Chapter 3: Hangovers and Halfwits

Severus Snape was in bad shape. He slowly opened his eyes, but was forced to scrunch them shut again. Even the weak light was too much to bear. Wait? What happened? How did I get in my bed? Why is my head pounding? Slowly, the events of the previous night came back to him. This is not good. Ugh. My mouth feels like it's full of cotton. How the ruddy hell did I get here? What is that smell? He struggled to sit up, only to realize that it wasn't going to happen.

William looked at Snape with amusement. It would appear that he imbibed too much mead last evening. Oh, I could tell him stories…. He cleared his throat and spoke loudly. "Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance. (1) There was this one wench; ah, what a beauty…." He paused in reflection. He laughed out loud when Snape growled and cursed at him.

Snape groaned and rolled over in his bed. Blasted man! Never shuts up! His stomach lurched violently and he rushed to the loo. Gods! I think I'm dying! Oh, I know I didn't eat that! Having emptied the contents of his stomach, he shuffled back to his bed, quite green in the face. He pulled the covers over his head and decided to save his questions for much later.

The rest of the day passed without incident, save for some amusement coming to Dumbledore's eyes when he regarded his Potions teacher at the dinner table. Hagrid also seemed to see something comical when he happened across Snape, but hid his laughter behind a rough cough. Giant oaf. What does he have to laugh about? I'll hex him into next week if he even speaks to me. Maybe I'll sic one of those damnable skrewts on him. Luckily the game keeper moved on, full out laughing when he thought he was out of Snape's hearing.

Just wonderful. I suppose that I should talk to Dumbledore. He made his way to the headmaster's office, giving the password and climbing the stairs. The old wizard must have been expecting him, because he was sitting in a chair by the fireplace. He gestured to the other one, and Snape stiffly sat down.

"Could I offer you a lemon drop? Or perhaps some firewhisky?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he spoke, noting the greenish tint that came to Snape's face at the mention of the drink.

"No, headmaster. I've actually come by to…." He was cut off.

"To find out how you happened to return to your room last night?" The headmaster laughed. "I hear that you caused quite a commotion. I'm rather surprised at you. Luckily, Hagrid happened to be at The Three Broomsticks and was kind enough to make sure you made it back to the castle safely, after being unable to rouse you." Not to mention, Hagrid just happened to make sure that the whole faculty saw just how drunk Severus was.

This is much worse than I thought. I thought I had managed to drag myself in and just didn't remember it. Now I'll have to put up with that hairy excuse for a teacher knowing what happened. He groaned out loud as he realized something else. Hagrid would no doubt share this with Potter, having a nice laugh. Well, the whole lot of them can just shove off. He rose, ignoring Dumbledore's protests and retreated to his room.

Monday morning arrived too quickly for Snape's liking, but thankfully the day passed without much incident. The classes seemed more subdued that normal, probably due to the fact that their professor looked as if he would eat the next person that spoke to him. Neville Longbottom practically wet his pants when he managed to destroy another cauldron. Luckily, he was saved from the wrath of his teacher by the ending of the class. He ran out the door, much to Snape's amusement. Oh, the simple joys of life. I do so love tormenting the students. He frowned again as he realized that he had given detention to Weasley and that it was tonight. Bloody hell!

Ron ate dinner with less zeal that usual, his appetite curbed by the looming detention with his least favorite professor. Little did he know that said professor was dreading the punishment as well. Silently, he got up from the table, said goodbye to Harry and Hermione and made his way to the dungeons. Best to get this over with. I just hope Snape doesn't make me clean up Neville's mess from today.

Snape barely glanced at the young man before barking orders at him. "Slice those caterpillars into equal parts, Mr. Weasley. If they are not perfect, you will start over until they are. After you are finished with that, clean the mess that that dunderhead Longbottom made." Maybe that will keep him quiet. I do hate needless conversation.

Brainless wanker! Ugh, what did Neville have in here? Ron went to work, trying his best to ignore his professor. The sooner detention is over, the better. I can't imagine spending more time with this nasty git than necessary. Without noticing, he started to hum. I'm too sexy for this class, too sexy for this class, but I need to pass. I'm too sexy for…but, his thoughts were rudely interrupted.

