A/N: They'll probably only be one more chapter, letting you guys know. :)
Chris stalked backstage after his match. He wanted to see Stephanie now, no, he needed to see Stephanie now. He had to find out what the hell she had been doing out there. He had not heard word one about this new development. As far as he knew, Stephanie was not supposed to be out there during his match. He wanted answers and Stephanie had those answers and he needed to find her and ask her what she was trying to pull.
Stephanie had high-tailed it out of there. Not because she was afraid of confronting Chris, but because she needed to see Dave. She liked Dave, she really did, but she should've realized. What should she have realized exactly? Well, she should have realized that Dave was a good friend, but that once she had started to fall for Chris, she should've recognized that she had fallen for Chris.
It might be too late now for her and Chris, but she at least had to try, and if she had learned anything in the past few months, it was that she couldn't use people for her own personal gain. She couldn't use Dave like she had used Chris. If Chris had given her anything in their time together, it was the maturity to come to a decision like this. She knocked quietly on Dave's door, knowing that she didn't want to do this, but that it was necessary.
"Come in," came his rough, yet sweet voice. She closed her eyes and then took a deep breath before entering the room.
She walked inside and Dave didn't smile. Stephanie looked at him sheepishly. "You know what I'm here for."
"I kind of gleaned on to the fact yes, sit down," he said, gesturing to the seat next to her. "Something tells me you have a lot to say."
"I do, and none of it is anything I want to say."
"I'll listen."
"You're too sweet Dave, and nobody gets to see this side of you. Well, maybe that's a good thing since you want to actually intimidate the fans and not make them think of you as a big softie."
He laughed and grabbed her hand. "You're stalling Steph."
"I am," she looked down. "You saw me go out during Chris's match."
"Yeah, and I figured that if you were to go out to Chris's match that there might be something that you want to discuss with me over it. I didn't see that in the script anywhere."
"I got my dad to change it on short notice."
"That explains that then."
"I wasn't in love with Chris when we started…ok, I was, but I wasn't aware of it. Chris and I…"
"Take your time Steph."
"You are too nice Dave," Stephanie said, grabbing his hand and holding it in both of hers. "You're really something special, and for so long I saw that. When you were in Evolution, when I was with Hunter, God, all I could think about was you and how you were so different, a good different, a very good different. I was so attracted to you, I wanted you so much that I did something I'm not proud of now."
"Which is?"
"I used Chris to get to you," Stephanie explained bluntly. There was no use beating around the bush. The truth was the truth and the only way that it would come out was from her own lips. She had screwed up everything because she had been such a child. A silly, little child who thought the entire world revolved around her and that people were just supposed to fall down at her feet and cater to her every whim.
"Oh."
"I wanted to make you jealous, to make you notice me and I thought if you saw me with Chris, you'd realize how much you wanted me, silly huh?"
"Yeah, you could've just told me, or asked me out or something," he told her easily.
"I know that now, but back then, I thought, well, this is the only way to get you, and I was stupid for thinking that and even more stupid for using Chris like I did. Chris had told me prior to this plan of mine that he had had feelings for me. I told him that there was no chance for us, but then I thought I could use him so I went to him and entered a relationship with him, and he was so happy, and for a while there, I was happy, and I didn't want to hurt him."
"But you ended up hurting him," Dave said, and there was no malice or derisiveness in his voice at her actions. He was simply listening to a story, and she was telling it in such a way that he was compelled to listen.
"As time passed, I realized that I didn't want to hurt Chris, and every second I was with him, I was hurting him a little bit more and he didn't even know it. Then one night, he told me he loved me and I couldn't string him along anymore, it had gone too far. So I told him the truth and he left, and…it hurt more than I thought it would. After that, we made a deal never to speak to one another again, because he basically bore his soul to me and I stomped on his heart."
"Then you went after me…"
"Yeah, but after a while, not like the day after this happened. And you're great, don't think you aren't, but then as time passed, as I thought about it more and more, I came to the conclusion that you're great, you are a great…friend to me. Nothing else, and that doesn't take away from your wonderful qualities, I just…my perspective changed, I guess."
"And you saw what was there all along."
"Yeah, I saw what was there all along, and that was Chris."
"I figured as much, when you wouldn't discuss him at all, and then tonight just confirmed my suspicions. It's been fun Steph, but I've been reading the writing on the wall for a while now."
"So you're not…angry?" she asked him.
"Nah," Dave said. "Relationships come and go and if you're lucky enough to find the right person, you grab onto them and you don't let go."
"You're WISE too?" Stephanie said, slapping her forehead. "Dave Batista, is there anything that you can't do?"
"Not too fond of spiders," he said, cringing a little. Stephanie threw her arms around him. Dave hugged her back affectionately.
"You know, if I had just asked you out in the first place, I think we could've been great together," she whispered in his ear.
"Are you using a line on me Stephanie McMahon?"
"Might," Stephanie giggled, then pulled away. "Seriously though Dave, I've never met anyone like you, and I don't think I'm going to, and I sincerely hope that we can remain friends, if that's ok with you?"
