Unum - Part E
Three weeks. Three weeks since he's seen Yami. The day after they'd made love, Yami wouldn't come out of the bathroom. Seto tried for hours, pleading, cajoling, to no avail. He told Seto he'd only come out if Seto left, so he did. He sat in his car for about 20 minutes then went back up to the apartment, but Yami wouldn't answer the door. Whether his would-be lover simply ignored him or had left, he didn't know. Eventually, he gave up and went home.
Since then, Yami hasn't answered his calls or his e-mails or his door when he'd gone by the apartment and he was at a loss. Even if they couldn't ever have sex again, he didn't want to lose Yami. His life would be empty without him, especially now since he didn't even have parishioners to distract him.
He couldn't even wait for Yami in the confessional anymore.
Leaning on his desk with his face in his hands, he tries to clear his mind. He had a lot to do now that the holiday season had arrived. He had ten churches under his care now, including his old parish, and he had to make sure everything ran smoothly.
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Christmas Eve. And still no sign of Yami. Maybe he went back to Texas. No, he doubts that. There's nothing there for him.
"Maybe he thinks there's nothing here for him either," he mumbles.
"Did you say something, Seto," Simon questions. Seto had been so engrossed in his worries about Yami that he'd forgotten he was spending the evening with his father and little brother.
"No. Not really. Just running over work in my mind," he lies. It hurts him to lie to Simon, but he can't share this with him. Not yet. Maybe once he decides if he's leaving the priesthood or not. But why bother now? Yami was the final reason he needed and now he's gone. What would be the point? He is doing a lot of good and he does get to see his parishioners sometimes…He's just not happy. And that's the real problem.
"Hey Seto," Mokuba calls, breaking into his thoughts, "I forgot whipped cream for the pie tomorrow. Can you give me a ride to get some?"
"Sure, Mokie," he smiles half-heartedly. He's got to get himself together. He can't let them know how miserable he is without Yami.
As soon as the car doors close, Mokuba pounces.
"Okay, what's wrong? And don't say you can't tell me because I know you haven't worked a confessional in months."
"Then how about it's none of your business?" Seto snaps, sorry for the reaction as soon as it happens.
"Seto…"
He groans and puts his face in his hands.
"I'm sorry, Mokie. I just have a lot on my mind right now."
A pause.
"I saw Yami a few days ago at the market. He looked just as miserable as you, Seto. What happened?"
"I might be leaving the priesthood, Mokuba," he states, ignoring the question.
"Because of Yami?" Mokuba prods, now very sure he's on the right track.
"Because I'm unhappy. I haven't been happy for more than a year. The only thing I sort of enjoyed was running my parish, but that's gone now and I can't get it back. My career in the Church is going really well. But all I want to do is get away."
"Have you prayed about it?"
"Quite a bit. But I don't feel like it's helping. Maybe because of what I did. Maybe if I asked for forgiveness my prayers will be heard, but I don't know if I want to be forgiven. Because I don't know if I want it to happen again or if I was just trying to escape for a while."
"What did you do?"
A long pause.
"I can't tell you. You'll be disappointed."
A longer pause.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Mokuba whispers into the heavy silence.
Seto doesn't answer.
"And you broke your vows with him, didn't you?" Mokuba accuses.
Seto presses his head into the steering wheel, but doesn't respond.
"You're right. I am disappointed."
Seto feels his heart crack at those words, closing his eyes and gripping the wheel tightly.
"But not for the reason you think, Seto. I'm disappointed that you'd think you mean so little to me that I'd condemn you for a momentary lapse. Or even a change of lifestyle. You're my big brother forever, Seto. You're the person who endured Gozoboro to keep me safe and rescued me from him by humiliating yourself further."
Seto looks at him wild-eyed. He knows!
"Yes, I know. I've known for years, Seto."
Seto scrambles from the car and runs to the side of the house, throwing up in the bushes.
