Harry and Ginny sprinted down the hallway as fast as they could while Ginny chanted "No way no way no way no way...ew ew ew ew ew ew ew..."

"GINNY THAT'S NOT MAKING IT ANY BETTER," Harry shouted at her. There was a first year walking towards them down the hall, but as soon as Harry shouted he turned and ran back the other way.

"Harry," said Ginny. "Maybe you should...we should...oh dear..."

"GINNY SHUT UP!" said Harry. "We're just going to go back to the tower and make sweet love all night long and pretend none of this happened..."

Ginny wrinkled her nose and gave him a scared look.

"Harry," Ginny said. "You know, maybe this isn't so bad—"

"NOT SO BAD? NOT SO BAD? I FIND OUT THAT OUR EVIL POTIONS TEACHER IS MY FATHER AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS THAT IT'S NOT—TOO—BAD?"

"DON'T YELL AT ME I CAN'T HELP IT THAT SNAPE BANGED YOUR MOTHER!"

This would have been an excellent thing to say in an argument if not for the horrible fact that Ginny and Harry had both strolled into the courtyard the minute she said it. It wasn't a particularly cold February afternoon, nor was it raining, or too icy—alas, the courtyard was packed with waiting students who heard this, and, very slowly turned to face them.

The students stared at Ginny and Harry. Harry glared at Ginny, and Ginny had a look of horrified guilt on her face.

"Did she just say—?"

Harry grabbed Ginny's arm and pulled her back inside, where they ran as quickly as they could back to the common room.

"Why did you do that?" Harry shouted. "Frange Femur," he told the fat lady, and they went inside.

"YOU HAVE TO BE SO UNGRATEFUL ALL THE TIME—"

"I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU'RE A BITCH!"

"YOU—ARROGANT—PIECE—OF—"

"OH, SHUT UP!"

Harry and Ginny's argument came to a halt as they came into the common room. From somewhere above, Harry could hear Hermione and Ron fighting. The kids in the common room looked annoyed, especially Seamus and Dean, who were surrounded by a bunch of trunks.

"Hiya Harry," said Seamus. "How's it going?"

"Hi Seamus," said Harry. "You're back."

"My mum sent me back," said Seamus. "But I think I came back at the wrong time..."

"I HATE YOU!" someone, most likely Hermione, screamed from upstairs.

"How long have they been at it this way?" asked Harry.

"Hours," said Dean, leaning back in the chair.

"Harry," said Seamus, looking worried. "I don't want to put the spot on you or anything, but...seeing as you're their best friend and everything...well, couldn't you go up there and break them up or something?"

This suggestion was greeted by a "YES, PLEASE," from the rest of the common room.

At this point in time, going upstairs to break up another Weasley/Granger fight was not the first thing he wanted to do.

"Oh, but—"

"Harry, please," said Romilda Vane, appearing out of nowhere. "You'd be my hero forever."

Ginny pushed Harry out of the way and got up in Romilda's face with a foul frown on her face, daring Romilda to come any closer. Romilda had to be at least a foot taller than Ginny, but she backed off anyway.

"God," said Harry. "But everytime—"

"GO!" shouted Ginny, and she pushed him up the stairs.

Harry and Ginny went farther and farther up and the screaming got even louder and louder.

"YOU ARE THE MOST SELFISH WART I'VE EVER MET!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SUCH A LIAR ALL THE TIME—"

Harry and Ginny opened the door only to find Hermione and Ron, who were standing in the middle of the room, faces barely two inches apart from each other. Ginny shot Harry an awkward look.

"Uh," said Harry. "Guys?"

Hermione and Ron turned and looked at the pair, red in the face from all the yelling.

"Hey, do you think you can keep it down a little? Everyone is trying to study—"

"I'M LEAVING," said Hermione, whirling around and exiting.

Ron threw his arms up in the air. Harry opened up his mouth to console Ron, but—

"FANTASTIC, Harry," he said, rolling his eyes.

Harry stopped.

"What—?"

"WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO MAKING UP, and you INTERRUPTED US!"

Harry and Ginny stared at him, not believing their ears.

"But," Ginny tried. "You two have been arguing for hours..."

"Yeah, and we were almost done until YOU came in. Now we're going to have to go through all that ALL OVER AGAIN..."

Harry was confused. His patience with Ron was running out.

"Ok, Ron," said Ginny. "Whatever."

"Well, you're going to have to help me now," said Ron, looking irritable. "Help me get into the girl's dormitory."

Ginny rolled her eyes and stalked out. Ron followed, running into Harry's shoulder as he did so.

"Thanks, Harry," said Seamus and Dean, as he came down the stairs. "Thanks a million—"

"Thanks for nothing," Ron shouted from the hallway, and a door slammed.

"Don't thank me," said Harry. "Believe me, they're probably just going to start up again..."

"GET OUT!" someone screamed.

"ARGH!" Ron shouted—the stairway collapsed and Ron appeared at the bottom, red-faced and looking angry.

"Perfect, Harry," he said. "Absolutely perfect. FANTASTIC."

"Sorry, Ron, I didn't know—"

Harry was so fed up with Ron's attitude that he took Ginny's arm, pulled her outside, and said very loudly (loud enough so Ron could hear, anyway) "Let's go find the room of requirement, eh, Ginny?"

Ron grumbled something at Harry, and went back upstairs.

Harry and Ginny took a walk around the courtyard and talked about Snape, who they were hoping to avoid for quite some time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alex and Rebekah walked out of the Forbidden Forest, talking to each other in low whispers.

"Well that's not the point, is it?" said Rebekah. "If he's gone to the other side—HARRY."

Alex whirled, looking surprised.

"Harry," the Slytherin said, in a voice that wasn't exactly happy-to-see-you.

Ginny and Harry looked at them.

"What were you talking about?" asked Ginny, looking suspicious.

Rebekah shot Alex a nervous look.

"Fanfiction," said Alex quickly.

Ginny and Harry stared.

"God," said Harry. "What is it with this school and fanfiction?"

"I don't know," said Rebekah. "Ask Snape. He's the one who staged this whole thing."

"What whole thing?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing," said Alex. "Nevermind. What did I tell you about keeping your mouth closed?"

"Shut up," said Rebekah.

"Anyway," said Alex. "We heard Ron and Hermione fighting again. What's it all about this time?"

"Uh," said Harry. "Well..."

"Nevermind," said Alex. "I don't care."

"Hey Ginny," said Rebekah. "You should come have some tea with us with Madam Rosmerta some time. Did you know that she was once a preschool teacher?"

"No wonder she runs a pub," said Alex.

"Yeah," said Rebekah. "You might try talking to her about baby things. She knows an awful lot—what was she just telling us about, Alex?"

"Teething? I can't remember."

Ginny looked as if listening to a woman talk about teething was the last thing she wanted to do, but before she could respond, Alex and Rebekah grabbed her arm and pulled her along.

"Alright Ginny," said Harry. "I'll...I'll see you later!"

Ginny shot him a dirty look and was tugged along by the two half-elves.