"MR. WEASLEY! You are simply begging for more detention!" Snape was livid. Is he actually poking fun at me? How dare he? "2 weeks! And come prepared to scrub cauldrons. WITHOUT MAGIC!" Brilliant, Severus. Now I have to see the little weasel every night for a week. When am I going to learn that punishment to a student is punishment for me?

Ron didn't understand why Snape was all bent out of shape. He was just humming. It's probably that perpetual stick up his arse! Well, if I'm to have detention, better make it because of something good! "It's your fault you know!" He glared at his professor, his ears turning almost as red as his hair.

"Excuse me? Are you actually daring to get cheeky with me?" Snape's eyes snapped like fire. No he didn't! He did not just talk back to me!

"Well, it's your own bloody fault that infernal song is stuck in my head! You're the one who was singing it in your ad!" He was past caring about getting in trouble, so his curiosity got the better of him. "Who's it by, anyway? "

Gods! I'm going to kill the boy. Right here. Dead! I'm going to have a dead weasel in my classroom! "Asking questions now, Mr. Weasley? Did I even say you could speak?" He eyed the boy in front of him, but Ron didn't break eye contact. Well, I can't kill him. If I do that I'll never get that Order of Merlin, First Class. Bold fellow, standing up to me. Snape sighed. "Fine, the original song is by 'Right Said Fred'."

"Fred didn't say nothing! If anyone did, it was probably George!" Ron was truly puzzled. Has he finally gone off his rocker?

"Are you always this dense, Mr. Weasley? Honestly, why can't you take after Bill or Charlie? They were intelligent! Even Percy had a brain! You seem to be the dunce of the Weasley family. At least Fred and George are a bit entertaining at times." Wonderful. Now he knows that I don't truly despise his family. This is not going to be good for my reputation. Think before you speak, Severus, THINK!

Ron didn't know what to say. He just sat there staring as if his professor had sprouted 5 heads. It wasn't because Snape had called him a dunce. Hell, he had berated all of the students so much that they were used to it from him. No, it was because he almost given a compliment to Ron's brothers. I think the fumes are getting to me. I'm hallucinating. He pinched himself in the arm. OW! That bloody hurt! Well, I'm not dreaming. This is awkward. Say something. Anything! "Whaa?"!

Snape almost laughed at the bewilderment on the boy's face and at his idiotic response. But, that would not do, so he covered his amusement by doing what he did best. "Get out of my sight! Detention is over!" With that, he spun on his heel and left the boy staring at him. Merlin! I'm going positively soft! I'm getting too old for this.

Once back in his room, Snape felt a terrible burning on his left forearm. Sod it all! Of all the times to be summoned! And when all I wanted was to take a bubble bath and just be left alone! Leave it to the Dark Lord to ruin my evening. He retrieved his Death Eater mask from his bottom drawer and walked to the fire. With a flick of his wrist, he threw some floo powder into his fire place. "Headmaster's Office!" He stepped into the fire.

Dumbledore looked up at Snape when he appeared. "Ah, my boy. Another summons from Voldemort?" He had been expecting this. It had been several weeks since they had heard anything from Voldemort.

"Yes. I thought I should inform you before I left so that that oversized fur coat of a game keeper doesn't go looking for me again." Snape frowned as he spoke. Gods! I certainly don't need him dragging me back here like he did the other evening.

"Hagrid didn't go looking for you, Severus. Maybe you should be more discreet when you choose to tie one on next time?" He chuckled, and then grew more serious. "As always, be cautious. There is no telling what Voldemort has planned for this night."

"If it's along the usual lines, it will be nothing more than a speech about taking over the world, bellowing about Potter, a little torturing, and a few mind games." Snape yawned as if he were bored. "I should be back at the castle by morning." He clutched the amulet around his neck and vanished.

A/N:

Thanks to Jennifer and Judy who are wonderful betas. Thanks for all the support!

Quotes:

(1) Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance. Macbeth Act II, Scene III

Disclaimer:

None of it is mine, except for this goofy plot. JKR is the genius to worship.