Chapter XV
The Final Piece
(5 Years Later) Year 20 After Midgar
It was nighttime, quite late at night in fact, as I sat at the bar in a town called Costa Del Sol, guzzling my thirty-fifth pint of beer. The bar was completely empty except for me and the bartender.
He was young, though not much younger than what I should've been at the time. He looked to be in his early thirties. He was a thin guy with blonde hair and brown eyes, and he reeked of utter gleefulness. Very unusual for a bartender, because bartenders usually have a very angry scent on them. This told me that this bartender was an unusually happy person, and he seemed to be very happy with his life. I envied him for that. Happiness was just something I'd given up on ever finding again.
My alcohol tolerance seemed to be exponentially greater than what it was twenty years earlier. It felt like the alcohol wasn't even affecting me at all, which disappointed me, because really I wanted to lose myself in these drinks that night. This was also considering that the beer was unusually strong as far as beers go. I could smell the extra alcohol the bartender produces when brewing his beers. I assumed it must've been a specialty of the Costa Del Sol bar.
It was five years since the day Hikorai and I were freed of the awful curse that Hojo put on us. Five years since my mind finally remembered what it was like to have a body to itself without the constant worry that the other mind would suddenly spring up at any given moment. Five years since Hikorai was finally put back into her Magecite to rest in peace. I'd spent these five long years wandering the world alone, and there I was at the bar, drinking my life away, trying to forget everything that's happened since that day twenty years ago, when Hikorai and I first met.
I hadn't aged at all in those twenty years. I was forty-two years old and still looked twenty-two. At some point I started to think I would never die.
I knew that alcohol wasn't ever going to do me in because I simply could not be poisoned, though it might impair me for a time. I went back to avid drinking just so I could have something regular in my life. It wasn't going to kill me, so I figured why not?
"So, what's your story?" The bartender asked.
"Huh?" I looked up at him and it was only then that I noticed the affect of the alcohol. My vision became much more light-sensitive. I had to look back down and cover my eyes with my hand and the top of my hood. I also couldn't see very well through a fog that suddenly enveloped my vision, and it looked like the room was spinning. Also, my "huh" sounded shaky. Then I realized that I couldn't "feel" the affects of the alcohol until I realized that they happened. It was like my body wasn't really letting me know that something was happening inside.
"Well, you've packed down more than a couple dozen drinks and haven't said a word. You must be tryin' to forget somethin'."
"You don't know the half of it," I stumbled through my words.
"Must be an interesting story," he replied.
"Heh! Interesting, ya. You got a…(hic) knack for understatement."
"Name's Ghost Gordon. What's your's?"
I stayed silent. I didn't feel like giving my name to some bartender.
"Don't wanna give away yer identity, eh? That's alright. I understand. To each his own I guess. Do you frequent many bars?"
"Ya, I travel a lot and go to bars and try to get as drunk as a possibly can. Alcohol can't kill me, so what the point in holdin' back? I use to just go to a bar to rant. But that was back when I lived in Midgar."
"Oh, ya lived in Midgar, huh? What part?"
"Sector Tree Plate," I answered.
"Sector Three? Then I guess you must've known ol' Joe."
"Ya, he was the one who listened to my rants when I went there."
"Joe was a really close friend of mine. He was practically a second father to me. We both would keep talkin' about opening a bar together, but then I got married to a beautiful girl named Lucca. We came here to Costa Del Sol for our honeymoon, and we liked it so much, we decided to come live here. I got a job at this bar and worked my way to the top. So now I own the place. And now Lucca's pregnant with twin boys. I'm thinking of callin' 'em Nathaniel and Superfly, but Lucca doesn't seem to agree."
"Wonder why?" I groaned. Then I thought to myself, "I wouldn't agree to such stupid-sounding names either."
"Well, all in all I'd have to say that my life's been a really great one," he concluded.
"Heh, a happy story. Don't run into those very often anymore."
"Ya, life is a great thing. At least to me, it is. Hey, look. It seems a friend of yours is comin' to join us," he pointed behind me. I turned around and saw someone also wearing a black hooded cloak like mine. We would've looked identical, except this person limped through the bar leaning on a walking stick.
"I don't know anyone other than me (hic) who'd wear a cloak like that."
