Title: Obi-Wan's New Clothes
Fandom: Star Wars (prequel)
Timeline: Slightly AU. If it was part of the real timeline, Obi-Wan would be a pedophile.
Pairing: Obidala
Notes: For E, who challenged me to write it.
Obi-Wan Kenobi could not find his boots. Though Jedi had little in the way of personal possessions, boots were one of the few items necessary for everyday living. Boots were also not often misplaced, but Obi-Wan found himself in many situations of late that did not happen often.
He sensed her presence before she came into view, a soft smile touching his lips as he turned toward her. Padme wore a simple blue gown and her hair was no longer in the intricate braids required by her station.
"You look lovely this afternoon," he murmured, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
"Why, thank you," she said, giving him a curtsey.
Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed as he spied a bit of familiar brown peeking from under her gown.
"Something the matter?" Padme asked, fighting a giggle.
He touched a finger to his lip and slowly walked around her. "Pardon my boldness, Your Majesty, but is it possible you are wearing my boots?"
"Possible, but not likely."
An eyebrow quirked. A hand moved slightly. The hem of Padme's gown moved aside just a tiny bit.
"Although unlikely, it does indeed appear you are wearing my boots."
This time she did giggle and, despite her training in conducting herself properly, Padme twirled revealing more of the boots that were definitely not hers.
"Isn't there some saying about walking in someone else's shoes?"
"I don't believe the saying was meant to be taken literally, Your Highness."
"Perhaps not, but nonetheless, I was curious."
"And has your curiosity been sated?" Obi-Wan stepped closer, looking down at her face.
"I'll tell you later," she answered, a bright smile on her lips. "They're a bit big, so I can't get a good feel for them."
The corners of Obi-Wan's mouth turned downward slightly and his bottom lip protruded enough to be distracting. "But what am I to wear in the meantime?"
"There, there, Jedi Kenobi," Padme soothed, patting him on the cheek and barely resisting the urge to touch those pouty lips. "I'm sure you'll think of something."
With a wink, she turned and began walking toward the balcony.
"Perhaps I could borrow a pair of your shoes."
"What!" The boots squeaked as she quickly spun around.
"It seems only fair," he reasoned. "You borrow my shoes, I borrow yours."
Padme blinked. "True, however, given that your boots are too large for my feet, it would stand to reason that my shoes would be too small for your feet. I wouldn't wish for you to be uncomfortable."
"Ahh, but the life of a Jedi isn't meant for comfort," Obi-Wan countered. "I require footwear to do my duty. Yours seem the most accessible."
Padme looked at him skeptically, wondering how far he would take this absurd, yet highly entertaining, line of thinking. "Surely it would make more sense to ask, say, Captain Panaka?"
"Then I'd have to explain where my boots went."
She paused. "Good point."
A beat passed. A smirk crossed Obi-Wan's features.
"Your Majesty, I get the distinct feeling you don't believe I could wear your shoes."
"I have to admit I am a bit...skeptical."
"I would wager more than a bit," he pondered aloud. "I would also wager that I could not only wear your shoes, but also just about anything else you could throw at me."
Padme gaped. "I've no doubt you could, Jedi. But."
"But?"
"Could you be believed?"
Another beat passed.
"Is this a challenge, Your Grace?"
She nodded, quirking an eyebrow for added effect. "If you can't pass as me in my clothing, I get to keep your boots."
Obi-Wan nodded, pursing his lips. "Do I get to choose the reward if I can?"
Padme nodded. If Obi-Wan could handle whatever humiliation would come from this silly challenge, surely she could accept anything he could throw back at her.
Of course, that didn't stop her from feeling wary as he moved toward her in a manner that was distinctly more like stalking than walking. He approached her, a neutral expression on his face but she spied wickedness in his beautiful blue eyes. Slowly, he leaned down, his cheek lightly brushing against hers. His lips were a mere hair's breadth away from her ear and when he whispered his request she couldn't help but shiver. And then she blushed from the tips of her toes to the top of her head.
"Is that acceptable?"
She stared up at him, searching his eyes. He was serious and Padme realized she was as well.
"Absolutely," she declared. "I won't make this easy, Obi-Wan."
