Infection? What did it all mean? I thought to myself, as I waited impatiently to hear about Pony. He'd been back there for almost an hour. Was something wrong? A panicked feeling settled over me, and I felt sick to my stomach.

God, if you're really real, would you please take care of my brother? Don't take him from me. Please. He's all I have. When I lost Soda, I didn't think I'd ever survive it. I've lost so many loved ones. Don't take him, too. I've dealt with too much pain, too much death. Don't make me go through it alone. With Soda's death, I had to be stronger for Pony. But if Pony dies, I'd have no one to live for, no strength to live again. I'd hate the thought of it, but I would probably commit suicide. Life wouldn't hold any meaning, so what would I live for? I'd have no friends. No family. It would be all I could do to keep from going crazy.

What's happening back there? I wish someone would tell me.

I put my head in my hands and waited to hear something about Pony.

When I heard running, I looked up to see a nurse running toward me.

I stood up immediately. When she arrived within hearing range she said, "Come quickly. We may be losing him!"

A cold fear ran through me. I ran as I followed the nurse. She made me put on a gown, but I didn't want to. I was wasting time! Pony needed me! When she was finished, I bolted toward the door.

When I entered the ER, I wasn't expecting such a scary sight. Pony looked dead. Was I too late? There were tubes coming from his nose, I assumed to help him breathe. He was pale as the sheet he was laying on. Would he die?

The doctors were working faster than I thought possible. Yelling words at each other that I didn't want to hear, I watched as they worked to save Pony's life. What had gone wrong? I thought he was safe in the hospital.

I walked to Pony's side and took his lifeless hand in mine. I begged him silently to hold on, to fight through this. He had to make it. He had to!

As though hearing my thoughts, one of the doctors said, "We got him!"

I looked over and they stopped working. Though I couldn't see their mouths, I could see the smile in their eyes.

"Good job everyone. Looks like he'll be all right after all."

I took a look at Pony, and then passed out cold on the floor.

I don't know how long I was out. When I awoke, I wasn't sure where I was. I looked around, and felt someone's eyes on me. I looked over, and Pony was on the bed beside mine, looking concerned and fearful.

I sighed. He was okay.

"Darry? Are you all right?" Pony asked timidly.

"I'm fine. I'm just fine."

Pony breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. When I woke up, one of the nurses said that you had passed out in the ER. I was worried something was wrong. She said they gave you a shot, so you'd get some more sleep. They figured that had something to do with it."

"Oh, Pony." When I crumpled up and sobbed, Pony looked more scared than he ever had before.

Reaching over to my bedside, he shook my shoulder. "What is it, Darry? Are you hurt?"

"No, no, baby, I'm fine."

"Then what is it?" He asked, confused as to the reason for my tears.

"I don't want to lose you. I can't, Pony. I can't. Don't make me go through that, please. Promise me you'll be okay. Promise." I said as I reached my hand out to him.

He took it in his and said, "I promise."

I tried to regain my composure, but it was so hard. I could have lost him, again! How could I let these things happen to him? I have to protect him.

"Darry, what's this all about?" Pony said, realizing there was more to it than just my fear of losing him.

"You nearly died back there." I said after a long silence. "They were afraid they were going to lose you. I was so scared, and am still."

"Wait. You're scared?" Pony asked.

"Yes, I'm terrified of losing you."

Pony's eyes grew large, and he whispered, "I didn't think you were afraid of anything."

I was surprised at what he said. Was I so big and muscular that he thought I was a real Superman? That I felt no pain or weakness? That I didn't worry every minute of every day that I could lose another loved one? Even heroes have the right to bleed. (Superman by Five for Fighting)

How could Ponyboy not see the worry that I saw so plainly on my face? The fear I went through each day was eating at me. I feared for Pony every minute he was late coming home, every second I was away from him. Oh, how I wanted to keep him with me at all times and protect him from everything bad in the world. But since that would never work, I had to let him be free and let him live his own life. I'd always be there if he needed me to protect him. But I couldn't be with him everywhere he went, no matter how much I wanted to.

Was I ever scared? Yes, I was terrified.

"Pony, you don't know how many times in my life I've been scared." I said.

Pony thought for a minute, and then said, "I always forget that you're not so much older than me that you can't feel scared or worried."

"You have no idea."

Pony leaned his head back and sighed.

I got off of my bed and came over to Pony's side. "Pony, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from all this. I'm sorry you have to go through so much pain. I'm sorry I wasn't the one to save you when you almost died back there. I went back there, but I didn't do anything."

Pony's eyes grew large again. "Wait. You were back there?"

"Yes, why?"

"When they put me to sleep, all I saw was blackness. I didn't dream. It was as though I had died. Then, I felt a pressure on my hand, though I was asleep. And the blackness turned to light, and I felt a warmth go through me. I felt better than I ever had, and I was ready to live. It was you. You saved me. If you hadn't gone back there, I'd be dead right now."

Tears slipped down my cheeks. I had save Pony? Maybe I wasn't as horrible of a brother as I thought.

"Pony, I love you so much. I'm going to try to remember to tell you it every day, so you never forget."

"I never could. You've done more for me than I have for you. I'll always know you love me. Because I love you, too."

I sat on the bed by him and hugged him. He hugged me back, and he held me as I cried. I was so worried. How could I lose this brother who I love so much?

That's a little longer. Sorry things have been so dramatic, and all. It's a dramatic time, though. I hope you're enjoying it. It'll be happier when Pony's out of the hospital!