The mystery person came up and sat down at the counter to the right of me, placing his walking stick down, leaning it on the counter to his right.
"And what can I do for you?" Asked Ghost.
"Just water, please," He answered.
"Really? Just water?" Ghost responded, "You come to my bar and just ask for water? My beer's really good."
"I'd have to agree, (hic)" I added lifting my mug and then chugging a good portion before putting the mug back down.
"Not quite sure what alcohol will do to me," Cloak Guy answered, "I've had some strange stuff happened to me, and I'm not sure how much longer I'll live. To tell the truth, I'm surprised I even made it this long."
He said that with such a calm tone, as if dying wasn't that big a deal. His voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. He sounded like he was in his late sixties. His voice almost made him sound like he was groaning, like he had to put a good amount of effort just to speak, but at the same time it was a very tender tone. And his scent was really familiar too. I knew that I had smelled this scent before, but I was too drunk to try and figure anything out about it.
"Well, you know, I could swear you two look like you're together," Ghost insisted.
We turned our heads at each other, I had my hood down far enough so he wouldn't be able to see my face. And I couldn't see his face under the hood, so I didn't really get a chance to really get a good look at him.
"Like I said," I said looking back at the bartender, "Don't know anybody else but me who wears a cloak. (hic)"
"Sounds like you've packed a few down already," Said the cloak person as he took a sip of his water, "What's your story?"
"Just what I was wondering," replied Ghost, "What is it you're trying to forget?"
"I don't think you wanna know."
"It can't be as bad as what I've been through," said Cloak Guy.
"You're right, (hic) I've probably been through worse."
"Well, you probably didn't have to put up with voices in your head."
"Ah, you're one of those 'Jenova' cases, eh?" I replied, "You don't see any of those anymore."
"Yeah, I know," he said as he twirled the glass of water in front of him, "While everyone else was worried about Meteor, I had to try and fight my way through my own mind, and I failed miserably. I almost succeeded at one point, but then I just couldn't handle it anymore. The voices overpowered me, and I sat in the back of my own mind praying that the noise would stop. The only reason I'm here now is the fact that Jenova died before I ever had a chance to go get killed at Jenova's reunion, and all the Jenova cells are dead now. It's unfortunate that they've left such an awful mark, but I'm grateful that I was able to live so long, in spite of all that."
"Heh, well. I had to go through several weeks in a giant fish tank while a psycho scientist did an experiment on me, (hic) using a Magecite piece."
"Magecite? I've read about that before in a really old book," Ghost said. "It's said to be the ancient form of Summon materia. The stuff was green with a little red design in the center."
"That's the one, Magecite, that's what he used," I replied, "And then after all that I wake up in my hometown with a headache, and lookin' like a freak of nature."
"Ya don't say?" Said Ghost. "Why dontcha lower yer hood and let us see what you look like?"
"Rather not, thanks," I answered, "And thinkin' about everything that's happened since then, I'm afraid I'll have to live the rest of my forsaken life with with this pang of guilt."
"Guilt?" Cloak Guy spoke up, "What do you have to be guilty for?"
Remembering giving Raven to Hojo, I felt a tear go down my furry face.
"My…(hic), My lover," I started, sobbing as I went, "He was a Jenova case, too."
"But that's not your fault," Cloak Guy said, "The blame should go to the evil bastard who injected the damn cells."
"But he needed my help, and I put 'im in the hands of the very guy who did it to 'im. (hic)" I was blubbering by this time, "I thought he would cure 'im, but damn, I was such an IDIOT!" I slammed the mug on the counter as I said it, splashing some beer onto the counter.
"Why," I continued, blubbering even more, "I still can't figure out why I didn't listen to anyone. Everyone told me how evil he was, (hic) but I was bein' too selfish. I just wanted to get away from the damn meeting room."
I lifted my mug and took a long drink. When I was done, I slammed the empty mug on the counter.
"More prease."
"But you can barely speak as it is," Said Ghost.
"Didn't think it was yer job ta argue," I replied.
"It's not, I'm just concerned."
"(hic) I told ya that alcohol cant kill me."
"If you say so," he sighed pouring me another beer. He handed me the full mug and took away the empty one. I sort of stared at the mug for a moment.
