurt.
She got out of bed and realized she still had her shoes on. When had she put those on anyways? Must've been when she went to get ice. She walked down the hallway and to Chris's room, she knew which one it was because she ran the show and had their itineraries and room numbers. She just hoped a scantily-clad Lita wouldn't be answering the door or she might vomit all over her.
She knocked, not too softly, but softly enough so she didn't wake anyone else up. It was pretty late anyways, and people would probably be asleep. He opened the door, and it was almost like he was a vision. There was light coming from inside the room, and it surrounded him, like a halo of sorts, and he was rubbing his eyes sleepily, and scratching his chest before squinting to see Stephanie.
"Stephanie, what are you doing here?" Chris asked impatiently, angry that she had interrupted his precious sleep.
"I needed to talk to you," Stephanie said and Chris sighed deeply, not wanting to talk to her now, or ever for that matter. Hadn't she promised never to speak to him again?
"What happened to your promise?" Chris asked sardonically. "I thought you said--"
"I know what I said," Stephanie answered. She did know what she had said, but she was finding it increasingly difficult not talking to him. It wasn't like she was pining to speak to him, or hoping and praying, but she found it awkward at best.
"Then why don't you go by it," Chris said, starting to close the door. Stephanie put her hand against it.
"Look, I'm not one for begging, I don't beg and I don't plead, but I'm asking you, civilly, if you would just talk to me, just this once," Stephanie said and she was right, it didn't sound like pleading or begging, it almost sounded like a demand.
Chris knew that it was going to be hard to get her to leave, so he opened his door, "Can we make this quick, I was kind of busy."
Stephanie looked at him strangely, in a way he couldn't figure out. Like she was stricken or something and she froze in her tracks, standing there, suddenly looking very small and very scared. Chris looked at her, his brow furrowed, wondering why she had so suddenly changed her attitude and demeanor.
"Oh, well, if you're busy, and not alone, I can go," Stephanie said, hating the sound of her voice, it sounded…it didn't sound like her.
"I'm alone," Chris said, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "I was just busy sleeping."
And again, he noticed her demeanor change and she looked more confident again, more in control of what was going on. He wondered what was going on before she sat down on the couch. Chris was reluctant to sit down with her, and opted for the chair that was across the room. He waited for her to speak and she bit her lip, thinking.
"This situation…with us…I just realized that I'm carrying a lot of hurt from it," Stephanie started, looking at Chris earnestly.
"YOU are carrying a lot of hurt from it?" Chris said incredulously. "What the hell did you have done to you Stephanie? Did you have a person that you loved come out and say they were just using you for their own pleasure huh? I mean, God Stephanie, if anyone should be hurt, it's me. I introduced you to my parents, to my family for God's sakes. I told my mother that you could be someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and how am I going to explain to them what happened? Oh hey Mom, Dad, remember Stephanie, well, turns out she only used me to get to some other guy? Get off your high horse Stephanie."
"Stop!" Stephanie said loudly, cutting into Chris's rant. She steeled herself. "I'M not hurt."
"You just said that you were carrying a lot of hurt, or am I suddenly deaf now too?"
"I'm carrying YOUR hurt!" Stephanie yelled at him. "Not my hurt, YOURS!"
"What the hell are you talking about Stephanie?"
"Look at me," Stephanie said, gesturing towards herself. "Look at the way that I look, do you think this is really me? You spent months with me, tell me this is how I always looked."
He couldn't do that because she didn't look the way that she always looked. She looked far, far worse. He had noticed it earlier when they had seen each other, when her hair was ratty and gross and she looked worse for the wear. She had cleaned up for her date, but now she looked even worse, no makeup covering up the dark circles under her eyes, the hollow look in her face. She did look a sorry sight right now, but Chris had not taken notice until this moment.
"You do look different, but how is that my fault?" Chris asked, not wanting to dwell on how bad she looked, but on why she was here.
"Because I know you're hurt, and I know that I hurt you, and I'm carrying around all this hurt because I know that I caused it. I hurt you, and I feel your hurt."
"Look, I'm getting over you Stephanie," Chris said. "I have a date with Lita and I'm getting over you. You'll just be another notch on the old belt, don't worry about it."
"I worry because I'm not sleeping."
