AN: Thanks for the reviews!Keep 'em coming! I'm glad to see how many people are interested in this. This part cracked me up to write, so I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter Three

By the time we made it back to Sam's house, there were already quite a few cars parked along the block. As I pulled in to park several houses away, I noticed fedora man flagging me forward. He was standing in Sam's driveway, blocking a space in it.

He stared without a smile as I pulled up. "Colonel Carter requested that I reserve this place for your vehicle." He disappeared into the house before I could thank him. Of course, it was only fair to admit that it took longer than it should have for me to realize that Colonel Carter was Sam.

I turned to Stephanie. "I guess she didn't forget me after all."

We walked inside, noting the newspapers that had littered the porch were stacked up in the hall, along with a giant pile of mail. I'd only been in Sam's house a few times, but I knew my sister wouldn't have dust all over her furniture if she were ever there to do anything about it. She wasn't home often; I felt better knowing all of her excuses for missing trips hadn't been lies. I was about to make a comment as we walked past the kitchen. Daniel and Teal'c, the name came back to me as soon as I heard Daniel repeat it, were moving around the room, completely comfortable going through Sam's cabinets and drawers.

I turned to the left, taking in the sight of my sister's living room. The room was packed with people already. Every flat surface was covered with food. I picked up an obligatory plate and joined the line, realizing as I passed tray after tray of dessert foods that something weird was going on. It had been my experience that mourners at wakes generally brought real food so that the family didn't have to cook. As I surveyed the scene, all I saw were cookies and cakes and what was quite possibly the world's biggest bowl of blue jello. I set my empty plate down on the pile and looked for Sam.

I may not have had the happiest family life, but I always thought it was pretty normal. Bland compared to the stories I heard from time to time from friends, telling of screaming matches and broken dishes and second cousins hooking up when no one was looking.

But then I saw my sister, in her dress uniform, sitting on the couch with a plate of cake and pie and cookies on her lap. Daniel was on one side of her, holding a plate of cake and jello. Daniel and Sam looked at one another's plates and then swapped without a word. O'Neill was on the other side of Sam. He had a pie, a whole pie complete with aluminum pie plate, in his lap and a fork in his hand. Teal'c was sitting on his other side, leaning back and spraying a can of whipped cream into his mouth. The four of them were crammed on top of one another, yet none of them seemed to notice, let alone mind.

Teal'c sprayed it repeatedly before he sat straight up and spoke. "This container is not large enough."

O'Neill looked at him skeptically. "Don't tell me you ate all of that. I wanted to put some on my pie. I can't eat apple pie without whipped cream."

He nodded. "Indeed, O'Neill, there is no more." He examined the can. "Redi-whip should be sold in larger containers."

O'Neill nudged Sam. "Carter, Teal'c ate all the whipped cream."

Disbelieving, I watched as my prim sister spoke around the giant mass of jello in her mouth. "What do you want me to do about it?" She swallowed. "Sir."

O'Neill leaned back and reached past Sam to tap Daniel. "Is there anymore whipped cream?"

"I don't know. I think I saw some icing. Will that work?"

Sam looked at O'Neill. "If you put icing on that pie, I'm going to throw up."

"It's for Teal'c."

Sam glared at him with an expression that I instantly recognized as her 'yeah, right' face. I couldn't believe that she was looking at her boss, at a general, with that expression. I actually tensed, waiting for him to explode.

O'Neill looked back at Teal'c, who was shaking the empty, sputtering can of whipped cream and trying repeatedly to make more come out. "How about icing?"

Teal'c nodded as solemnly as he had in the chapel. "Yes, I shall have that instead." Then he got up and headed back into the kitchen.

I looked at my wife. Her mouth was hanging open and I was embarrassed, although I couldn't explain why. Maybe it was because I'd just witnessed my sister participating in one of the oddest exchanges I'd ever seen. "Steph, you think they could have gotten drunk that fast?" There were three open bottles of beer sitting on the floor by their feet.

"Maybe they're all high, Mark. This is the weirdest funeral I've ever been to." I wasn't sure if she was complaining, though, because she had a bunch of cookies and a cupcake on her plate.

Our conversation stopped when we noticed Nicky had wandered over to them. As a father, my first instinct was to rescue my daughter from the crazy people. But I only watched as Sam smiled warmly at her.

Nicky reached out her arms to Sam. "Aunt Sammy!"

Sam smiled brilliantly, the sight of her niece momentarily erasing the reason they were there. "You want to sit with me, Nicky?"

