Chapter 4: Cocoa and Conversation

All these years of traveling, and I still can't get the hang of a simple Portkey. Snape bent over at the waist to catch his breath, unpleasantly reminded of his hangover of the past weekend. Best get this over with. He walked up to the door of the Riddle house and spoke the password. "The Dark Lord reigns supreme in a world where Muggles, Mudbloods, and Harry Potter are not fit to live, and if you see fit to question that, you will suffer a most terrible death." Only the Dark Lord would come up with something like that. He's so predictable. Anyone could get in here. He pulled open the door and entered the house.

Voldemort was seated in a high-backed chair by the fire. He surveyed Snape with his red eyes. Prompt, as usual. If only the others would follow his example, it would make my life so much easier. Dealing with rogue Death Eaters is a full time job. If I have to hear "My dragon ate my mask!" one more time….

"You wished to see me, my lord?" Snape tried to gauge Voldemort's mood. He didn't look angry. That's a plus. I hate having to spend hours calming him down after he loses to Wormtail in Wizard's chess. He cleared his mind, in preparation for facing Voldemort. The Dark Lord was exceptional at mind reading. Snape knew the key was eye contact, so he always made sure to avert his eyes occasionally.

He's avoiding looking at me again. Am I that hideous? Maybe I should have Wormtail bring me a plastic surgeon next time. "Yes, I did. As you can see, I didn't call the other Death Eaters. Here. Sit. Have some hot cocoa." He motioned to the chaise next to him and offered a pot of chocolate. I hate it when I have to ask favors. It really makes me look less powerful. I do have a reputation to uphold. "I have something of a somewhat personal nature to discuss with you."

Snape took a seat, but did not relax. Oh this is just dandy. The last time he had something personal to discuss with me I ended up being forced to comfort him while he whined about not ever meeting his soul mate. He doesn't even have a soul! "Yes, my Lord?"

"Severus, I see that you placed a dating ad in Witch Weekly. I must say, I was most surprised. I have to admit though I was beginning to think that you were working for the other side." Well, at least that's not the issue. But, come to think of it, he never came on to me. How depressing. No one finds me attractive anymore. Yes, I must have Wormtail get right on the plastic surgeon thing.

Snape stared at a spot on the wall behind Voldemort. Oh, sweet Merlin! He thinks I am a spy? Not good, not good! Be collected. Calm down. Clear your mind. Think of gentle breezes and flowering meadows. Think of Harry Potter scrubbing the cauldrons with a toothbrush. He turned his gaze back to Voldemort's for a brief moment before looking elsewhere. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." That's it. Stall. Try to figure out something to say.

Voldemort looked at the Deatheater in front of him. Well, he looks uncomfortable. Maybe I was right after all. "You know. I thought you buttered your bread on the other side." He noticed Snape's continued blank look. "Played for the other Quidditch team?" He was getting frustrated, as it was obvious that Snape had no idea what he was talking about.

Snape was truly puzzled. I think he's been playing with his snake for too long. He's lost his senses. "I've never played on a Quidditch team, my Lord. I'm not really the athletic type. As for bread…."

Voldemort didn't know what to say. So, he said the only thing he could. "I thought you were gay, you imbecile!"

He what? I am soooo not gay! What is it with people? First I'm a vampire? Now I'm gay? "I assure you, I am certainly NOT GAY!" Merlin! Maybe I should add "How to Make it Clear that You're a Manly Wizard" to my list along with the Wizard's Hair Wash. Granted, that idiot Lockhart wrote it, but he seemed to go over well with the witches.

Both men sat there in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Snape was seething. I'm not gay! Sweet Merlin on a biscuit! What is wrong with everyone? He's a vampire. He's gay. He's a gay vampire! Bunch of wankers, the lot of them! He finally decided to break the silence to avoid being there all night. "Would it be too much to ask why you called me here?"

"Oh, yes." I'd better get this over with. "You see,I'm in a somewhat awkward predicament. You know my penchant for betting?" He continued after Snape nodded. "Well, I made a bet with an old colleague on the outcome of the last match between the Canons and Puddlemere. Suffice to say, I did not win."

Snape looked at Voldemort in surprise. Interesting. Usually, if he doesn't win, he makes sure no one ever finds out. This must be serious.

Voldemort continued, just wanting to get this over with. "Since I have no available money, I managed to talk him into something else. He does have a sister. A sister who seems to be very…er…enamored with you. So, I promised him that you would go on a date with her. She's just sent in a reply to your ad."

What? That's what this is about? Another date? "That is most…irregular, my Lord." After seeing Voldemort's frown, he hastily added, "But, of course, I will go." Let's just hope she's better than that hag, Rita.

"There's one more thing that you should know, Severus." Voldemort paused and took a breath before continuing. "It's Demetra Dementor."

Snape jumped up in shock. "You're telling me that I've just agreed to go out on a date with a Dementor? Bloody Hell!" This is not good. Not good is an understatement. This is bloody horrifying! In his shock, he had forgotten and looked straight at Voldemort.

"Horrifying, Severus? Really, I would have thought that you, of all wizards, would be up to the task. Should we have a round of Cruciatus to prepare you?" Oh, I do hope he says yes. I get so tired of inflicting pain on Wormtail. He does whine so.

"That won't be necessary, my Lord. I assure you, I am up to the task. Now, if that is all, I will return to Hogwarts. My presence will soon be missed." Snape wondered how he was going to get through this ordeal.

"That is all, Severus. I shall see you at our next Death Eater meeting." Voldemort smiled. "Thank you for coming."

"Yes, my Lord. I am at your command." Snape made his way back to the front door. His hand was just reaching for his amulet when Voldemort spoke again.

"Oh, and Severus, whatever you do, don't let her kiss you!" Voldemort's mad laugh rang out. I'm on a roll! I should be a comedian. Take my wife! Please! With that thought, he fell back into depression as he realized he had no wife, and was not likely to ever have one.

Severus felt his stomach drop as he clutched the necklace and was transported back to Hogwarts.

A/N:

Thanks again to Judy and Jennifer for betaing this fic. I love y'all!

My updates will probably be fewer now. I just have three more chaps written as of now, and the baby is due in about 7 weeks, so I'm sure things will be getting hectic! I promise that I won't neglect it though, and poor Sev will not be left hanging. teehee.

Dislaimer:

It's all the product of JKR's genius imagination. I just take the characters out and play with them before putting them back in the box.