Author's Note:

Hi People! I'm getting some more reviews, which is so great because I love knowing how often I should update this (I mean if it's not popular I've got some time) so keep it up and let me know what you think. I did get one comment about Serena being too vain and too verbal…yeah, that's not going to change. If you read my first author note I said I don't write for marshmallow Serena, I was sick of her and how she let everyone stomp on her. This Serena knows she's attractive, gives as good as she gets and at least knows who she is. She is the anti 'Chick Lit', not a drop of Bridget Jones in her really. If you don't dig it, you might want to skip this story, it's not like there aren't a thousand others based on Serena being a human powder puff that cries at everything that you couldn't read. "Where is Serena's kindness?" Where is everybody else's? I'm not interested in writing her as the goody good girl. If my Serena has a sweet side…then she's like a sour ball and you're going to have to work for it! To the rest of ya, thanks and love. And even love to my critics, hell; at least you gave it a shot right? Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

I own nothing. Not Sailor Moon, any of her friends, Eminem, any pop culture references to music, food or clothing brands, or any other such thing. I still don't own the computer I'm writing this at (though I am thinking about 5 fingering it…) Enjoy the show!

Recap from Chapter 2:

"I wish I never ran into you on the street!"

"I wish I'd run into you with my car going 80!"

"Do you want to go get ice cream!"

"Okay fine!"

Now I know what you're thinking. And don't worry I don't understand how it happened either! I mean he is so annoying, and self-righteous, and such a spoiled little rich kid. But, girls, come on he is sooooo hot! I'm talking; hit your girlfriend in the back of the head with your purse to stop her from speaking to him first fine! That's a rare find in Japan we don't get imports! Do you know how many American men refuse to come here when they realize they have to take a shit through a hole in the floor? It's only in public places but still. I know I know, don't get me wrong I couldn't be prouder of my culture and heritage, but come on! There is nothing dignified to me about squatting like a chicken. And I don't have great aim as is! Off topic, and EEW, and must focus…

So I agreed to ice cream. So what? He's rich he can afford it! And the way I eat, he's going to need that credit card. On dates I usually agree to pay half, because I eat enough to fill a dump truck and it's not pretty to see a grown man cry when he signs a check. But see, this wasn't a date. This was a dessert between the guy who chased away my date and me. And the very thought of that just made me ravenous.

All Men Are JERKS!

By DestinyManifested

Chapter 3: Slap Heard 'Round the World

"I don't understand how you could eat everything in Baskin Robbins and still want more!"

"Who invited who to ice cream? If I'd known you were going to be so cheap-"

"Cheap! This is the most expensive date I've ever had, and I've dated models!"

"Oh please, all they eat are ice cubes, how much could a dinner cost? 'I'll have 1 carrot stick please and a glass of diet water. And make sure we're by the bathroom, I'll have to throw it up later.' And this is not a date Romeo; this is you paying me back for scaring my actual date off!"

"It didn't take much did it Meatball Head, how bored was he? And thanks for re-establishing my nickname."

"Asshole?"

"Romeo."

"So I'm not the first date you've had who has thought about killing herself after having met you. I thought not."

"No, you think little."

"And you think too much of yourself if you think I won't risk getting blood on my new boots."

"So violent, wherever did we go wrong with our little Serena?"

"Pissing her off was the first mistake-"

"And stopping the flow of food into her mouth was the second. As much as it's like watching a Hoover vacuum, it was safer being around you when you were eating. You were so much quieter."

"Well its midnight, where the hell could we eat? Don't tell me your wallet is so broken we're going to drive through Dendy's?"

"No it's recovering nicely, although you put my gold card on the critical list. I know a place that's open; it's only a couple blocks from here. They serve the best food in town."

"I shudder at any place you recommend but I'm hungry so whatever."

"I can't believe you're still hungry, do you have a tape worm or something?"

"No, do you have a death wish?"

"Have you ever thought of anger management classes?"

"Have you ever thought of shutting the hell up?"

"You're really "lucky you're so hot, because if all you had was personality

"And you're lucky you're Mr. Personality!"

"Nice try, if I recall in a previous encounter, you already said you thought I was hot."