"I wouldn't expect it any other way."
Two hours, a pound of makeup, and a strained neck later, Obi-Wan Kenobi was grateful for the simple ways of the Jedi life. He was also looking distinctly nothing like a Jedi.
Padme stepped back and examined her work. Having been on the receiving end of the makeup, dressing, and hair ministrations so often, she had to admit actually applying the techniques was much more difficult than she'd thought. And Obi-Wan looked much too much like her than she'd wanted. Maybe she'd done too good a job...
"I now realize the purpose of all this elaborate costuming," Obi-Wan mused, trying not to move his head for fear of the headdress falling off and him incurring more neck pain.
"You mean it's not a type of punishment for taking the job?"
"Hardly," Obi-Wan replied, smirking. "It makes it much easier to use a decoy in times of danger. The only part of me that is actually visible is my face. The plain, white makeup covers any distinct facial features and is masked, in a way, by the intricate and elaborate designs of the headdress and costume."
"I suppose you're right," Padme agreed, looking over his shoulder into the mirror. "I can't help but wonder if there might have been an easier way. It's rather...cumbersome."
A knock came at her door and Padme answered it, whispering softly with one of her handmaidens.
"Well," she said as she closed the door. "It looks as if you'll get your chance to pass off as me."
Obi-Wan attempted to raise an eyebrow in question but quickly abandoned that idea as the top of the headdress began digging into his scalp. "Oh?" he asked instead.
"Master Jinn wishes to speak with the Queen."
Obi-Wan sighed and nearly fell over from the shifting weight of the dress. Carefully, gingerly, he stood up, using the Force to ensure no bits tilted in odd ways or fell off.
"Something wrong?" she asked when he suddenly stopped moving.
"I just realized, this might be a little more difficult than originally anticipated," he murmured, contemplating how to maneuver as Queen Amidala without use of the Force, which Qui-Gon would most certainly pick up on.
"Maybe you should start looking for a new pair of boots..."
Obi-Wan glared. "I haven't lost, yet." Besides, if a young Queen could do this, a Jedi should be able to as well...
The trick, he thought to himself as he slowly made his way to the door, was in making himself sound like Amidala without alerting Qui-Gon to the subtle use of the Force he would need to achieve the effect. If he could manipulate the energy to make him appear like the Queen to his master's senses, then it might just work out fine. There was just one main problem, however: Obi-Wan had never been comfortable with, and thus was lousy at, lying to Qui-Gon.
But, that was neither here nor there. As he approached the doorway, he focused his energy on the next step of the challenge: shoes.
"Obi-Wan," Padme called out, beginning to feel sorry for the Jedi. "Forget the shoes, you've already done enough."
"A challenge is a challenge, Your Highness," he murmured, his eyes roaming over the choices. He sincerely hoped the ones with the heels weren't the appropriate ones for the outfit.
"Well, at least pick the most comfortable, then. You can't see your feet under all that fabric anyway."
"To be perfectly honest, I don't see anything that remotely resembles 'comfortable' among the choices, Padme."
She held up a pair of enormous, fluffy slippers. Obi-Wan gawked.
"Surely you're joking."
She shook her head.
"That would be cheating," he stubbornly stated.
"I do it all the time."
And, upon closer investigation, he could see she was right. The shoes that were lined up neatly, a little too neatly, by the door were hardly worn, if at all. The slippers appeared to be missing fluff in certain areas and looked well worn and, most importantly, comfortable.
"All right," he conceded and took care into stepping into them when they were placed on the floor. They were, in fact, comfortable, although a little tight and a bit short. They would do.
"Here goes," he said and gave Padme a smile as he walked out the door to meet his master.
"Your Majesty," Qui-Gon greeted with a bow as he came into view.
Obi-Wan fought hard to not give himself away as the complete absurdity of the situation hit him with those simple words.
"Master Jinn," he managed in a quiet voice as he pulled the Force around him.
Qui-Gon stared at him for a long moment as if working out a puzzle. Obi-Wan stayed perfectly still, meeting his gaze in as neutral a manner as possible.
"A situation has come to my attention," he finally said. "I felt it was best to confer with you as it relates to your planet."
