Pony wiped his eyes and tried to stop crying. It scared me how upset he had gotten. I knew he missed Soda, and his life was hard, but that was the hardest I remember ever seeing him cry. I hope he's okay.

Pony pushed away from me and slowly stood up.

"I'm going to see Johnny and Dallas." He said.

"Okay. You all right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess." He walked away toward Dallas and Johnny's graves.

I knelt at the front of Soda's headstone. How I missed him.

"Hey, little buddy." The words were harder for me to say than I expected. I missed saying those words. But most of all, I missed who I said them to.

"I miss you so much. It's been so lonesome without you. Thank God for Pony. Without him, I'd never be making it through this mess. He keeps getting hurt, and scaring me have to death. I thought I'd lose him once. But luckily he's still here. My heart can't take much more of this, Soda. I wish I could just get it to end, but that'll never happen. Will it, Soda? If only. If only.

Pony really misses you. We've been getting along okay. Soda, please, forgive me. I hit him again. I know I shouldn't, but I did. Please, I didn't mean to. I was just so mad. He kept yelling at me, and saying how it was my fault. That I didn't protect you. Please, I didn't mean it. I know you didnt want us to fight, but we're brothers. Brothers fight all the time.

Soda, I love you. I hope you know that. Please take care of us. We need you."

I wiped away the tears that came when I talked to Soda. It seemed every time I did, it was just another reminder that of what I had lost.

Pony's POV

I walked up to Dallas and Johnny's graves. I was over there death. I had come to terms with it. I knew it wasn't my fault. But I still missed them just the same.

I sat down in between their graves. Not knowing who to address first, I decided I'd talk to them together.

"Hi, Dallas, Johnny. I still miss you guys. I know that it wasn't my fault that you died. Well, I don't think it is anymore. I don't know if I was to blame or not. But Soda and Darry told me again and again that it wasn't, so I believe them. I miss you, though. And I'm sorry you guys had to die so young.

It's been hard without you, Johnny. And even harder without Soda. I needed you two. You were the ones I always talked to. You two understood me. Now I'll have to get Darry to understand. Well, I think he does, but I still have trouble talking to him. I don't know why. I love him to death, and I know that he'd listen if I had a problem to talk about. But. . .I don't know, it's not the same as having you and Soda. You guys just listened, let me rant and rave. And then when I was done, you'd give me advice. I think I'm afraid that Darry will judge me, or something. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense, even to me. I'll try though, Johnny. I'll try. For you and Soda. I miss you buddy. I miss you so much.

Dallas, you were gallant. I know you'd hate hearing that, but you were. I don't know how I never realized it. But you were gallant, and brave. You saved me and Johnny. And you loved us. Though you'd never actually say it out loud. You were too proud. You had a reputation to uphold. You were tough and cool. You weren't supposed to feel things, like love, pain, compassion. You were a hood, and you always would be. But how come you couldn't live without Johnny?How come you kept me and him out of trouble all the time? How come you gave us that gun, though it could mean jail for you? You helped us out, when most people would have panicked. So how come? Why would a tough, unfeeling hood like you do that?

Because deep down you had a heart. A heart that was jut buried under years spent behind bars, and fighting all the time. Maybe it was because you didn't have anyone to love you. Your parents didn't care. Was that what made you cold? What did it, Dallas? What?

You were stronger than any of us. Tougher, colder, meaner. But you also had the same side that Johnny had. You said you didn't care that your father didn't care about you. But you did, didn't you?

I'm sorry you couldn't live without Johnny. I know how it killed you. I miss you. I need your hard-headedness. But I don't have it in me. I wish you were here right now, to knock some sense into me. I miss you, Dallas."

I wiped the tears that seemed to continually flow. Now came the hard part. Going to see Mom and Dad.

Darry's POV

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad." I said as I sat in front of my parents' graves.

I took a deep breath. Where to start?

"Well, we're doing okay I guess. I got an ulcer. Nothing to worry about, but it hurt like hell. Excuse my language, Mom. Pony's doing better now. He got shot a while back. Saved my life, really. How can I ever repay him for something like that? I mean, what have I ever done for anyone?"

As though she were there, I felt, more than heard, Mom say, You gave up more for him than most people ever have for anyone. You gave up your chance at college. You've given everything to him. I think he just repaid you.

I smiled, knowing Mom would have said that. She always had been able to talk to me and cheer me up.

"I got so worried about him. I thought I'd lose him, too. Why wouldn't it surprise me? He's all I have left in the world. I lost you two, Soda, Dallas and Johnny. Why not Pony, too? God, please don't take him from me too.

I've been trying to be good. I hit Pony a while back. I didn't mean to. I hope he knows that. I never mean to hit him. He just got me mad. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, Dad. I guess I'm not as good of a brother as I think I am."

Dad's voice sounded in my head. Don't ever second guess yourself, son. You are a great brother. Your mother and I are proud of you.

Through the tears, I smiled sadly. Dad was always proud of "his men," as he called us.

"I wish that you could be here.You'd do a better job raising Pony than I have been.He needs parents, but he only has me. And that's all he's getting.

I hope I've done you proud. I miss you more and more every day.I wish you were here. It'd make things a lot easier on me, and I miss you so much. I love you."

I stood up, and turned around. Pony was coming toward me. Well, I guess it's his turn to talk to Mom and Dad.

I walked past Darry and to Mom and Dad's graves.

I stared at their graves, still hardly believing they were gone.

"Mom, Dad. I still miss you a lot. It's even harder now that I lost Soda. At least he's with you. I know you missed him, and he missed you. It's just so hard without you. I just don't like living without you.

Darry's doing all he can. He's really a great brother. I love him to death, and he's been so self-sacrificing and everything. I wish he didn't have to give up so much, but he has. I appreciate it so much. I hope he knows it.

I miss you every day. Some times the pain is just too much. I wish you were here. I'd love to have you here. It's hard living without parents, and I know it'd help Darry a lot. If only." I chuckled, just without humor.

"Mom, Dad, I love you. I hope you know that. Take care of Soda. I miss him too. As well as you two."

I got up, not being able to bare saying anything more. I wishmy lifewould have been easier. But it wasn't.

Darry stood by the truck jsut watching me come toward him. He met me half way and opened his arms to me. I accepted the hug, grateful for the comfort that I needed so badly.

We walked side-by-side to the car and got in. I wish I could have taken those I left behind along too.