"It's perfect with me," he told her. "I think we make great friends too, and I would hate to lose a friend because she happened to fall in love with another guy."
"Yeah, too bad I can't get that guy," she shrugged. "But it's just as well, really, because I learned something. And that's almost as good."
"Can't get the guy? Stephanie McMahon not getting a guy? That seems harsh."
"Chris has told me that he doesn't want have anything to do with me, and I really should respect that."
"So what was with the stunt you pulled tonight?"
"Just fun I guess," Stephanie said. This was weird; she and Dave had just broken up and yet they had this great repertoire where they were just hanging out like friends. She was thankful that it had gone easily with Dave, but that didn't solve anything with her and Chris.
"Are you sure this isn't something you want to pursue? It just seems so out of character for you to not go after something you really want."
"Maybe I'm growing up and realizing that I can't have everything my way, no matter how hard I wish for it. I'm not a kid anymore, I don't get everything that I want."
"Well, if that's the way you feel," Dave told her. "Then do what you feel is right."
She hugged him again. "Thanks Dave, I'm going to go. I think I still have some work that my dad needs me to do."
"We rode her together, you want me to come get you after the show, we can go back to the hotel together."
"Yeah, thanks, and thanks for understanding."
"Plenty of fish in the sea as they say."
She smiled and kissed his cheek. It was hard letting go of Dave because he had been her dream for so long. But dreams can change and dreams can come to an end. And she would get over Chris like she had gotten over Dave. It would take time of course, but Chris wanted nothing to do with her and she had to respect that. But eventually, she'd find a way to move on, and Chris would be nothing more than an ex.
She felt a hand grab her arm harshly and she was turned around and face with those blue, blue eyes of his. She gulped because the look on his face was frightening. His jaw was set and his face emotionless, and that was scaring her. She expected anger, but not this passiveness. His eyes were another story altogether, they were flashing, like supernovas or something.
"What the hell was that?" he asked, his tone even. "What the hell were you doing out there?"
"I just wanted to have a little fun," Stephanie said softly. "I didn't mean anything by it."
"I thought we were going to stay out of each other's business. I thought that was the deal! We had a deal Stephanie. You were supposed to leave me alone!"
"I am leaving you alone," Stephanie argued. "I just went out there to mess around. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I won't bother you again."
"But why did you go out there!"
"No reason!" Stephanie yelled, trying to pry his arm off of hers. "There was no reason!"
"Why the hell did you tell your brother the truth about him," he growled.
She looked confused for a moment at the change of subject. "He's my brother, he's always been there for me, I told him because I can confide in him."
"It was none of his business."
"He's my brother! I can tell my brother what I want to tell him."
"I don't get you McMahon. I just don't get you. What the hell are you trying to pull? Am I in one of your other little games huh?"
"No," she said, "I'm not playing you. Look, I respect that you don't want me, and however much I miss you, I respect that you don't want me anymore."
"Miss me? What are you talking about?"
Stephanie realized her slip-up and she shut her mouth right quick, looking down sheepishly at his hand, which was still wrapped around her arm. She hadn't even noticed. She ran her eyes over his hand and then up his arm, that arm that she missed so very much. She studied it for a moment, and then looked back up at him.
"Nothing, it's nothing," she said, wrenching her arm away before it became too much for her to bear.
"No, you're not going anywhere until you explain!"
"It's nothing!"
"Tell me!"
"I miss you!"
Chris was taken aback by what she had just uttered. He never expected her to say that. She was saying that she missed him. That was so out of the blue that Chris didn't know how to respond to it and so he stood there. In a storybook, or a fairy tale, Stephanie would've walked away, and he would've done something grand, but this was not a fairy tale, and she stood her ground. She stood there and she looked at him straight in the eye, unmoving, and unwavering in her words.
She was embarrassed that she had no control over what she had said, but she was not regretting having said it. It was the truth after all, and she would have to face it one way or another. She missed Chris, she had missed him since the moment the door clicked shut on that night so long ago that he had walked out on her. She had missed him through her entire relationship with Dave, and after that she realized the truth, the truth that she was crazy about Chris.
"What?" was Chris's sophisticated reply.
"I said I missed you, and it's true," she said, not moving, staying in one spot.
"Why?" another sophisticated response.
"Because I'm stupid," she said, "And you'll never hear me say that again, but I was. I was immature, just like Shane told me I was. I wanted something so badly, and I was so blinded by it, that I didn't see that you were there, that you were always there."
"You're with Dave," he said, confused now.
"No, I'm not, I broke up with him. We're friends, we're better friends. His…his arm wasn't right."
"Oh come on Stephanie, THAT'S the reason you broke up?" Chris scoffed. "And I thought the reason you broke up with me was heinous."
"No, you don't understand," Stephanie said, frustrated that her words were sounding stupider by the moment. She was having trouble finding the words that she wanted to say. How could she explain this adequately?
"Well, I don't really have the time to understand."
