Games Galore On The First Floor: Part 1
"Ok, Group One. I need to find the assclown who did this to me," Shawn said, pointing at the mark on his cheek, the only thing he had to show from getting hit with the crusty old toilet seat.
"How many times do I have to tell you? Assclown is my word!" Jericho exclaimed for the second time. He turned to Edge. "If he doesn't stop using my word I'm really going to rip my hair out!"
"Say it again, Shawn!" Stephanie exclaimed, anxious to help him pull his hair again. She wanted to make him scream...
"Yeah, Shawn. Tell her to get on her knees again," Jericho said. "She likes that."
"I'll get you back, blondie," Stephanie said with a frown.
"And you'll be the one on your back, brownie," Jericho snapped back. "Or wait, what are you now? A blonde, too?"
"Enough!" Shawn yelled as his head filled with images of Stephanie on her back. He swallowed hard. "Now, as leader of this group, I say we're going to go explore the first floor right now."
"You mean we have to go inside?" Stacy asked, looking stricken. Shawn nodded. "Who's going to hold my hand?" she asked fearfully.
"No one, you big baby," Stephanie piped up.
"Who are you calling a big baby, you big slut?" Stacy replied.
"You, bitch!" Stephanie yelled, getting in Stacy's face.
"Prostitute!" Stacy yelled, not backing down.
"Yes! Catfight!" Triple H said happily, standing back to watch. "Break out the popcorn!"
"Break it up!" Shawn exclaimed. "And no more yelling, arguing, or fighting. Stop acting like children!" He glared at Stacy, then looked at Stephanie. "Stephanie," he said in a low voice. "You're better than this."
Stephanie hung her head, ashamed. "I know."
"Ok. Now that we have that settled, let's do the damn thing," Shawn said. "Come on!" He led the group over to the entrance Taker had used to lead his Darkness Army inside the hotel. He reached for the doorknob and jumped back in surprise when it opened up all by itself.
"Yeah, that's really weird," Edge said, stating the obvious. "Like really really weird."
"I think we already know that," Shawn said. "Now come on." He stepped into the door and led them down a hallway. They came to a door. Knowing there wouldn't be any volunteers to open the door, Shawn opened it himself, and they all followed him cautiously inside.
"This is Jeopardy!" came the voice of Alex Trebek.
"What the hell?" Triple H said.
They all looked around the room. It was set up to look just like the actual Jeopardy! game show. There were seats for the audience, and there were three stands up front for the three contestants, whoever they were going to be.
"I'm getting paid for this, but I have a date, so let's make this quick," Alex Trebek said, walking up to the six members of group one. "You three," he said, pointing at Jericho, Stephanie, and Triple H. "You three will be tonight's contestants on the WWE edition of Jeopardy! And you three," he said, pointing at Shawn, Stacy, and Edge. "You three will be members of our audience." No one had time to protest, because Alex snapped his fingers once and all of a sudden they were exactly in the places where he had told them to be. "Now then, this is Jeopardy! Let's meet tonight's contestants..."
"From Big Nose, Connecticut, Triple H!" a feminine voice announced. It came from out of nowhere but sounded vaguely familiar (maybe because it was Lillian Garcia). Triple H put his hand over his nose and rolled his eyes. The voice continued, "From Sluttyville, Connecticut, Stephanie McMahon!" Stephanie sneered and looked at the audience. "And from Heaven... The King of the World... Our party host... Our fearless leader... The first ever Undisputed Champion... The man with the golden hair, the sexy smile, and the perfect body... A huge rock star... I am such a Jerichoholic... Introducing Chris Jericho!" the voice announced excitedly. Jericho just grinned as Stephanie and Triple H both shot him equally dirty looks.
"Here are the categories," Alex said. "Who's Who, What's That, and Name That Position."
"Hey, there's more than three categories on regular Jeopardy!" Shawn yelled from in the audience.
"Yeah, there's, like, ten!" Stacy agreed.
"This isn't regular Jeopardy! This is WWE Jeopardy, with a twist," Alex explained impatiently. "The rules are different here. For example, the monetary value of the questions might be different, and instead of having two rounds, we're only having one round. Got it?"
"Yeah, we got it. Now can we just play the damn game?" Triple H grumbled, obviously still very much offended over the nose comment. "Because I am The Game, and I am that damn g-"
"Without further ado, let's play Jeopardy!" Alex exclaimed, interrupting Triple H. "Chris Jericho, make your selection."
"Let's see... I'll take Who's Who for $100, Junior," Jericho said.
"This WWE diva is most commonly called a slut by wrestling fans, perhaps because of the fact that she really is one," Alex read.
"Oh, that's easy," Jericho said to himself. He pushed his buzzer and Alex looked at him. "Who is Stephanie McMahon?"
"That is correct! Choose again," Alex said.
Stephanie looked upset. Jericho grinned. "I'll take Who's Who for $200."
"This wrestler is known for his prominent nose and is commonly said to resemble an ancient Neanderthal. He is said to have inherited his massively large nose from elephant ancestors," Alex said.
Stephanie pushed her buzzer. "Who is Triple H?"
"Correct!" Alex said. Triple H turned crimson. "You may choose again, Stephanie."
"Since I'm such a slut... I'll take Name That Position for $500," Stephanie said smoothly.
"You bend over and let me hit you from behind. Hint: Bark a little while you're at it," Alex read in a monotonous voice. "Arf, arf."
