Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I always forget to type that – must be some sort of innate desire to make it belong to me.

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Kuroro tapped his foot impatiently, as Phinx and Feitan, the last group to arrive, trotted their way over to him. Gazing over them, he quickly quenched a rising sense of smugness. He was the only one, other then Shizuku, to have made it across the river totally dry. Of course, technically, he didn't cross the river; it wasn't even there when he walked across. That however, was just a minor point, so he chose to ignore it.

"I see we are all here." Alright, so he had done the obligatory duty of stating the obvious. That couldn't be helped; Shalnark looked like he had just fought off ten crazed Kurutas bent on vengeance i.e. he was in no shape to do his usual duties of stating the obvious. "Now that we have all had a taste of nature…"

"And the lake water…" Ubogin mused loudly.

And a miscellaneous shellfish type…" Feitan mumbled, "of which half is still in my mask."

"We can proceed as planed." Kuroro glared harder.

"Ah… about the plan…" Shalnark raised a trembling finger (which protested and tried to cramp up to give his owner a lesson).

"Yes. Don't tell me you have forgotten the plan, Shalnark. Given your intellect, I would have expected something better."

"Oh… that's not it, sir. It's…"

"Then do you have a problem with my plan?

"No sir…"

"If you have a better plan, I would love to hear it."

"No…"

"I am very open to new ideas – even ones that are remarkably stupid."

"No, Dancho. That's not it, sir."

"Then?"

"Uh… Dancho… you haven't told us what the plan is…" Shalnark stared mournfully as his finger finally accomplished the cramp, and sent waves after waves of pain up his arm.

"Oh…" Kuroro stared. "Well… we have four teams, right? So we divide this lake with all the miniature islands along it into four quadrants, and each team searches one."

"Oh… well… ok…" Phinx muttered as they bent over the map of the lake.

"Right… so we divide it like this and like this… like cutting a pie, see? So… that would be north-west, south-west, north-east and south-east… and well… each team goes to one quadrant…"

"As you say, Shalnark. Only… is that tiny one meter rock in the middle of here and here considered southeast or south west… or a little north of southeast?"

"Eh… well, Feitan, I should think it would be…"

"Hey! The north-east quadrant has practically no island. That ain't fair!"

"Uh… well…"

"Shalnark… I don't want to pair up with Hisoka again! Can't I go with you instead? Please? I'll be nice, I promise!"

"Eh… well… Dancho decided the pairings, Machi…"

"And the north-west is practically all forest! Which ain't fair either!"

"Phinx…"

"What are we looking for again?"

"The -Ing, Shizuku…"

"Shalnark! Pay attention to me or I'm going to sew your mouth together!"

"You promised to be nice!"

"The lake at the south-east is labeled 'extremely DEEP', with the capital letters and all. That ain't fair too!"

"Dancho, save me!"

Kuroro sighed, said, "Genei Ryodan." And was pleased with the effect it had on the members (making them give him a weird look). "Go."

Grumbling, muttering and still asking questions, the members split up to continue their search within the deep recesses of the lake. Strangely enough, no one noticed a dark and distinctly reptilian shape gliding through the cool waters of the Jug Lake, nor did anyone notice the distinctly red burning eyes that glowed within. Oddest of all, was the tiny voice that squeaked, "It's left you –ing! Left!"

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"Hmm…" Shalnark muttered, cautiously prodding a quivering lump of dirt with his foot, "There most certainly is a wide range of rare and endangered organisms around. Some are so rare they look ordinary."

"You don't say," Ubogin muttered back, eyeing what looked like a piece of rotting vegetation slowly crawling its way into a hole in a bigger pile of rotting vegetation, which incidentally appeared to be lined with razor sharp teeth. "The northwest quadrant has too many trees, I should think."

Shalnark nodded mournfully. "Why do we always lose when it comes to drawing lots anyway? I thought you being the Strengthening Type would have been able to accurately pick the better lot based on your instincts blah, blah, blah. All the stuff Nobunaga says you can do."

"Yeah," Ubogin said slowly, "only the others know that too, see? So when it comes to drawing lots, they all rush forward to draw the lots, see? So… in the end… we get whatever's left, see? And well, when the others draw lots, they don't really draw, but kind of pull them out, look then switch around a lot."

"Yeah… see…" Shalnark stared intently up the length of tall tree, "If we climb up that tree, do you think we could locate the -Ing?" Without waiting for a reply, he started to scramble up the tree with surprising agility (for one that is mostly brain, that is).

"Ok…" Ubogin paused suddenly and tilted his head to the side, much like a dog trying to catch the sound of prey (or a man trying to shoo a fly out of his ear), "Hear that?"

"What?" Shalnark looked down curiously at Ubogin rotating his head to locate the direction of the sound.

"Well…" Ubogin hesitated, "I just heard something like…"

"Forward! Forward, you –ing! Forward… no! That ain't –ing forward! That's left, you –ing! Forward!"

"That."

"Huh?"

