"Oh. My. GOD."

It was Ginny, standing over Harry, wearing an expression of total disbelief.

"Harry, you're never going to guess what happened last night."

"No, I remember," said Harry.

"No, I didn't mean that," said Ginny, shaking her head. "Something else. About two people we know. Who are together. Who...got married."

"HERMIONE AND RON GOT MARRIED?" Harry screamed, sitting up to quickly, catching his leg on the sheet, and falling out of his bed.

"NO, you moron," said Ginny, rolling her eyes. She helped him to his feet, and Harry rubbed his sore arm. "Not Hermione and Ron. They would have told us if they were running away together. Or...whatever it is that they did."

"That who did?" Asked Harry, annoyed with Ginny's secrecy. "C'mon, tell me. Tell me."

"It was...Luna and Snape."

Harry shuddered.

"Ew, honestly?" asked Harry, scandalized. "Ew. Ew."

"Last night after dinner, Snape and Luna ran out of grounds and apparated to somewhere in Canada...and...they're married now."

"Where's Canada?" asked Harry.

"It's above AMERICA, you delusional piece of crap," said a voice from the doorway. It was Alex. She looked angry. Her mouth was pulled into an angry scowl, and she was glaring daggers at Harry, who looked surprised to see her standing there.

"Alex?"

"Shut up," she spat, walking into the room. Rebekah was behind her, rolling her eyes.

"What's the matter with her?" asked Harry quietly as Rebekah passed, trying not to provoke Alex.

"She's from Canada," Rebekah whispered. "I was born in Texas, but she didn't move to Dallas until she was about thirteen. Then she went to Quetzalcoatl with me, and we—"

"What the bloody hell is...Queltolculol?" Ginny stumbled through the name.

"Quetzalcoatl," said Alex, rolling her eyes.

"It's the name of our wizarding school in Texas," said Alex.

"Why the weird name?" asked Harry.

"Speaking of weird names," said Rebekah, and this time she rolled her eyes too.

Alex coughed loudly, making a noise that sounded miraculously like 'Hogwarts'.

"Quetzalcoatl is the name of a Mayan God who could change into a winged snake, and there was this wizard, a long long time ago, named Howard Shamot who sailed from France to the Americas to go to Louisiana with the rest of the country, and, well...he got lost. So he met up with this nice group of cannibalistic forest people, and they were like 'hey you can make things explode and stuff!' so he opened up an school to teach their kids about magic. Well—"

This was becoming a much longer story than Harry and Ginny had intended.

"—Pretty soon, people were like 'hey where's Howard?' so they sent a search party out for him. Well...Howard got word of it and was like 'hell no,' so he was going to shut down the school because magic was frowned on and all back then. So the crazy cannibalistic forest people were like 'we'll get them', so Howard stayed and taught magic and they called him Quetzalcoatl because he was an animagus Hawk and a parselmouth," Rebekah finished.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Ginny.

"I know, right?" said Rebekah, shaking her head and smiling. "Pretty soon the school was opened up for anybody who needed to send there kid away for being magical. You know, just so they wouldn't get caught with the whole witchcraft thing."

"So it's like Hogwarts?" Ginny asked.

"Well, yeah. But they put a lot of emphasis on the Dark Arts—you know, because of the whole cannibalism influence—but they also spend a lot of time on Ancient Runes, which they don't even make you guys take here. And Divination—they're really into that. Rumor has it that Howard's wife, the cannibal princess, was a seer."

"Were they really cannibals?" asked Ginny, doubtful.

"Oh yeah," said Rebekah. "But they got over that pretty quickly. Howard wasn't really into the eating people thing, so they kinda stopped."

"They just stopped because he told them to?"

"Wouldn't you, if someone was threatening to crucio you?" asked Alex.

"If I knew what crucio was," said Ginny, shrugging.

"How did we get into this conversation?" asked Harry.

"I don't remember," said Rebekah.

"Anyway," said Alex. "So the headmaster and Luna ran away together."

Harry shuddered again. Ginny patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Where is her head," said Harry. "I mean, honestly. She could date anybody here and she dates Snape? Ugh."

"I'd hit that," said Alex.

"Me too," said Rebekah.

"I probably would too, Harry," said Ginny.

"EW!" said Harry, backing away from her.

"Well, I'm just being honest," said Ginny, blushing. "He's got that whole angry, tortured soul thing down. I mean, I'd like to be punished by that."

"Me too," said Alex.

Harry screamed.

"You better watch out, Harry," said Rebekah. "Have you been a bad boy?"

Harry screamed again.

"Snape might need to teach you a lesson," said Alex, grinning.

"Yeah," said Rebekah. "He might need to give you detention three—"

"—maybe five," said Alex.

"—times a week," Rebekah finished.

Ginny giggled.

"It might hurt, though," Ginny added. "But you deserve it."

"Yeah, he might need to use his wand," said Rebekah.

Harry felt like he had just experienced eight simultaneous heart attacks.

Ginny, Rebekah, and Alex laughed so hard they were nearly crying.

"Yeah, but, if anybody's getting detention from Snape it's Draco," said Rebekah, giving Alex a serious look.

"Shut your mouth," said Alex.

"Ooh," said Harry, suddenly interested. "What what what what!"

"Draco's a little shy," said Alex, shaking her head.