"I know! I know!" Triple H said, pushing his buzzer until it almost broke from the pressure he was applying on it. Alex called on him. "What is doggy style?"
"That would be correct," Alex said, looking at his watch. "Choose again..."
The game went on and on until there was only one question left and all three players were tied. "The last question, for $100," Alex said. "Vince McMahon said that his testicles are the size of what type of fruit?"
They all pushed the buzzers as fast and as hard as they could, but apparently Stephanie had the quickest hand. "What are grapefruits?"
"That is correct!" Alex said. "Here is your winner, Stephanie McMahon!"
"Yes! So where's my money?" Stephanie asked greedily, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that? See, you're not playing for money," Alex said. "You're playing to learn vital knowledge that you will need in order to survive your stay in Blackshore Manor."
"What kind of bullshit is that?" Triple H asked. "My wife deserves her money...so I can have half of it..."
"One of you will not make it off of this floor tonight," Alex said cryptically. "And here's your first bit of critically important information: The kitchen and the bathroom are both downstairs in the basement. The bedrooms are up in the attic."
"And that's all you're going to tell us?" Shawn asked, walking over to them.
"Oh yeah, and this floor is full of games, so be careful, because when you lose there could be deadly consequences," Alex added. He headed for the door. "Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have a date with the lovely Mae Young, and she rapes me when I'm late... Not that I mind when she rapes me... She loves being in control..."
"Oh, now that's just nasty," Jericho said, looking like he was getting ready to barf.
"Mae's cheating on me?" Edge said in surprise. Everyone turned to look at him. "Uh, I meant ew, that's really disgusting," he said quickly. Everyone looked away. "Mae..." he whimpered softly, but this time no one heard.
"Ok, I guess we've gotten all the information we're going to get out of this room," Shawn said. "Let's get out of here and head on to the next room."
They all agreed and followed Shawn out into the hallway. They were all in a sort of subdued silence, thinking about what Alex had told them. "One of you will not make it off this floor tonight." Did he mean that one of them was going to die? And if that was the case, which one of them was it going to be? They walked a little way down the hall and reached another door. They all stood there in front of the door just looking, wondering what was waiting for them behind the door. No one wanted to open the door at all, but they were going to have to open it soon.
"I'll open it," Jericho said bravely after they had all stood there for five whole minutes just looking at the door. "After all, I'm The King of the World, I'm the brave one." He swung the door open and stepped inside, and the others followed somewhat nervously behind.
"Welcome to Family Feud! I'm your guest host, Ashton Kutcher!"
"Oh no, we're not on Punk'd again, are we?" Triple H asked, cringing at the memory of his previous experience with Ashton Kutcher. "I mean, last time I hit some bride-to-be in the nose with a door and I felt really guilty..."
"No, this definitely isn't Punk'd, Trips," Ashton answered, giving him a knowing smile. "Now you six need to split into two groups of three. You all have five minutes to decide." Ashton walked over to the audience and started talking to them, leaving the six WWE superstars alone to ponder their decision.
"I want to be on your team," Stacy said to Shawn, pulling on his arm. "And yours, too," she said to Edge, pulling on his arm as well.
"But then that would leave him on my team," Stephanie said, pointing at Jericho. "And that is unacceptable, to say the very least."
"I think it's perfect for us to be on the same team, don't you agree, Trips?" Jericho asked, throwing an arm around Triple H's shoulder and an arm around Stephanie's shoulder. Triple H nodded in agreement as Jericho kept talking. "We could be one big happy family!"
"Somehow I don't see that happening," Stephanie muttered, ducking out from under his arm.
"And why not?" Jericho asked. "I mean, we have all we need in a family. There's Ape Nose right here, the family's pet elephant/human hybrid. Then there's the family slut...that'd be you, Steph. And then there's the gorgeous, sexy, charming, sex symbol...that'd be me. Perfect family."
"Enough with the nose cracks already," Triple H snapped, covering his nose.
"Sooooo sorry. Who nose why I like picking on you so much?" Jericho said. "I promise I'll just stick to the dirty slut jokes for the time being... Although I happen to know that they're all true, so I guess they're not really jokes."
"You're such a jerk!" Stephanie said angrily, punching Jericho in the side.
"Wow, if you wanted to touch my love handles, all you had to do was ask," Jericho said. He grinned when she glared daggers at him.
"I see we've chosen groups already," Ashton said, choosing that particular moment to appear back at their sides.
"No, we haven't officially chosen our groups yet," Stephanie said, shaking her head. She looked at Jericho and wrinkled her nose. "I will not be in a group with this loser."
"I'm sorry, Stephanie, but everyone else seems to be ok with these arrangements, so you're just gonna have to deal with it," Ashton said with a dorky grin plastered on his face. "Now, I want you three over here and you three over there..."
Stephanie grudgingly followed Jericho and Triple H over to their spot. Shawn, Stacy, and Edge all headed over to their spot and started talking strategy for the game.
"Well, lookie here," Jericho said, looking down at Stephanie. She was standing between him and Triple H. "Someone likes to be in the middle."
"You know me," Stephanie said with a sigh. "I love being the center of attention."
"What's with the long face, Princess? Sad because you're not getting any customers tonight?" Jericho asked, pinching her cheeks.
Stephanie sighed again and didn't bother replying. She could already tell that this was going to be one long game...
A/N: I've read the reviews and I know exactly who's disappearing next. There's so much stuff for me to write about on the first floor, though, so you guys might not find out who's going away just yet...