"Cute. Hot is reserved for Fast and the Furious' Vin Diesel, you're in the category with the cast of Dawson's Creek."

"I'd rather be Mr. Personality then one of those rejects. Unless you mean Pacey because according to my sister he ain't bad."

"I shudder at the fact that you actually know their names. I forgot to ask, are you gay?"

""No. You?"

"No. Homophobic?"

"Favorite aunt is gay, you?"

"I'm a fag hag."

"A what?"

"Almost every guy friend I have is gay. We hang out all the time, go clubbing. Friendships with straight guys never last long for me."

"Why is that?"

"Well, usually the guy gets a crush on me, I say forget it, and they act like major asses until I just cut them off completely. I don't date friends, there's a line there that I just don't believe in crossing."

"For the record, I don't want to be your friend Meatball Head."

"At the rate you're going, you couldn't even be my bitch. What's with the name is that the best insult you have, my damn hair isn't even up anymore!"

"Well other then your stomach being replaced with a garbage disposal, there isn't really anything to insult you with."

"Well despite my stunning beauty and awesome personality, I still manage to give my friends loads of ammunition."

"Like what?"

"I hate school, I think people who hurt animals should have their sexual organs removed so they don't breed a future race of giant pricks, I can't stand the color purple but I loved the book, I can't tolerate girls who pretend they have no appetite to impress guys, I can't stand guys who think that acting like assholes is an attractive trait, if there is something on the ground, doesn't matter how big, I will somehow manage to trip over it, and when I sing, which I will, I sound like a dying crow. Your turn: turn-offs, stupid things you do."

"Okay, I love school, I have giant feet, some say rival Big Foots, I think people who commit should be committed, I can't stand girls who act like they're stupid to get my attention, I can't stand guys who think because I'm smart I can't throw a punch, I'm too quick in correcting them, I'm addicted to chocolate, I broke my finger when I lost a fight with a car door last year, I broke my toe when I lost a fight to the same car door ten seconds later, and I can't keep my foot out of my mouth around beautiful girls I'm attracted too."

Okay so how do you answer that? I mean a gorgeous guy tells you the sweetest thing you'll ever want to hear; that you make him tongue-tied, and he throws in a great compliment too! How ever do you respond?

If you didn't guess that I kissed him, you're too damn slow to be reading this.

Okay so now you're up to speed with me. I have just given you a flashback within the time that I put my lips on his. And can I just say WOW does this man no how to kiss! It felt like time stopped. Which technically it did so I could rather lengthily tell you how this came to be. Now help me THINK! I mean this guy was a complete asshole when I first met him. He insulted me without knowing anything about me, he made fun of my beautiful hair, and he said my mother was Satan! Comments which, had he been shorter, would have gotten the tip of my high heel lodged up his ass. So does one sweet compliment make up for all his fuck-ups? I've never been forgiving before; why the hell should I start now?

Another question is maturity level? I mean he went straight for the sandbox tried and true: call her names, pull her hair, and run! Is this how he always is? I mean I'm kissing him and it's great but what then? What if he proves to not be able to step out of the sandbox and acts like a jackass all the time except when he gets those small moments of insight that tell him to shut the fuck up? I don't want to end up dating a guy who is fine as hell, but has the emotional maturity level of a box of legos! I don't want to be 'Mommy' in a relationship, and eew eew! Now I'm thinking Oedipus and I'm hyperventilating! We're still kissing; I'm hyperventilating in my head! How the fuck do you hyperventilate in your head? I need a paper bag, somebody get me a paper bag; are the walls shrinking! Okay ya know what, this just isn't worth it! Fuck it; I gotta cut him loose for my own sanity's sake, but he tastes so good, focus Serena! Now what do I do when I want to drop a guy after just kissing him? Oh,noI could-no this is lame; an oldie but a goodie. But it'll always do in a pinch. Commence operation: That Bitch Crazy!

SMACK!

"What the hell was that for?"

"For using a line on me that you knew would work!"

"Isn't that the point of a line? Put your arm dow-"

THWACK!

"Stop hitting me dammit, do you have a screw loose?"

"I can't believe I let you kiss me!"