"I wonder what woulda happened if I'd have just listened to all the warnings and kept away from Hojo."
"You'd probably end up one of the poor people that died when Meteor destroyed Midgar," answered Cloak Guy
"I wonder if that would've bin the better fate for me."
"What makes you say that?" Ghost asked.
"After I woke up at home,(hic) I found my love layin' on my friend's couch. And then when my back was turned, he jest disappeared. I didn't even get a chance to properly apologize. I don't think he'd forgive me anyway. Hell, I wont forgive me.(hic) I'm sittin' here drunk off my ass tellin' my story to shtrangers. And to make evr'ything worse, my hometown was leveled to the ground jus' before I left. Evr'yone and evr'ything I ever loved is gone now. My best weapon's lost somewhere in Midgar's ruins. My fam'ly and friends back home are all dead.(hic) And my lover…I only knew 'im for a few days, and the relationship went kinda fast, but I felt it so strongly…"
I moved my mug aside so I could slam my head onto the counter. It stayed on the counter for a while, and I just continued sobbing and hiccupping in my drunken state. I was bawling. I couldn't tell what the counter was more wet from, my tears or the beer I'd spilt a few minutes earlier.
"I'm better off dead!" I sobbed, "I can't stand livin' like this! Everything that's happened was 'cuz I was such an idiot!"
"Quit beating yourself up," The Cloak Guy spoke up. "Listen to me. None of that was your fault. It's not your fault Hojo was an evil bastard and lured you into that mess. It's not your fault Kalm was destroyed. And what happened to Raven was most certainly not your fault."
"Wha...?" I turned and looked at the cloak guy in surprise, "How'd you know all that?"
"It's amazing, you still sound as young and beautiful as the day I met you, except you only had five beers then. And you were a much angrier drunk. A lot can change in twenty years."
He then lowered his hood, revealing his head. I had to look closely for a moment because of my messed up vision. But then I realized that it was a much older version of a face that had haunted my dreams for twenty years.
"Raven!" I gasped, not quite believing what I was seeing. "You're alive!"
"That's right, Moira. Except I go by my real name nowadays. You can still call me Raven if you want," He then pointed his left palm at me. "Panacea."
His hand glowed green, and then the shroud in my vision went away. Then I could see him more clearly. His hair was still long enough to be braided, though I couldn't see just how long it was because it was tucked into his cloak. There were only a few streaks of brown in his hair that had mostly turned gray and white. His bangs were more drooped than I remembered, but it was still the same style of feathery spiky. His face was pale and quite wrinkled from quick age. He'd also grown out a goatee.
"Huh?" I said, and this time it sounded normal. "What happened?"
"I don't like you drinking like that. It's not healthy, even for someone who apparently can't die from alcohol poisoning. If you've been drinking like that all this time because of this guilt you've been carrying, I'm telling you now that you've gotta stop. I just cured you of your drunken state so you can come to your senses." Then I noticed the Heal Magic Materia glowing on his left wrist armor that was hiding under his sleeve. I looked up at his deep blue eyes. There wasn't a single speck of the glowing green I saw when I first met him.
"But… why?" I was confused. "I don't see how I deserve even that much."
He reached his hand under my hood and touched my furry cheek.
"I love you, Moira. I always have, and I always will. And I've forgiven you simply because none of it was your fault. I never blamed or doubted you for an instant. You did what you thought was right, and I thank you for that much. You need to stop blaming yourself for all of this and move on."
"Raven," I sobbed, just delighted that I'd actually found him.
"And now that you've seen my face, how about you pull down your hood so I can see yours?"
"But…"
"I want to see what you look like," he said, smiling with the same tenderness he did twenty years earlier.
"Ya, take yer hood down," Ghost agreed, "I'm sure you can't look THAT bad."
I slowly and reluctantly pulled down my hood, not quite sure what to expect. My appearance certainly made Ghost gasp.
"Holy crap-in-the-box!" exclaimed Ghost, "You're a cat!"
"Thank you for reminding me why I hide myself," I grumbled as I reached to pull my hood back up, but before I could reach the hood, Raven grabbed my hands and stopped me.
"No, it's fine," Raven said, lowering our hands down in between us, still holding them, "Freak of nature, my ass. You're still as beautiful as the last time I saw you, and amazingly, also still as young."
