The Therapy Sagas

Chapter 10: Our Diagnosis

All 11 of us sat in the room, Scott, Logan, Kitty, Rogue, Kurt, Gambit (aka Naked Man), Professor X, Jean, Alex-my favorite-, Liz and me. It had been a long and tiring day for Liz and me, seeing one crazy person after another. We had finally gone through all of my doctors patients had come up with diagnoses for all of them. Some are more creative than others but hey they're mental it's not like they're going to care.

"We are all very glad that you could all come here today," I said looking around at all of them. "We have come up with some very useful things to help all of you with your various degrees of issues."

"Yes and we hope that you find them most helpful," Liz said in a fake doctor voice. "Logan, don't ever ever ever mention that you live with a rich dude in a house with 13 other kids before telling him that you live at a boarding school," Liz said.

"Ok you and you," I said pointing to Jean and Scott. "You both like each other so just get this awkward phase thing over with and start dating before both spontaneously combust of frustration. Kitty, you're how old? The valley girl thing is annoying. Nobody likes it anymore! Start talking normal or you'll have assassins after all the time."

"And we don't mean the nice kind either," Liz said.

"There are nice kinds of assassins?" Kitty asked puzzled.

"Well no not really but some are worse than others. Some stalk you and call you on the phone when no one else is home and do that creepy breathing thing," Liz explained to her.

"Ewe that is like so creepy and wrong," she said making a face.

"Rogue you need more mental help than we can give you," Liz said.

"It's either that or she's been touching Kitty for way to long and needs to touch Logan to balance out all the sweet pink sugar frosting that's flowing through her veins!" I said.

"Hey I like like sweet pink sugar frosting!" Kitty said obviously offended.

"Yeah to bad you can't cook with it," Kurt said.

"Oh yeah now for you my German Speaking Blue Fuzzy Elf. Sorry I screamed, but I don't like you that way. You're better off without me. I'm way to crazy and I don't want to drag you in like somebody dragged me in I'm not mentioning any names, Joe Liz, Caitlin, Nikki, Amanda and Jennie," I said coughing the names.

"I heard that," Liz said.

"Well it's true," I told her.

"Gambit we have absolutely nothing to suggest for you except to tell people to not say naked man three times in a row," Liz said.

"Why? What happens when you say naked man naked man naked man?" Professor X asked.

"I am Naked Man," Gambit said in a cheesy fake super hero voice. His trench coat was off and was running around the room making swooshing voices pretending to fly.

"Did we just not say for you not to say that," I yelled at the professor. "You know, for a smart bald guy in a wheel chair you're really not that smart."

"Of course he is. He has legions of minions. MINIONS!" Liz yelled. "By the way the wig looks fabulous!"

"Dude I didn't even notice that!" Alex said.

"Isn't that a girl's wig," Logan said with a strange look on his face.

"You're just jealous," the professor said fixing his new "hair."

"Oh yeah so jealous," Logan muttered.

"Heard that," Professor said.

"Damn it."

"By the way professor, Liz said. "If you ever want to join forces, and oh I don't know take over the world or something, here's my card."

"Oh boy an alliance!" the professor said giddy. "Now I'll be able to take over the Society of Incredibly Wealthy Crippled People!"

"And he's our leader why?" Scott asked.

"Because sadly without him we would be sad little lost puppies. Kind of like how you would be if Jean left," Logan explained.

"Hey!" Scott resented.

"It's the truth," Logan said.

"Now Jean seeing as we already told Scott what to do, here's our advice to you: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET DOWN YOUR GUARD TARYN'S WILL GET AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF WORK DONE TO CHANGE HER BODY TO LOOK ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS, WEAR INCREBLY HIGH HEALS, DIE HER HAIR BLONDE, SELL HER SOUL TO THE DEVIL TO GET TELEPATHIC POWERS JUST TO GET SCOTT AWAY FROM YOU!" I explained to her.

"And you say I'm crazy?" Liz asked me.

"Hey, I calls them as I sees them," I told her. " Well that's it guys nice meeting you."

"Like what about me?" Alex asked.

"Oh yeah we almost forgot. You and Kurt are staying with us!" I said.

"Score one for the surfer dude!" he said.

"Well here's 'our' pay check," Liz said opening the envelope. "OH MY GOD!" she screamed and fainted.

"What?" I asked looking at the paper. "OH MY GOD! WE JUST MADE $7,137.13!"

"Dudes that's like a ton of money!" Alex said.

"I know! And it has all our favorite numbers in it. That's really strange," Liz said regaining consciousness from the shock of the amount of money.

"Hey Alex sorry to break up your would you call it a date?" Scott asked.

"Yes! Yes I would!" he said obviously angry.

"Well it's just that Magneto's causing trouble," Scott said.

"Yeah either that or he's trying to take over the Society of Incredibly Wealthy Crippled People," Kurt mumbled.

"I'm going with Kurt on this one. Besides don't we have enough people to do this I mean there's like 8 of us," Alex complained.

"No technically there's only 5 because Storm's in Africa, the professor never comes, and me and you are here," he said.

"What about the little porcupine dude?" Alex asked.

"Lives in the sewers now," Kurt said.

"Ewe."

"Yeah, Ewe."

"Elf! Pretty Boy! Slim! You better get over here now and suit up for this mission or I'll have you running laps until you're my age and buddy I'm pretty damn old," Logan threatened them.

"Coming," Kurt said quickly.

"Alas my new found love I must leave, but if I ever see you again which I expect it to be soon, I will be waiting for you," Alex said.

"I said NOW! Logan yelled.

"Bye."

"Well what do you want to do now?" Liz asked.

"I don't know are you hungry?" I asked her.

"Thought you would never ask," Liz said. "Sushi?"

"In Japan?"

"Let's go!"

Well it started when I was home alone and didn't have a test and all my friends did and I had no one to bug and so it ends on a day when I was home alone and didn't have a test and all my friends did and I had no one to bug. I hope you have enjoyed my tale of insaneness and there will be a sequel just not in the Evolution or X-men section, or at least for now. There is a hint in the end to where Liz and I are going next, but unless you know me really well you probably wont see it. Today I am going to try my absolute best to update all stories and to type up the entire Assassin's Theory for Seer of Light and Fire so that we can get that done and I can concentrate on you guys again. Please go read the Assassin's Theory. You can go to it through my favorite author's Seer of Light and Fire is there. The Assassin's Theory is the tale of 3 nowhere near normal girls, Nova, Kainna, and Rei. They find out that one of them has the key to destroying the greatest evil in feudal era Japan. The Assassin's theory will make appearances in Evolution (third one), Ultimate X-men Comics (3 one part 2) and the Uncanny Comics (Number 7) so please read it. I appreciate it if you do. If you do then I will review a story of yours in return. I know I'm pathetic doing a review bribe but this story means a lot to Seer and me. I may not be able to update that much because of me moving I'm still trying to get unpacked. Plus I had no cable and Internet for 3 days. My phone will not be turned on until the 20th. I cannot play basketball for the rest of the season. No more gym for the rest of the year and to top it all off Ryan Barrik is on my bus! He absolutely gets on my last nerve most of the time! Though I don't know why I don't hate him that much any more. Oh well. Bye.