Not sure if I like this chapter or not, so please review. It didn't flow as nicely as I thought it would... suggestions and comments would be greatly appreciated.
Master Vandar beckoned me to the only open chair. He seemed to ignore the disrespectful tone of voice that I used. Master Vrook, on the other hand, looked like he was about to go into apoplectic shock. His mouth kept opening and closing like an Ithorian Eel pulled out of the water. If my future wasn't so dependent on the discussion that was about to take place, I would have laughed at the sight. Instead, I wondered if perhaps my sarcasm had just sealed my fate.
"I'm not much of a Pazaak player, Jedi Revan. However, we are all willing to share what information we can." Master Vandar had a small smile on his face. Then, the significance of that one word hit me.
"Jedi Revan, Master? When did I get the promotion?" I sat down gracefully. I hoped my tone was a bit blasé, as if the answer didn't matter.
"You passed the trial set before you. You found the Star Forge and destroyed it, for the betterment of the galaxy. We could not have asked for more from a Jedi Master. We find that a promotion is superfluous."
"So what you're telling me is that I earned a promotion for killing the brother that I was not informed I had? I knew that the Council disapproved of attachments, especially with family, but I was not aware of the extent of hostility." I couldn't keep the sneer out of my voice and off my face. I admit that I was still torqued that the Council had withheld such a vital part of my past.
"You persist in thinking that we exist only to deny you. The only hostility in this room is on your part, Jedi Revan. Masters, I do not know why some of you thought that she had changed." Master Vrook's acerbic voice broke into the conversation. Perhaps it was just my impression of the master, but he seemed to almost spit the title and my name at me.
"I have changed, Master Vrook. I am no longer the innocent initiate. I do not live to only please you and do your bidding. I have realized that you are playing judge, jury and executioner with my past. You dole out what you want me to know and refuse to give me the autonomy to decide whether I travel a path or not. I am no longer the lightsaber you point in a direction to take care of your problems." I hadn't really planned on giving voice to the feelings within me, but now that they were out in the open, I couldn't find it in me to regret them.
"I understand the meaning behind your words, Jedi Revan, but there were reasons for the decisions we made. There are those among the Council that regret not informing you of your past. Out of curiosity, if you were aware of your connection to Malak, what would you have done differently?" Master Vandar asked me the same question that I've been asking myself. I don't think that I would have done anything differently.
"I cannot dwell on what could have beens, should have beens or would have beens. Reality is more important. The facts are just that. We cannot go back in time to make any changes. I'm sure that this sounds unbelievable, but I did not come here to rehash the past. My future is important to me. So, why don't you tell me what I need to know so I can decide what I'll do about it?" I sat back a little further in my chair, stuck my legs out and crossed my ankles.
"As you wish, Jedi Revan. Let us move on. What do you remember of the time you spent in the Outer Rim with Malak?"
"How about you tell me what you know and I'll let you know if it sounds familiar?"
"You persist in being argumentative and confrontational. Masters, I'm sure that I'm not the only one who tires of her games and poor attitude. There must be other options." Master Vrook spoke up.
"Master Vrook, we have already discussed this at length. She has a right to be wary of our involvement." Master Vandar played the diplomat between us. I don't know why Master Vrook and I could not get along. I knew the answer lay in the past that I could not remember.
"I also have a right to be addressed personally. I am not a figment of your imagination nor am I a statue that is sitting here looking pretty." I sat up a little from my previous slouch. "Now, Master Vandar, you were expanding on the Outer Rim?" It was hard to keep from crossing my arms defensively in front of my chest. I didn't want a physical clue to my emotions.
"Unfortunately, we know very little of your time beyond the Outer Rim. We were hoping that some of your memories had surfaced that would aid us in investigating any further Sith threats. We are aware that there are already movements within the Sith to replace Malak. What little we know, is on this datapad." Master Vandar floated a datapad over to me. I grabbed and put it in a pocket within the folds of my Jedi robes. "Have you thought of any plans for the future, Jedi Revan?" To me, the question was said a little too innocently. It made me think the Council was up to something and/or putting their noses where they didn't belong.
"I've been to busy reacting to the present, Masters. I was hoping to take some time to deal with the recent events. After that, maybe I'll be more comfortable making plans."
"We would like your help in exploring the continuation of the Sith threat. There are too many rumors and not enough people to ferret out the truth. Your recent actions show that you are a valuable asset to the Jedi Order."
"I appreciate the kind words, but I need time."
"We understand. All we ask for now is that you review the information on that datapad. Should you need clarification or would like to discuss the information, I hope that you feel comfortable talking to any of us. I am always available to aid you, Jedi Revan." Master Vandar showed why he's one of my favorites. He was kind and compassionate.
"Thank you, Master Vandar. I will review the datapad. It's the least I can do for the Council."
"Thank you, Jedi Revan. Now, we have much to do to prepare for the celebration today. We will see you at the Rakatan temple later today." It was an obvious dismissal that I was quite happy to take. I inclined my head at each of the Council members around the room and made my way down the ramp.
Once I was off the ship and a safe distance away, I paused and took a deep breath. I could feel the tension draining from my body as I breathed in and out. Without conscious thought, I started walking again. I ended up sitting on the log where I had watched the funeral pyre burn Malak's body. I drifted into a meditative thought, staring at the ashes that still littered the charred ground. Memories washed up and down, like waves on the ocean.