"I miss YOUR arm!" she said loudly, her voice rising with each word.
"Ok, this conversation just got extremely weird, and I don't know where you're going with this, but I'm not going to talk to you about crap like my arm."
Stephanie sighed and closed your eyes. "Do you remember when we would go to bed and you would lay your arm around my waist? I don't blame you if you don't, but do you?"
"Sure," he said, and though he didn't want to tell her outright that he remembered every night with her, not clearly and not every detail, but he remembered in his own way.
"Chris, it's a simple question, please," she said.
"Yeah, I remember," he said, and she smiled ever so slightly, glad that he remembered so that he could see where she was going with this.
"I got used to it, and it was the perfect weight and size, and do you remember how I would always just rub it when I was about to fall asleep?"
"Yeah," he answered wistfully, remembering how softly she would touch him. Sometimes she thought he was asleep, but he wasn't, he would just lie there and feel her caress his arm until it slowed to a stop when she fell asleep.
"I got used to it, and I miss it," she said, getting to the point. "And well, Dave's arm was too big and it felt like a huge weight on my stomach, but your arm was perfect."
"So you're saying I'm not the man that Dave is?" Chris asked, purposefully evading the meaning that she was trying to put behind the words she was saying.
"No, what I'm saying is that you were right for me, that your arm was perfect, and that you were perfect, and I just…I miss your arm."
The words meant more to Stephanie than she was letting on. His arm was just a metaphor for the rest of him. The arm that would rest on her stomach brought her comfort and safety that she had yet to find with anyone else. She hadn't realized that she loved those moments until she no longer felt that weight on her stomach, until she had nothing to caress before she fell asleep.
"Stephanie, don't do this now, you don't know what you're saying, ok? I mean, you miss my arm? That's so stupid."
"Chris, I just…I miss it, and I want your arm on my waist when I go to sleep."
"How dare you try and disrupt my life because you can't deal with things. You have NO right to come barging in here and saying that you miss me, no right at all."
"I know that," she told him quietly. "I know that I shouldn't try and change your mind, and I'm not. I'm not the same person I was then Chris, I just wanted you to know that. I've grown up, because you grow up when you lose something that's important to you. I've learned that you should fight for things that you want, but you should go about doing it in the right way. I'm sorry I took up so much of your time. I'm glad that you're moving on."
"You are?" He didn't want her to be glad, he realized.
"Yeah, because I treated you so poorly. It's better that I don't get what I want this time," she said, smiling bitterly. "I need to learn that sometimes I'm not going to get what I want, and this can be looked at as a learning lesson. I've learned my lesson, I'm never going to do what I did again. So I want you to be happy, because out of the two of us, you deserve to be happy the most, and I deserve to be the one who's alone."
"Stephanie, no you don't," Chris said, but she was already gone.
She didn't know what she should've expected, but she had hoped that it would go better. She walked away slowly, not once glancing back because she knew that he wasn't going to come out to her, and he wasn't going to come get her, because there was no point. She had gotten what she deserved. Stephanie's karma had come back to bite her in the ass.
She guessed that she would just have to move on. This must've been what Chris felt like when she had told him the truth. It hurt, and she thought to herself that it must've been fifty times harder for Chris because her declaration of the truth had come out of nowhere. At least Stephanie had built up her immunity for this moment. She had thought about it, and she had known that she might not get what she wanted out of this, and then it had come to fruition and she would have to deal with it.
She couldn't be angry with him though. After what she had done, she wouldn't expect him to take her back with open arms. Chris deserved so much better than her; he was such a nice guy. Her only lamentable thought was the fact that she had gone and fallen in love with him, but only realized it too late. If she had just kept on caressing his arm that night, had taken his words and wrapped herself in them, she could've been hugging him right now, anticipating the evening when that familiar weight would descend upon her stomach.
Chris stood there long after she left and he felt stupid in doing so. What she had said surprised him greatly. And it also made something inside of him snap too. Stephanie had said that she missed him. What gave her the right to miss him? He had spent weeks missing her and nothing had come of it, and now she missed him? She could be such a bitch sometimes, trying to interrupt his life once again, just when he was starting to heal.
Stephanie's night passed in a blur of paperwork and filming, and soon she was back in her hotel room, safely tucked away by herself. She changed into her comfiest pajamas and climbed into the large and mostly empty bed. She still slept on one side, she had never gotten used to taking up the whole bed. She patted the other side, giving a wistful and nostalgic smile before sliding down into it, feeling the coolness of the sheets against her bare feet. She settled herself in and lingered in the moment. This would be every moment from here on out, cold and lonely, and with too much room. She reveled in it, because she had to embrace it.
She closed her eyes and sleep came quickly to her tired brain. One hand slung over her stomach, waiting for an arm that would never show. Her head was turned off to one side, the side next to the floor, and not next to the pillow. Once upon a time it would face Chris, and sometimes during the night, she would somehow end up on his pillow, but now he had no pillow. She was the only one there, and she had to deal with that sad truth.
She was all alone.