"Who kissed who, you're lips assaulted mine, I was an innocent bystander!"

"Yeah right, Charles Manson has a better shot with that excuse then you do! Did you forget that you interrupted and ruined my date with Andrew?"

"You seemed to forget it when you were kissing me!"

"This is so typical, just like every other guy you were only being nice to try to get into my pants!"

"You're not even wearing pants, and even if I was being 'like every other guy' you were being like every other girl! You trick guys into corny lines because it gives you an excuse to do what you wanted to do in the first place!"

"That is total bullshit!"

"You kissed me!"

"You kissed me back!"

"And I would've kept it up if you hadn't gone all Carrie on me!"

"This conversation is over!"

"This wasn't a conversation, it was a fucking fight, and you're running away because you don't wanna deal!"

"Deal with what?"

"That you like me, and you like kissing me; you're just too chicken shit to admit it!"

"How's the air on your planet, is it made out of stupid!"

"No, how's the air in the insane asylum you escaped from!"

"Wonderful! I think I'll be getting back to it, goodbye!"

"Whatever!"

And that's how I left it. I walked away with my head held high; tripping only once, and I practically ran around the corner to put as much distance between us as possible. I started walking toward my car but then I realized I didn't bring it!something Andrew was my ride and we walked from the restaurant! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! Okay, so I pulled out my cell phone and proceeded to beg a ride off of Rei.

Oh you don't know her. Oh shit, I forgot this part. I didn't intro. Rei, well basically I didn'tbecause feel like it. I mean none of my friends have come in to the story yet. There's like, one, two, three, fourfive of them, there's five of them, I don't want to have to describe them all. This story isn't even about them. Although Ithey do have a couple key parts Ohguess I can't leave out their profiles dammit, okay fine here's the tall and short on Rei; the others I'll do when they come in more later:

Rei: black hair, lavender eyes (so pretty, one in like a thousand has that color did you know that?), about 5'8, fab legs, medium rack. Personality Rei is a bitch.wise: Well I'm talking way above me; this girl transcends all other levels of bitchdom. I mean, Catherine from Cruel Intentions called her and said 'you couldn't be a little nicer?' That is the level she is on, she made her own level. But Rei gets away with it because she is like that with everyone. Brutally honest. Her grandfather takes a swing at her like daily, because she just will not hold her opinion. If you have a bad hair day, stay home, because she will make you cry. (And I was not being a baby, she is that mean!) She's also incredibly smart and way beautiful. She's going to Brown on a full scholarship to study different religions in the fall. When she comes back to Tokyo, she'll take over the Shinto shrine her grandfather runs. Okay, that's all I'm saying about her because I'm still pissed about the hair thing (How could you Rei, you knew I was wearing that hat that day for a reason!) Now on with the cell call.

"Rei?"

"I'm busy, what do you want?"

"I need a ride."

"I thought you had a date? You know the blonde guy with the tight ass? Where is he, make him take you home?"

"A lot happened. I losttrackofhimandendeduponadatewithadifferentguy."kind of

"You little skink. Well, too bad, I'm busy right now and can't come get you."

"What the hell are you doing that you can't come get your best friend in the middle of the creepy night?"

"I just finished painting my big toe, and have, as you know, 9 more to go. I can't possibly move a pedal."

So let the other piggies wait and come get me when the big T dries!"

"I could do that, but I don't want to. Your dumbass should've thought of a back up plan before you decided to play 'switch-a-hottie.' Then you wouldn't be in this situation. I suggest you phone home E.T. because this is one princess who isn't moving."

See what did I say? She's the uber-bitch!

"How can you leave me out here!"

"You left your self out there, I told you to take separate cars on a first date, but does Serena listen? No, because Serena has her head stuck up her ass and doesn't listen to her more sensible friends! It's just like when you got that horrible hair cut-"

CLICK

Okay, so I need to rethink my choice of best friends. And I need a ride home! I wouldn't have even called her except I know my other friends are in cooking class, the Internet, or modeling lessons! I guess I'm calling my mom. Dammit, she's going to nag me the entire way home! I can actually hear her bitching:

"Serena what were you thinking, going out with some boy you hardly know and then ditching him for a guy you really don't know, and who you were fighting with just the other day? Not only that, but you let the first one ditch you and the second one, well you just walked your ass away from that car! Does common sense ever enter into anything you do? Does wisdom skip a generation or do you just tuck it back behind your extensive vocabulary of swear words!" What are you going to do when you go away to university and I'm not there to ?pick you up, and coddle you, and Blah blah blah."

