Seeing Darry sitting at the edge of my bed, my composition book in hand, I felt a sudden fear. I hadn't let anyone read it other than my teacher, Mr. Symes. I hope Darry got the meaning behind my words. I hope you understood that I did love him, that I understood why he hit me. And that I didn't blame him for what happened.

"What'd you think?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"It's amazing, Pony. Outstanding. You're a great writer, Pony. You'll make a great author some day." Darry said.

"Thanks."

"No, thank you. You didn't make me out to be the bad guy, and you reminded me of what Soda had told us that night. We should stick together, not fight. It'd kill Soda to see us. We need to take care of each other, you know?"

"Yeah. I miss him so much."

"I know, kiddo. Go back to sleep if you're still tired."

"Okay." I said, and slowly dozed off.

I think I heard him say, "I'll be right here" but I'm not sure.

That night, I wasn't very tired. I tossed and turned, trying to sleep, but it wouldn't come. I looked at my clock. It read 12:15. Well, I did sleep pretty late.

I decided I'd get up and get something to drink or something. I needed to do something to pass the time.

I jumped when I saw Darry sitting at the table. I hadn't expected him to be up. When I looked closer, I saw that he was asleep.

I smiled at him. He looked beat. Papers and checks were scattered across the table. He must have been doing the check books.

When I walked beside him, I noticed a dampness to his cheeks. I reached out and touched it gently. Had he been crying? Why?

I looked down at some of the papers and then at the check book. Even I was able to see that we were in debt. From what I could tell, we were five hundred dollars behind. Was Darry afraid we'd lose the house? That he'd lose me? Please, no. I'd never be able to stand going to a boys' home.

Something came to my mind. I had been saving money for a car for years, really. I really wanted a car of my own, even a cheap one. I didn't care what it looked like, really. I just wanted my own car so Darry wouldn't have to drive me everywhere. I planned on getting a job over the summer. I figured Darry wouldn't let me during the school year.

This was more important. I went into my room and got a box out from under my bed. I opened it up and took the money from inside. I counted the money and came up with $403. Then I did something I didn't think I was capable of. I took the money and walked out to the kitchen. I placed the money under Darry's hand and quietly went back to bed.

I slept easy with the thought of me helping Darry. I knew he needed help, but I also knew he'd never ask for it. Darry was independent. He wouldn't take anyone's charity.

I woke up in the morning, earlier than I had lately. It was 8:30 when I got up. I walked out into the kitchen where I found Darry sitting in the same chair as he had been, but he was awake now.

"Good morning." I said.

"'Morning." He said. There was a tone to his voice. A confused tone.

"What's up?" I said, looking at him intently.

"Did you give this to me?" He said as he held the money I slid under his hand earlier in the morning.

"No." I lied.

He looked at me, trying to understand if I was telling the truth or not. I guess my red face gave it away.

"Pony, where'd you get this?"

"I. . .I was saving it."

"For what?"

"For a car. I've been saving my money for about two years now. But you needed it more."

"No. I can't take this from you. I don't need it anyway."

"Yes you do! Don't try to lie to me, Darry. I know we're in debt, so I want to help get us out of it."

"No, I'm supposed to handle the money. You spend that on yourself. Buy a car. Don't give it to me. I don't need charity."

I sighed. I knew what he was feeling. He was mad that someone helped him. He's so stubborn. But then, I get it from him.

I walked around the table and knelt beside him.

"Darry, listen to me. You've been the one to take care of everything for years now. You're always the strong one. But you also suffer for me, and you suffered for Soda. You work at least 90 hours a week. Darry, you need help sometimes. You can't refuse it, especially from me. Besides, you said we should stick together. We're a team. We'll get through it together. If you won't let me get a job, I can't help you. But that money wasn't from a job. It was from little things that I'd done. Money I got for no reason from you and Soda. Darry, please take it. I need you to take it. Please."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because! I am the one who takes care of things. I'm supposed to be. I promised Mom and Dad that I'd take care of you and Soda. And that's what I'm trying to do. I already failed Soda. I can't fail you, too." Tears were in his eyes, but he refused to let them spill.

"Darry, stop being the strong one for a day. Live a little. Act like you don't have to do all this. Act your age. You need to. It's killing you being tough all the time. No one is always strong. Cry, Darry. I'm here for you. I'll hold you when you cry."

And he did. I wrapped my arms around him and he cried. The sobs shook his entire body. At twenty-three, Darry worked harder than he should. He should be just out of college. He should be becoming someone big, making lots of money without having to work too much. He should be dating. He should be living a little. But he's trapped here. He might not see it that way, but Darry is. He's trapped in his own house, in his job. He can't be free until I'm out of college. And even then he'll be paying off my tuition. Darry is the best brother in the whole world, and yet he has no idea that he is.

I tightened my hold on Darry, reassuring him that I was here. He's always been here for me, but when he's suffered a loss, he's been all alone.

Darry took care of Soda and me. When our parents died, he didn't cry. He didn't cry because he had to be strong for us. If we saw him cry, we'd be lost. He took control of the situation. He became a parent to us. He was our guardian. But he's never been allowed to cry. And now he needed to cry it all out because he was allowed to now. He had someone to cry to. And that person was me.

Darry moved his arms around me and hugged me so tight I thought I might not be able to breathe. He stroked my back. I hugged him back.

"Darry, it's your turn to cry. You didn't get to cry so many times, but I cried many more times. You were always there to hold me when I cried, but you had no one to hold you when you cried. So, I'm here. Cry now, Darry. It's your turn now."

"I love you, Pony." His voice was strained as he fought to stop crying.

"I know, Darry. I love you, too. You're a great brother. The best in the world. You're even better than Soda, though he came awfully close. Soda was a great brother, and I loved him with all my heart. But he didn't suffer for us like you have. You're a better brother for it."

Darry pushed me away from him so he could look me in the eye.

"What?"

"You're a better brother than Soda was. Don't get me wrong, Soda was a great, great brother. You two were almost tied for being the best brother, but you beat him by a little more."

"You mean, you think I'm better?" The idea was over his head.

I laughed a little. "Yes, Darry. That's what I'm saying."

(change to Darry's POV)

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Pony thought I was a better brother than Soda was? I mean, I always thought he loved Soda more. I thought he thought he was the best brother, not me. This sudden news was hard to believe.

"I. . .I don't know what to say." I blurted out.

Pony looked at me closely.

"Darry, you didn't know, did you?"

"No." I said, still in shock.

"Darry, I loved Soda. I was closer to him. I loved him more than anyone in the world. But I love you the same amount I loved Soda. I never loved you any more or less. But as much as I loved Soda, I've always thought you were a better brother. I mean, look at all you've sacrificed for me, for Soda. Not everyone can say that they'd do something like that."

"I had to. You're my family, and I love you."

"I know, Darry. But you gave up college. A future. And you did it just for us. You're my Superman, Darry. I can't imagine anyone else being a better brother than you."

The idea was still over my head, but I was so touched by Pony's words. I always thought that he loved Soda more than me. For him to say that he loved me just the same was amazing. I saw the love between him and Soda. I was always jealous of it. But I had had the same love all along.

"Oh, Pony." I said, and took Pony in my arms and gave him a hug.