I came to on the Ebon Hawk with no idea how I got there. I didn't know if we were still on the Star Forge, where everyone was and if my friends had honored my request to have Malak's body. I started to sit up when I felt a hand on my shoulder, pressing me down.

"Just relax. That's the young for you, they just don't know when to sit back and enjoy the ride." I had never been so relieved as to hear Jolee's grumbling.

"That's because the young's too busy trying to save the old." My voice sounded frail, even to me. "How long was I out? Are we off the Star Forge? Did Canderous and Carth bring Malak aboard?"

"Bah, I don't have time for all these questions. You're not in such great shape. You've got a concussion and you have quite a few slices."

"Look, old man, I couldn't care less about me. I need to know what's going on. I have things that need doing."

"Well, you won't get to them in the shape you're in. To answer your questions, missy" I rolled my eyes at that one. "We're well away from the Star Forge. We're en route to the Rakatan homeworld. Among much complaining…err… debating… Malak is in storage. They don't understand what's going on. Didn't you explain anything?"

"You knew the entire time, didn't you? You knew who he was to me and you didn't warn me? You didn't tell me a damn thing? How could you be so cruel?" As weak as I was, I still wanted to fire up a lightsaber and enforce my point. I was angry, beyond angry, I was raging inside.

"Yeah, missy, I know. The crazy old coot, been too long away from everyone so he's playing games. Well, let me ask you, what would you have done differently?" If I'd had advance notice, some type of warning I would have… would have what? I would have done the same thing that I did. In the end, Malak seemed to turn his back on the Darkside. What good would have knowing anything have done for me? The place for anger wasn't with Jolee.

"Nothing. I wouldn't have done anything differently. I'm sorry, Jolee. Did you explain to them why?"

"Nope, not my place. It's your place to explain what's going on. I'm just the crazy old hermit living in a tree, remember?" I smiled at that one. "Let me finish pumping you full of kolto and then you can go explain to the troops." After the coldness from Carth, a man who supposedly loved me, and the rage from Bastila, I was dreading the coming discussion.

Carth's voice came over the ship's intercom. "Prepare for landing. It looks like we have a greeting party waiting for us. There's at least two squads of troops and what looks to be the Jedi Council."

Am I a bad person because I was relieved that the discussion was postponed? What a sad commentary of my current mindset that I'd rather take on the whole of the Republic than explain to my friends that I led my brother down the path of the Darkside and then abandoned him there. To myself, I freely admit that I'm a coward. "Jolee, you better hurry with the pumping because all hands are going to be needed." I pushed his hand off my shoulder and sat up. I barely felt dizzy and took that for a good sign.

With the exception of Carth, we all made our way to the boarding ramp, weapons at the ready. We had no idea what kind of reception we would receive. Carth finished the landing procedure and secured the Ebon Hawk. I punched the button for the ramp to descend and made my way out to greet the welcoming committee.

Master Vandar walked towards me, "Greetings Padawan Revan. On behalf of the council, we are glad to see all of you in one piece. Hopefully, with the defeat of the Dark Lord Malak, peace will soon reign." I quickly took my hand off the lightsabers that were never far from my grasp.

"Thank you, Master Vandar. Your kind words do all of us honor." I inclined my head as I approached, in a pseudo-bow to acknowledge his remarks.

"Padawan Shan, I am pleased to see that your journey to the Darkside was brief. We have much to discuss with you. I look forward to hearing of your journey as we make our way to the Council's encampment." I turned to look at Bastila as Master Vandar spoke. Although it was small, I could still see her flinch. The true depths of her apprehension leaked through the bond we shared.

Bastila, I'm sure that everything will work out for the best. You knew it would not be as easy as saying that you were redeemed to truly be redeemed.

I still do not look forward to the interrogations.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to call on us. We are all here for you.

Easy for you to say, Revan. You were redeemed because you couldn't remember anything.