Yeah it'll just keep going like that ALL THE WAY HOME, so I'll let you skip that fun filled diatribe and take a short recess while I get bitched out.

Okay, why don't mothers come with mute buttons? We could at least get fast forward or change channel. That would've sounded so much nicer in Portuguese. Or I could've laughed during mute because my mom flaps her arms like a chicken trying to take flight when she really gets going. By the way, how I imagined it in my headSo much nicer then what I actually got! Moving on

So after the least fun Saturday I have had since I got grounded for when my Aunt Amber told me, "You're not very lady-like Serena, with that mouth, I see why you can't keep a boyfriend," and I answered with, "Please, I'm sixteen and you're like forty who should be worried in this scenario?" I had a rather uneventful Sunday. Basically, I stayed home and hid from my friends. Why would I do that when friends tend to comfort you in times of sadness? I don't have those kinds of friends. I have the, 'Serena, here is where you fucked up," friends that are just oh so special. They are cool; I wouldn't be with them if they weren't. I guess they're just too much like me. Blunt and brutally honest.

I don't have the type of friends who lie to make you feel better or who embellish my traits to help save my ego. And I'm glad because I never wanted those. But when your best friend looks at you and says, "Wow, that top makes your tits look lopsided, what were you smoking when you bought it?" see that's when you start rethinking friendships. Or how about when they say, "Serena, I'd a dumped your skankin' ass for cheating on me too! You're supposed to be the 'girl next door', not a Playboy bunny, guys don't tend to like it when the girl next door is dating every guy on the damn block!"

DON'T ASK. I might try to explain that in another story but just don't ask.

So, I'm screwed! I have to go to this thing at Rei's temple, or, not only will she dismember me, she'll never let me hear the end of it. And I'm still doing penance for when I dated her brother (this is NEVER a good idea ladies, it will always bite you in the ass). So I got dressed, put on my headphones, and cranked up Utadi Hikaru in an attempt to drown out my mother while I consumed half a box of donuts, thus leaving room for the honey and strawberry smoothie I was going to stop for on the way. Don't say shit, it's a long walk. So bedecked in a pair of studded jeans and a violet halter, I walked my ass to Mr. Coffee and got ready to drink my little piece of sugared heaven. But I didn't get my drink? Oh no. Because the gods hate me, and God isn't that fond of me either, and they couldn't allow me to slip into a sugar coma before I was caught in an episode of When Friends Attack. Why am I freaking out? DARIEN WAS IN THERE! And I don't know what he was doing, but it looked like he was drinking coffee. How dare he be here this is my shop! Mine Mine Mine! And he's not even drinking anything good! Well, all things considered, I think I handled the situation very maturely.

I ran like I stole something.

Okay, now I must think about this calmly and rationally. I really wanted that smoothie! Maybe Lita will make one for me! No, she'll be to busy grilling me. Oh why did he suddenly decide that he had to drink coffee right there? Why can't he be like most college boys and still be asleep at 1 in the afternoon? Or at least be so hung over he couldn't tell the difference between me and a coat rack. Lord help me. I go off to face the lions. And I don't even get to do it on a sugar high! And, yes, in case you're wondering, this is how I think.

So I walked into the temple, deprived of my sweet and hungry as hell. I was ready and raring for battle!

"Serena I bought a dozen crullers, you want?"

Okay battle postponed, FOOD! There are days I really wonder why I don't movingweigh as much as a hippo on.

"Goddess bless Mina, I'm starving."

"Yeah right Serena, starving for you is only eating enough for a family of 4 instead of the usual family of 15."

"If you think I was overcome with amnesia and don't remember your ass refusing to come get me last night Rei, someone beat you with the stupid stick, instead of the usual ugly."

"Sweetie, who are you kidding, we all know I'm fine. I mean look at this ass."

