"Oxymorons!"

ProRodeoCowgirl

An Alias Smith and Jones / Pirates of the Caribbean crossover

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except for any plot ideas you do not recognize. Any dates/places are approximate and probably not accurate!

A/N: Guys, reviews sure do make the chapters upload quicker!So how about clicking that little button down yonder when you're finished reading:)

Chapter 1

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PORTERSVILLE, WYOMING

SEPTEMBER 10, 1768

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"Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free.

'Tis a gift to go back where we ought to be…"

The soft, tenor voice echoed contentedly across the room. The melody slipped sweetly from the lips of a young, dark haired cowboy who was easily strumming a cherry-colored guitar. The fire crackled merrily in response to the mood generated by the man, and a family of five reclined happily in the armchairs around the decorated tree, three children and their parents silently listening to the song. A second cowboy, blonde haired and blue-eyed, leaned against the wall next to the hearth, smilingly cleaning his Colt .45. All six of them were sipping steaming mugs of hot chocolate while occasionally gazing at the thick, white snow that was floating lazily past the frosty window. It was extremely cozy.

The children's eyes popped open as the cowboy reverently delivered the last line of the song.

"…to love and to light."

The living area broke out into happy applause, with enthusiastic cheers from the children, particularly from Laura, the oldest at thirteen. Susie, ten, followed her sister's lead, and eight-year-old Johnny whistled and cried out…

"Again, again!"

"Yeah, Joshua! Pleeease?" begged Susie.

Joshua Smith smiled and indulgently obliged, singing the song through once more. As the last quivering note died, the children's mother, Beth, rose and pushed Laura, Susie, and Johnny toward the bedroom door.

"Allright, kids, we've bothered Mr. Smith long enough…bed!" Beth said.

"Aww, mom, can't we stay up a little longer?" implored Johnny.

"No, dear, it's allready late, and you'll want to get a lot of sleep tonight!" smiled Beth.

The blonde-haired cowboy finished cleaning his gun and, putting it into his holster, grinned at the young boy.

"That's right Johnny, you'll want to snooze away so you can get up early and maybe see Santa Claus' sleigh and all his reindeer!" said Thaddeus Jones.

"Aw, fine then!" pouted Johnny, but the cowboys could see that his face had lighted up at the mention of Santa Claus.

He stomped off excitedly to his room, followed by the girls and Beth. Finally, it was only Joshua, Thaddeus, and the father of the family, Jim, left in the room. Jim stood up, stretched, and yawned.

"Well boys, I reckon I oughta be getting to sleep too…I hafta get up early and put out presents!" He made a face. "Either one of you ever set up a 'doll carriage' before?"

Joshua and Thaddeus laughed, and Joshua gently laid the guitar aside and stood up.

"Sorry, Jim, can't help you there! Perhaps my friend here could though…" he joked easily.

"Ha ha, very funny Joshua," Thaddeus replied, albeit grinning. Jim smiled as well.

"Well, then, I'll be going. Maybe Beth can help me…" He walked to the bedroom door, then turned around and said to the pair, "Don't forget to douse the candles…the kids would kill me if the tree caught fire! And there's more hot chocolate and blankets in the kitchen, if you want them."

And with nods of thanks from the cowboys, he retreated into the room. Thaddeus looked at Joshua as he put out the candles, watched him pull out a blanket and settle himself upon the couch. The only light now came from the dimming embers in the fireplace. He stood still for a moment, thinking longingly of what a wonderful family this was – so simple, strong, happy, whole… He sighed, and a touch of melancholy lingered on his voice as he said,

"Joshua, I'll be taking up that offer of some more hot chocolate. How 'bout you?"

Joshua looked up at him, his chocolate eyes quietly searching the man's face; a small smile graced his features understandingly.

"Yep, I think so too, Jed."

Thaddeus laid aside his gun belt and walked into the kitchen, humming Jingle Bells quietly to himself, lost in reverie. He was returning to the living area with two steaming mugs of cocoa and was on the point of handing one to Joshua when suddenly he was snapped back to reality by an almost silent click and the touch of cold metal against his skin. Automatically, he tensed, fear and shock racing down his spine like the icicles handing on the now seemingly haunted windows. Joshua heard the click and sprang up. His fingers were reaching for his gun when a second click sounded and a low, menacing voice whispered,

"Hold it right there, Mr. Heyes!"

Joshua froze. Neither he nor Thaddeus dared to breathe. They waited, motionlessly quaking with silent fear. Suddenly, a soft, unpleasant laugh reached their ears. A third dark, obscured shadow moved forward from behind the tree and approached the two men. As the initial shock wore off, Joshua began to regain some courage, despite the rifle trained steadily on him. He smoothly said,

"My name's not 'Heyes!' I don't know what you're talking about! My name is Joshua Sm…"

A blur shot out of nowhere and struck him so hard that he staggered. Thaddeus, whose hands were now bound, made a furious move to help him but was immediately pulled back by his captor. He watched helplessly as the ominous man stepped towards Joshua.

"None of your silver tongue tonight, Mr. 'Smith!'" he growled. "I know you're Hannibal Heyes!"

He came even closer and shoved his masked face intimidatingly close to Joshua's. He nodded silkily and jerked his head towards Thaddeus, then gazed piercingly into Joshua's chocolate brown eyes, only a few inches away. He spoke again, his voice dangerously calm.

"And you see that feller? The one you call 'Thaddeus Jones?' I know he's Kid Curry! So you see…" he whispered, pulling his revolver menacingly from its holster, "you're kind of in between a rock and a hard place! 'Cause you're both worth $10,000 dollars apiece dead or alive, and me and my fellows ain't never been too rich."

The last faint embers in the fire smoldered and died, plunging the room into darkness. Joshua heard the man draw away from him. He swallowed and tried not to show nervousness.

"Oh, really?" he replied defiantly, his eyes straining to see the man. "Would you mind telling us which one you intend to collect on, $20,000 dead or $20,000 alive?"

The man turned back to him and an ugly smile formed beneath his mask. He indicated his two accomplices, still holding rifles on the captives.

"Well, the boys were thinking about $20,000 dead, and I must say I agree; but as it's Christmas Eve and I'm in a charitable mood, we'll let you remain alive. Besides," he added nastily, "For the while, you may be more use to us alive…"

He circled slowly behind Joshua, who stood stock still, his whole body tense, waiting blindly for the man's next move. For several moments the only noise was the howling of the angry wind outside the deathly quiet room... Suddenly Joshua heard a whooshing sound and felt the hard, painful thud of a revolver against his skull; his knees gave way, and his vision went black as he collapsed – he was unconscious before he ever hit the floor.