Bastila, that's unfair. There were multiple points along the journey that I could have turned to the Darkside. For example, when you offered to be my apprentice instead of Malak's. Remember? I mentally raised one of my eyebrows at her.

I remember. Perhaps I am not as far from the Darkside as I had thought. By this point, the rest of the crew had joined us. Carth greeted his Admiral with a crisp salute and a smile. The previous coldness seemed only directed towards me.

Master Vandar spoke up once more. "We will have a celebration to broadcast your crew's bravery and deeds to the galaxy." This time, I mentally grimaced. All I needed was for the galaxy to know that I was alive and kicking. I had too much to deal with and not enough time to have to put up with the big "come and get her" that was about to be broadcasted around the galaxy.

With that thought, I remembered that I still hadn't seen Malak's body. I wasn't sure what kind of state he would be in. I didn't know if he was tossed in a corner like a piece of trash or if my friends had laid him out respectfully. On the tail end of this thought was the overwhelming grief towards the entire situation.

"Master Vandar, I have some personal business to attend to before I can celebrate anything. Could we delay the celebration by a day or so?" My crew looked at me questioningly. I couldn't answer without betraying to the Council and the Republic hierarchy just what I had done and what I asked the crew to do.

"We will honor that request." Master Vandar almost seemed to know what was going on. "You have two days. It will take that long to get everything assembled to properly celebrate the events."

I inclined my head in thanks and made my way back to the Hawk. As I passed the crew, they all watched but no one said a word to me. Each set of eyes had a different expression, a different question. How was I to explain that I forgot the most important person in my life, the one person I vowed to keep safe and secure? How was I to explain the Malak was my brother and I failed him as only an older sister can?

I kept my head held high and my gaze straight ahead. I felt Mission following behind me. The doorway to the storage room loomed in front of me. Suddenly, I was scared at what I would find. I was also hopeful. Perhaps Malak wasn't dead, perhaps I had only assumed that he no longer breathed. My rational side was losing out to the irrational again.

I slapped my hand against the lock. I missed and had to keep slapping. With every failure to open the door, my grief rose higher and higher. Soon, I was choking on the tears that had overwhelmed me back on the Star Forge. "Force, why won't the door open? Why can't I even open a door?"

A blue hand grabbed my flailing hand. "Revan, I'll get the door." Mission, Force bless her, was there to help. She didn't ask any painful questions, she simply offered her support. She put her had firmly on the lock and the door slid open.

My vision tunneled to the still form lying on a storage shelf. Dimly, I heard a wailing sound and the shelf raised. No, that's wrong, I fell to my knees and my voice keened my grief. Mission's arms went around me in a hug. I pushed the side of my face into her stomach. She made soothing sounds at me, if she spoke actual words, I didn't understand them. My rational side fought for dominance and eventually surfaced enough for me to pull away from the comfort and approach the still frame of my brother.

"Mission, could you get me water and a cloth? I need to bathe him."

"Sure thing, Revan. I'll be right back." Mission scampered off and I was relieved that the questions were postponed further.

I reached my trembling hand out. I slowly drew it across Malak's forehead and down the side of his face. The blood he had coughed up had dried to small flecks across his face. His vocabulator was no longer gleaming silver, instead it was the color of dried blood. There was a small trickle of blood from Malak's nose. "I never meant to forget you. I never meant to lead you to your death. I never meant for any of this to happen. I loved you. I never meant any harm to you. I love you, Malak. I will honor you."

"You love him? Well, that's that then, right, Revan?" At the sound of Carth's voice, I turned and saw him leaning in the doorway. "You might never have meant him any harm, but he sure meant to do the things he did. You might have forgotten the damage he did, but I haven't. He killed countless people, slaughtered them when he destroyed their planets. He killed my wife, took my son from me and you love him. I don't understand you, Revan." Carth turned and walked away.

