Squarenix still owns them. Even Kefka. Konami owns Alucard, even if he's not really showing up. I own the sorcerer. For better or worse…
Part of this chapter was written as a birthday present for an author friend of mine, but I left it were it was since it also deals with AUs and horribly out-of-character stories. (the fic is called "Tales from a Parallel Universe" (and VERY rightfully so!), and if you're interested you should easily find it with a Google search on the title and author name (KaiserVonAlmasy) – I'd tell you just where it is but I might be breaking rules by flaunting other sites all the time, so I'd rather not).
Onwards!
Chapter 5, For the Love, with capital L even!
Irvine rushed down the dimly lit (strange that considering that all the lamps seemed to work a second ago) corridor, following the sound of battle towards the stair in the main hall. By its foot stood already Zell, Seifer, Fuijn and Raijin, their weapons - apart from in Zell's case of course - slicing and crashing through the air against the literal ocean of men in Galbadian uniforms. Irvine halted and pulled exeter from a hidden pocket, catiously walking a little closer to get better aim. Even if it mattered little with the whole bottom floor being targets.
Just as he placed his foot on the first step of the stair however, a bright flash erupted around him and he stumbled downwards for a few seconds with a shriek, all the way enveloped in the strange light. Vaguelly he could hear his allies below shriek in similar manners, and there was a female scream from somewhere behind him.
If he had still been in Balamb Garden, he would have heard several others scream in the same way.
Sandra curiously looked into his magical mirror which was set up beside his throne.
The sorcerer's voice echoed through the darkness of his lair, and his servants fled in panic as the words clung to the walls, slithering through the icy air of the base...
"Eh? This wasn't in the plan..."
Irvine came too, blinking in surprise as the light left him. Then he stared in horror at the scene below him, with the surprised soldiers and dead bodies among where Zell Dincht, Seifer Almasy, Fujin and her boyfriend Raijin stood, armed to their teeth and blinking stupidly.
Then he noticed the gun in his hand and let it go with a gasp.
"What is going on here?!" he called in a shrill voice, "I will have to report you all to the headmaster!"
But nobody seemed to hear him. Seifer was staring at his gunblade and the blood covering it, throwing it on the floor - causing a couple of soldiers to stumble backwards in panic - with a violent tremble tearing through his body.
"Good heavens!" he cried, entwining his fingers and falling to his knees, raising his hands and eyes towards the ceiling, "forgive me for these sins I have committed Father, I knew not what I was doing!"
Fujin looked down at her clothes.
"Where's my denim jacket and jeans!?" she shrieked, stumbling backwards into Raijin's stunned grip.
"Like, oh my god! This is so totally messed up!"
Irvine surpressed a disdainful groan and glanced over his shoulder, seeing the resident drama queen of Balamb Garden coming down the upper corridor, whip in hand... WHIP?!
"Quistis Trepe! That weapon is against regulations!" the nerd-boy called in disgust, gleefully taking out his report notebook.
The blond bimbo looked down and stared in fearful intriguement.
"Like... does this go well with my dress?" she questioned.
In Balamb Garden, Squall blinked at the report he was holding and wondering why he was reading that piece of trash. Looking around he also wondered why he was in the headmaster's office, and why the door was barricaded. But not for long, as he had more important things to do.
Reaching down below the desk he triumphantly withdrew his beloved boom box. Flipping his dreadlocks absentmindedly and briefly wondering why they weren't there, he turned on the music on a volume that should have turned a snake deaf after two minutes.
In the quad, the slaves... uh... helpers of the Garden Commitée which still hadn't managed to flee looked up in confusion as the shrill chirps and random bouncing stopped. They quickly looked away again as Selphie Tilmitt coldly regarded them with gazes that would kill if physics had allowed it.
Disgusted by all the bright colors around her the gothic girl swept out of the quad towards the darkness of her room to write morbid poetry. On the way she broke past Xu and Nida, who were whispering to each other while blushing crimson.
The scene with Edea and Cid got too bloody and was censored. One of the lady's lines is however allowed.
"Finally! We are Ultimecia, and now we shall akive Time Kompression!"
In the library, a pig-tailed girl picked up a shot gun, a manic glint in her eyes.
"Zelly boy... will be... mine!"
In her prison Rinoa narrowly avoided choking on a piece of bread. One of the guards quickly ran into the cell and helped her cough it out.
But when the chaos seemed to be complete, a pure, helpful voice rang through the minds of all the twisted characters.
'Attention everyone, this is Ellone,' they all heard, looking up in surprise, 'I know that you are all feeling a little confused right now, but I have a book here which explains the whole thing. Search your hearts and you shall find the answer to the riddle.'
Hesitantly the Balamb people did as they were told, more because of that Ellone seemed to be the only one knowing what was going on than anything else.
And they found the answer.
Seifer got to his feet - quickly finishing his prayer first of course - and Irvine lowered the notebook.
All who watched the maniacs turn peaceful were too stunned to say or do anything - which once again was lucky in the case of the soldiers who already had been stunned a moment earlier.
As one, the characters looked to the skies, smiled, and took in a deep breath. Then they all called:
"HAPPY TWENTY-FOURTH BIRTHDAY, KAISERVONALMASY!"
"Well," Seifer said, scratching his head one second before the light once again enveloped them all to undo the temporary change, "that sure was peculiar..."
Returning to normal, all the characters went back to what they had been doing before the birthday present occurred. Squall did this with a little less good hearing, however.