"Yes Rei, its bootylicious, now will you fucking pay attention."

Thank you Lita, I always knew you'd protect me!

" We haven't even started in on Serena for screwing up her date with that yummy blue eyed hunk, and you're already completely veering off topic!"

Okay Lita, I now officially hate you. Quick quick! Diversionary tactic! I've got it! Cue 'the psycho babble.'

"I don't see how this is any of your guys' business. We really invest too much attention into each others love lives, if we all could just learn to mind or own business and that it would be better for all if we did not interfere-"

"Oh Serena stuff it, when it's anybody but you you know you're the first one to start the coal raking. So get off that high horse before I slap you off of it."

I really need to get new friends.

"Thanks Rei, but I don't recall allowing you to exist. Oh, oops, poof, where'd she go, no one cares, moving on."

"Serena, you can't distract us from this, even I'm curious, what was wrong with Darien he seemed liked such a great guy?"

"Ami, not you too!"

"Serena you have Super-Brain, the Amazon, and Lady Lovely Locks over there shoving down crullers, all on this side. Not to mention the Queen of All Bitches, me. Inquiring minds demand to know, what the hell happened?"

Okay people get ready. You're going to hear an honest to God teenage girl lay her heart out.

"I don't know."

Yeah, wasn't as dramatic as you'd anticipated huh?

"What the hell do you mean you don't know?"

"Just what I said Lita, I don't know. I don't know why I ran out, I don't know why I freaked out, and I don't know why I came here when I knew you'd make me admit I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Oh Serena don't feel so bad, you rarely seem to know what you're doing."

"Yeah thanks Ami."

"No, I mean we're relatively young, why should we know the answers to everything guy related? If my mother understood my dad at all, they wouldn't have gotten divorced, because he sure as hell didn't get her. Relationships are complicated, especially the male/female mix. I mean I'm still single; I've had that crush on Greg all year and haven't gotten up the guts to breathe near him, let alone have a decent conversation with him that's not about quantum physics. At least you dated Darien before you ran like a rabbit, I ran before I could start anything up that I might need to run from."

"Technically we didn't date, we went on a date."

"Serena do you really want to get technical with me?"

"No I don't."

"Good girl."

"I still think she was chicken shit for running away like that, and stupid for expecting me to pick her ass up in the middle of the night."

Yeah, if you can't tell, Rei decided she couldn't shut the hell up anymore. Luckily for me, Ami the Analytical came to my rescue.

"Rei, stop acting like you're the dating guru. If I remember correctly, and I always do, I picked you up at 2 in the morning when your date took you to a rave, dropped acid, and then spent the entire night trying to pet your hair and calling you 'pwetty pixie.' So don't get all high and mighty on Serena when you're as dating-demented as everyone else."

"Ami I can't believe you remember that."

"Please, I remember everything; why else would you guys refer to me as 'Super Brain'. Even though I detest it."

(Mina) "Oh come on Ami, you are a Super Brain, and everyone knows it. Besides, it's a nickname given by affection, what else would you like to be called?"

"Supreme Being?"

(Lita) "Honey you're smart, you aren't the Fifth Element. We'll come up with something better at a later date, can we stay focused please?"

"Fine. Serena what happened, how did you end up with Darien if you started out on a date with that blonde cutie?"

"His name's Andrew and it was all his fault-"

"Facts Serena, facts."

"Well, fact is, Andrew left me in the middle of dinner and took off with Darien's date-"

(Mina) "Darien was on a different date too? Wow this reads just like that American soap opera, 'The Young and the Chestless'."

Oh Lord. Silently we just stared at her. That is until

(Rei) "Oh my God you giant idiot! Restless, Young and the Restless! Someone please tell me why you aren't dead yet Mina, how do you manage to remember to breathe in and out or swallow?"

"Well someone overdosed on their Bitch prescription this morning. Remember Rei, a pill a day keeps the people away. An overdose gets you a broken nose so watch it trick!"

"Try it Mina."

"It's tempting, but we all know that we promised your grandfather no more cat fighting on temple grounds. The negative energy we create disrupts his meditation."

