Chapter Seventeen: Terrors
After watching the figure in front of her for a minute, Scully hesitantly stepped forward, squinting her eyes to make sure they were not deceiving her. She reached her hand out to the figure, then quickly pulling in back against her.
"Mulder?" she whispered. When he didn't respond, she repeated herself, raising her voice. "Mulder what are you doing?"
He looked over at his girlfriend only briefly before turning away.
She quickly analyzed his appearance. Something about him was off. He was only clothed in his pajamas: a pair of flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His face wore the blank expression of sleep, not totally connected with what was happening around him.
She realized earlier that he must be having a night terror. Charles used to have them when he was a lot younger, always rambling about robbers trying to break into his room. She racked her brain, trying to remember how her parents would handle his sleep-walking episodes.
"I have to find her," he yelled, though it was obviously not directed at Scully.
Scully stepped forward and wrapped her hand around his bicep. "Who do you have to find?"
"My sister. I don't know where she went," he replied as he finally turned to face her. His eyes were directed at her but they were hollow, almost like he was looking through her.
Tentatively, Scully dropped her grasp on him and called, "Fox? Fox, why don't you go back to bed? Samantha's not out here."
At the use of his first name, Mulder turned towards her. His face, blank of any emotion before she had addressed him, crumpled. He looked like he was about to cry.
She gently wrapped her left hand around his left bicep once again, this time holding his left hand in her right one. Slowly, she guided him back to his backyard. As the distance between them and his house decreased, she saw that the backdoor was partially open. She told Fox that he had to be quiet, and together they walked through his kitchen, living room, and finally into his bedroom.
She coaxed him into his bed, whispering to him like he was a young child. She did not know how long he had been outside, but he was cold. She hoped that it was not anything serious. Practicality told her that he would most likely not suffer from hypothermia, but she still had her doubts.
Scully looked around the room, hoping to find another afghan or at least a quilt. She found a quilt not unlike the one his grandmother had made for her, and draped it over his body, now curled into the fetal position in the center of his bed. Searching through his dresser, she pulled out a pair of socks and an oversized sweatshirt. She quickly pulled the socks up over his large feet before trying to manipulate the sweatshirt to fit over his head and then his arms when he refused to put it on himself.
Pulling his comforter up to the bottom of his chin, she kissed him lightly on his forehead. He had been watching her walk around the room, never letting her out of his sight. As she came closer to his face, his eyes closed, only to open them as she broke contact.
"You get some rest, Fox, so that you don't get sick," Scully whispered as she turned to go.
Mulder's arm shot out from under him and grabbed her retreating hand. After all his languid movements, his quick grasp startled Scully into jumped.
In a rough voice, he pleaded, "Stay with me."
Scully stood still for a moment, torn between wanting to stay and knowing she should leave. She slowly nodded her head and took off her coat and sneakers after he had released his hold on her. She walked over to his bedroom door and shut it slowly, hoping that its old hinges would not creak under the strain. She pulled back the covers and slid into bed next to him, studying his face. She wasn't sure if he had snapped out of his sleep-induced trance.
As soon as her head hit the pillow, his arms snaked around her tiny waist, pulling her close to him. He let out an anguished sob, his body shuddering with each breath. He still lied in the center of the bed, so he only came up to her chest. His arms still wrapped around her as his hands clung to the sides of her shirt.
Shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her body, she hesitantly smoothed his hair. "It's okay, shh," she cooed. He did not respond, but his sobs eventually quieted into tears as time passed.
Her fingers tangled in his long shaggy hair as she tried to calm both him and herself. The strength of the grip he had on her terrified her because she had never fully realized his power. He had only talked of his sister's disappearance in passing, quickly changing the subject if he stumbled upon it. She had never considered the repercussions of his sister's disappearance on him. She guiltily regretted not addressing the problem.
She tucked her chin to her chest and buried her face in his hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. She closed her eyes against the stinging tears that crept up behind her eyes. His breath quickened and he unwrapped one of his arms, searching for something. His other arm pulled her even tighter against him. His hand searched her face, neck and chest above her breasts as he nuzzled his face between them. She self consciously remembered that she was not wearing a bra, but dismissed any fear, telling herself that he was not awake enough to be aware of that. His hand settled on her chest above her left breast, his long fingers wrapping around her shoulder. She felt her heartbeat underneath his palm.
Mulder mumbled something into her chest, so she leaned back. "What did you say?"
With a tone of wonder in his voice, he whispered, "I thought you were dead."
"Who, Fox? Who am I?"
Mulder looked up to her face and replied, "My guardian angel."
Scully sucked in a breath as he buried his face in her chest once again. A thousand thoughts raced through her head, but they all centered on a heartbreaking idea. Mulder thought that his guardian angel was dead.
Though she had never discussed religion with Mulder, she knew that he was not particularly spiritual in the organized religion. Vaguely she remembered him telling her that he came from both a Jewish and Methodist background. She wanted to ask him about the angel comment, but she was afraid of opening the proverbial Pandora's Box.
Mulder's sobs and struggles tore Scully away from her thoughts. He started mumbling protests into her chest. She shimmied herself down to his level so they were face-to-face, gauging what was going through his head by his now-audible words and facial expressions.
