Disclaimer: The beginning of this starts at the end of the episode "Drive" but contains no spoilers for the actual episode. majorcharacterdeath, anyways, I'm not making money off this, and I admit that I don't own the characters. Chapter title is from "Change" by the Deftones, whom I do not own.

Genre: Action-Adventure, Drama
Rating: M
Codes: K/7, T/7
Feedback: Please (reviews feed the muse).

Home, Chapter 1
I watched you change...

Six years later...
…

Stardate 54058.8

Captain Kathryn Janeway didn't want to believe her eyes. She stared, with all the rest of the assembly, at the destruction on the screen in front of her. Tom Paris' ship had driven off course, to explode at a safe distance from the rest of the race. She felt herself go cold.
…

"Captain?" A voice called to her. She had promised Admiral Paris that she would bring his son home. She knew that he was proud of the progress Tom had made. And now, Tom was dead. The sensors on the ship had displayed to everyone what had happened in the shuttle.

Tom had struggled with the terrorist woman, finally knocking her out and sending the small flyer off course. He had been unable to stop the bomb and thanks to his quick thinking, none of the other racers were hurt. In his last moments, he recorded a short message: "Good-bye, Harry. Captain, thank you for a second chance. Tell my dad that I'm sorry I didn't make it home. And B'Elanna, I love you." B'Elanna had run from the briefing room when the message played and Kathryn hadn't been able to stop her.

She hadn't been able to move.

She had lost a lot of people on this ride, even Harry Kim, for a short time, but for some reason, it came as a physical blow to lose one of her bridge officers... permanently.

"Captain?" The voice came again. Irina's objective had not been fulfilled, but Janeway had lost the best pilot she had ever known. Her mind played the image over and over, memories playing cruel tricks on her, letting her see her officer die. She hadn't, actually. Tom had stopped the visual recording after his message to spare the crew the gruesome details. Still, she saw it in her mind.

"Captain!" She jerked her head up to look at Chakotay. She hadn't even realized that he had been standing there. He was in his dress uniform, as she was in hers. It was the day of the memorial service for Thomas Eugene Paris. Kathryn thanked any gods listening that she didn't have to give the eulogy. Ensign Kim had volunteered for that duty.

Duty. It was a word that she had seen Tom learn with her own eyes. She had watched him change from the jaded, sarcastic, irresponsible young man she had taken from the penal colony in New Zealand into an overgrown kid with a love of his job, his little shuttle, and most of all, B'Elanna Torres. She had brought him along, with a promise of freedom after a short mission. And instead, she had led him seventy thousand light years from home and eventually allowed him to fly to his death.

She had never been especially close to him, but she had been responsible for him. Every other person Kathryn had brought on Voyager had volunteered to be there. But she had blackmailed Tom, bribed him, and made promises she hadn't been able to keep. Dimly, she became aware that she had followed Commander Chakotay mutely to the funeral and was giving her speech on how brave Thomas Eugene Paris had been, how, though a troubled officer, in the end, he had been a fine officer.

In the end...
…

B'Elanna had not expected to find comfort in Seven of Nine. When the ex-drone found her crying in the Jeffries tube, she had expected something cold, heartless or innocent. But when Seven's arms had wrapped around her, she had taken the solace, clutching the fabric of the biosuit and keening into Seven's strong shoulders. Seven didn't move a single muscle, staying in the same position of consolation for nearly half an hour.

When B'Elanna had drained herself of tears, she poured out her story onto the same shoulders she had just wept on, explaining how she was going to break up with Tom, but didn't get the opportunity. How she had planned to tell him that their relationship was over as soon as he won or lost the race. How she wanted to let him have his race without her to worry about, wanted him to have one last day of happiness before it was over.

Seven listened uncomfortably as B'Elanna bared her heart, unsure of what to say or do. She held B'Elanna, as she had seen others do for comfort and hoped that it was enough. As she held B'Elanna, she began to feel... something beginning inside of her. She reacted to the warmth of the grieving woman's body against her own, the scent of B'Elanna's hair, and the feel of her shaking under Seven's fingers.

She felt... protective, and more. Sympathy flooded through her body and she suddenly had the urge to destroy all of the smaller woman's pain, as illogical as her mind informed her that that was. She wanted it to be something tangible that she could vanquish and present to B'Elanna as nothing but happiness. Never before had she felt this way about anyone. She was unsure how to define the feelings but certain that now was not the time to try.

So she just held on...

To be continued…