"What is it?"
Qui-Gon produced a small holo-projector and turned it on. A figure emerged, jumping up and down and being very cute.
"It's a monkey."
"Not just any monkey, Your Highness," Qui-Gon began. "But a pirate monkey."
A long pause passed.
"A...pirate monkey."
"Yes, and there are more. It seems some enterprising individuals have taken them from their natural habitats, trained them, and are now using them to steal from various ports of call."
"What do you suggest to do about these...pirate...monkeys." Obi-Wan was finding it hard not to smile. The fact he could see Padme peeking around a column some distance behind Qui-Gon did not help matters.
"Governor Bibble actually came up with a suggestion," Qui-Gon said. "Right now, the ship containing the monkeys, trainers, and stolen goods is being held in the space port. Bibble believes the monkeys should be retrieved and rehabilitated. The beings responsible will, of course, be prosecuted."
"That sounds like a...sound plan," Obi-Wan said, stumbling over his words and cursing himself mentally for the slip.
Qui-Gon nodded and narrowed his eyes nearly imperceptibly. "I shall inform Governor Bibble of your decision."
Another awkward pause passed.
"Is there something the matter, Master Jinn?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing. You seem...somehow distracted."
"It's nothing. It has just been a long day."
"I understand," the older Jedi nodded. "Get some rest, I suspect the pirate monkey situation won't resolve itself easily."
"As do I," he said and bowed slightly to Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan turned, wobbling slightly, and made his way as gracefully as he could to the relative safety of the Queen's chambers.
Qui-Gon stared after the Queen for a long moment before leaving the area. There was just something not right with what had just transpired but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
A flash of blue in his peripheral vision caught his attention and Qui-Gon whirled to see an impossible figure pass behind the massive columns in the hallway.
"Master Jinn," Padme greeted when she noticed he was looking at her.
"Your Majesty," he said, mind working fast. "It was not you who I was just speaking with."
"No, sir," she answered, biting her lip to keep from laughing in a most unprofessional manner.
"Nor was it one of your decoys."
She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She fidgeted as Qui-Gon's gaze seemed to take on a faraway look and she had no doubt he was replaying the conversation he'd just had in his mind.
"Obi-Wan."
And with that one word, Padme could not stop the escape of a giggle. "My apologies, Master Jinn, we did not mean to trick you."
"Not at all," he answered and he really wasn't angry. There was, in fact, a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye. "Perhaps one day you will tell me what led up to this role switch."
"You aren't going to punish him, are you?" she asked, suddenly wondering at the potential consequences of their deception.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "No, but you can be sure I won't let him forget this for a long while."
She giggled again before bidding him farewell and quickly walking back to her chambers.
Obi-Wan was trying in vain to remove the elaborate headdress that was in danger of permanently shoving his head several inches into his shoulders when Padme returned. He watched as she immediately ran to the bed and threw herself upon it, laughing hysterically.
"While I'm sure the situation is quite amusing, I could use a little assistance here," he remarked dryly.
Wiping at her eyes, Padme joined him at the dressing screen and helped him get out of her gowns, giggling intermittently.
"You did it, Obi-Wan," she said, still laughing. "Master Jinn didn't notice at all until he saw me."
"Does this mean I win?" His face was very near to hers, his lips whispering over her cheek when he spoke.
Padme broke down into laughter once more. "Yes, yes it does. But please, go clean up, I can't take you seriously when you're wearing makeup."
"Fine, fine," he said with an exaggerated sigh and closed the door the bath behind him.
As the sound of running water from the shower reached her ears, Padme's smile faded and she remembered her part of the deal. Her cheeks flamed again.
"Well, a deal's a deal," she murmured aloud.
A few minutes later the shower turned off and Obi-Wan came out wearing his usual pants and with a towel in his hands obscuring his vision as he dried his short hair. As he tossed the cloth aside, he saw her and his mouth went dry.
Padme walked toward him, a somewhat shy look on her face, and he knelt before her.
"My queen..."
Obi-Wan pulled her to him when she came into reach, burying his face in her stomach. Maybe he'd let her keep the boots anyway. She looked quite good in them, especially now, when she wore nothing else.
The End