Games Galore On The First Floor: Part 2
"Ok!" Ashton said excitedly. "I'm Ashton Kutcher and we're going to play Family Feud, WWE style! For tonight, you can call me The Farmhand! Wooo!"
"Geez, he's way too excited," Shawn muttered, just loud enough for Ashton to hear.
"Yo Michaels, you want a piece of The Farmhand?" Ashton challenged him. "Cuz whoa, man! The Farmhand is b-r-utal! Brutal!"
"Can we just start the game already?" Triple H asked, bored. "Because I am The Game, and I am that damn g-"
"Let's play Family Feud!" Ashton interrupted, cutting Triple H off, who scowled, upset that he had been cut off for the second time in a row. "Stephanie, Stacy, get on up here!"
Stephanie dragged her feet as she made her way up to the podium-like platform behind which Ashton was standing. Stacy, on the other hand, skipped excitedly over to her spot and stood there beaming, waiting for the game to start. Stephanie finally made her way up to the podium. Both her and Stacy put their hands behind their backs and waited for Ashton to speak.
"You all know how to play the game. Let's skip the rules and get right to it!" Ashton practically yelled. "We surveyed one hundred wrestling fans, and here's what we asked: Who is the biggest slut in the WWE?"
Stacy hit the buzzer first. "Stephanie McMahon!" she answered.
"I'm sorry, that's the number three answer," Ashton said as the name "Stephanie McMahon" appeared on the board above them. "Stephanie, how about you give it a shot for the number one answer?"
"Mae Young," Stephanie said absently.
"Princess, are you crazy? There's no way that the answer is Mae Young!" Jericho called. "Thanks for helping us lose the damn game."
"Yeah, Steph, thanks a lot," Triple H said, upset.
"You're correct, Steph. That's the number one answer!" Ashton said, looking surprised as the name "Mae Young" appeared on the board. "Never would've thought she would make it on the list, but she is always on the prowl for a hard cock...adoodledoo, that's the sound a rooster makes!" Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, but he just grinned at them. "Ok, Steph, Stacy, go back over to your spots..."
Stacy looked sad as she went back over to her spot, but Stephanie was beaming. "You're welcome," she purred in Jericho's ear once she was back in her spot.
"For what?" Jericho asked, bewildered because her lips were a mere inch from his ear. He could feel her breath tickling his ear. Very weird sensation!
"For helping you...what did you call it...lose the damn game," Stephanie whispered. "Looks like I proved you wrong again."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Princess," Jericho said, regaining his cocky attitude. "All you've proved by getting that question right is that you know your fellow sluts."
The two glared at each other, faces mere inches from one another. If either of them leaned forward just a little bit, they'd be practically making out!
"Well, aren't you two friendly?" Ashton asked, interrupting their glaring match. "I mean, I've been watching wrestling for a while now, and whenever I see you two together, you're always this close to making out." He held his hand up, his thumb an inch away from his index finger, an indication of how close the two always were. "This close."
"What are you trying to say, assclown?" Jericho asked.
"Assclown? What exactly is an assclown?" Ashton asked. "Is it a clown with a really big ass or an ass with a clown on it or what?"
"I don't know," Jericho said with a shrug. "I just know that you're one."
"Whoa! Watch out there, buddy. The Farmhand is this close to your face!" Ashton exclaimed with a laugh. "But anyway, on with the game. Triple Nose, the question: Who's the biggest slut in the WWE?"
"Trish Stratus," Triple H said right away.
"And you're right! This team wins the game!" Ashton said as Trish Stratus's name appeared in the number two spot on the board. "Just a question, Triple Nose... How do you know that Trish is a slut?"
"Well eeeeeverybody's been with her," Triple H said, shrugging. "I mean, there's not one man backstage who can honestly say that he's never had her."
"Hunter? Have you?" Stephanie asked with narrowed eyes.
Triple H held up his hands and smiled nervously at her. "Hey, baby, you know I love you!" he said loudly, and Stephanie's mouth dropped open in shock.
Jericho laughed. "Aw, Princess, looks like your Prince Charming has been getting Stratusfied," he said. He leaned closer to her. "It would only be fair for you to get a heavy dose of my Vitamin C now."
Stephanie looked angrily at her husband, then smiled at Jericho. "Careful, Jerky, or I might just have to take you up on your offer," she said in a low voice.
"I knew it!" Ashton said gleefully, hopping up and down and pointing at Jericho and Stephanie. "You two have always been wanting to fuc... I mean, there's so much sexual tension between the two of you. It's only a matter of time before you guys give in and WHAM! Y2J will be breaking down Stephanie's inner walls..."
"Well, that is what I'm best at," Jericho said, winking at Stephanie. "So are your walls firm or loose or what?"
"Hey! You're talking about my wife here!" Triple H said angrily.
"You've been breaking down Trish's walls... What are you pissed for?" Stephanie countered smoothly.
"But that's different!" Triple H whined. "It's in the past, it's over, it's done!"
"Ok, so is the game over now?" Shawn interrupted, walking over to Ashton.
"I thought I made that obvious when I told this team that they won the game," Ashton said, scrunching up his face at Shawn. "Gee, HBK, old buddy. Maybe it's time for you to hang up your boots... You're getting kinda senile..."
"Hey, I'm still young!" Shawn exclaimed. "Look at me, man. Do I look old to you?"
"You know, Shawn, your hair is getting a little thin at the top," Stacy said, walking over to him. "Like, I can almost see your scalp."
"Bitch," Shawn mumbled under his breath. He shook his head and tried to focus. "So, what's our big clue for the next room? Because Alex Trebek told us that this floor is full of games."