"Try flaming homosexual," said Rebekah. "He's practically in love with you, Harry. Any day now, he'll be calling up Voldemort saying 'Don't kill Harry I love him I love him I love him!'."

"HE'S NOT GAY," said Alex, suddenly angry. "AT LEAST I HAVE A BOYFRIEND."

"At least I didn't turn a Death Eater!" Rebekah shouted at her.

"I DIDN'T TURN ANYTHING!" Alex shouted. "JUST BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO—"

Harry nearly died, again, for the third time that morning.

"JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND DOESN'T MEAN I COULDN'T!" Rebekah screamed.

"OH, GO MAKE OUT WITH ICICLE, WHORE!"

Rebekah's face froze in one of fury. Then, suddenly, before anybody knew what to do, she—

"RICTUSEMPRA!" She shouted. Alex was blasted by silver light and flew over backwards.

"BITCH!" she shouted, taking out her wand. "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

As soon as she had said it, Alex looked immediately regretful. Tiny scratches suddenly appeared all over Rebekah's body, as if she had been attacked by little birds with angry claws.

"You're really lucky some spells don't effect House Elves the way they effect full-blood humans," said Rebekah, glaring at her. "EXPELLIARMUS!"

Alex was hit again, and this time, she crashed into the wall.

"Taratellangra!" Alex shouted, and Rebekah's feet started to dance around uncontrollably.

"HEY!" she said, "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"

Alex flew up into the air. She kicked her feet around, floating, unable to get back down.

"Cut it out!" she said, as she floated near the ceiling, almost completely upside down.

"Can you guys cut it out," said a seventh year boy, appearing in the doorway, looking sleepy. "You're waking the whole tower up!"

"Immobulus!" Ginny shouted. Both girls froze.

"Thanks," said the boy. He disappeared.

"Anyway," said Ginny, leaving them frozen. "So, now Snape and Luna aren't going to be back for a while, and McGonagall's taken over as Headmistress."

"No way," said Harry, feeling a little better.

"Luna's dad let her do it, apparently. Crazy people," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey."

Harry and Ginny turned, finding Hermione and Ron at the door. Rebekah and Alex, who were still frozen, disapparated out of the room almost simultaneously.

"What's up?" said Ron, coming into the room.

"Luna and Snape ran away together," said Ginny, looking as if she completely enjoyed spreading this news around. "It's all over the school. McGonagall's taken over."

"Ew," said Hermione. "No way!"

"Yeah," said Ginny. "Ew."

"Ugh," said Harry. "Whatever. Who was the one who was like 'oh yeah, I'd hit that'."

"I never said 'I'd hit that'," Ginny pressed, going red. "I just agreed that I thought he was worthy."

"Ew," said Hermione.

"Oh whatever," said Ron. "You were the one who made me say 'ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger' in a Snape voice."

Harry's jaw dropped, scandalized.

Ginny giggled.

"Hey Harry, maybe I'll make you—"

"NO!" said Harry, looking completely revolted.

"Fine," said Ginny, looking put out.

"Well," said Hermione, turning red. "I'm not the only one with problems, Ron. You're the one who was like 'wear a wig like Galadria'—"

"This is an odd conversation," said Harry.

"Right, anyway," said Hermione. "We'll get back to this argument later, Ron."

"At least Galadria's good-looking," said Ron spitefully.

"Yeah, but Snape's got the angry Death Eater thing going," said Ginny. "I mean, you can't violate Lucius, because that's like violating a girl...you know, with the hair and all. But Snape's got the double-agent thing, the Dark Arts thing, the—"

"Greasy-haired git thing?" Harry tried.

"Mmm," said Hermione. "Greasy-haired git."

Harry shuddered again.

"You girls are crazy," said Ron, shaking his head.

"I feel violated myself," said Harry, hiding under his sheets.

"Right," said Hermione, suddenly sounding businesslike. "We need to talk."

Harry stuck his head out of his sheets nervously, and Ginny played with her hair.

"Since there's this whole...you know...er, Voldemort problem," Hermione started. She was looking at the ceiling, avoiding them. Ron was playing with something on the floor with his foot. "We've decided that we need to start figuring out ways to beat this."

Harry looked at her and said nothing.

"No offense, Hermione," said Harry. "But...what do you really expect us to do about it."

Hermione turned faintly pink, but didn't loose her businesslike composure.

"Well..." she started. "Well, we could—I was thinking, well—"

She stopped, looking pained.

"Go to the library?" Ron tried.

Hermione glared at him.

"Well, because we're all..."

"Pregnant," Ginny helped.

"Yes," said Hermione, looking pale.

Harry looked over at Ginny secretly, studying her stomach. He tried not to notice it, normally, but it was becoming hard to ignore.

"Right, well. I've made an executive decision—"

Ron snorted back his laughter.

"—and I've decided that we need to start focusing on this thing. We need to get this worked out. We need to beat this."

Harry and Ginny looked at each other. Ginny jumped up on his bed and cuddled next to him, looking thoroughly depressed.

"Right, well," said Hermione, looking annoyed that everyone wasn't automatically stirred to go to the library with her. "I'm going to go look around a bit—even if no one else does."

She glared at Ron, who looked as if going to the library was the last thing he wanted to do that day, and followed anyway.

Harry and Ginny stayed on his bed, said nothing to each other, and felt depressed about everything.