"Carth you're right, you don't understand. I don't think you want to understand. You make your assumptions and we can all either go along with them or get out of your life. Malak was a very important part of my past. But, he's not my future. You are." Carth stopped his movement. "At least, you were. I will explain what's going on. I promise." I hoped he would turn around and hug me, call me beautiful or acknowledge me in some way. Instead, he continued to walk away. His shoulders were slumped, almost as if in defeat. Mission said something to him and put a hand on his shoulder as she returned to the storage area. Carth shrugged her hand off and continued to walk away.

"Just let him go, Mission. He has a lot to deal with right now. We all have a lot to deal with. I'll talk to him when we've all calmed down a little."

"I know, Revan. It's gotta be important for you to do this, if you were willing to risk your safety to bring him along" Ever since I returned to the Ebon Hawk, Mission had suddenly become the adult and I was the child. She was wise beyond her years.

"Thanks, Mission. I appreciate the support. I'll explain it all to you, I promise."

"I know. So, what do we need to do? You want me to get you some clothes to change into? You're covered in blood, you know." I looked down at my clothes for the first time. I could see where I had bled over my robes and where I had held Malak in my lap. His blood had pooled and stained my clothing. The entire ensemble was ruined beyond repair and would have to be trashed.

"I will finish this part. I'm sure I'm going to get more bloody washing Malak's body. I have to prepare him for the funeral rites." My voice cracked and the tears came to my eyes again. I swiped at them almost angrily. I had more important things to do than to cry. Mission only looked at me and started to wipe the blood from Malak. I watched her as she worked and realized that she was helping with no questions asked. She trusted me to justify why she was washing the dead body of the Dark Lord of the Sith.

"He was my brother." It came out as a croaked whisper. I wasn't even sure if I had actually spoken until Mission turned her head towards me. The shock in her face turned to understanding and I was once more engulfed in a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Revan."

"He was my brother and I killed him. I failed him. I killed the person who used to mean the most to me in the world. What's next, Mission? Who's next? Who am I going to fail next?" The tears fell and I could do nothing more than cling to Mission harder.

"You'll only fail us if you keep weeping and wailing like a woman instead of acting." Canderous' harshly realistic voice echoed from the doorway. I turned and faced Canderous. "You will fail all of us if you don't get to what you need to do. You're foolish to think we have time for you to keep crying and mourning your enemy."

"He was her brother, you chumba-head. She's not mourning her enemy, she's mourning her brother." Mission spit out. "Why don't you go away so we can finish what needs to be done?" Mission turned my shoulders so that I turned my back on Canderous.

"There's no way either of you will be able to lift that body. When you're ready for the pyre, I'll carry him." I could hear Canderous' boots walking away. So, Canderous accepted that there was an obligation here, but I wasn't sure if he understood.

All too soon, the preparation was done and it was time for the final goodbye. Canderous carried Malak to the pyre I'd prepared and laid him on it.

"Brother mine, you and I exchanged a vow to protect and honor each other. I failed the first but I won't fail the second." Before I lit the pyre, I looked around. All the crew was there with the notable exception of Carth. As I walked to each corner and lit the pyre that would finish off what I had started, I spoke the rites we had learned as children. "For the sun-filled day that was your life, for the night that engulfed it, for the dusk that eclipsed the sun and for the dawn of your new life, I love thee and honor thee. The Force guide you and keep you. We of your clan honor you." I placed the torch over Malak's folded hands and added my own addendum. "I will not forget you again, Malak. Be at peace and know that you were loved." I stepped back and watched as the fire consumed the only blood family that I had.

One by one, my friends and new family came up and hugged me and walked off. Bastila was the first, followed by Juhani, Zaalbar, Mission and Jolee until only Canderous stood by my side. He was a solid presence beside me. The fire burned to ashes and finally, Canderous placed a hand on my shoulder. After a slight clasp, he left. Unknown to me, Carth lingered in the woods watching.

The sun was starting to rise. It was time to explain to my new family.