In Caraway's mansion, the battle quickly sped up again, Quistis diving down the stair with a confused but determined expression.
Covered by the bullets that Irvine sent raining over the soldiers, the five warriors kept a brave stand with magic and brute force, the evil soldiers falling over each others' dead bodies. But still, they just kept coming.
"Will somebody cast Curaga on me, I'm almost out of HP!" Zell shouted after a few minutes.
The battle froze as every single person in the world fell to their knees, pressing their hands against their head. This also included the monsters and Sandra with his army.
A massive choire of a million (well, with the monsters taken in account, bear in mind that there're hardly are more than 70 or so humans on this planet) voices shouting in unison rose towards the uncaring skies.
"FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING SACRED, NO HP AND MP TALK!!"
Then they all resumed activity again.
Well, almost.
Zell spent a few moments beating himself over the head, angrily cheered on by his allies. Irvine had stood on top of the stair when he had fallen to his knees to scream. You do the math.
"OK!" Seifer finally called as he had sliced through a few more soldiers while shouting profanities at chicken-wuss for rendering their backup unconscious - not stopping to wonder how he managed to say "okay" only using two capital letters, "this is getting desperate! Quistis, I'm gonna get beaten up so that you can go psycho and do something big to save your love, got it?"
"Wha?" the blond ex-instructor gasped.
"Alright!" Seifer smirked and dropped Hyperion, "Raijin, gimme a hand big fella'."
"You never talked like that in the game, ya know..." the more muscular part of the posse idly commented.
But he grabbed Seifer's waist, drew back and then flung his friend into the ocean of soldiers. Leaving a Seifer-shaped imprint in the enemy force.
Quistis let out a scream that almost shattered every ear in the room. Her whole body began to glow and her feet left the floor.
"COVER," Fujin said, grabbed Zell's shoulders and held him up between her and Quistis as a human shield.
Raijin hid behind his albino friend.
Up in his office, general Caraway buried his face in his hands and groaned as he heard the next sound and the room shivered around him, mourning the loss of his great hall. The renovation would cost him another fourhundred thousand gil.
"Phuah!" Zell dryly gasped and breathed out a small puff of smoke, while pieces of the ceiling peacefully floated downwards around him and those who had so cruelly used him.
"FINALLY."
"That was colorful, ya know..."
Quistis stood, her back bent and her hands on her knees while she gasped. The whip laid by her feet.
Slowly she looked up and set her eyes on a gray spot among all the fallen men. Her steps echoed in the silence as she walked - save from the weak groans from those who were still alive as she stepped on them - towards Seifer.
When she was just a couple of feet away he groaned silently, then hopped up on his feet and started dusting himself off.
"Good work Quisty, thanks a lot. You saved my life even if it's not worth an imp's ass and all that."
"Sure..." Quistis began, but Seifer grabbed her arm and cut her off.
"Well then, let's go out and smooch in the moonlight for a disgustingly sweet scene during which you regain your memories from my kiss and recalls a valid point in our search for Rinoa," he said with an uncharacteristic soft smile and dragged her off towards the mansion's entrance.
"Do any of you get the idea that he's enjoying this?" Zell coughed, trying to keep his balance as Fujin dropped him.
"NO FOOL."
"Right, right..."
"Hey Fujin, ya know? Can you, ya know, heal Irvine so we can prepare for the next plotpoint, ya know?" Raijin asked, stretching his back.
A second later he was hopping around on one leg after another traditional kick.
"ROMANCERISK!" Fujin disdainfully snarled.
"Sorry, ya know!" Raijin groaned, grabbing the remains of the stair's fence to keep standing.
"I'll do it, in a sec..." Zell grunted, trying to brush the ashes out of his hair.
As he eventually bent down to piece his cowboy-friend together, he briefly wondered where Irivine's broken arm had gone.
A few healing spells later Irvine was sitting up on the crumbling lowest step of the stair, glaring at Zell every now and then. The four waited in bored silence for Seifer and Quistis, not daring to risk engaging conversations that could be used for sappiness later.
Eventually the two blondies came back in through the door, arm in arm and carelessly stepping on groaning half-awake soldiers on their way.
"So, how did it go?" Irvine casually asked.
"I'm going to kill you when we're done here, Irvine," Quistis dearly promised.
"You tell 'em, darling," Seifer said, assuringly squeezing her shoulders.
"Fine," Zell said with a dismissive wave, "what'll we do next?"
"The password is 'sandwich'," Quistis grimly said, pursing her mouth.
"Oh, goodie!" Irvine triumphantly called and stood, "now we just have to figure out where to go and where to use the password, then we can end this plotline! But we're all set so let's go people!"
And as they hurried into the night of Deling City, not even Quistis bothered to wonder where the heck she had learnt about the mystery password.
Susan leaned back, a smirk plastered across his pretty face.
"Excellent... it's all coming together now... soon I will have conquered them!"
He stretched a little, left the mirror on but leaned back and dug out a catalogue from his scantily clothing. Flipping the pages he murmured:
"Well, where were we?"
A long finger came crashing down on one of the pictures.
"I assure you Susan," Kefka happily said, "this make-up design is really popular in Castlevania. You'd look lovely."
Susan regarded it for a moment, then shook his head.
"Gray just isn't my haircolor..."
"Oh, but Alucard's hair turns a little more blond in a certain light..."