"I didn't do it," he cried, repeating it like a mantra. His brow furrowed in frustration.
"I don't know where she is!"
"I wouldn't do anything to her, she's my sister," he whispered persuasively, his voice cracking on the last word. "I'm not a pervert."
His sobs overtook his protest until he started choking on his tears. Slowly, he tore away from a state of limbo into complete consciousness. He was surprised to find himself face-to-face with Scully, who had tears streaming down her cheeks.
Gently, he traced the path of tears from on of her eyes, his eyes studying her face. "What's the matter?"
She opened her mouth to speak and immediately shut it, choking back a sob. She shook her head vigorously. Mulder wrapped his arms around her, gently holding her to his chest. He rubbed small circles across her back.
After a few minutes she pulled back from him, looking up into his eyes, "Are you okay?"
Mulder's brow furrowed in confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"I found you outside, looking for your sister. I think you were sleepwalking."
Mulder smiled softly, "And I thought that finding you in my bed was just a nice surprise."
"Mulder, I'm serious. What happened? I was really scared."
Mulder brought both of them into a sitting position, their backs leaning against his headboard. "Sometimes I sleepwalk during my nightmares. It hasn't happened in a while, and it's usually just around the house. I'm okay."
"Mulder, you need to tell me the whole story about your sister," she demanded quietly, not letting him miss the seriousness in her voice.
Mulder nodded resignedly, "I know."
They sat in silence for a moment before standing up and walking out of his bedroom. He returned a few minutes later with a large cup of tea that he handed to Scully.
She accepted it and waited until he rounded the bed and sat beside her before taking a sip. She could feel the hot liquid warm her from the inside. She held the cup between her hands, prompting him only with her silence.
"I don't remember anything about Sam's disappearance. I remember playing Stratego with her, and her arguing that I was cheating. The next thing I know, I wake up in a hospital three days later, my sister's gone, and I'm the prime suspect.
"The night she disappeared, I was supposed to be babysitting her. My parents were at some friends' dinner party. The night was normal. We ate macaroni and cheese and hot dogs in front of the television and then played board games. I was trying to watch the news, and the games were the easiest way to keep her quiet.
"When I awoke in the hospital, I was swarmed with police officers interrogating me and demanding recounts of that night. I remember being terrified, all this policemen demanding that I tell them where she was. I kept telling them I didn't know. They kept asking, 'where did you hide the body?' which confused me, because they kept referring to my sister as a body. It freaked me out so bad that I remember screaming 'she's not a body, she's my sister.' I think I actually went into a fit of hysteria at that point. I vaguely remember being put in five point restraints at the hospital. It was at that point that the doctors ordered the investigators out of my room.
"After I returned back to my house, I remember how dizzy I was from all the action around me. Accusations flew all around me. Neighbors, school friends, even from my relatives suspected my involvement. The rumors spread around town got pretty outlandish. Her disappearance is what finally tore the family apart. No one would talk about it. I don't remember my family standing up for me. Ever."
"What did they say you did?" she asked quietly, not daring to make eye contact with him.
"It varied. Some people said I was trying to get ransom money, because my parents have a lot of money. Oh, at this time, we lived on Martha's Vineyard, so of course money is a big topic of conversation. Others said I just went crazy. Some speculated that domestic violence in my family played a part in my motive, but those theories were not too popular, as my parents were active in the Vineyard social scene. The worst rumors were the ones that centered around my--" his voice cracked, tears threatening to break loose. Soothingly, Scully rubbed his knee. He sucked in a deep breath and continued.
"They said that I…raped my little sister, Scully. Jesus, I was only 12 years old, and she was a little girl. They said I either had been molesting her and she threatened to tell, or that I killed her by or after raping her. But I had no recollection of doing anything, I swear. Then the investigators said that I suffered from what they call…I don't remember. Anyway, it's some kind of grief-induced psychological episode in where I can't remember committing the crime that was some lashing-out against my own abuse. They said that I could plead not guilty by reason of temporary insanity, but I wouldn't do it. In the end, because there was no body or evidence, they dropped the case."
Mulder breathed deeply and loudly exhaled before timidly looking over at Scully. Her silence made him incredibly nervous.
"I didn't rape or kill my sister, Scully," he whispered.
"I know," she quietly replied.
"I mean, sure she got on my nerves, but I love her. She's my sister," he went on.
She took his hand in hers. "I know," she said louder, with more conviction.
"It's just a lot to process," she amended quietly. "It's a lot to go through, too, I'm sure."
She turned to face him, and watched with pity as he tried to keep his bottom lip from quivering.
"Oh, Mulder," she chided as she cupped his cheek in her hands. "It'll all work out all right."
He turned his face into her hand, letting out a shaky breath she felt flow around her fingers.
"I'm sorry," he breathed against her hand.
"For what, Mulder? You didn't do anything wrong," she replied sternly.
Mulder lifted his head to face her once again. "How can you be sure?"
She laughed softly, "Because I know you, Mulder. You aren't like that."
He turned his face back into her hand and kissed her palm. "Scully?"
"Mmm?"
"I think I need you."
Scully smiled softly, only the corners of her mouth turning upward. She kissed him softly on the lips, holding his face in her hands. She pulled back, looking into his eyes, and whispered, "I'm here."