"You can remember that, but you can't remember Restless? I may be on a prescription, but you need Hooked on Phonics. Or a TV Guide, shit, get something."

"I'm about to get a chunk of that pretty hair if-"

(Lita) "Okay, next person to disrupt this spends the next few months consuming everything through a straw! Do I make myself clear?"

Mumbled yes' abounded.

(Lita) "We are going to hear Serena out, you are allowed to comment, but no tangents that have nothing to do with her date! Now, Serena get back on topic before I hit someone!"

"Okay, the date started a little dull, he refused to argue with me (everyone nodded, they know how I am) but then we got into it, the part of the movie we managed to see was crappy, it was just as well they kicked us out, and then we sat down to dinner and Darien showed up. We started arguing because I was pissed he was even there, and then after a while I looked over to Andrew and he'd taken off. He left with Rita-"

(Ami) "Wait, who's Rita?"

"She was Darien's date. It turned out they all knew each other from classes at the University."

"Rita Wasami?"

"I don't know, why would you know her? Lita stop growling, this does involve my date."

"She's in my advanced calculus class, she's really sweet Serena I hope you were nice."

"I was perfectly sociable, besides I barely spoke to her since I was arguing with Darien. Anyway, so Andrew and Rita took off, leaving me alone with Mighty-Mouth. So then we started screaming at each other full tilt, and suddenly we were walking to Baskin Robbins."

(Mina) "Serena, I think it's adorable that any fight can be forgotten by you at the scent of a sweet."

"Well, this is one time I wished it hadn't. Although I was really pissed, and didn't get to eat my dinner so"

(Rei) After you made the boy go broke over toppings alone, then what happened?"

"We went walking-"

(Lita) "You were still hungry weren't you?"

Maybe.""

(Lita) "That's our garbage disposal!"

"So we were walking to this restaurant he knew with great food, no I don't know which one Lita and we started seriously talking."

(Ami) "But you never want to do that on dates."

"I know, I was confused too. We were telling our pos/neg traits when he did this really sweet line that actually made me wanna go 'Aw'. So I kissed him."

(Mina) "I'm not seeing how this ended badly, what, was he a shitty kisser or something?"

"God no! He was great, but the way we met."

Group "Oh."

"I mean he was so rude the first time I met him. To just walk up and insult me! Rei, at least, introduced herself politely, before proving herself a giant shrew."

(Rei) "You are so lucky I'm afraid of Lita."

(Ami) "Serena, you aren't like most girls. I mean they try to ignore their date's defects and then rake them over the coals to their girlfriends later. You rake them to their faces. That's rare, and often scary. Maybe you should try to think why you don't want a guy exactly like you."

"He is not exactly like me!"

(Mina) "Actually that does make a lot of sense. I mean think about it Serena, he's rude, abrasive, gorgeous; he's the male black haired version of you. At least personality wise, you didn't mention his appetite, but I'm betting that he doesn't hold a candle to you there."

"Yeah thanks Mina. I'm not rude!"

They all just silently stared at me, pissing me off all the more.

"Oh, fuck all of you."

(Lita) "Serena, are you going to apologize to the boy or not?"

"Hell no! Not only would that be extremely humiliating, all I did was run away from an unhealthy relationship. If he's exactly like me, like you seem to think, we'd be a match made in hell!"

(Ami) "Well Serena if you thought about it, if he's got your personality, he does have some positive traits."

"Like what, according to you people I'm only second to Countess Bitchella over there."

(Rei) "Look Kujo, as much as I might want to put my high heel up your ass right now; they're right, you have some nice non-annoying things about you. Although you rarely choose to use them with us."

"Such as?"

(Ami) "You're sweet and funny, you don't make fun of things people can't help, no Rei, you don't count; you could help being a bitch. And you may not be book smart, but you're definitely street "smart and

(Lita) "And you're always there to help when one of us really needs you, you never flake on purpose, you try to protect us, you aren't afraid to try new things, although sometimes you should when they involve fire-"

(Mina) "You support us when we do things that are important to us; you're "andthe one we turn to when we need to cheer up, and

(Rei) "And despite what we may say in the heat of the moment, you're still there for us. If you're lucky, Darien definitely has that last trait."