"Yea, I guess my body kind of gave up on aging after all that's happened. And just look at these ears." I daintily yanked at my large cat ears. "I have to strain my ear muscles just so they'll stay down and not show through my hood."
"Well, you're still far better-looking than I am," Raven replied, pointing at his face, "Or ever will be for that matter. 'Cause I can't get any younger."
We laughed at this for a moment.
"Ugh!" He cringed, grasping at his chest and leaning over toward me.
"Raven!" I let go of my ears to reach over to him, but then he got back up and brushed it off.
"Hey, are you alright?" Ghost asked in concern.
"I'm fine," he said, "It's just the Jenova cells acting up again."
"Again?" I wondered out loud, "You mean this has happened before?"
"Ya, but it's nothing serious," He answered.
"What do you mean 'nothing serious'?" I snapped, "You walked in here leaning on a walking stick and just now you looked like you were having a heart attack. How can you call that 'nothing serious'?"
"These dead cells have been eating away at me for twenty years, especially after fourteen years ago when they finished draining out all the mako energy that was flowing through me, which is why my eyes don't glow at all anymore. As you can see, the cells have me aging a little faster than I would be without them, and it's quite obvious that my health isn't what it's supposed to be at my age. I had to start using this walking stick about five years after we last saw each other, and the chest pains started about seven years ago."
"But how can you take that so lightly?" I asked.
"Mostly because there's nothing I can do about it," he answered, "I mastered this Heal Materia trying to figure out how to get rid of the dead Jenova cells, but nothing worked. Not even the Panacea spell, which is supposed to cure anything. So I gave up on that endeavor and started wandering the world. I figured that I should enjoy what life I have left, and I learned to be grateful that I was able to live so long with this. I've taken care of myself as well as I could, but I'm still gradually getting weaker."
"But you can't go wandering the world in the condition you're in!" I said.
"Sure I can, and I have to. Gotta keep in shape somehow," he joked and chuckled a bit. "But in all seriousness, I stopped worrying about it years ago. At least I've fought to keep myself alive while most of the other Jenova survivors quickly gave up and keeled over, whether they were seriously sick or not. Of course, some were like me trying to fight them off till the end, but they were overcome. Since they had so many more Jenova cells, they died so much sooner. The rest of them just laid back and waited for death."
"Hey, it's kinda funny," Ghost spoke up, "You might die at any given moment and you're enjoying life while she can't die at all and seems like she doesn't want to live."
I glared and growled at him for saying that, baring my teeth, and he cowered and ducked behind the counter.
"Please don't kill me," he whined.
"Well, I see your temper hasn't changed," Raven said sipping his water. "Perhaps it's a good thing your scythe was lost in Midgar."
"Very funny," I grumbled as I put my hood back on and got up off the stool. I paid for my drinks and turned around to walk away.
"Will you wait for me at the Inn?" Asked Raven, "We still have a lot to talk about."
"Of course. I planned on spending the night there anyway," I answered and walked out the door and into the town square.
It was nighttime at Costa Del Dol. Being a beach resort town, most of the activity was during the day, and hardly anyone did anything at night, so it was rather quiet. The only sound was the crashing of ocean waves on the beach and the faint voices of young couples walking along the beach. I went over to the Inn and waited in the lobby, sitting on one of the chairs there.
I didn't have to wait very long, because a few minutes later, I saw Raven coming through the door, leaning on his walking stick, hood still off. I got up and started walking towards him when I was suddenly shoved back into my chair.
"Oh, Mr. Usher!" whined a man who was rushing towards him from somewhere behind me, shoving me back into the chair in the process. "Let me help you, sir! You shouldn't be walking around so much in your condition, especially not this late at night."
"Go back to your work, Bradley," Raven droned to the whining man, almost groaning as he spoke, "I'll be fine. I had to go see someone."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Usher, but you know how I get so worried sometimes."
"I understand that, Bradley, but the last time I checked, your job title was Innkeeper, not Nanny."
"Yes, you're right. I'm so sorry. I'll just go back to where I was." And he ran back to his place behind the counter. Raven then walked over to where I was sitting.