"So once again, this all comes back to you," Chris said flippantly. She had such a penchant for being able to turn things around and make them about her. He used to find it endearing. But now it just irritated him. He wanted to go to bed, and here she was, talking about how she was hurt for him. Was that pity?
"No, that's not it."
"Look, I don't need your pity Stephanie, I don't need anything from you. I'm going to be fine. I'm pretty much fine as it is, and if you would just leave me alone, I think I would get over it a lot faster."
"I'm not pitying you," she argued.
"Well good then. And stop feeling hurt because of me. Look, you were just a bad relationship, that's how I think of it. Yeah, you used me and you pretended everything with me, but you know what? I can learn to deal with it. If you would just leave me alone."
"I just felt like I needed to tell you though."
"And you told me, and I've listened and frankly I don't have anything to say to you. I never did. You promised you would stop talking to me, and I was hoping that you would stick with that promise, but you haven't exactly lived up to it."
"I know," she said, looking down, taking his harsh words. She looked up at him then, with nothing but honesty in her eyes. "I just never realized it would be this hard."
Chris closed his eyes, "Steph…come on. It wasn't me you wanted in the first place."
"I know," she said, "I know that, but I just…I got accustomed to you I guess. It's just weird not talking to you. Do you think someday…down the line, maybe….maybe we could talk again, as friends or something."
"Maybe," he conceded. He didn't know if that was going to be the case, didn't know if he was actually going to go through with what he just said, but at this point, he just wanted Stephanie out of his room. He could hardly stand being around her for this long. He didn't like thinking about her, not for long periods anyways, because it brought back the hurt, it brought back everything she had done, and it was still too soon, still raw in his heart. "To be honest Stephanie, you're not my favorite person right now, or my second favorite, or my third. You're pretty much the last person that I want to see ever."
"Oh," Stephanie said, standing up at this. "Well, at least I know your feelings now. At least I know. Chris, when we were together, I never wanted to tell you why I was with you. I meant for it to last two weeks, maybe a month, I didn't expect it to last as long as it did, but the more time that I spent with you, the more time that we were around each other, I found it harder and harder to go through with my plan."
"So what Stephanie? You were just going to string me along the entire time, letting me think that you loved me, all the while wanting to hop into bed with Dave? What if I had proposed, what if I had wanted to have a child, you would've gone along with it because you didn't want to hurt my feelings…even though you probably pictured Dave every single time we had sex."
"No! That's not true!" Stephanie protested. "When I was with you, I was WITH you. There was nothing faked about that. But I could've gone longer, I just didn't…I knew that the light would fade, and I'm sorry."
"Ok, you said your piece, now get out," Chris said, his voice barely raising, but she knew that he meant business, knew that she should leave.
She didn't say another word, and even if she could've thought up a word to say to him, she knew it would've been inadequate, would not nearly be what he deserved. She didn't turn back, didn't stumble or fall, or go back and cling to him as if her life depended on it. She wanted to do something, Chris was like a magnet and she found the harder she fought against it, the more she was going to be pulled in, the more she was closing in on something…something she couldn't figure out.
She left him then, intending to go back to her room, but it was so quiet and so empty and so…lonely. She didn't want to be alone again. She just didn't want to feel that cold room enclosing around her. But she couldn't go back to Chris, he would throw her out again. He would throw her out, and she would just miss his arm anyways. So she went to the next person that came to mind.
"Steph, what are you doing here?" Dave asked when he answered his door not too long later.
"I just didn't want to be alone tonight."
"Did something happen?" Dave asked.
"No, nothing happened, I just…I really hate being in my room by myself, it's just so…creepy or something," she lied and was glad that she hadn't cried tonight so her eyes weren't puffy.
"Yeah, I guess they can get that way," Dave said, moving out of the way. "You're in luck, I got a double room tonight. Two beds."
"Thanks," Stephanie said, smiling up at him. It wasn't exactly what she was going for, but she would take it. Maybe she would work her way up with Dave and soon it would be his arm that was across her stomach, and then she wouldn't have to miss Chris's arm anymore, she wouldn't want it there when it wasn't. She could adapt, she could adjust, she just needed a little bit of time was all.
The door closed behind her, and she smiled at the future.