Wow my friends actually like me. Who'd a thunk it!

"Thanks you you guys, that's so sweet! Group hug!"

(Lita) "We love you. But don't get confused we aren't the damn Brady Bunch."

"Duly noted."

(Lita) "So how are you going to apologize?"

"I "don't know, I mean I never do

(Mina) "Well when is the last time you apologized to someone?"

"When there wasn't a lawsuit pending? It's been a while."

(Ami) "Well which Op. did you use?"

Wait, what does she mean, I never told them about that? Okay, play the role you seem to have been born for Serena. Stupid.

"Op.?"

(Mina) "Serena don't be dumb, we all know about your 'Operations' to get out of a bad situation with a guy. You didn't use Operation Nutcracker did you? Because if so, send him an ice pack in the mail and forget it. I don't think guys forgive for needing a testicle retrieval operation."

(Lita) "Or Operation Lizzie, when you keep talking about Lizzie Borden and making chopping motions with your hand and laughing. By the way, that works really well, I now have a sure fire tactic to get rid of my dad's friends when they're gross enough to hit on me. He was really pissed when I broke the last one's fingers."

(Mina) "Does he not notice they hit on you or something?"

(Lita) "He doesn't mean too, but he's really stupid about sexual chemistry or heat or anything really. I mean, my mom is the one who pursued him and she had to flash him to get his attention out of, what we now all call, 'Those Damn Psychology Books.' He thinks it's just me being conceited; some teenybopper bid for attention and I'm willing to go along with that. That is until they try to touch me. Then they die.

( Ami) "How exactly did you break his fingers? Judo and kick boxing aside, it takes effort to break every finger and it's really hard to do them all consecutively. How'd you do it?"

"Well I may have been holding a cast iron skillet and his hand perhaps was lying flat on the counter, and there's a possibility that I slammed it down as hard as I could on the counter, perchance not noticing his hand was right where I slammed it. But it was all such a blur!"

"Wow I can't help but notice, that conversation had nothing to do with me. Focus people! You guys seem to have more of an interest in me "hooking up with Darien then I do, and if you want it to happen

(Rei) "Oh please, you know you've wanted to jump on top or under that boy since the first day you met him. Who the hell are you fooling? Aside from hiding behind you in a bush and giving you the words verbatim, what good could we do?"

Then I just got the most brilliant idea ever! The Evil Bitchmaster of Death had a very good point. I can't let them stand behind a bush and recite it to me line for line; there are too many of them, Japan is the land of small shrubbery. But if I happen to be wired so they could hear everything I said and everything he said, well I can't help it if that works both ways and I can hear their comments. All hail the beautiful brilliant girl with the maniacal expression on her face! I rule, I'm the queen, I kick ass, oh yeah, oh wait, focus Serena, they have to agree to your brilliant plan before you can officially do the happy dance. But my friends love me, as they previously stated by listing all my awesome traits. They'll agree. Just give me a sec to run it by them.

(Everyone but me) "NO!"

Okay, so plan B.

"Why don't you guys talk to him for me? I mean we've already spoken; it's clear that never works out well. You could be the middleman, tell him I'm sorry and that I'd like to try going out on a date with him and have it be on purpose. Oh! And I won't hit him anymore! That's a given."

Silence for a second and then-

All right, just about now they are all yelling at me simultaneously, so I'm going to let you skip that. It's basically just a lot of "What the hell are you thinking's" and a "You're 18, not 8" and yelling at me wouldn't be complete without a "You better be joking, because I seriously want to hurt you right now." That last one was Lita if you didn't realize it.

So it's been decided that I will be walked over to Darien's apartment, escorted up the elevator, and dropped on his doorstop, where the best my friends could give me was a doorbell ditch. Only I don't get to ditch. Got to love that moral support.

Pray for me?

Ending Author's Note:

That's it for chapter 3! I hope you liked it. I figure the more reviews I get, the longer the chapters get. That seems fair right? And this appeared again because I needed to make some corrections that a reviewer noticed for me. I'll update soon, I hope everyone remembered to vote Nov 8th! And if you want other fun stories check out my favorites; there are some great Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Gilmore Girls & Smallville writers on this site. Peace...