"Yeah, that old woman-stealer told us that we would gain valuable information after each game," Edge put in, walking over to the group.
"Hey, Edgester, you been crying?" Jericho asked, looking at his blonde friend.
"Crying? Me?" Edge scoffed, quickly wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "Why would I be crying?"
"Because Alex Trebek is banging your lady," Jericho said with a laugh. "I guess you couldn't keep up with your old slut... I meant, your grandma..."
"Mae is not my grandma," Edge said as his eyes filled with tears. "You're supposed to be my friend, Chris! Why are you doing this to me?"
"Dude, can't you take a joke?" Triple H asked.
"Keep out of this, log nose!" Edge snapped. "This is between me and Chris."
"Haha, you're a log nose," Stephanie laughed, pointing at her husband's nose. She looked at Edge. "That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?"
"Well, I am a pretty brilliant guy," Edge said, shrugging. "I'm so brilliant, man... I'm, like, the epitome of the male specimen."
"No, you're more like the epitome of a young guy who's banging a woman old enough to be his grandma...and she's cheating on you with a man old enough to be your dad," Jericho laughed. "Now that's funny."
"Oh, man!" Edge cried. His lip quivered as he looked at Chris. "I thought we were friends!"
"We are friends, bro! It's just that your love life is so comical to me... It would be a sin not to point out everything that's wrong with it," Jericho said with a laugh.
"I don't have to take this," Edge snapped, turning on his heel. He ran over to the door and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
"You know, maybe I should've told him that it's not exactly safe to be running around in these hallways alone," Ashton said, looking over at the closed door. "Like, it's ok to explore this place in groups, but alone..." He shook his head. "I don't think you'll ever see him again."
"What are you talking about?" Stacy asked, twirling her hair around her finger.
"You so wouldn't understand. You're too much of a bimbo," Ashton said, looking critically at her.
"You're absolutely correct, Ashton," Stacy agreed. "I'm a bimbo to the highest degree. As a matter of fact, I can conclude, from the senseless, idiotic way that I behave from time to time, that I am the prime example of a bimbo..." Everyone looked at her with their mouths open wide, and she grinned. "What? I've been reading the dick!"
"The what?" Stephanie asked.
"The dick," Stacy said impatiently. All the guys looked at her, and she held her hands up. "Really, and I'm the stupid one here?"
"You can read dicks?" Triple H asked with a look of disbelief on his face.
"Yeah," Stacy said, shrugging. "Can't you?"
"I, uh, never tried," Triple H said, clearing his throat and looking around uncomfortably.
"Wait a minute. Do you mean dictionary?" Shawn asked, looking at Stacy and trying not to laugh at her.
"Well, duh, Shawn," Stacy said, as if it had been obvious. "The abbreviation for dictionary is dick. Didn't you know that?" Everybody started laughing at her. "What's so funny?" she demanded.
"Like I said before, you wouldn't understand," Ashton said, patting her on the shoulder. "But let me tell you this. If you need a dick to read tonight...I'm your man." He laughed at his joke, and then he was totally serious. "Ok, everyone, I know you're all waiting on your next little tidbit of information, and I have it."
"Well tell us already so we can get out of here," Jericho said impatiently. "I want to find Edge and make sure he's ok."
"You're the reason he left in the first place," Stephanie pointed out. "You and your stupid jokes,"
"Hey, don't insult me," Jericho replied. "Or else, I won't be giving you any Vitamin C tonight."
"Sorry," Stephanie said quickly, closing her mouth.
"You're not giving my wife any of your filthy Vitamin C, Jericho!" Triple H growled. "She's mine, her body's mine, her money's mine, and I don't like sharing!"
"Oh, would you please, puh-lease shut...the hell...UP!" Jericho exclaimed. "You don't own her."
"I do! I own her! She's mine!" Triple H yelled, pulling Stephanie close to him. "And you better not touch her!"
"Ok," Ashton interrupted. "This is like a soap opera, and things are heating up! But really, it's time for me to tell you guys this important info, ok?" Everyone nodded, and he went on. "Beware of the weird creatures creeping around this place..." His voice trailed off and he looked at each of them.
"And...?" Shawn asked expectantly.
"And what?" Ashton asked.
"Don't you have something else to tell us that would be more beneficial?" Shawn asked.
"No, except that The Farmhand is brutal!" Ashton exclaimed, holding up his hand. "B-r-utal!"
"That's it?" Shawn persisted.
"Yes, man! Oh yeah, and you need Rogaine," Ashton added.
"You know what? That's it," Shawn said, leaning on his left leg. In a flash, he superkicked Ashton. When Ashton was on the floor, Shawn smiled down at him, then looked over at the remaining members of his group. "Ok, group, we have three goals. Goal number one, get out of this room and find Edge. Goal number two, explore the rest of this floor and gain more valuable information. And goal number three, get upstairs to the attic unscathed."
"What does 'unscathed' mean?" Stacy asked. "I don't remember seeing that word in the dick. Is that word similar to the word 'uncircumcised'? Because that's in the dick."
"You know what, Stacy? I think you should just be quiet for now," Stephanie said. "Really. Because you don't know what the hell you're saying."
"Steph's right. Just pipe down, Stacy," Shawn said. He headed for the door. "Come on, you all. Let's get out of here..."
A/N: So this chapter is WEIRD as HELL! It's crazy! I've concluded that I can't finish the first floor in two chapters like I did the basement, so just know that there will probably be two more chapters for this floor before we move on... Other than that, I hope you guys liked this chapter, and don't forget to leave me a review!