Raymond Receives a Beating
One fine summer's morn Mr T awoke from his bed, prepared a glass of milk and sat down in front of his television and was shocked to find that the reruns of "The A Team" he was expecting had been replaced with a show called "Everyone Loves Raymond". Mr T decided to give this new show 5 minutes to impress him before he would begin kicking ass and to T's dismay "Everybody Loves Raymond" did not provide the unabashed violence, sharp wit and deep plots with a message that the "The A Team" always does. In fact Mr T found the show to be a morbid selection of unfunny jokes and bland commentary on family life, Mr T exclaimed this fact by shouting "This sucks!" so loudly that the flowers under his window died.
Mr T finished his milk, loaded his favorite shotgun and prepared to do battle with blandness itself, he jumped out of his 3rd story window and landed in the driving seat of his van which having already sensed Mr T's anger had started and pulled out the driveway. Meanwhile, 5246 miles away in Long Island Raymond had also recently awoken, he went downstairs to find his ugly wife having an argument with the toaster, his kids drinking petrol and his older brother (whom despite being a trained police officer) having trouble opening the front door. "Haw haw, just another day of family life!", exclaimed Raymond and some bodiless spirits laughed for no apparent reason, then Raymond's parents kicked in his front door, "Oh nose!", exclaimed Raymond and the bodiless spirits laughed hysterically.
Raymond's Dad sat down in front of the TV and soiled his trousers while Raymond's Mother proceeded to simultaneously stuff chocolate cake down Raymond's throat, threaten at his wife and beat his kids to which Raymond responded "Oh ma!" and the spirits died of laughter. Then Raymond heard 7 shotgun blasts and looked around to see his family dead, he then looked through his window to see an angry Mt T, with smoking shotgun in hand. Mr T punched the window in, ate the glass (still hungry from having only drank one gallon of milk that morning) and began "You skinny, suburban sack of nothin'! You think yo' so funny and you think yo' original in exclaiming the fact that families are annoying! Well hear this sucka: Sh'up foo'!".
Before Raymond could even think of muttering an unfunny response Mr T punched him in the stomach so hard that his enormous nose fell off. Then something amazing happened: Raymond actually became funny! His nose was the source of his lack of humour and now with his new found wit he wrote a new season of "Everybody Loves Raymond" which was indeed the funniest show ever. Unfortunately the general public, not being used to things that are actually funny and whom prefer the likes of "Friends" and (the original) "Everybody Loves Raymond" rejected the show. Raymond became bankrupt and to this day can be found sitting on garbage cans offering sexual favors in exchange for laughter.