The Night Before

Author: aynat (©Tanya Long)
Description: What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow? He's decided it all comes down to some preparations and a letter. Prequel to Last Goodbye, New Beginning.
Spoilers: None thus far.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls characters, though I would kindly pay for Luke. I make no money from this, it's purely for fun!

T-minus 24 hours

Christopher could feel the tears burning the back of his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He was standing in the doorway to Gigi's room, using the doorframe to keep him upright. He had given up on the letter to Lorelai for the time being, he didn't know what to say. He wanted to get going, to start working on everything on his to-do list, but it was only four in the morning. Gigi coohed as she turned over and Christopher smiled.

Limping into the kitchen Christopher started a pot of extremely strong coffee. As the aroma filled the room he collapsed into a chair and put his forehead down onto the table. He thought about Lorelai, and how just this coffee would be enough for her on her last day on earth. Of course she's always been more organized in important matters. She would have all everything already sorted out in the event this ever happened, plus she doesn't have a two year old to worry about. Only Rory, and Rory is old enough to take care of herself now.

With the coffee perking as his soundtrack he began to run pictures of Rory through his mind. He saw this beautiful baby wrapped up in a pink blanket asleep as Lorelai had put her in his arms for the first time. She didn't look like Lorelai so much then, but he could simply feel Lorelai's presence in the child. He never told anyone because it sounded so silly, but he knew his daughter was going to be just like Lorelai, only with his nose and chin.

All of a sudden Rory was five years old and she was telling Christopher all about her school. He wasn't there for the first day, or even the first month, but when he got there she told him everything she could remember. Then all of sudden she was in high school. Chris still couldn't believe how quickly it seemed that had happened, but in his mind he could clearly see Rory telling him all about her first day at Stars Hollow High School. By then she no longer held on to him like she could keep him around, but he knew deep down she hated everytime he left.

He remembered seeing the Chilton uniform for the first time. He still had to chuckle a little inside, but she did seem to look right in it. He knew she was meant to be on that path and he was thankful Lorelai had gotten her there. His memories of Rory's time at Chilton were few and far between. There was a boyfriend, another boy, and lots of books. But that's all he could really recall. He hadn't even made it to her prom.

And much quicker than he liked there were no more memories of Rory, he'd exhausted them all. Standing up he grabbed a mug out of the dish rack on the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. Taking a large sip he grimaced at the bitterness, he never did like his coffee black. But he needed the jolt, he needed to wake himself up. He had so much to do, so many things he wanted to sort out. He knew he would never get to all of it so he began to mentally prioratize everything.

Sorting out his will and bank account was necessary, he knew that. Lorelai was still the guardian mentioned in his will, and that was how he wanted it, but he had to write her a letter. He had never run that by her, he didn't know how to bring it up. It had always seemed so... morbid. But now he cursed himself for not taking care of it sooner, because now he didn't know for sure what was going to happen. Would Lorelai accept responsibility of Gigi? Could she?

Running his fingers through his hair he closed his eyes tightly and tried to imagine what he would say in the letter. There was so much to tell her, but he knew he would have to keep it short. It wasn't hard to realize how weird it would be for Lorelai to get that letter.

Christopher's thoughts were interrupted by Gigi screaming. He laughed, that girl woke up like clockwork in time for her early morning cartoons. Quickly refilling his mug he limped into the childs room to help her out of the crib.

When Gigi was preoccupied with the television Chris began to make breakfast. It couldn't believe the mundane things he had to do. It seemed so silly now, to spend such precious time doing things like cooking and cleaning, but it was necessary. As he went through the motions his thoughts drifted back to Rory. So many memories were missing, but even more were just never going to be. What about when she graduated from Yale? He would never see that. And he knew she had it in her to become the amazing journalist she dreamed of being, but he would never even see her first article in a magazine, or a newspaper. Jesus, he had never even taken the time to read her articles in the Yale paper! And what about the things every father should get to see...? Walking her down the aisle. He should be by her side then. It wouldn't be fair to Rory that no one would be there.

Chris closed his eyes tightly and counted to ten then opened them again. They were bloodshot from the tears he still hadn't let fall. He'll walk her down the aisle, he thought. He probably would have anyways. Chris walked over to the fridge, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Rummaging through the fridge he slammed the door and a second later yelped in pain as his fist slammed against the wall.

He hadn't intended to punch the wall but he needed to vent. He wasn't mad at Luke, he was thankful he's been there when he wasn't. But he had to be mad at himself, hate himself even for putting everyone in the position where someone had to step in and be there for Rory. He just never did do anything right.