Mokuba knows! All he did to keep him in the dark about what Gozoboro was doing, stifling the screams, crying without sound, making sure the sheets were always clean the next day when Mokuba bounded into his room to wake him up, making sure to get rid of any tear tracks…all for nothing.
"Seto?" Simon calls to him. "Are you alright?"
Stumbling to his feet and wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he wanders away into the night. He can't face either of them right now.
Finding himself at a gas station after about two hours of wandering, he borrows the bathroom key and goes in to clean up a little. Using damp paper towels, he wipes his face, removing any leftover bile and the tear tracks from remembering Gozoboro and realizing how much he'd truly lost at that bastard's hands. He uses more towels to wipe his sleeve and then rinses his mouth with the travel-sized mouthwash he picked up in the gas station's convenience store, before heading back to Simon's house. Back to the only real father he's ever had. Tonight, he'll tell him everything. About being unhappy. About wanting to leave the priesthood. About Yami. Everything. Maybe Simon will feel the same as Mokuba; only disappointed that Seto didn't trust him with these things earlier.
Or maybe he'll be really angry. Whatever happens, it will happen tonight and he'll live with the consequences.
Making his way up the front walk, he checks his watch, 12:45am. Christmas Day. What better time to lose his family?
Using his key to open the door, he heads toward the living room intending to get things over with so he can head home and collapse from mental and emotional exhaustion.
He never makes it. Instead, he finds himself tackled to the floor in the front hall.
"Ow!" he exclaims, rubbing his head from where it bounced off of the hardwood floor. Looking up to the body still sitting on him, he expects to see Mokuba laughing at him. Instead, his eyes meet shimmering crimson.
"Y-Yami!"
The tri-colored head leans down to his, capturing his lips in a light kiss.
"Yami!" he exclaims, moving to lift his lover up, even though he is more than glad to see him.
"It's alright, Seto," he whispers into the prone man's ear, "They know."
He leans back and Seto gazes into those fiery orbs he's missed so terribly.
"They know?" he whispers.
Yami nods slowly, smiling.
Fisting his hand in Yami's hair, he pulls him down for a passionate kiss. Yami moans at the contact.
"Okay, we know, but we don't wanna watch," Mokuba inserts sarcastically, leaning against the wall.
Seto lets Yami up and then follows, placing a hand in the small of his back and leading him into the living room. They sit next to each other on the couch, Seto clasping Yami's hand tightly.
"So, you're leaving the priesthood?" Simon asks casually.
Glancing at Yami and then to Mokuba, Seto responds.
"I am," he states clearly.
"Why, Seto? You're very good at it."
"Because I'm not happy. It's become a burden. I no longer feel I'm doing God's work. Now I'm just a bureaucrat. A paper pusher. Maybe if I'd kept my parish, I would have stayed a little longer, but now…now it's just not working for me."
"Are you sure it's not because of an alternate lifestyle choice?" he questions, looking pointedly at Yami, who looks down and away, a mixture of shame and embarrassment playing across his features.
Seto tightens his fingers around Yami's, reassuring him. He knows Simon isn't a cruel man he just wants to be sure Seto is being honest with himself.
"No. I was thinking about leaving before I met Yami."
"So, what will you do?"
"I don't know. I'll figure out something."
"Where are you going to live?"
"He can stay with me, if there's not enough room here. I have an extra room," Yami pipes up, glad to be able to contribute something positive to the situation. Seto smiles warmly at him.
"Perhaps it would be best to wait until after you resign to move in with Yami," Simon counsels.
"You're probably right, Simon," Seto remarks.
"So, when are you making it official?" Mokuba inserts.
"I'll probably put in the paperwork at the beginning of the year and give them a month's notice. That should give them ample time to find a replacement for me," Seto responds seriously.
"Not that," Mokuba dismisses with a wave. "I mean you two!"
Seto smiles at Yami.
"Well, we're just going to play it by ear for now, right?"
"Right," Yami smiles back.
"So, I guess this means no grandchildren," Simon pouts.
They all laugh.