Ubogin frowned, and his eyebrows met above the bridge of his nose like two cockroaches kissing. His head titled to the left then to the right, paused, and for good measure, titled backwards then forwards then straightened up again. This was a sure sign that Ubogin was thinking.

And now, at this point, dear readers, the author has to, quite unfortunately, interrupt to explain Lunartick's Theory of Mental Motion in order to elaborate on the last statement of the previous paragraph. Some people have the ability to move the muscles in their brains naturally, much like the way some people can roll their tongues or lift an eyebrow etc. These are the people who are in general classified as intelligent (the ones who can move their mental muscles naturally, not the ones who can lift an eyebrow or roll the tongue). However, some people are incapable of using their brains in such a manner, and thus have to rely on the general motion of the whole skull to stimulate the thought processes in the brain. Ubogin would be classified under this category, which is quite often unfairly, and inaccurately, labeled as Dumb.

"I think, Shalnark," he announced finally, his eyebrows separating from each other like two cockroaches breaking up, "I think I know what's going on."

"What?"

"It's the thing that happens to people when they have been in the forest for too long."

"Which would be?"

"It's the thing that makes you hear voices, and… well… not just voices, see, but voices saying nothing that makes sense, see?"

"… Words that don't make sense?"

"Well… sometimes, they do make sense I suppose, but… it depends on the size of your brain I guess… or how well you can move your head..."

"What on earth are you talking about, Ubo?"

"It's like what those soldiers had after being in there for too long, you know? They get… well… Words in their heads sometimes… when you are in the forest for too long, I mean. Or what you get when you hang out for too long with Hisoka… who isn't really a forest… but…"

"Ubo."

"Yeah?"

"Stop using your brain and climb the tree. You know what happens when you try to use your brain. Funny things happen."

"Yeah… I know…" Ubogin heaved himself up onto a branch which creaked in protest and started cursing overgrown men dressed in bearskin, "Things actually start to make sense… which is really scary…"

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Feitan floundered moodily in the water as Phinx waddled ahead. The going was tough in the Northeast, but he wasn't afraid. He was a Spider, a robber, an A-listed criminal. He could slice of a man's head in 0.023 seconds, 0.0002 if the person's head was the same level as his. He could run like lightning, only he didn't have the tendency to strike the tallest object in his way (not unless the tallest object made a height joke anyway). His enemies hated him. His victims feared him. His comrades were wary of him.

And presently, his mask was filled with water.

"It's ok this way," Phinx announced, turning back to glance at his partner, "It's only chest deep here."

"Right. Chest deep." Feitan glared back, threading water frantically.

"Oh…" Phinx pondered on the merits of cracking a height joke for about two seconds then decided he would rather not risk becoming the shorter of the pair and thus discarded the notion. "Don't think the -Ing will be at this area though. It's too shallow. Should be further out at any rate, where the water's deeper, much deeper… probably like a million times our… my size."

"… You know, Phinx? Dancho never did say how big the thing is." Feitan spat water out and watched curiously as a lump of coal paddled its way determinedly towards the half meter of a rock three miles from the main land.

"Of course it's huge!" Phinx protested, "Didn't you hear? People always look for it with detectors to locate a huge creature in the water!"

"… No…"

"You don't watch television?"

"I am a robber. I only rob."

"… Ok… I suppose that is a valid point."

"Of course it is. We are the Genei Ryodan; not some two bit grave robber."

"Ok."

"We are the Spider, with the capital S! We are an A-listed criminal organization!"

"Stop it, Feitan! The lumps of dirt swimming around us are giving us weird looks."

"We even donate to charity organizations! Even though we rob them back of twice the amount…"

"Right… you know what? I don't know you." Phinx waddled determinedly away from Feitan with a fixed smile on his face. "I swear," he commented to a random piece of dirt that was hitching a free ride by clinging on to the back of his sweat shirt, "I swear you can't imagine the nuts you meet out here! Look at the little guy over there, talking to himself! I don't know him, I swear! And look at the ridiculous walnut floating over there, trying to eat the coconut that's trying to swim away. For the love of God, what is their problem?"

The random piece of dirt rolled its eyes then intelligently decided this wasn't a good ride to hitch and detached itself from Phinx. As it paddled away, it reached a solid conclusion about mankind based on the behaviour of the two prime specimens in front of it. In fact, it was such a brilliant and unarguable theory it would have toppled over all the other theories set forth by other lumps of dirt. It wriggled in excitement as it thought about the parades they… the lumps of dirt of the earth would hold for him… all the sexy blobs of dirt, battering fungus covered lashes at him… and the floats! What floats they would create for him! There would be, of course, a huge red mushroom with gigantic white spots (preferably so big they cover the whole mushroom), a hollow rotting log with flirty woodlice dancing inside, and maybe… just maybe, a lump of dirt float. The lump of dirt did a happy little ditty (how he did it without the existence of a tongue, do not ask) as it floated in the river of dreams. River of Dreams! Hah! It should be the River of Fortune! He would be rich! He would be famous! He would be… Unfortunately for the whole of mankind, the theory the lump of dirt came up with ended with him when he smashed headlong into something that was suspiciously… purple and reptilian.