The air coming off the ocean was warm. There was a slight breeze, carrying a slightly salty tang to it. I was sweaty, tired and miserable. I was also filthy and covered in blood. Jolee and Juhani didn't fare much better. The defection by Bastila had rocked all of us. It was hard to believe that she had turned to the dark side. I'd turned down her offer to have her as my dark padawan.
As our trio approached the Ebon Hawk, we were greeted by the rest of the crew. Everyone wanted to know where Bastila was. I wasn't able to answer. I was a little ashamed that I was unable to turn her back to the light side. Juhani and Jolee broke the news as I stood there, unable to meet anyone's eyes. Carth's voice broke into my haze.
"That's it, then. You did it. I knew you could do it. I knew you would turn away from the dark side." He grabbed my hands in his as he spoke. He told me what rocked my world and put it back on its axis. "I love you." All I could do is respond in kind. I told him I loved him and I meant it.
The day moved on as other memories drifted through my mind.
I was a child, learning how to wield a light saber. The light saber was heavy for such a small child, not just in physical weight but also in historical significance. At the Master's command, I thumbed the button that ignited the blade. My Master's voice lectured me on the severity of the moment. "We normally do not train one as young as you in the art of the light saber. However, you are far beyond your years in ability and the Council has decided that it is time to begin your training." I stepped my way through the katas that I was shown. I did those katas daily with my practice light saber. The color eventually changed to the blue that I currently yield. One light saber became two as the years progressed. I liked the balance of having one in each hand instead of the double-bladed light sabers. The two handed fighting style required more skill and more practice, but I didn't mind. It was an honor to build my own light saber and progress along in my training. I could feel the leaps and flips as I trained myself to be better and better. I knew something momentous was coming and I wanted to be prepared for it.
The vision changed once more.
Malak and I stood in a garden. He was a foot taller than me and not done growing. I had reached the height I would be doomed to stay at. It didn't seem fair that he should be so much taller than me. We had just been given our first mission together. The excitement of the honor of Malak's first mission as a Jedi Knight was contagious and we were anxious to begin. It was an important mission; we were to journey to a planet that was on the brink of civil war and try to mediate a peace. In honor of his formal coming of age, Malak had finished the tattoos of our people across his scalp and down his back. These stripes marked him as a man in our culture. To me, they were beautiful. I couldn't help myself as I traced their lines.
"My little brother, all grown up. You are fully a man now. Our parents will be so proud of you. You realize that the planet we are journeying to is quite close to our family. We could visit and you could show off for them."
"You know that we are forbidden attachments, Revan. Seeing our parents would only foster attachment to them."
"We are already attached, Malak. We come from them, the attachment formed at birth." I felt a bit of irritation at my brother's strict adherence to the rules.
"You know that we are not supposed to see them again, Revan." Malak's tone was exasperated with me. I felt the same towards him. Our parents, irregardless of our talent with the Force, were still our parents. We had a duty to them.
"Well, then, you don't need to see them. I, on the other hand, am going to visit. I miss them. I want to see them again. You can continue on and start the mission."
"If you want to go against our teachings, then I will accompany you."
Brief snippets from our visit flashed in front of me, our parents' smiles, the warm feeling the family visit created and the peaceful feelings.
The sun passed its zenith and started the way towards sunset. I kept staring at the ashes. They seemed to dance in the breeze. The black circle on the ground stayed. I wondered how long it would take for this blight in the forest to clear. From there, my mind wandered to wondering how long it would take for the blight in the galaxy caused by my rash actions to be cleared. It was almost as if I was the darkness in the galaxy.
"Malak, the Star Forge is our only hope. We need its ships and strength to meet the enemy successfully. You and I know that the invasionary force is bigger than anyone can realize. We saw only a small part of it and it was bigger than the Republic's forces." I gestured emphatically towards the viewport. Outside the viewport was an armada of ships ranging from snub fighters to capital class ships. These ships were created by the Star Forge that we stood upon. The dark side fueled this station and it was starting to affect me. I found my temper, always something that I had a problem controlling, rising more frequently. Just yesterday, I found myself torturing a subordinate that dared to backtalk me during a meeting. I was shocked at my actions but at the same time, I reveled in them. I was becoming a cruel and callous leader. I justified this to myself that I never asked of one of my subordinates anything I wouldn't first be willing to do myself.
"Revan, I fear that this station is corrupting our very souls. Look at us, the dark side is eating away at us. You hardly ever go anywhere without that damn mask. I haven't seen your face in months." Malak's frustration and temper were easily apparent.
"You know the reason for this. No one would believe little me could be the Dark Lord of the Sith. I'm too small and, too female. The mask and cape hide that. You know this ruse is as necessary as your vocabulator in achieving our mission." I admit that I was starting to lose my patience with my brother. He was so unwilling to bend the rules. Even now that we were on the dark side, he still would not bend. His stiffness was hampering our movements. His lack of creativity gave power to our enemies.
"But, Revan…"I interrupted him.
"Do not dare to address me so familiarly in such a public place. Remember your place, apprentice." The last word was spit at him. With those we command, respect is the only commodity keeping us in power. His lack of respect allowed others to disrespect with seeming impunity. I would have to teach him a lesson.
"Yes, Master. Whatever you say, Master. I am ever your humble servant."
I could see the beginnings of why Malak attacked me from behind.