"Sorry about that, Moira," he apologized, holding his hand out to help me up. "Bradley's a bit of an idiot and worries about my health a little too much. He has a weak spot for Jenova Cases like me, especially for the few that lived after the 'epidemic' the dead cells caused."
"Uh, ok," I replied and took his hand. He helped me up off the chair and we started walking toward the stairs.
"Uh, Mr. Usher?" Bradley called from the counter, "Is your friend staying with you in your room?"
"Uh, actually--" I started.
"Yes, Bradley, she is," Raven answered before I could finish.
"Oh, alright," he answered and went back to what he was doing.
"Raven?" I was confused. I looked at him as we walked down the hall.
He draped his arm around my shoulders and looked up at me.
"We haven't seen each other in twenty years, Moira," He started, "We have a lot to catch up on."
We went to his room. He had to lean on me with his left arm, with his left hand still holding the walking stick, while reaching for the key with his right hand. I noticed the feeble grasp he had on the key as he stuck it into the keyhole and turned it to unlock the door. His grip was weak, but sure. It was like he was determined not to let his ailment slow him down.
He turned the unlocked doorknob and pushed the door open. We walked inside and I shut the door behind us. He limped over to the coat rack. He took off his black cloak and hung it up on the coat rack. Then I was able to see what was underneath.
He was wearing a dark brown coat over a midnight blue shirt. He wore tan pants buckled with a black leather belt. The only things he wore that I recognized were the two armbands he wore with his SOLDIER uniform as well as the boots he was wearing. He had his Heal Magic material equipped to his left armband, and a couple of other materias on his right.
His hair had gotten a few inches longer. The braid that once only went down past his hips had grown down past his knees. It was mostly white and gray with some subtle streaks of brown. It was also thinner and shaggier than before.
He took off his coat and hung it next to the cloak. He turned around to face me.
"Feel free to take off your cloak," he chuckled, noticing that I wasn't doing anything, "Gee, does my physical age shock you that bad?"
"It's not that," I answered.
"Then what's bothering you?" He said as he limped over to the bed and sat down on it.
I took off my cloak and hung it next to his. I walked over and sat next to him on the bed. It felt awkward sitting next to him after having given up for so long. For so many years before that point I'd lost all hope of ever finding him again. And then there he was, right next to me. The fact that I'd given up made me feel uncomfortable. I felt my ears lower as I thought this.
"And don't tell me that you're feeling guilty again," he said.
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"It's just that..." I hesitated.
"Yes?"
"I thought you were dead."
"Let me guess. You found my marker in Mideel?"
"Yes. Why did you put that there if you weren't dead?"
"The marker reads, and I quote, 'The remains of the man once known as Raven, the young SOLDIER still awaiting his sweet lovely lady.'"
"Yeah, remains. As in a body."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think that. I didn't think you would actually find that. What I meant was what was left of whatever linked me to the nickname Raven. I stopped calling myself that when my hair started turning gray, and under the marker I left the last of my dark hairs."
I looked at him, but my vision was blurred. Then I noticed that it was because there were tears in my eyes again. I quickly rubbed them out. Then I felt his hand on my cheek.
"We're together now, Moira," he said in a soft and tender voice, sliding his hand down and around my face, "That is all that matters to me.
"I have waited twenty years so I could see your beautiful face again," he continued, "After I left that day, I've been trying to look for you so I could apologize for disappearing the way I did. Especially after I saw what happened not too long after I left."
He took both my hands. I looked at him and saw that his head was tilted downward, his eyes were shut, and his eyebrows were pressed down. Apparently, he's had some guilt of his own to deal with.
"It wasn't your fault Kalm was destroyed," he continued, "It was mine."
"But, Raven--" I responded.
"It was my fault," He repeated and looked up at me again, this time his eyes were filled with sorrow, "You turned into that monster because of my sudden disappearance."
There were so many questions going through my mind at that moment. I wanted to ask him if he was actually there when it happened, where he was, and why he left to begin with. I wanted to know so much, but I couldn't bring myself to ask the questions. I could only stare at him as he told me his story.
"After the voices in my head were gone," he continued, bowing his head again, "It felt so strange having my own mind all to myself again. I was so confused; I just got up and left without thinking about what I was doing or where I was going. I didn't realize what I was doing until I was just outside of the town wall..."