O'Neill reached for her plate as she reached for Nicky and settled her onto her lap. O'Neill's face broke into a wide smile and I amended my first impression of him - he didn't appear hard or cold at all anymore. "Hi, Nicky, I'm Jack. Do you like apple pie?"

Nicky shook her head. "I like chocolate chip cookies!"

"One chocolate chip cookie, coming right up." O'Neill reached over Sam and Nicky and plucked a cookie out of Daniel's hand, despite his protests. "Here you go."

Nicky stuffed half the cookie in her mouth while Daniel pouted. It wasn't clear which one of them Sam and O'Neill were laughing at. Sam stopped Nicky from eating the second half. "What do you say?"

"Thank you, Jack." She smiled at O'Neill.

O'Neill's smile widened. "You know, you look just like Aunt Sammy when you smile."

And suddenly, I wasn't worried at all about allowing my kids around them. I was, however, sincerely concerned about the amount of sugar they would ingest before the day was out.

I turned away, distracted for a moment by General Adams. He was one of those guys I actually recognized from my childhood. Oddly enough, I was ecstatic because he knew me. Not someone he thought was me, not my sister, but me. I chatted with him amiably for several minutes while Steph disappeared into the other room, probably looking for a female to chat with as they were woefully lacking in the living room. In fact, finding someone in the house under forty was getting harder as more and more people arrived.

When I looked back, the group on the couch had broken up. Sam was nowhere to be found. Teal'c had returned and was holding a tub of icing in his hand. I chuckled at the sight of him carefully extracting the multicolored chips and lining them up on the coffee table while he ate the plain icing.

And then, O'Neill was in front of me. He had a beer in each hand, offering one to me. I wasn't really in the mood, but I remembered all too well dad's stern lectures on how family reflects on an officer. I smiled for Sam's sake and took the beer, shaking the hand he immediately offered once free of beer.

"Jack O'Neill."

"Mark Carter."

"Yeah, I guessed that." He stared at me hard and I wasn't sure why. He seemed to be trying to read me, but I was family. He should have been the one being intimidated.

The thought irritated me. "So you're the reason Sam never sees daylight."

"She sees daylight." Damn, he was hard to read. As far as I could tell, there were equal chances that he was amused and angry.

I looked away, suddenly noticing that we were being watched. Teal'c had set his spoon down and cocked his head to the side, studying the pair of us. Daniel and Sam were in the kitchen. Daniel was pretending to be transfixed by his beer bottle; Sam was just staring at us. I couldn't be sure which one of us was being scrutinized, but judging from the way O'Neill had been looking at me, I had the sick feeling it was me. As I looked back at him, I saw him following my gaze. Curious, I turned back, amused to see Teal'c suddenly become fascinated with his icing and Daniel suddenly deciding to wash dishes. Sam held O'Neill's eyes for exactly too long before she mouthed 'be nice' at her boss. She certainly wasn't looking at me; I could have sworn she barely even realized I was there.

Just in case her words had been directed at me, I tried to smile. "Have you worked with Sam for a long time?"

He was smirking as he refocused on me and I knew without looking that Sam was as well. "Yeah, it's been almost ten years. Sweet." He looked pleased with himself.

"That is a long time." I tripped over my words as I realized the man before me had something to do with why Sam had changed so much in those almost ten years.

He started it, but I offered no resistance as we both shifted slightly to look at Sam. She'd still been staring at us, but her eyes widened and she blushed as she turned away to help Daniel with the dishes. O'Neill smiled almost ruefully. "Carter was a baby back then."

I knew he meant it affectionately, strange as it was for a CO to speak that way, and that he had good memories of the Sam I had known so well. But I still bristled at the fact that she had changed and at him by extension for having something to do with that change. "She still is." I could hear the growl in my voice, issuing the unspoken warning that I hadn't had the opportunity to issue for years.

O'Neill didn't respond. He didn't fidget or wince or walk away or even appear to have heard me. He simply stared at me for a long moment and I suddenly found myself to be well aware of the fact that he'd kill me if I ever hurt her, even if I was her brother. The understanding must have shown on my face. O'Neill smiled and shook my hand again, the threat having disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Nice talking to you, Mark."

I'd never been big on military types, nor on any guys who were friends or acquaintances or even just barely knew my sister, but I smiled back at him, knowing my sister was perfectly safe around him. "See you around, Jack."

I turned away, shaking my head as if that would help ward off the confusion. Aspects of my sister's life, especially her coworkers, were giving me a headache. And that ridiculous spread of cakes in all shapes and sizes was starting to look really good.