I got into the truck. This time I'd drive. I pulled out of the cemetery after Pony got in. I was sick of all this sadness. It was the last thing Pony and I needed.

I looked out of the corner of my eye at Pony. Since he got in the car, he hadn't said anything, and he didn't look like he felt too good.

"You okay, Pony?" I asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm. . .fine." He looked distracted.

"Okay. If you say so." I still kept an eye on him.

We got home a few minutes later. I walked up the sidewalk. I stopped suddenly when I realized Pony wasn't with me. I turned around and saw him still in the truck, holding his stomach.

I jogged to the truck. Opening up Pony's door, I looked at Pony.

"What is it?" I asked, panicking.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He pushed past me and slowly walked to the house.

I walked beside him, preparing for him to get sick or something.

I opened the door to the house, thankful for being home. It seemed like I had been seeing less and less of our house lately.

I walked toward the kitchen, getting some of Pony's pain killers out, figuring he'd feel better once he had taken some. I saw him go toward his room and close his door. I assumed he was going to take a nap, so I just left the pain killers in the cabinet, since he'd sleep it off anyway.

I had just sat down at the table with a glass of water when I heard a thud come from Pony's room.

I jumped up out of my chair and ran to his room. Opening up the door, I saw Pony sprawled out on the floor, like he had rolled off his bed and onto the floor.

I knelt beside him, lifting him up a little. I wasn't sure if it was a coincidence or not. Maybe he had just fallen out of bed when he fell asleep. Maybe he just hit his head when he fell and that caused him not to wake up. I wasn't sure, so I didn't panic yet.

I picked him up and sat on his bed, with Pony in my lap. I shook him slightly.

"Pony?" I said as I shook him.

He seemed to regain conscious soon after.

Pony opened his eyes, but his eyes were rolled back in his head, showing only white.

"Pony!" I said to him.

His eyes rolled back to the front. He looked at me for second, and then his eyes rolled back in his head and he lost all consciousness.

That was it. I was taking him to the hospital.

I carried him out to the truck, laying him out on the seat. I got in beside him, laying his head on my leg for a pillow.

We were there in no time. I didn't waste any time, knowing Pony might need immediate care.

Luckily, the hospital wasn't very busy. I found Pony's doctor and he looked at him right away.

The doctor opened Pony's eyes, and shone a light in them. He then lifted Pony's shirt, inspecting the bullet wound.

The doctor leaned back and stood.

"Well, I don't think it's anything too serious. Let me ask you, what were you doing before he passed out?"

"Well, we had been at the cemetery and. . ." I was interrupted by the doctor.

"Well, that'll do it. I think Pony was just reacting to the emotional strain of being there at the cemetery. It was probably just his emotions, not anything serious. Sometimes emotions cause wounds to hurt more than they should. We'll keep him over night, just to be sure. After that, try to stay away from here for a while."

I smiled at his last comment. We were here more than we were home.

I sat in the chair next to Pony, as he laid on the bed. I waited for him to regain consciousness.

I didn't have to wait long. Soon Pony stirred and opened his eyes, looking at me.

He groaned. "Not here again." He said.

I laughed. "Yeah, here again. You passed out and I was worried so I took you back."

"Oh, great. Now you'll have to pay even more bills."

"Hey, let me worry about that. The doctor says this won't count anyway. So stop worrying, little-" I caught myself before I finished.

Pony turned and stared at the ceiling. I still couldn't understand how he could do that.

I was surprised when I saw the tears streaming down his face. I touched his face with my hand, brushing at a tear as it fell from his eye.

"What's the matter, honey?" I asked.

My question seemed to upset him more.

"It's just, why hasn't the pain ended yet? I would have thought I'd be over Soda's death. Hell, I'm not even over Mom and Dad's yet. Or Johnny or Dallas' death. Why hasn't the pain gone away? When will the pain end, Darry? When?"

I had to think for a minute. I knew the pain hadn't ended for me yet, either.

"I don't think it goes away, Pony. It's always there. Don't worry, it'll heal after a while. But it won't ever go away. Those people we lost were close to us. Closer than most. We can't just let go of them so easily. There's a hole in your heart where they had been. It can't be filled. You'll love other people, but no one will take the place of those you lost. No one can. It's a constant thing, almost like a chronic disease. You may get over it, but the pain will be there.

You'll come to terms with their deaths. But you will still feel pain over the loss of those loved ones."

After a while, I just started thinking out loud. I wasn't so much addressing Pony, as I was reassuring myself. What I said made sense, and it helped me even more than it did Pony.

"It seems the only thing that really helps is loving someone else. Not necessarily someone new. Just loving someone with all that you have. Cherishing the moments you still have with loved ones, and not dwelling on the past and those you lost."

Pony looked at me. It took a while for what I was saying to sink in.

He wiped his eyes, and then spoke.

"But it hurts, Darry. It hurts real bad."

"I know, baby. I know. It'll stop, though. I promise. And whenever you're hurting, I'm here for you. Just remember that."

What I wasn't expecting happened next. Pony opened up to me.

"I was so scared when you passed out the other day. I wasn't expecting it. But who is ever expecting these things to happen?

I never thought Mom and Dad would die, at least not for many, many, years. And who would expect two healthy young men would die, like Johnny and Dallas? One died because he did the right thing. The other died because he had no reason for living. Did we expect that? No, but it happened anyway. And then with Soda. I never expected him to join in the war. But when he did, I think in the back of your mind you know that they could die. It wasn't as surprising, but it hurt just the same.

Life is so weird. It's been especially hard on us. The gang in general, really. Why? No one really knows.

But when you passed out the other day, I was terrified. I've learned to expect the worst. I try not to be pessimistic, but it's hard not to be. And when you had blood in your mouth, I was so scared, Darry. I thought I was losing you, slowly. I was expecting to lose you. I know I scared Two-Bit, since I wasn't talking to him or anything. But so many things were rushing through my head at that point. Was I going to lose you, too? What would I do if I did? Would I go to a boys' home? Would I give up living? Would I fight to keep our house? Would I continue to go to school, get a job, and go to college? What would I do?

And the scariest thing was, I didn't have an answer to any of those questions. And losing you would have killed me." Tears were in his eyes, and he fought to keep them from spilling over.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, understandingly. I had felt the same things he had. I knew it would kill me to lose him, and knowing it'd kill him to lose me, I knew that we'd never lose each other. We were hanging on to our last life line, so to speak. If we lost the other, we'd go with them.

"I love you, Darry." Pony said, his voice pleading and scared.

"I know. I love you, Pony. And you'll never lose me. I'm here for you, and I'm never going to leave you."

"You'd better not." Pony said, trying to smile.

I reached over and hugged him. Instead of letting go after a few seconds, Pony just held on tighter. I knew he needed me, so I didn't let go either. My poor brother was terrified of losing me, and I was right there with him.

After a few minutes he let go.

"Are you feeling any better?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"The doctor said they'll keep you over night, just to be on the safe side."

"Great. Another night at the hospital."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I know."

Pony yawned. I looked up at the clock. It read 8:30. Well, I guess it's time to go to bed.

"Scoot over." I said, and climbed into the bed beside Pony. There was no point going home when I'd just have to come back in the morning.

Pony settled comfortably next to me. I put my arm over his chest, just like Soda used to. And we both slept better than we had in a long time.

Thanks to Lizzy and Lacey for the inspiration for this chapter!