He hesitated and looked up at me again, "...when I heard the first explosions."
"What?" I uttered, not quite believing what I was hearing.
"I ran back into the town and saw a giant cat creature shooting fire magic at everything in sight."
"So you were there?" I wondered out loud. "But... How did you survive?"
"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure," he answered, "When I saw you rampaging like that, I was scared so bad, I just started running. I ran for hours, not quite sure where I'd end up."
"Where DID you end up?"
"I ended up collapsing at a huge clearing past the mountains. I woke up a couple of days later on the back of a chocobo."
"A chocobo?"
"Yes, a chocobo. It was on its way to Fort Condor, carrying sacks of supplies for the people living there. The man who was traveling with the chocobo was walking alongside it. Apparently, he'd found me on his way to Fort Condor. When we got there, the man in charge of the place was kind enough to let me rest there for a while. After taking a moment to think about what had happened, I decided that I had to go find you. Because that's when I realized that I'd done you a terrible wrong by leaving. After that, I swore that I'd never stop searching until I found you. I refused to allow these Jenova cells to kill me before I get the chance to tell you how sorry I am."
"Raven..." I couldn't think of anything to say to that. It seemed that we both had similar emotional problems going on for the past twenty years.
"I was such an idiot for leaving you the way I did that day," he continued, "Can you forgive me?"
"Of course," I answered and paused a moment, "All this time you've been blaming yourself for Kalm's destruction?"
"Yes," he answered. "I've traveled all over the world looking for you. I knew that I would find you eventually if I kept looking."
"I've traveled the world two or three times looking for you," I replied, "I even looked in Nibelheim, where most of the Jenova Cases stayed, but you weren't anywhere."
"Nibelheim?" He raised an eyebrow, "When were you in Nibelheim?"
"It was about a year after the last time we met," I answered.
"I'm amazed we didn't see each other then," he answered, "I went to Nibelheim half a year after we parted and stayed there for over a year, planning out my travels so my search would be efficient. Exactly when was it that you went to Nibelheim?"
"It was the day that the so-called Jenova Virus was on the news. I was in Rocket Town when I saw it, and the guy I was staying with gave me a ride to Nibelheim on his airship."
"Airship?"
"The Highwind, to be exact."
"So THAT'S why the Highwind was parked there that day," he replied, "I was in the bar then, chatting with the bartender about the so-called disease."
I smacked myself on the forehead after hearing that.
"Damn you, Bibble!" I cursed.
"Bibble?" He repeated.
"Do you remember that little moogle that was with me the last time we saw each other in Kalm?"
"Yes?"
"That was Bibble. She stayed with me for a few years when I started my search. She was really overprotective of me and didn't let me go into any bars. So naturally, the bar was the only place I didn't look."
Raven then began to laugh. After a moment the laughter got stronger.
"What's so funny?" I asked, failing to see the humor.
He pushed down his laughter so he could speak.
"It's just that," he started as he finished laughing, "It seems so funny that we completely missed each other that day. I walked out of the bar and saw the Highwind flying away. Had I left the bar earlier, we might've found each other so much sooner."
"I still don't see how that's funny," I insisted.
"Well, to me it sounds like something out of one of those stupid romantic comedies. Two lovers go looking for each other in the exact same place, but they end up just barely missing each other. If they'd have just turned around they would've seen each other and all would've been well."
I had to admit, it did sound like something that would only happen in a movie. I couldn't help but laugh myself after thinking about it that way. He then laughed along with me. After we finished laughing our eyes met again.
We stared into each other's eyes. His eyes were so deep, and it wasn't just because of the shade of blue. There was emotion in those eyes that were held back for twenty years. I felt tears well up in my eyes again, but this time I didn't bother holding them back. I then leaned toward him and wrapped my arms around him.
"I'm so glad I've finally found you," I sobbed as he wrapped his arms around me.
"So am I, Moira," he replied, "So am I."
We then continued talking for what seemed like years, telling each other of our adventures around the world. He, of course, didn't like it when I got to the part where I tried to kill myself, but then I told about how I made up for it later and promised never to do that again.
We stayed there talking even long after the sun came up. We didn't care. We just wanted to spend as much time as we could together, because even though we had no idea how long we had, we knew it wouldn't be very long at all.